The Vine: August 22, 2008
Dear Sars,
You’ve helped me with some Procrastination Issues that I wrote about, about two years ago — thank you very much. I have another issue that I hope you can deal with better than I…
‘Cause it’s a biggie. Just like me. Yes, I really want to lose a decent amount of weight (that’s been creeping up on me since I was 16 years old), but I can’t seem to get off my ass and do it. It’s the most horrid thing, to feel mired in my own sullen indifference. I know it’s my health at stake, I know that I want to do this to feel better about myself, I know that a nice side benefit might be that guys would look twice at me and that my mom and brothers would stop ragging on me behind my back, but I just don’t. know. where. to start.
I was reflecting rather depressedly on this block for a while, recently. Some responses to myself included:
1) You’re lazy. (To which I replied: I might be anemic! and I’m really busy…)
2) You’re greedy. (To which I responded: emotional eating and learned habits going way back to high school cannot be overcome in a week, or even a month…)
3) Exercise is boring. (Which is true. Treadmills are dull, and I get seasick when I try to read, and then I think of all the time just circling the drain while I’m running like a hamster on a wheel, and I could be getting some work done.)
4) Could this be a form of twisted empowerment? (i.e.: guess what, Mom, this is my body, just like it’s my life, and I can do whatever I want with it, and if that includes running it into the ground, then you can suck it.)
5) I am a bit paranoid. (I don’t know whether or not this is normal, but I feel horribly self-conscious about going to the gym, eating in front of people, et cetera. And now that I know what my brothers have been saying, I feel even worse — and self-consciously furious, at that. I mean, what the hell? Brothers aren’t supposed to really look at your body, are they? The thought of them evaluating me like a slab of meat makes my skin crawl.)
Hmm. In sum, I guess I’m asking whether 1) you can administer a benignly phrased kick in the pants, and/or 2) whether your readers have had any experience on this short-of-breath-on-the-stairs section of Life’s Journey.
Sincerely,
Get your eyes off me
(PS Ix-nay on the eight-Watchers-way. I tried them twice, and I couldn’t get past the whole weigh-in thing; it made me feel like a steer in a high-density feed lot. Next stop, Bovine University!)
Dear Get,
You could probably benefit from some counseling, long-term, to deal with the situation with your brothers, which is sort of beyond the scope of the main question, so you might consider that.
But honestly, the laziness, greediness, and aversion to conventional exercise you describe are not unique to you.I would rather lie around watching baseball than cue up a Firm DVD; I would rather eat cheese than salad; I would rather do almost anything than go to a gym.I think you have to accept that these things are your nature, that you like to lounge and you like to eat, and while there is nothing at all wrong with that per se, it may be at odds with a weight-loss goal.
So, you make some changes — little ones that you can actually keep doing, so that they stick.It’s the principle as not procrastinating: break a big job down into lots of little jobs, and start crossing shit off the list, because “clean the house” is too large to manage; “dust bookshelves / clean stovetop / take out recycling” is probably the same end result, but in a more manageable form.
I lost fifteen pounds in the spring to get into a bridesmaid’s dress.I eat like a farmhand; I also drink beer.It is doable.My recommendations are these:
1. Reconsider Weight Watchers.I don’t go to the meetings either; some people are more motivated by that, but I am not.You can join online.The real use in WW, for me, is realizing just how much I eat at one sitting, and trying to control my portions; the points system helped me a lot with that.Another positive is that, for a lot of people, you see results in one week.You drink all the water, you go for a few walks, you rein in your salad-dressing consumption, and when it’s time for you to check in, you’ve often lost at least two pounds.
And the best part of the program is that it builds in some fuck-up points, so if you drink a couple of glasses of wine and it impairs your choices at dinnertime, you don’t go over your weekly budget.
It’s not for everyone, Weight Watchers, but even if you don’t stick to the plan forever (I went off the rez the instant Bean was safely married), it can give you useful tools for eating more healthily and recognizing certain negative eating tendencies you might have.
2. Do not weigh yourself more than once a week.This is why so many of my health regimes in the past failed; I am suuuuuper-impatient and want results yesterday or I’ll just give up and eat a sleeve of Chips Ahoy.You gotta think long-term.
Whatever your reasons for not wanting to stick with it — and “but I want to eat two bagels!” is perfectly valid, in my view — give it enough time to work.Two weeks, a month, whatever.Get a friend, make a plan, and cross off the days; if you’re miserable at the end of the month, quit, or try something else, but I am telling you, even if all you do is cut out eating after dinnertime and add two aerobic sessions a week for a month, you will see a difference.
3. The gym is not the be-all.Here’s why a gym membership doesn’t work for me: it’s a whole thing, with the going to the gym, the changing, the scheduling of the classes, the waiting for the machines…it’s an ass-tear, to me.I have a range of different DVDs at home, or I use Time Warner Cable’s Exercise On Demand to switch it up (the Biggest Loser workouts are killer).Or I ride my bike, or I walk to the park and back.
Find some way to get into working out.Yoga counts.Running stairs counts.Again, give it a week or two to get past the muscle pains and the “I wish I were dead” feeling; you have to get used to doing it, and then your body starts feeling more attracted to water and fruits and veggies.It helps your energy, you sleep better, you’re more regular…I still don’t like exercising for its own sake, but I like the results.
Privation and punishment don’t work.Don’t eat nothing but sunflower seeds and force yourself to run five miles the first day; that will doom you. Go on the Weight Watchers site, see what you think.Look at your daily routine; write down everything you eat and everything you do, and see if you can’t fine-tune it — cut a couple of regular Cokes and swap in a brisk 15-minute walk or something.
But make little changes, slowly, that you can keep doing without praying for the day when you can stop doing them, and set the system up so that the mistakes you make, which will be many and which do not mean you’re a piece of shit but a human being who likes sticky buns (I may be projecting here), let you continue instead of giving up.And after you’ve given it a few weeks or a month, and you see some results, let that inspire you to keep going.
Don’t think it’s only hard for you, though, is a key thing.Not only can I eat a whole pizza, I would rather.But I like sprinting for a bus without a ten-minute recovery time more, so: there it is.
(On a side note: it’s time to use the famous “…Why would you say something like that to me?” response on your family. They’re out of line.)
Readers: any tips?Favored workouts, eating tips, motivational tools?Try not to ramble on as long as I did, please (not much of a challenge, I realize).
Tags: Ask The Readers health and beauty the fam
I know anything we write here is bound to be unoriginal, and many have heard before, but my one tip is to find a buddy. This may be an actual work-out buddy who goes to the gym with you and works out on the treadmill next to you (chatting passes the time like magic), or someone who takes a weekly yoga class with you (hubby and I are taking Pilates together), or just someone you can check in with on a regular basis. I think that way, you get the support/commiseration of a WW, but without the corporate stuff or the weigh-ins.
Oh, wait; I have another tip! Buy a pedometer. Set a goal of 10,000 steps. It’ll get you thinking about parking further away, taking stairs, and taking one more brisk way to meet your daily goal. You can chart your progress daily w/o weighing yourself. And you can keep upping your goal as you meet it more easily and find ways to be more active. Also, it builds flexibility to get in your activity in many ways: walking around the mall or taking aerobics or walking to the post office.
I recommend Sparkpeople.com. It’s free, they have forums, articles, eating plans and calorie calculators and you do as much or as little with the site as you like.
I hate Gyms and I also enjoy lounging and eating, but when I wanted to loose about 10 lbs I decided to do something I had always wanted to do. I signed up for bi-weekly tennis lessions.
I love tennis, despite never having picked up a racket, so I took an introductory class one day a week and signed up with a pro one day a week. In between I practiced strokes against a wall so that the pro didn’t give me the disappointed look. You know the one.
The act of having an obligation to go to, where others rely on my showing-up, means that I show up. And I’m learning something new, something I really like and want to know so it keeps it interesting for me. I am a simply terrible tennis player but I am learning something new, having fun, and getting exercise all at the same time with others who are as bad as I am, so it’s all good.
I second the WW online dealy. I lost 30 pounds 2.5 years ago on WW online–never set foot in a single meeting/weigh-in.
Like you, Sars, it really helped me realize HOW much I was eating in a single sitting. It also clued me in on how horrible some things are, like Starbucks muffins. When you get 22 points a day, why waste 9 of them on a single muffin?
I’m now 34 weeks pregnant and fully intend to go back to WW should I need assistance losing the baby weight, especially since my eating habits have slipped a bit.
Here’s a thought that helped me lose some pounds: When you are tempted to overeat, remember that this is not your last meal. You’ll be eating again in a matter a a few hours. It takes away a bit of the urgency related to overindulging, I think
My perpetual New Year’s resolution is to lose weight but I framed it in a different way this year. Instead of “I must lose X pounds by March” I resolved to work out at least 2 times a week. I joined a gym on MLK day (I have a bit of a procrastination problem too) and haven’t missed a week since. I haven’t dropped 50 lbs either. But I’m going. Even though I was intimidated, I signed up for a personal trainer for a couple of sessions and have found it very helpful. The trainer was extremely nice but wouldn’t take any of my crybaby guff. Now I know what it feels like to go to an “8” on a work out scale and it helps when I do my own routine. I still get self-conscious because I’m 200+ sweaty, red-faced, and gasping for breath but you know what? Screw’em. My friend sent me a quote that really helped, “Courage does not always roar…sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow'” and that’s what I do, every day, I try again.
Sorry, Sars, not exactly not rambling.
My best tip is one that’s not quite what you asked for, but it might get to the heart of your question: Don’t worry about losing weight. Take Sars’s (and everyone else’s) awesome exercise tips, pick some that work, and do them for your health. Eat intuitively — i.e., eat what your body needs/wants when your body needs/wants it, then stop when you’re full. Don’t worry about the size of your pants or the number on the scale; if you never lose a single pound, you will still be healthier, stronger, and able to climb tall staiways without a single gasp. Get in to a smart, sensible, compassionate doctor for regular checkups to keep an eye on your blood pressure and cholesterol and stuff — but make sure it’s a doctor who’s not going to nag about your weight.
Then? Tell your family to go hang. Seriously. “Hey, Mom, why are you so focused on the size of my ass? I’m healthy, I’m strong, and I feel great. If you’re concerned about my health, you don’t need to be. I’m on it.” Once you’ve laid that particular (gentle) smack down, let that be the end of it. When they start up on you again, smile and say, “Why would you say that to me? We’ve already discussed this, and I’m not willing to go over it again. My health and my size are personal concerns. Thanks for understanding.” If it continues, change the subject. If it continues maliciously, walk away.
I know, I know. You asked about tips for losing weight. It just might be, though, that taking better care of yourself gets the results you really want — whether you become thinner or not. Good luck.
I, too, did WW online and it was fantastic. Lost 30 pounds–slowly, but surely–and am back on it now to lose baby weight. The boards there were very helpful to me; you got the support of other people without having to go to meetings.
I know this isn’t the best time for this, but one of the best things I ever did was do a Lenten challenge with my roommates in college. I’m Lutheran, so I’d never been encouraged to give something up, but when my two best college friends did I decided to do it along with them. I gave up deserts for the 40 days, made no other changes in my diet, and I lost like 8 pounds. Ice cream and cookies and the like are my weakness, and believe it or not, after the 40 days were over, I didn’t crave them as much. I also felt better about myself. I let myself eat hard candies and juice bars so I’d get that sweet tooth somewhat satisfied, but that was it.
If you aren’t religious, you can still do it (it gives you a set start and end date), or you can do it anytime you want. Find a friend, mark a calander, set the rules, and see what happens. It showed me that just a small change in my diet can have a huge impact on my life, and that knowledge really sticks with you.
Load your ipod (or some mp3 player) and get a decent pair of sneakers. Keep them in your car/near the door/backpack. then you can walk wherever, whenever the mood strikes… but try to do at least 10,000 steps a day. (Get a pedometer.) If I drive by a nice park or through a quaint neighborhood, I’ll just stop and do an easy 20 minute walk. Not to work up a sweat or anything, but just to get moving. Plus, that little bit of exercise will help me have more energy and feel more alert for the rest of the day. I also slap sneakers on if I’m going shopping, and try to make sure I keep moving at a decent pace.
As far as diet… I love cheese so much sometimes I make my own… so needless to say, I’m not giving that up anytime soon. But I do try to moderate my portions and bargain with myself “If I only have one glass of wine, I can have 2 pieces of cheese” and so on… Appetizers or dessert, but not both. And I also try to make sure I’m filling up on the good stuff, like eating all the veggies and protein off my plate before I start on the carbs and less healthy stuff.
But you have to keep a good attitude… I fall off the wagon (a lot), but figure hey, I promise I’ll eat a salad and do 25 squats tomorrow. And whenever I think I might die if I don’t eat some nachos or have a scone with my latte, I try to remember that it’s a lot more stressful to feel big and not fit into my jeans than it is to eat an apple instead of donut.
First of all, good luck! The fact that you want to get healthier is a big step. About a year and a half ago I reached my breaking point while getting ready for a holiday family gathering and realized that all of my pants looked like they were painted on. So I went and looked up the South Beach Diet books and searched Netflix for some workout dvds. Netflix or the library is great a way to sample workouts without shelling out the money first. I lost 35 pounds in 7 months and kept 30 of it off until I got pregnant 9 months ago.
The combination of watching what you eat and doing some exercise is key. I’ve tried just doing one, and that never cuts it for me. I highly recommend the Biggest Loser workouts. Do the first one for 6 weeks and see what you think. The entire series is pretty good. It can be hard on your knees, but follow the modifications that they suggest and just do the best that you can.
Sadly, even when you take off the weight you’ll probably have family comparing you to how you used to look and lamenting that you should have done this years ago. Somehow people think this is supportive. Just ignore them and be proud that you are making changes to be healthier. Good luck! (Sars, sorry for rambling).
One website I really like is fitsugar.com. Also, hungry-girl.com is great, is has a lot of recipes with WW points calculated, and they’re all low-cal and low-fat. I haven’t made anything from it that isn’t delicious (and my boyfriend, who is extremely skeptical of diet-y food, loves the stuff I’ve made from that website, too). Hungry Girl has a cookbook, which is great, and available all over the place.
Also, don’t beat yourself up. It’s totally counter-productive. Be happy about every positive change and you’ll feel more inclined to make more of them.
I agree with the WW suggestions. I lost 40 pounds two years ago. I did it online and never darkened the door of the local franchise (I did that when I was 16, and yeah, no thanks). Try it for a month, see if the changes you’re seeing are worth the effort.
Also, I totally recommend almost-fat-free popcorn. About half a bag is one point. No, it doesn’t taste like much, but that’s not the point. It gives you *something* you can eat, when the urge to snack is overwhelming.
(And if you stick to the WW, a digital food scale is a beautiful thing. I love my scale because I’m into baking and cooking just generally, but it was so worth it for WW – instead of pouring stuff into measuring cups and then into bowls – and some things don’t go gently into or out of measuring cups – you just set the bowl on the scale and pour until you have a serving size. Since most nutrition labels are written in weight, not volume, measures, it also removes the need to calculate.)
I’m gonna steal a comment I left on a different blog for someone who was looking to lose weight, because I lost a bunch a while back & I was firmly in the “this will be impossible” camp beforehand myself.
if you love food, it’s really, really hard to lose weight. I didn’t even attempt to diet for a long time, because I was convinced that the only way I could slim down would be to give up all of the foods I so desperately love, & that that was no way to live. so I tried to lose weight through exercise instead, which (aside from making me more toned under my extra chub) didn’t really have much effect.
then I started planning a wedding, & the thought of having to look at the pictures from it for the rest of my life provoked me to actually attempt a diet. around the same time, a coworker told me about http://www.thedailyplate.com, which is a free calorie-tracking site that allows you to set a X lbs/week weightloss goal based on your height, weight, & gender — it then sets your caloric intake limit accordingly. exercise that you do can be tallied as well, giving you bonus calories to “spend” on more delicious food.
I was shocked at first to see how quickly the calories added up when I plugged in some of my more indulgent meals, but once my body got used to consuming within the limit, I had a surprising amount of leeway. I set my goal to 1.5 lbs/week, tracked my calories religiously, & lost nearly 20 lbs in a little less than 3 months; my husband, who wasn’t tracking officially but eating the same dinners as I was, lost about 40 lbs in that time period. with very few exceptions, I never went over my limit during that time, although I did allow myself the luxury of “banking” calories from nights of especially healthy eating to be “spent” on the weekends (such as: going to caterer & wedding-cake tastings!).
my husband & I both lost this weight while eating cheese, ice cream, burgers, pizza, etc., & drinking beer — we just consumed less of that stuff than we might have previously. & after we got used to it, we found that stopping after a few bites of certain extra-caloric treats didn’t even require that much willpower. plus, the “sheer mathematics” aspect of this type of dieting really helped me — there weren’t “good” or “bad” foods, only a calorie limit, which means if I had one fried chicken leg’s worth of calories left for the day, there was no reason I should even feel a shred of guilt for eating it. (it’s also a good incentive to eat more veggies, since those fill you up without taking much away from your overall allotment.)
as some extra encouragement, my hubs & I have both put zero effort into maintaining our diet, & have still stayed within 3-5 pounds of our wedding-day weights — & that was four months ago. which proves that it’s much easier to keep the weight off than it is to get rid of it in the first place.
so, Get, maybe the solution is to try & track your calories, at least for a little while — that way, you can have your cake & eat (less of) it too, shedding the pounds that you’re so eager to lose & still enjoying all your favorite foods. & then once you hit your goal, you can go crazy again…if the weight comes back, well, now you know what to do to make it go away (that’s our plan, at least).
hope that’s at least somewhat helpful — & good luck!
The easiest way I ever lost weight was by:
1. Eating my big meal at lunchtime and a smaller meal at dinner time. (I also credit my mother’s lifetime commandment of eating desert early so you have time to wear off the calories instead of after dinner, right before bed).
2. Cook using fresh ingredients instead of eating fast food or processed meals.
I hate the gym too, but the benefit of having knees that actually function without pain is enough to get my weight work in. I would rather gouge my eyes out than take a class, but nobody’s on the leg machines for very long, so they’re easier to use conveniently, as are free weights. And since there’s always more to do at home than exercise, it works for me to go to the gym – where there’s nothing else to do. (Also, my health insurance at work reimburses me for gym membership fees. Check your policy!) After a while, seeing yourself able to do something you couldn’t do a month earlier is a goose to the pleasure centers of your brain.
As for cardio, I find it more attractive if the walking goes someplace. That way, the change in the landmarks reassure that you’re actually making progress, as opposed to the unvarying view from the ‘mill. I can woolgather about the flora/fauna (or traffic), mentally rehash what I should’ve said to that asshole on the train, fantasize about George Clooney, and boom! All of a sudden 3 miles have gone by.
I’ve also just started using creatine (which is not a steroid — it’s protein) before my workouts to prevent the after-workout misery (which gets worse as you get older I’m sad to report). There’s a formulation for women called Femme Advantage that is less gym-rat-regimental, and avoids the bloating that accompanies the fellows’ version. I’ve been really impressed so far. Being in pain-free and knowing that pain isn’t in the offing helps with the motivation. (I can’t testify to any weight loss properties, but the exercise is taking care of that anyway.)
I second the recommendation for sparkpeople.com. I used it mainly for the calorie counting and portion control (for the reasons Sars mentioned above — who knew I was eating so much?) but there are great forums and buddy systems and recipe suggestions so if that kind of thing floats your boat, you can access all of that from the site. Also: free, which may or may not be an incentive. (Some people work harder when they’re paying for something. Me, it’s just a loss.) There are mini-workout videos on there as well (also free) which take, like, 7 minutes, and it’s a good way to start and get the body going.
Very, very best of luck to you.
I definitely second Sars’s recommendation for counseling. I am currently seeing a nutritional counselor because of my lifetime of emotional eating.
My particular counselor is anti-diet — all diets. She works on the theory of: eat when you’re hungry. Eat enought to get comfortably full. Eat again when you’re hungry again.
Sounds simple, but it’s really taking quite a lot of work on my part. I never ate when I was hungry because I ate constantly and never let myself *get* hungry.
And while my counselor is not exactly anti-exercise, she is anti-hamster-on-a-wheel. Her point is that you should absolutely be active, but because you enjoy it, not because you “have to” do it. So if you hate running on a treadmill, don’t run on a treadmill. Find something you love and do it because you love it, like Kate’s tennis lessons above.
If the “eat when you’re hungry” thing resonates with you at all I would recommend reading Fat is a Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach (30 years old and you can definitely tell at times, but it revealed a lot about myself I never knew) and Breaking Free from Emotional Eating, by Geneen Roth.
I love walking as a way to work out. You can just head out of your door and explore your neighborhood – no need to drive to a gym or get any special equipment. I really enjoy checking out all the different houses, seeing what people are doing to their yards, seeing what businesses I normally just zoom by in my car. And, unlike a lot of higher impact stuff, you can wait and talk a walk after dinner – I know that so many times I just want to go home, relax and eat dinner after work and not go to the gym. Of course, walking outside only works when the weather is nice, but it is a good way to get started on being more healthy.
Hey Get,
I’ve always been a little heavy, but crept up to a size 24 in my twenties. The day my 60-year-old mom blithely passed my sorry panting self climbing a long flight of stairs at a local tourist attraction was the day I knew things had to change.
I’ma “me, too” Sars about everything, especially the Weight Watchers. Tracking your points really gives a wake-up call for exactly how much you eat. Additionally, I used my points journal to write down how I was feeling when I ate–anything from a couple words to a full vent entry. Building awareness of your emotional eating can help a lot, too.
One thing I found really helpful was to make little deals with myself to forge the new habits. Like the trashy magazines I so love? I get to read them when I’m on the elliptical trainer at the Y. So if I want my gossip & fashion fix, my endorphin fix comes with it.
The other thing that works (and that you cite yourself in excuse #3) is to keep reminding yourself that these changes won’t happen overnight. You didn’t gain it overnight, but in a series of small steps. It will come off the same way. Look for those small changes in the way your clothes fit, or in how you feel after a workout and take a minute to really notice them and feel strong. Gradual changes are hard, but they last. It took me 2 years to lose 75 pounds, but I’ve kept it off for 5 years now. And if I can, anyone can. Good luck!
I got a 60 lb. dog that insists on being walked daily. In really bad weather I can fudge it a little with benadryl hidden in peanut butter and playing tennis ball mania with her for a half hour (which is also pretty good exercise). After a back injury that lasted a few years I was a well-filled 12 (really a 14) and a year later I’m a loose 8 and can fit into some of my old 6s without doing the lay-on-the-bed-with-needlenose-pliers-and-pray thing. It was gradual but one day it just really clicked. I still eat the same things, just less of them, and exercise seems to cut my cravings for the high-density carbs, too. Just walking a half hour more, not even sustained as one session, every day has made a huge difference, physically and mentally.
I just started WW online this summer…and the first couple of days I considered gnawing my arm off I was so hungry. But slowly I got used to the amount of food I was supposed to eat, and it got better. I screw up every now and then…the huge Lindt chocolate bar I ate last weekend. Yum. But, the next day I just get back on the horse, so to speak. And I have told all my friends, who are all super supportive of me and offer suggestions and reminders to keep me on track. But they don’t judge when I derail. I also have one friend who I tell how much weight I lost each week…to keep me honest AND to get kudos, pep talks, etc. And it is working. I am not losing as much as I would like, but it is slowly coming off. I have to relearn 32 years of eating habits and I don’t expect to do it in 6 weeks.
I also hate working out. But I like to walk, so I get off the train a few stops early and walk home. I do go to a gym, but it is an all women’s gym where there are ladies of every shape and size working out together. It definitely makes me less self-conscious of what I look like. Even though the 70 year old grandma can totally go for longer on the elliptical than I could ever imagine. But my family has a history of heart disease and other weight-related health problems. So, I have to do this. Good Luck!
The best book I have read about long term weight loss is The Skinny http://tiny.cc/TheSkinny
It talks about changing your attitude towards eating and was very encouraging.
My gym solution is the YMCA because for one low price I can go to any Y in my area and the classes are included so at least one of the Y branches will have some class that I like and can make it to regularly. I do classes because I hate walking – it is the most boring thing in the world – but don’t mind things set to music. And Yoga/Pilates really are good places to start.
Cool article written by an acquaintance of mine that frames the online WW points system in a really interesting way: think of it as a game!
I am LOVING WeightWatchers online and have about 9 pounds so far. No meetings, no weigh-ins, just useful tools for raising my awareness of what I am consuming. AND: if you exercise, you get to “swap” some of your extra “fuck-up” points so you can afford that second glass of wine (or whatever)!
I also endorse sparkpeople.com, like Kate above. It is free, online, and breaks stuff down much like Sars’ response. (Small changes first, not depriving yourself of anything totally, healthy and proper atttitudes toward the process and yourself, etc) I know of several people who’ve liked it, and I think it is a great tool. And it is totally non-preachy or judgmental.
I’ve lost 17 lbs in the last few months, and I still eat birthday cake and have not absolutely cut out any food I enjoy. I just think of it all in better terms and moderation. I also did not become a gym rat or anything, but started doing small things like walking during my lunch break. The best part was early on I just started to feel so much BETTER overall, with better sleep and more energy and it helped keep my momentum. I’ve still got a ways to go, but I feel like I’m on a HEALTHY and consistent track. It has also helped me with my general attitude toward goal-setting, not just in the health and fitness area.
*lost* 9 pounds. Geez.
I’m certainly not a small girl, but my exercise suggestion is to take up a sport that you like instead of just going to a gym. I’m a ballroom dancer, and I’ve never done so much physical activity in my life. I practice two hours a day and have a two hour lesson every week. Every other weekend I go out dancing with my teammates for four hours or so. You know what? I never complain about it being boring, I never skip practice or a lesson, and I have never felt as good in my own skin as I do now.
I also agree with Kate that being in a situation where you don’t want to disappoint people is a motivator. I learn a new figure one week, and I don’t want to come back the next week and be the only one who didn’t retain any of it and look like a fool in front of my coach and teammates. I’m not looking to be awe-inspiring, just the same as the rest.
Ballroom has worked for me because it is something I love. Instead of sitting in my room on weekends, I’m going out dancing with other young people (I’m twenty and my teammates range from eighteen to thirty). Instead of feeling bad about myself because I’m overweight, I feel comfortable and even sexy in my own skin. Even if you don’t lose a ton of weight, and I haven’t, finding something you really love to do will make you feel better anyway.
I totally second the not-weighing-yourself-too-often thing. Fixating on weight will only drive you crazy, and anyway, how you feel is a better indicator of whether you’re getting “in shape” (whatever you want that to mean). If the scale says you’ve only lost two pounds but your clothes fit better, who cares?
I also second the Biggest Loser workouts and anything by those trainers. Jillian Michaels is my exercise DVD girlfriend. Her 30-Day Shred is one of my favorites, and the workouts only take 20 minutes to do. They’re tough, but then they’re over.
Along with Mary’s suggestion above, remind yourself that one brownie won’t be your last! You can have one and stop at that….becasue you can have one mroe tomorrow. There is no need to gorge on it because there are lots of brownies in your future–just in moderation!!
Also, I try to replace situations where I mindlessly eat. For example, before I sit down to watch my favorite show, I brush my teeth. I dont want to have to brush them again so that keeps me from eating. I also ALWAYS have water with me–you would be amazed at how much the “I’m bored/I’m hungry” mindset can be staved off with some water and a squirt of citrus if that is your thing.
Two years ago, when I was at Target and couldn’t squeeze into their size 16s, I came home and decided I was going to get healthy. Now, 25 months later, I’ve lost 37 pounds and more importantly, feel much better. My experience/advice, for what it’s worth:
1. Echoing a commenter, a partner is really valuable. For me it was my husband (who also was borderline obese and now has lost 50 pounds). He was worthless in terms of motivation–he was making excuses not to work out and I was dragging his ass–but just having someone to drag with me to the gym was a big help, because otherwise it can get lonely.
2. Don’t make any change that you’re not committed to making for the rest of your life. (Needless to say, this is the most important one.) The point is, if you want to lose weight permanently, you need to make permanent lifestyle changes. This takes away the urge to overdo it for a short period of time and look forward to all the crap you can eat when it’s “over,” as such is not a recipe for success. Make improvements at the margin, and then, once those are comfortable, make more improvements at the margin. We started out working out 3 times a week and now are at 6-7, which honestly, is easier for us now than 3 was then. Looking back, the first couple months were definitely the hardest, so don’t get frustrated.
3. I love Sars’ advice columns, but I have to disagree about weighing every day. Once you start weighing every day, you’ll realize that weight fluctuates a LOT due to random factors, and if your one weigh-in per week happens to be when those factors are on the high side, it would be really frustrating. Plus, knowing that I have to face the scale the next morning is a rather effective deterrent when I’m eating. Granted, pay attention to the trend rather than the single numbers, but it’s easier to get a sense of the trend if you weigh every day.
Good luck. It’s hard, I won’t lie, but when/if you’re successful, it’s really something to be proud of (that helped me, too, thinking of it as something to be accomplished, like writing a good paper or an A on a test).
Just wanted to chime in and back Sars on her comments about Weight Watchers Online. I have zero interest in going to meetings, participating public weigh-ins, etc. However, last fall, after realizing that at 215, I weighed 10 lbs more than I had the day after giving birth to my 2-year-old, something snapped and I signed up for the WW online program. My previous strategy of trying to make healthy food choices and to be reasonably active, certainly wasn’t working working and though I was skeptical, I decided to give it my best shot for a month or so to see what would happen. I was amazed to discover that it really worked out well for me. I didn’t feel deprived, ate lots of great food, was allowed room to make less than stellar choices without feeling like a big screw-up, and six months later, found that I had lost 50 lbs and was still going strong with the program. The part that really got me was that I lost the weight without embarking on a hardcore fitness routine (tried to get a half hour of cardio in 3 days a week, sometimes managed more, but frequently got in less), and I also have a fairly significant problem with hypothyroidism, which affects your metabolism and makes weight loss more difficult.
I’m not currently following the program as strictly as I had been, mainly because the weight loss apparently boosted my fertility and I was surprised (but happy) to discover in April that I was pregnant. I’m still using what I learned to monitor my portions, make good choices, etc., and am geared up to get completely back on the WW Online program as soon as I have the baby.
I’d also like to mention that their online tools are excellent. They make tracking food and weight very easy, even if you don’t use their recipes. I particularly liked that I could enter my own recipes in, calculate the points, and save them for later. As someone who spends a good portion of her life in front of a computer, the online program was ideal for me. And if you do need support from a community at any point, the online program offers all sorts of message boards geared around a variety of support topics.
Anyhow, that’s my two cents–just can’t say enough good things about the program!
I loathe the gym. LOATHE. I am of the red-faced clan after a 2-minute warm-up…it’s not that I’m especially out of shape, I just flush very easily. I also cannot get over the feeling that somewhere, someone in that gym is watching me, watching the jiggle, the red face, the struggle…and LAUGHING. (Logically I know that no one gives a fig about me there at the gym, but there’s still that fat-girl fear in me that I can’t shake.)
So I work out at home. There are so many things you can do at home with little more than a couple of hand weights and an ab ball. There are TONS of sources online for workouts, DVDs galore, etc. I have a tiny space in which to work out at my house (about 5’X7′ cleared), and that is plenty of room to drip sweat all over and want to die. (Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred? http://tiny.cc/30dayshred Will kick your ass in 20 minutes and not even apologise.)
And the best part is that even buying a set of hand weights, an ab ball, and a DVD or two? Cheap cheap cheap! compared to the gym, and I can work out in my panties if it’s really hot and my shorts are clinging in an annoying way, and only my dogs see. And all they care about is food.
I recently (like, 3 days ago) signed up at jillianmichaels.com – tons of recipes, meal plans, workouts every day, and a way to chart your progress. It costs a bit – $4/week, but I was feeling the need for some structure. The circuit-based workouts have left me feeling like a limp noodle, but are awesome.
Better than weghing yourself for progress – take your measurements every week, too! I’ve gone weeks without losing weight, but watched the inches get a little lower every week kept me motivated.
Get – I’m in EXACTLY the same boat;
overweightobese from a life of bad habits that aren’t going away just because I want them to, and I’m trying to make those small changes, but they’re harder than advertised. And all my friends and family are thinner and more fit than me, so I hate to ask them to work out with me, because a) I feel like I’m holding them back, and b) I get all self-conscious about them seeing exactly how out of shape I am.If you want, you (and anyone else in this boat) can email me – liz DOT brooks AT gmail – and I will be your online diet/workout buddy. Encouragement and accountability without the judgment, right?
If you still can’t bring yourself to even do WW online, another (free!) website that may help in some of the same ways is http://www.fitday.com. Basically, you enter in everything you eat for the day and it breaks it down into how much fat, calories, fiber, carbs, etc. It also lets you know if you’re getting enough vitamins and such. It has most of the basics in its database already, but if you use it in conjunction with http://www.dietfacts.com (which has a fitday plugin) you can get nutritional information for name brand and restaurant food.
Basically, even though it doesn’t tell you what to eat, just laying it all out there and seeing where your weaknesses are helps. You can set goals and view your progress on a variety of charts.
I don’t currently use it because I used it when I first found out I was pregnant to make sure I was getting all of my protein and vitamins–and I ended up losing like 6 lbs. during my first trimester, so I thought it would be prudent to stop.
Cut High Fructose Corn Syrup out of your diet. It’ll take a while (my first trip to the grocery store after I made this plan took about two hours of reading lables, because HFCS is in EVERYTHING) but there are real sugar alternatives to everything you eat, so you don’t have to give up the category of food, just the amount of processing.
I work in a gym, but I *never* work out there. I don’t like gyms and I wouldn’t be there if I wasn’t paid to be there. Instead, I made little changes – I get off the bus one stop early and walk a couple extra blocks. I stopped buying sodas with my lunch (although that was more to save money). Instead of coming home and sitting in front of the computer all night, I first put on my pandora station of dance music and dance around my tiny apartment for 10 minutes. Instead of chicken wings and potato wedges for lunch, I eat salads. Instead of eating until I’m completely full, I eat a little bit less. I do still have this stigma of finishing my plate, so I just take less food.
Little changes can make a big difference, without discouraging you from making big changes.
I am eating a cookie right now. I don’t have a scale, have no idea what I weigh, I don’t count calories, if I want pie I eat pie.
I have lost 10 sizes so far.
What do I do? I exercise. All the time. HARD. I’ve tried all the traditional stuff and it DIDN’T work. If I can’t have pie I feel deprived and I’ll eat MORE later.
I work out in a Martial Arts studio and I have missed three days in three years. I am anal about it because it is SO easy to stop and not start again.
The only thing that kept me going in the beginning was going with a friend and our kids. If I knew someone else was depending on me going I would GO. That’s the only thing that kept me there for the first couple of months.
Then I realized how GOOD I felt after I was done and after the friend bailed I still went.
I sweat, I get red in the face, I swear when I can’t do a move. But it’s a very safe place there. No one ever said a thing to me about my size. I’m not competing against anyone but myself. I started out doing Tai Chi until I got strong. Now I can kick someone’s teeth in. I made it to yellow sash and it feels REALLY GOOD.
I’m out of plus sizes, but still plenty to go. But I’m not worried about it.
I’m healthy and strong and setting a great example for my daughter.
And to anyone who thinks they can’t do this; I’m 46 and was HUGE when I started. I was out of shape. I couldn’t do a row of a form without getting out of breath. One shoulder was on the way to being frozen from an old injury. I hurt after every class. But I did it anyway and if I can do it anyone can.
Now, I have a great jump kick, I can do cartwheels and handstands, I just learned to do a backbend and come back up out of it. At 46. I can exercise for 3 hours straight. I feel good all the time and I’m hardly ever sick.
Exercise is our friend! And, yes, it’s expensive, but totally worth the money. I’ll be around and still kicking people when I have great-grandkids!
I second SparkPeople for weight loss. It allows you to count your calories, and gives you an idea of what certain exercises are burning for you. (I only wish it included waitressing as a calorie burner!) You can even build a page for yourself, similar to MySpace or Facebook, but it’s dedicated to your weight loss. It includes your goals, friends you meet, etc. You can hook up with people with the same goal, people in your area, people in the same age group, and many, many more. The thing I like is that it emphasizes being healthy. It doesn’t want you to lose weight too fast, or by unhealthy means. Good luck, and I hope you check back in and let us all know how you are doing. I’m sure you have a lot of support right here on TN. :)
I’m not an exercise person or a “portion control” person by nature — sloth and gluttony are my two favorite deadly sins. However, I lost 50 pounds doing WW online about four years ago. I wasn’t even exercising at the time. No meetings, which I would have hated. I had some health problems and gained it all back over the next few years, but I’m about to start it again. This time I’m going to supplement it with yoga.
And Get, I’m sorry your family is acting like that towards you. They suck. I agree that getting some counseling might help you cope.
I had/have the exact same problem as Get, and it’s been something I’ve struggled with my whole life, more or less. The problem, of course, is that what works for one person won’t work for another. That said, the only solution is to keep trying different things until you find one that works for you, and what other people did can be a useful place to snag ideas from.
So, I’ll tell you the one thing that worked for me, which is: I got a personal trainer.
Expensive? Oh, yeah. I put myself in debt to do it. I also lost 65 pounds and went down four dress sizes, after a decade of trying everything else under the sun and failing.
I consider it the best money I’ve ever spent in my life.
Cause, the thing is, you have to pay in advance. That’s the genius of it. Sure, the fat measurement and the personal attention and the tailored diet plan are all important too, but the single most important factor was that I had ALREADY PAID, and if I didn’t get off my ass and show up, not only would I have a very (awesomely) pushy broad pissed at me for wasting her time, but I would have just flushed a substantial chunk of my own money down the toilet.
It’s all about motivation, sez I – and finding which one works for you. Apparently, fiscal responsibility and peer pressure work better for me than a desire for health. I ain’t saying it’s particularly noble, but it worked, by gum, and so I don’t care one tiny bit.
Portion control is what its all about. Baby steps- trying to make massive lifestyle changes all at once is way overwhelming. Keep a food diary (you will be amazed at all the little bites you don’t even realize you are eating during the day), park further away from the store/school/wherever. Little changes will add up over time, and you don’t want to lose a lot really quickly anyway- that’s not healthy.
Good luck!
I sweat, a lot. The thought of going to a gym to sweat and then driving home grosses me out. I bought a few Walk Away the Pounds DVDs to do at home. I can fit in a 3 mile walk in 45 minutes and then just jump right in the shower at my own house. You can also just do part of the walk if you don’t have enough time for the whole 3 miles.
I’m probably just a couple weeks ahead of you in the whole process, Get, and I know it’s hard and it sucks and there’s all sorts of excuses we can both make about it. I have been trying off and on for a while and just discovered that it has made a difference– I haven’t lost a significant amount of weight, but the doctor told me yesterday that I have lowered my cholesterol. So I know I’ve done something, which just makes me want to do more. So set a goal of anything if you can’t stare down a huge goal, which I can’t either (long term, I’m looking at 50 lbs probably). Make that goal to stop wheezing on the stairs, take 5 points off your cholesterol, get into the last pair of pants you sized yourself out of, anything. My therapist gave me a very simple piece of advice to do one thing that is good for you and that you’re doing for yourself every day: take a walk instead of watching Access Hollywood, choose an apple instead of a candy bar, and go from there. After a couple weeks, do two things, then three, and write them down so you can see you’ve been trying.
I’m there with you, all my excuses are still floating around for me to use, and I hate it, all of it, but I can’t live like this anymore, in fear of getting diabetes and wrecking my body for the rest of my life. I deserve better and so do you.
Ok I know it’s a little corny but I have to recommend Jenny Craig. I started in May and I’m down almost 40 lbs. The thing I like about Jenny that I didn’t about WW is that I am literally away from my house for 14 hours a day and when I get home I don’t want to spend time cooking (which is why I needed to loose weight – Hello Pizza) I also didn’t want to spend my weekends planning what I was going to eat for the next week since really weekends are the only time I get to spend with my fiance… regardless, Jenny has really worked for me, the basic gist is you have 1500 calories a day, that’s it. You eat their meals (which are yummy and generally 200-300 calories a pop) you eat either a snack or a dessert (around 120-150) and all the veggies and fruits your heart desires. It’s really teaching me about portions and to look at packaging when I’m shopping, so that I can do something that feels like cheating (omg I ate 10 baked Doritos) but I know that in reality, I didn’t do anything wrong. Also it averages to around $10.00 a day, which is way less than I used to spend on breakfast (drive through) lunch (panera) and dinner (drive through) so yeah… sorry for being long winded.
I know that if I don’t have something to distract me while exercising (even/especially outdoors, if I’m alone), I usually end up thinking about things I’m annoyed with myself about, things I’m annoyed with other people about, or, best of all, making up things I’m annoyed with other people about. It sounds like you’ve got enough of at least the first two to worry about at the moment, so I’m thinking maybe distraction could be an important part of motivation for you?
Workout buddies are a great distractor, but depending on your situation, could be logistically challenging.
Podcast or audiobook buddies, however, always live in your neighborhood, are free any time, don’t need a phone call if you’re going to be late, and talk about what you feel like hearing about (music, movies, advice, romance, adventure, stock tips, food…). In the case of a favorite podcast, or a good audiobook, they also add some motivation; if you want to hear the next segment/episode/chapter, you have to get moving again.
I did WW online a few years ago and liked it. I can’t stand the thought of the weigh-in AND the whole sit in a room and talk about eating. TOO MUCH. So the online was good for me. :) I like Spark people too. It’s a way to do it without paying $15 a month but it is a little more work.
I second the idea of no eating past dinner and here’s an odd side note. In the last month I have lost 10 pounds by doing nothing except not having a microwave. Ours broke and I had no idea how much I used it. A little microwave popcorn here, a heated up leftover there, mostly in the hours between dinner and bedtime. Now that we don’t have it making food is an actual event that 9/10 I am not willing to do (except for meals obviously). Ergo no lazy snack eating. Unplug it and put it in the closet for a week and see what happens!
I second the SparkPeople recommendation. It allows you to track calories and exercise so it gives some of the same benefits of weight watchers without the “I hate WW” stigma. Plus, there are a lot of communities if your are looking for a buddy in encouragement.
My mom used to do the same passive insults about my weight. I finally laid out the effect it was having on me and my relationship with her and let her know it wouldn’t continue, even if that meant our relationship wouldn’t continue. I credit an awesome therapist with helping me express that. It helped a lot of areas in my life, but I saw a big boost in my body image. Good luck with that part, I hate to hear that anyone else has those struggles.
The best thing you can do for yourself as far as weight loss goes is try to find a way to make exercise something that doesn’t feel like a chore. For me, joining a gym was great because it came with a whole bunch of classes I could try out. Classes that looked like 80s aerobics DID feel like work, so I didn’t do them. Dance classes at my gym were generally populated with the kinds of vapid waifs who wear makeup to the gym, and generally made me feel bad about myself. Fine – dance wasn’t really my thing anyway. Yoga was awesome, though, and boxing…well, boxing changed my life. Hitting things doesn’t feel like work, it’s just kind of fun. Adjusting my form and becoming more effective with my punches made it more fun. I would never hit anybody or actually get in a fight, but hitting the bag a few times a week, coupled with Weight Watchers, caused me to lose almost 30 pounds over time, and I liked checking out my shoulders and back in the mirror in the morning.
Your thing might not be boxing, but there has to be a form of physical exercise out there that won’t feel like a chore. Maybe it’s swimming or dance or martial arts or a team sport. Having it in a class form, while intimidating at first, keeps you a little accountable and you’ll get some personalized help that a video can’t give…but that may not be your solution.
Also, you might try just working out for a month or two, and developing habits, before you start really managing your weight with the scale. That way you’ll see some changes in your body without having to quantify them and being wedded to a number, and that may give you a jump start.
Finally, this isn’t something you can just do for awhile and then go back to eating cheeseburgers once you’re down to 110. You may not stick with all the changes, but if you don’t stick to some of them and really commit, you won’t keep the weight off. Keeping it off is much much harder than losing it.
Just one addition: If treadmills are still the most practical version, lifesaver against boredom on said treadmills: Audiobooks.
One piece of advice is to remember that, if you are doing this for health reasons, you may start eating really healthy and exercising regularly and not lose a ton of weight, but that doesn’t mean the health benefits aren’t there. In one study, people classified as obese who started doing moderate exercise (and hadn’t been before) lost an average of like five pounds, but their cholesterol and blood pressure dropped, and I think they got healthier in other ways, too. There was a blog post on the NYTimes Site recently about how researchers are finding it is possible to be overweight and healthy (not to mention skinny and unhealthy), and how the former group of people is looking to be better off (at least in terms of mortality risk) than the latter.
I sort of hesitate to mention this on a letter specifically asking for weight loss advice, but since the letter-writer’s stated main reason for doing this is health, I would suggest she google “health at every size” for more info about ways to get healthier and feel better without focusing on weight loss. Personally, I find this a very helpful and sensible approach, and I would advise looking at it for a while and considering it with an open mind; the letter-writer (or other interested people) might not agree with it, for whatever reasons. Again, I know the letter-writer asked for weight loss advice, but the ultimate goal, taking the letter at face value, is improving health, and this is an alternate way of approaching that which may not have occurred to the letter writer at all, which is why I am mentioning it here. Take it or leave it.