The Vine: August 22, 2008
Dear Sars,
You’ve helped me with some Procrastination Issues that I wrote about, about two years ago — thank you very much. I have another issue that I hope you can deal with better than I…
‘Cause it’s a biggie. Just like me. Yes, I really want to lose a decent amount of weight (that’s been creeping up on me since I was 16 years old), but I can’t seem to get off my ass and do it. It’s the most horrid thing, to feel mired in my own sullen indifference. I know it’s my health at stake, I know that I want to do this to feel better about myself, I know that a nice side benefit might be that guys would look twice at me and that my mom and brothers would stop ragging on me behind my back, but I just don’t. know. where. to start.
I was reflecting rather depressedly on this block for a while, recently. Some responses to myself included:
1) You’re lazy. (To which I replied: I might be anemic! and I’m really busy…)
2) You’re greedy. (To which I responded: emotional eating and learned habits going way back to high school cannot be overcome in a week, or even a month…)
3) Exercise is boring. (Which is true. Treadmills are dull, and I get seasick when I try to read, and then I think of all the time just circling the drain while I’m running like a hamster on a wheel, and I could be getting some work done.)
4) Could this be a form of twisted empowerment? (i.e.: guess what, Mom, this is my body, just like it’s my life, and I can do whatever I want with it, and if that includes running it into the ground, then you can suck it.)
5) I am a bit paranoid. (I don’t know whether or not this is normal, but I feel horribly self-conscious about going to the gym, eating in front of people, et cetera. And now that I know what my brothers have been saying, I feel even worse — and self-consciously furious, at that. I mean, what the hell? Brothers aren’t supposed to really look at your body, are they? The thought of them evaluating me like a slab of meat makes my skin crawl.)
Hmm. In sum, I guess I’m asking whether 1) you can administer a benignly phrased kick in the pants, and/or 2) whether your readers have had any experience on this short-of-breath-on-the-stairs section of Life’s Journey.
Sincerely,
Get your eyes off me
(PS Ix-nay on the eight-Watchers-way. I tried them twice, and I couldn’t get past the whole weigh-in thing; it made me feel like a steer in a high-density feed lot. Next stop, Bovine University!)
Dear Get,
You could probably benefit from some counseling, long-term, to deal with the situation with your brothers, which is sort of beyond the scope of the main question, so you might consider that.
But honestly, the laziness, greediness, and aversion to conventional exercise you describe are not unique to you.I would rather lie around watching baseball than cue up a Firm DVD; I would rather eat cheese than salad; I would rather do almost anything than go to a gym.I think you have to accept that these things are your nature, that you like to lounge and you like to eat, and while there is nothing at all wrong with that per se, it may be at odds with a weight-loss goal.
So, you make some changes — little ones that you can actually keep doing, so that they stick.It’s the principle as not procrastinating: break a big job down into lots of little jobs, and start crossing shit off the list, because “clean the house” is too large to manage; “dust bookshelves / clean stovetop / take out recycling” is probably the same end result, but in a more manageable form.
I lost fifteen pounds in the spring to get into a bridesmaid’s dress.I eat like a farmhand; I also drink beer.It is doable.My recommendations are these:
1. Reconsider Weight Watchers.I don’t go to the meetings either; some people are more motivated by that, but I am not.You can join online.The real use in WW, for me, is realizing just how much I eat at one sitting, and trying to control my portions; the points system helped me a lot with that.Another positive is that, for a lot of people, you see results in one week.You drink all the water, you go for a few walks, you rein in your salad-dressing consumption, and when it’s time for you to check in, you’ve often lost at least two pounds.
And the best part of the program is that it builds in some fuck-up points, so if you drink a couple of glasses of wine and it impairs your choices at dinnertime, you don’t go over your weekly budget.
It’s not for everyone, Weight Watchers, but even if you don’t stick to the plan forever (I went off the rez the instant Bean was safely married), it can give you useful tools for eating more healthily and recognizing certain negative eating tendencies you might have.
2. Do not weigh yourself more than once a week.This is why so many of my health regimes in the past failed; I am suuuuuper-impatient and want results yesterday or I’ll just give up and eat a sleeve of Chips Ahoy.You gotta think long-term.
Whatever your reasons for not wanting to stick with it — and “but I want to eat two bagels!” is perfectly valid, in my view — give it enough time to work.Two weeks, a month, whatever.Get a friend, make a plan, and cross off the days; if you’re miserable at the end of the month, quit, or try something else, but I am telling you, even if all you do is cut out eating after dinnertime and add two aerobic sessions a week for a month, you will see a difference.
3. The gym is not the be-all.Here’s why a gym membership doesn’t work for me: it’s a whole thing, with the going to the gym, the changing, the scheduling of the classes, the waiting for the machines…it’s an ass-tear, to me.I have a range of different DVDs at home, or I use Time Warner Cable’s Exercise On Demand to switch it up (the Biggest Loser workouts are killer).Or I ride my bike, or I walk to the park and back.
Find some way to get into working out.Yoga counts.Running stairs counts.Again, give it a week or two to get past the muscle pains and the “I wish I were dead” feeling; you have to get used to doing it, and then your body starts feeling more attracted to water and fruits and veggies.It helps your energy, you sleep better, you’re more regular…I still don’t like exercising for its own sake, but I like the results.
Privation and punishment don’t work.Don’t eat nothing but sunflower seeds and force yourself to run five miles the first day; that will doom you. Go on the Weight Watchers site, see what you think.Look at your daily routine; write down everything you eat and everything you do, and see if you can’t fine-tune it — cut a couple of regular Cokes and swap in a brisk 15-minute walk or something.
But make little changes, slowly, that you can keep doing without praying for the day when you can stop doing them, and set the system up so that the mistakes you make, which will be many and which do not mean you’re a piece of shit but a human being who likes sticky buns (I may be projecting here), let you continue instead of giving up.And after you’ve given it a few weeks or a month, and you see some results, let that inspire you to keep going.
Don’t think it’s only hard for you, though, is a key thing.Not only can I eat a whole pizza, I would rather.But I like sprinting for a bus without a ten-minute recovery time more, so: there it is.
(On a side note: it’s time to use the famous “…Why would you say something like that to me?” response on your family. They’re out of line.)
Readers: any tips?Favored workouts, eating tips, motivational tools?Try not to ramble on as long as I did, please (not much of a challenge, I realize).
Tags: Ask The Readers health and beauty the fam
One quick tip in addition to all the good advice above. I also love lounging and eating, but I made my laziness work for me by skipping the snack aisle entirely when I go to the grocery store. If I want cookies, brownies, chips, what-have-you, I have to get up off my couch, get dressed (because if I’m in the house I’m wearing pajamas), and walk (not drive) to the store and back. 80% of the time, that’s just way too much effort and those calories don’t get consumed.
I second (or third or fourth or whatever) the idea of portion control. I recently lost 15 pounds just by using this idea and working out a little more. I adore food so no way was a diet that restricted my choices going to work. I still eat whatever I want, I just get smaller sizes and take a little more time to savor it and make it last longer so it seems like more.
I don’t belong to a gym, I just walk my dog every evening and do Inhale yoga with Steve Ross (thank you, TN readers, for recommending this!) in my living room three times a week. Just as long as you’re moving more than you used to, at first, is a big step.
I think the big thing is don’t beat yourself up if you slip up. That’s the hardest part for me–not totally giving up on the whole thing because I ate like a pig for a day (or a week). Inevitably, I start screwing up around Thanksgiving and it all goes downhill until January, but it’s okay because I know it’s only temporary. You just have to have enough willpower to start again.
Good luck!
SparkPeople SparkPeople SparkPeople!
It is awesome. like others have said, it has great functions for tracking calorie intake and burn off, which are the most important things when losing weight.
It is a slow approach programme based on making small doable changes a little at a time so nothing is too hard and you keep your momentum. t also teaches you a lot about nutrition and fitness, so you can make better long term choices.
It’s all about lifestyle change and not about dieting. I have chocolate at least 3 days a week I’m now 20 lbs down in 3 months, with 30 to go. Best of all I’m feeling great and healthy.
There is loads of support from people who are in the same position and not at all preachy, or imposing.
And it’s free!
Another vote for fitday.com. I lost 35ish pounds a few years ago and have kept them off. When I decided to start losing weight, I Googled “calories per day” to find several different caloric needs calculators. I put in my accurate age/height/activity level and the weight I WANTED to be to find out how many calories I should be eating (I got different results from different calculators, so I just averaged them out). Then I used Fitday to make sure I didn’t go over that limit every day. I tried to keep my calories from fat at around 25% of my calorie total (staying under 30% is important for weight loss), and I tried to cut out fast food for the most part, but I didn’t give anything up entirely; I just ate smaller portions so I could stay under my limit (for example, I’d get a kid’s meal when I craved a burger and fries). This made it a lot easier to stick with it, and I lost weight pretty steadily.
As for exercise, I just took the dog walking for an hour or so every day. That doesn’t help with toning — I’m thin, but not really toned — but I just don’t have the time/motivation to do more strenuous activity. Maybe sometime. I’m happy with how I look now, anyway.
Good luck!
Find a type of exercise that works for YOU, that is fun for YOU. For me, that exercise is http://www.zumba.com, a combination of cardio and latin dance. You can search the site for instructors in your area. Most are in gyms, but there are some held at community locations. Look for “drop-in” rates to see how much per class and you can email the instructors too. A therapist I know says one of his coworkers practically prescribes this for people to improve not only their physical but also mental state.
I like the Y. Lots of variety makes me go. Paying for membership makes me go. Knowing that the classes I want are only offered at certain times makes me go. Nice people there makes me go. If you can afford it, sign up for the personal training, it’s nice to have support and advice from someone who knows what they’re talking about.
If it works for you, do it, no matter what anyone says. I’ve had people give me crap for joining somewhere when I own a Wii Fit and exercise outside is free, and you know what pal? If that stuff was working, I wouldn’t need to join a gym. But I need scheduled times, a motivating instructor, and a community to exercise with. If it’s on me, I’m not doing it. Whatever works for you, do it and don’t let anybody tell ya different.
As for food, I’m blessed with a certain amount of willpower but I have had to make myself some rules. I find writing them down helps. That way, if you want something “bad” you have a list to point to that says “This says I can’t eat this.” My rules include breakfast: protein, produce, and dairy only, no carbs. Lunch and dinner: whole grain carbs allowed, fruits and veggies neccessary, plus protein and/or dairy. One dessert per day, must be 100 calories or less. No pizza, bagels, or ice cream (my trigger foods). I’m not gonna say I’ve been perfect but I’ve been good. The trick is, eat stuff you like and allow yourself a little something that you like (like my 100-cal desserts or alcohol. I can’t seem to give up alcohol on a diet).
I see a nutritionist regularly. It helped me to have someone to be accountable to; I guess it’s the same principal as the WW meetings. The difference is that she devised a plan specific to me. We don’t count points or calories, it’s more about making good choices generally. And that doesn’t mean excluding anything, necessarily. My nutritionist would tell you that if you want a slice of chocolate cake, depriving yourself of it will only make you want it more, which will increase the odds that you’ll binge in unhealthy ways later.
Another thing: food journaling really helps. Be honest with yourself and write down everything. Staring at everything you ate in a day will help you reevaluate.
There are easy ways to cut calories, too, like cutting out regular soda and sugary juices. I rarely eat fast food anymore and feel better for it; fresh ingredients taste so much better and don’t sit like a brick in my stomach.
I also agree that some exercise is boring. Thinking about treadmills is making me shiver. But, as most people said above, find what’s fun. I was a member at a Curves for a while; the circuits change so fast that it’s hard to get bored, and the members at the one near me were pretty much all overweight, middle-aged women, so I didn’t feel self-conscious. (Although ultimately, the workout wasn’t rigorous enough for me to really get my heart going, so I’ve since moved on.) A friend of mine, also anti-gym, recently took up racketball on a whim and loves it. I can’t really afford a gym right now, so I just walk everywhere, and it’s great. Since I started seriously walking (basically, if I have to go anywhere within 3 miles of my apartment, I walk there) I can feel my strength and endurance build. I listen to podcasts and audiobooks on my iPod as I go, and I’ll vary the route so I see different things each time, and I really enjoy it.
So, I just have a few things I haven’t seen anyone else mention. First off, you don’t mention if you still live with your mom and brothers, if so, I know it can make the dieting end a lot harder when you have less control over the meal. I would totally understand why you might not want to mention to your mom you are dieting because if your mom is like mine that would just open a can of worms you just do not want to deal with. If that’s the case, just start by working on portion control. Take half what you normally would. If you’re still starving, you can take more, but wait and see if you actually are first. If your stomach isn’t growling, leave the table and take some water with you.
This may seem obvious, but try to chew your food more. Eat slowly. Put your fork down and don’t pick it back up until you’ve swallowed. Listen to your body and stop eating when you aren’t hungry. This will take a while, so don’t get frustrated if you have trouble right away. Same thing with emotional eating, before you eat, ask if you’re really HUNGRY if the tummy isn’t rumbling, drink some water and distract yourself somehow. Again, it’ll take time, be kind to yourself.
Someone mentioned Shimmy above and I’d also like to put a plug in for belly dancing if there’s a school near you. The comraderie of the class, as well as the wide variety of body types, might really appeal to you. Or another type of activity that doesn’t feel like “work.” A couple people mentioned boxing and martial arts. THat might be really great on two levels. I started kickboxing after a really bad breakup and not only did I lose weight and build a ton of muscle, it really helped me emotionally as well, which might help with some of your emotional stuff too.
Start small. If all you can do is make it once around the block that’s OK, you made it around the block! Just keep reminding yourself that anything is better than nothing. Also, don’t beat youself up if you slip (I do this a lot). Just because you messed up and ate pizza in bed all day Monday doesn’t mean you can’t get right back up and eat great and exercise on Tuesday. You are a human being and every day is it’s own day. Don’t beat yourself up or give up completely just because you aren’t perfect. None of us are.
If you have access to a dog, take it for a walk. Dogs are great listeners and they always want to walk, even if they pretend not to, and no matter what you tell them about yourself they’ll still lick your hand when you get home.
Lastly, it really couldn’t hurt to get a full check up from a sympathetic doctor. It might take a while to find one who will really help you and not write off everything on your weight, but they’re out there and they can help you in your journey. Maybe you are enimic, or have a thyroid issue, or an allergy, you never know and it’s better to find out and deal with those things at the same time as the eating and exercising stuff so you aren’t just shooting yourself in the foot without knowing it.
Giving up meat is also a good shortcut. I’d recommend making some across-the-board changes in the way you think *about* food, but becoming a vegequarian took 20 pounds off me almost overnight. (It also messed with my hormones, so you may want to ease off it gradually; I didn’t have that option.)
And lemon water is so, so key for me. NYC water needs something, sometimes, if only to kill the vaguely chloriney taste; the lemon makes it more like a *drink* instead of just boring old water, and the Vitamin C is key. And you can drink the hot verzh in cold weather.
One last tip: a Guinness is two points. …I know, right? You wouldn’t believe the number of foods that you’d think would be a point-fest that you can actually eat tons of (hi, hummus). You can find lists of those foods online and tote them to the grocery store.
I can’t stop reading this thread! Lots of great stuff in here.
Something I *love* to eat, because everyone knows “chicken is healthy” but MAN do those chicken breasts get boring: boneless skinless chicken THIGHS. MMmm, they are heaven in your mouth. There is a bit more fat to trim, but they are soooooo tasty and still on the healthy side of the meat fence. Cows over there. Chicken over here.
It’s little things like that that help keep me in line – I can “treat” myself to it, even though it’s not really “unhealthy.” Also, turkey breakfast sausage – this is a treat for ME, because I love sausage but I don’t eat pork. yum and health!
Now I’m off to check out this sparkpeople thing…
I found it oddly liberating the day I realized that I don’t have to feel like doing something in order to do it.
Yes! Drill sergeant-ness is bad when it’s about beating yourself up, but I’ve found it doesn’t help to be too soft on myself either. “You don’t want to go to the gym? Life’s tough, cupcake–you’d rather not go to work most days, either, and you survive that just fine,” and so forth. But otherwise, I agree with what everyone else has said. Here are a few other things:
1) I walk everywhere–which is easier because I live in Boston. But helps a lot. If walking bores me, I try telling myself stories in my head, or listening to my iPod.
2) The iPod is wildly helpful at the gym, too. I put on eighties music and pretend I’m in a training montage–which also helps with the self-esteem thing. Hey, I might be a wimp *now*, but eventually I’ll be able to slay vampires or take on Adrian or whatever…
3) Keep a pack of sugarfree gum or a glass of water by your desk. Helps with the oral fixation.
4) Find hobbies that involve your hands. I eat a lot less when I’m playing video games in my free time, just because I *can’t* eat without stopping the game and there are zombies to be shot, dammit!
Good luck!
I just wanted to throw my in $0.02 about the South Beach Diet. The sound of reducing my carb intake sounded like an absolute nightmare, and I admit that the first two weeks were really hard work, but it was worth it. The book basically teaches you the difference between good and bad carbs, and it can help you realize that maybe you should eat an apple with some peanut butter instead of that sugary granola bar. There’s no calorie counting – it’s all about making good food choices.
tadpoledrain said what I wanted to say but was too hesitant to say (hi, fellow Shapeling! *waves*). Now that it’s been said, yeah, seriously, everyone do yourself a favor and check out Kate Harding.
I will give you the advice that changed my life:
1. Find something active that you love to do
2. Find a way to eat that works for you—whether it is a structured diet plan or something you devise yourself
3. Get into therapy.
Everyone else has covered off on 1 & 2, but for me 3 was the most important.
Three years ago I had an elective surgery scheduled and when I went for my pre-op appointment 2 weeks prior to the surgery the doctor told me that she would not do it because I was too heavy. She gave me pamphlets on gastric bypass surgery and told me to come back when I had lost 50 lbs. Needless to say rode home on a river of tears that day. An acquaintance noticed my swollen eyes and inability to stop the hiccupping sobs. She told me that she had lost 100lbs. Let me repeat 100lbs!!!! She said the trick for her was Taekwon-do, Weight Watchers, and therapy.
I started therapy the next week. It took me 1 solid year before I was able to work around to the weight issues with my therapist. For me, there were so many other issues weighing me down (pun intended). Once I worked through them with her, I was able to look at my weight problem from a healthier place mentally. I no longer hated myself so much (didn’t realize I did in the first place!) and it made it easier to confront the food issue head on.
So, I advise you to get a therapist and just talk. Remember to lose the weight for you. Not because someone else thinks you are fat or because you want a guy to love you. Do it because you love yourself and you want to own your body and your life. Use whatever tools you can find to get yourself to that place because it is a really fulfilling and wonderful place to be.
Sometimes, I am so hungry, bored, or tired that all I want is to order a burger from the diner. I’m not going to lie, there are days when I do just that. But most days I go home, cook something healthy, and then get on the treadmill. Because the only thing stopping me from doing the right thing is me. There is NO outside force that makes me do the things I know I shouldn’t. It feels really great to live inside of a body that I know that I can control.
I lost the weight and had my breast reduction surgery in April of 2007. My weight fluctuates a little now, but it’s ok because I know I am making the choices–good or bad–and not being led around by food and self-hatred anymore.
I wish you all the luck in the world and when you need support, you should realize that there are so many of us out there who would love to share our knowledge and experiences about weight issues and weight loss.
Here’s what’s worked for me so far:
Food:
If they’re available and convenient, try to do your first grocery shopping for the week at a farmer’s market or produce stand, and build your meals around what looks appealing. It’s a lot easier to cook healthy when you’re working with fresh, fresh produce. And try new things! I learned that I liked kale and brussel sprouts this year, which I never would have guessed. Also, pick up a few international cookbooks – especially Indian or Japanese food. They tend to be lower in fat and use a lot of yummy spices.
Exercise:
Yeah, this really sucks at first, no two ways around it. Don’t get discouraged, and don’t try to be Super Woman right away. I’ve been running three times a week since May, and I still can’t run more than three minutes at a time. But you know what? I need a lot less walking time in between those three-minute runs than I used to, and while I’ve only lost a few pounds, I know I’ve lost a lot of fat and gained some muscle. Take time to notice and celebrate the little things, and give yourself occasional rewards to motivate yourself, like a new pair of workout shorts.
And word on the audiobook/podcast idea. It really does help pass the time. Here’s a hint that I’ve found – if you start listening to audio books and find a narrator that you really like, look for more of their titles. Most narrators tend to stay in the same genre, and you may discover some authors that you’ve never heard of before.
love celery and pickles on the WW… i never go in to a store – points online does it for me… lost 20 lbs in the past year and a half – this week has been a bust, but gotta pull myself up by the boostraps next week…
HOWEVER I have to say one very very important thing – GO TO THE DOCTOR! You said you’ve been generally gaining weight for some time? That was me! I also did not have regular cycles without being on the pill and I was hungry *all the time*. I would eat a HUGE meal (soup, salad, all of my steak and potatoes and dessert) and then be hungry 2 hours later… Guess what? Turns out I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome with a glucose intolerance. I went on glucophage and that has helped tremendously. http://tinyurl.com/yan6xg
Do I still eat emotionally? Mmhmm… Do I still need to watch what I eat and make myself get off the couch to move? Sure do… but it beats doing all of that and not seeing any results…
So, if you have any other health problems in addition, I highly recommend getting a check-up – full blood work, etc. Make sure there isn’t something else there that is going to hamper any success!
And – Good luck!!! (sorry for all the caps, people – I got excited…)
I know what I’m going to write here has been discussed in the 107 comments before mine, but I just wanted to chime in with what’s been working for me.
To start. I’ve always had weight “issues” – although looking back at photos of myself in high school and college and realizing how awesome I looked made me come to a realization that a lot of those issues were my mother’s, superimposed onto me. I became a “revenge” eater. I would eat things to spite my mom (who in every other way was great, but had a huge blind spot about weight stemming from the fact that it was always a big struggle for her). It took me a VERY long time to realize that I was only hurting myself when I did this (very long – I’m 34 now and still working through this). Anyway, after I graduated from law school (at which point I was in the best shape of my life) and moved to new york, I fell off the wagon. My mom passed away, i was starting a new, very stressful job, and in my mind I didn’t have time for anything else. 8 years later, I had gained almost 100 pounds, was not fitting into my size 20 clothes anymore, and couldn’t tell you the last time I had done any sort of exercise.
So. That takes us to last June. One thing I had always enjoyed doing was bicycling, but I hadn’t done it in a while. I kept telling myself that “yeah i was heavy, but I still bike”. Which was really lying to myself, which became apparent when i took my bike to central park one day, made it about a mile and a half, and thought I was going to have a heart attack. That week I joined a gym. But I HATE going to the gym. So i joined the one my parents belong to (we live 5 blocks from each other, but this works just as well with a friend), so that we could make plans to go together.
Then I got a personal trainer. Because the appointment FORCES me to go to the gym. I’m paying close to $100/session? I’m damn well going to wake up in time, even if it’s the last thing on earth that I want to do. Yes it’s expensive, but for a very long time it was the only way I could get myself to go. My trainer, who I still see twice a week, also held me accountable for things. He would check up on me to make sure I was getting my cardio in on other days of the week. He would give me assignments. He’d send me annoying text messages.
After about two months of that, I came to the realization that I also had to do something about my eating. And yes, I went back to weight watchers. But this time, I didn’t tell my dad (my stepmom knows, because she’s good about this stuff). My dad, in an effort to be “helpful” can get really annoying, and that whole “spite” eating thing comes into play again. I try to eliminate the triggers for myself. I’m lucky in that I found a meeting with the most awesome leader ever (seriously, upper west side of manhattan, saturday mornings at the Ansonia – it’s the cheapest group therapy session you’ll ever find). We don’t sit and talk about “food” per se. We talk about our emotions. We talk about our struggles. I’ve become actual friends with people from my meeting outside of the meetings. I actually look forward to going to these meetings.
And yes, I know the scale can be intimidating. I threw out my scale at home because that’s not my focus. I’ve been “plateauing” for almost 6 months, and I keep going back because I get so much more from those people than the scale.
A good anecdote from my leader – he had a woman who, for the entire first year of attending meetings, specifically instructed the ladies at the scales to not tell her her weight – she didn’t look in the book at all because she didn’t want to know. After a year, she looked. Because she didn’t want that “week-to-week” to become the focus for her. She was trying to change her life in a more profound way.
I look week to week, but I try to really not make it my focus. Like I said, I’ve been plateauing for months, so I focus on other things. After my incident with the bicycle last summer, I made it my short-term goal this summer to to the NYC Century bike tour on September 7. I’m doing the 55 mile route (with a friend from WW). I’ve been training, which means that I’ve been getting up at 6 in the morning and going for rides. This morning before work I rode along the Hudson River waterfront down to battery park and back (14 miles). My doorman applauds me and quizzes me on my route when I get back. Tomorrow I’m going to enjoy Summer Streets. I finally remembered just how much I love cycling outside (it’s much better than the machine at the gym).
And in that year, I’ve lost a grand total of 22 pounds out of the 100 I ultimately want to lose. I’m still hovering somewhere between a size 18 and 20 on most days. I’ve been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds since February. And I don’t care anymore because I look and FEEL so much better about myself that I actually want to keep doing this, even if I never lose another pound.
And every day is a new lesson in shedding my old fears and anxieties. I finally realized that biking in padded bike shorts with nothing on top of them was much more comfortable and easier to maneuver in than wearing an extra layer of “loose” shorts on top (because god forbid someone see my fat ass in spandex, right?). So for the past two weeks, I’ve only worn the bike shorts (and a top of course!). My bike times are getting better, and after a little while you realize that NO ONE ELSE CARES. No one is actually staring at you at the gym because, frankly, they DON’T CARE. I guarantee that no one is paying attention to you at the scale, except for the person weighing you in. And no matter how much you weigh, or think you weigh, that person doing the weighing has (a) seen someone much bigger than you and (b) been there her or himself (all ww employees are lifetime members).
My biggest advise though – take it one step at a time. If you try to do everything at once, you’ll get overwhelmed. That’s what I did. I did the gym for a solid two months before I attempted to regulate my eating. I didn’t get back onto my bicycle until this past June.
And even if you’re sure you don’t want WW, or WW Online, or spark, or any of the other great programs that people have recommended, find someone you TRUST who you can talk to about this stuff. Be it a friend or a therapist or someone. because just figuring out the underlying motivation for a lot of the behavior is about 70% of the job.
Wow. I wrote a lot.
After I started journalling my food (on fitday, which has worked out great for me except that I’m not always sure how many cups/ounces something is, so I’m doing more guesstimating than I’d like), I realized that I wasn’t about to give up the foods I really liked, which meant I needed to make compromises on the foods I only kind of liked. So I switched my breakfast cereal to one that’s about half the calories, and I haven’t looked back, and started reworking my proportions of carbs:veggies at dinner (a bowl of pasta with more spinach and tofu mixture than pasta).
Also, I am a super sweaty exerciser and hate gyms. I used to take my glasses off as soon as I got on the elliptical on the “if I can’t see them, I can pretend they can’t see me” strategy. The best alternative I’ve found? WiiFit. It is totally awesome, it gives you feedback so you don’t worry about doing exercises all wrong, it’s got a wide array of exercises so you can modify depending on if you’re feeling more into focusing on strength, balance, or flexibility, and it makes you feel accountable to someone, even if that someone is just a machine.
(using ’emc’ only because there are so many other Lizs already!)
Wow. I could have written this letter–I’ve hit each and every one of those thoughts in a single journal entry, from the nagging mother to the ‘what if this is really me just some weird form of self-empowerment’ to the ‘screw Weight Watchers’ bit.
I lost about 50 pounds with Body For Life, then Weight Watchers, until I just…pooped out. I worked hard for months, and while I could see the impact on my husband, I couldn’t see it on myself. It’s like that commercial for Slimquick, where that cartoon woman is talking about how her husband stopped drinking soda and lost 40 pounds, while she’s been drinking nothing but water for months and is stuck in a rut. I hit that rut and it frustrated me so much that I just stopped–and, naturally, gained all that weight back.
I should note that there are aspects of Body For Life that I really loved. Portion control was a big part of that, but it’s also *when* you eat. It’s a 6 meal a day kind of program, but it’s 6 very *small* meals a day. For the first month, it felt like I was eating all the damn time, but it also taught me a lot about the way my body responded to food.
I hit bottom a couple of weeks ago due to some work stuff–there’s a promotion that I really want, but since it involves customer-facing stuff, I’m worried that I won’t ever get it, because I don’t think anyone would want me to go to a customer site looking the way I do. (Also, air travel? Not so comfortable right now, anyway.) I’m slowly starting to get back into the fitness/lifestyle change mode again, mainly with being very careful about what I eat via portion control and drinking lots and lots of water. I’m also looking into counseling and personal trainer, I haven’t made that step yet.
For me, not only am I the emotional eater type, I’m also…well, let’s just put it like this. There has never been a single day in my life where I’ve had a positive self-image, so not only do I have those hurdles described in the letter to deal with, I also have to work myself into a space where I feel like I’m worth making the effort for–that’s also where the counseling comes in. I’m sure I’ll get there, but man, it’s hard.
One other thing to mention, that I’m not sure anyone else has brought up–it might be worthwhile to see a doctor to get a physical. While it won’t resolve the psychological issues, it’s entirely possible that there are physical concerns involved, too–but I definitely recommend getting someone who will support the type of weight loss that you’re aiming for, without nagging and without constantly suggesting the gastric bypass thing (unless that’s what you want–for me? oh HELL no).
I also second Liz’s offer above–if you want a buddy, let me know: emcashman at gmail.
Wow, great responses. I “ditto” everything on here, and I’d like to add one more perspective (fully disclaimered – YMMV on this – take what you like and leave the rest!)
Get – I don’t know if this applies to you – but here it is:
Although it may have lately been a “diagnosis du jour”, I have understood for 10 years that, at the end of the day, I am a food addict. Understanding that really helped me see some of the “why can’t I change this?!” questions I had, and also helped me start some very important steps toward forgiving myself and stopping this internal diatribe I would go on about “why couldn’t I be normal?” and “just do it” like so many others.
So – yep – I got active in a 12-step program, Overeaters Anonymous. It’s free, it’s anonymous, it’s a support group that doesn’t endorse any particular type of eating/exercising/etc (there are some groups that do – check those out carefully for a good fit). What I got from it was support for the larger mental/psychological issues for me that helped me learn to fill my sense of emptiness with something besides food.
This program was an excellent complement to my eating more healthfully and exercising.
There is also a book I really enjoyed titled “Anatomy of a Food Addiction”. Really interesting reading.
ANYWAY – am not trying to re-start the Oprah craze of “carb addicts” from before – I mean an addict much like an alcoholic, and not something strictly due to physiology at a deep level.
I’m sure it sounds crazy to many – but it really helped turn myself around and quit beating myself up and get moving forward (it’s not about being a victim – it’s about taking responsibility for myself).
And yes – it’s got a religious (Higher Power) component to it, so there is that. But I wanted to toss it out there in case it helped at all.
Wow, the sheer number of responses is testimony to the fact that many of us have been where you are to some degree at some point in our lives.
The first thing you have to realize is that it’s YOUR journey, not your mother’s or your brothers’. And standing up for yourself with respect to your weight may involve removing yourself all together from a toxic environment. (Stress, depression, and anxiety contribute significantly to poor health and poor health decisions.)
Second, it might be more helpful to focus on fitness rather than weight. Can you walk up stairs without getting winded? Can you lift heavy boxes? Can you carry on a conversation and walk down the street at the same time? If you had to run for a bus, would you make it? These are physical milestones that you can accomplish, regardless of dress size, through exercise, stress control, and eating mindfully.
Third, it’s not easy. You will backslide. You will fail. You will have a bad day (or a good day; I eat when I’m happy, too) and eat a key lime pie. You will start using the stationary bike and a clothes valet. I lost 53 lbs over 18 months. And then I broke my foot, became immobile for 17 weeks, and gained it all plus 20 more lbs back. Babysteps are the answer. Focus on making one change at a time like drinking more water, taking vitamins (vitamin B deficiency often manifests itself as the blues or irritability), and/or getting enough sleep.
Finally, reach out to a community. I did WW and I went to meetings. Honestly, I am not a “people person” and most of the people in the meetings annoyed me. But once a week there was at least one person who said something that resonated, and that meant a lot. Dieting can make you feel lonely. You’re not alone.
Good luck to you.
Another thought on the fruit-and-veg front:
CSA (community supported agriculture). I have a half share this summer, and once a week I pick up a fresh assortment of local produce. This weeks haul included: Peaches, zucchini, summer squash, two kinds of tomatoes, apricots, nectarines, apples, pears, four ears of corn, a couple of cucumbers and a green pepper. I am a fairly adventurous eater and cook, but I’d much prefer chocolate ganache to a salad. Which is why I have come to realize that I cannot have sweets in the house, or I’ll inhale it all. But with the CSA, I can’t let all this wonderfulness go to waste, and as a result, I end up eating a lot more fruits and vegetables. And less of chocolate ganache and its delicious brethren. Of course, if you’re the sort of person who’d throw up your hands in resignation if you ended up with a massive eggplant and a handful of persimmons, maybe not for you, but I love it.
Also, more props for WW – it worked for me. I lost weight intentionally and consciously for the first time, at the ripe old age of 32, thanks to them. It is really nice to have a waist again. Now I just need to stick with the counting of points…
And lastly, if you figure out the family thing, I’d love to know what to do with my sister who seems to think my ideal weight is what I weighed in junior high school while in the midst of a serious growth spurt. Yeah. Not happening.
Best of luck to you, Get!
I’ve lost 60 pounds in the last 2 1/2 years. It was VERY gradual–less than a pound a week, and I’m committed to keeping these exercise and eating habits so I don’t think of what I did as a diet.
Some stuff that worked for me: small plates and keeping a food journal. Four or five small meals a day. A focus on protein and vegetables at meals. I mostly eschew white flour (which has the effect of keeping me away from baked goods and breaded, deep-fried stuff), but I don’t beat myself up when I eat it. I weigh myself regularly. At every size I’ve made the commitment to wear clothes that fit me and to love my body. I try to exercise every day, and I mix it up, but I do it so I *feel* good, which is what keeps me going. Exercise is the best remedy for mild depression that I know.
Also, I go to Overeaters Anonymous. Even if you don’t want to work the steps, listening and sharing is really great; I know that other people have the same weird emotional responses to food that I do, and it helps.
I never, ever buy “diet” food. The less packaging around my food, the better it is for me, and if I want cream cheese, neufchatel’s not gonna be a good substitute. You can’t trick the body.
I really love healthy food now, and I feel better when I eat it. I still eat unhealthy food occasionally, but I don’t enjoy the way I used to think I did. My body loves it when I treat it right.
Finally, you need to do this for yourself, not for anyone else. It’s your body and your life.
This point has already been touched upon by numerous posters, but if you do decide to go the gym route, it is important to find one with the right environment for you. I work at a university and receive a staff discount to the university facilities, which are beautiful, but I found it incredibly depressing to be working out alongside 105-pound 19-year-olds. I found the same environment at many of the chain places I looked into – slightly older crowd, but chock full of teeny tiny women who show up in make-up and $50 workout outfits and spend 20 minutes on the elliptical on the lowest setting. Maybe that will actually motivate you – I need to go faster, so I can have that ass! – but it really made me feel self-conscious and pathetic. A better fit for me was a neighborhood gym – it’s small and the clientele is mostly male, which is easier for me – because because they’re obviously going to be pressing 10 times the weight that I am, I don’t constantly feel the need to size myself up against them. My Mom actually joined a fitness center that is attached to a rehabilitation facility. She jokes that she likes it because even at 75 pounds overweight, she’s the fittest one in the room, since most of the other people there are in their 70s and recovering from triple bypasses. I know she’s kidding, but I think that’s actually good motivation for her – it makes her much less self-conscious than she would be otherwise, knowing that most of the people in the room are at about her fitness level (even if that is only because they spent 6 months in a wheelchair after an auto accident). Point being, if you do decide to join a gym, you need to shop around and find one that fits your personality, which means scouring different neighborhoods and looking past the big chains, which are great for many people but may not necessarily be right for you.
Overeaters Anonymous. http://www.oa.org. No weigh-ins, and you decide if/what food plan you want.
Totally old-skool 12-Step, but I’ve lost 43 lbs, and currently weigh less than I did when I graduated from high school.
Oh! I just thought of something else along the lines of what Becky just said: weekly organic veggie groups or co-ops or what have you. I signed up for one that was $16 a week for a small garbage bag of fruits and veggies, a different seasonal selection each week. I learned to plan meals around the veggies, which often meant learning new reciepes, and since I’d signed up for the membership and had to pay on a monthly basis, I was financially motivated to eat the damn things.
I think the big thing is don’t beat yourself up if you slip up. That’s the hardest part for me – not totally giving up on the whole thing because I ate like a pig for a day (or a week).
I’ve had this recently, not about eating, but about exercising (in my case, training for a long bike ride). There have been days when I haven’t been able to complete the ride distance listed on the training schedule — I’m sleep-deprived, sore, chafed (yeah, don’t ask), or it just doesn’t feel right. But the whole goal is to end up at the end doing the ride. If doing what it says on the schedule is not going to help with that that day, then I don’t do it. Likewise, if staying on whatever plan you’re on that day isn’t going to help you get to your long-term goal — or if it is but you don’t do it — it’s not the end of things. Be nice to yourself and give yourself a clean slate the next day.
One thing you can do on the weigh-ins is weigh every or most days but only calculate the running average. I learned this from the Hacker’s Diet:
http://www.fourmilab.ch/hackdiet/www/subsection1_2_4_0_3.html
If you’re mathematically minded, it can be useful.
Get–I’ve been there…have so been there. I was 37 and had thought exactly the same way as you for years and years, and ever so slowly just got bigger. I’d think about trying to lose weight but just couldn’t ever seem to get started–it was so overwhelming with the gym and the diet and the sweating and the ugh.
Then I got sick (borderline hospitalization sick) and went to the doctor, and when I stepped on the scale, the number shocked me (251). About then I had an annual GYN visit, during which my cholesterol level shocked me (213).
When I stopped thinking about losing weight and started thinking about not wanting to die in my forties, making the small changes that add up was so much easier to think about, and I did it…using nearly all of the tips that have already been shared here, so I won’t repeat them. Try something that you think you can do for a while (make one dietary change) and give it some time and you’ll be amazed–and you’ll be able to add something else (more exercise) without it being such a huge. hate. fest. I’m still shocked by how much I have come to love exercise–even in the gym.
Just get healthy…weight loss is a (fabulous!) side-effect. I’m down 70 pounds (I had lost 90 but that was too hard to maintain) for going on three years, and my cholesterol is ~160. According to the charts, I’m still overweight, but I’m a size 10-12 (down from a 20-22), and I’m totally happy with that. Screw the charts, and to an extent, screw the scale. When you’re doing this to be healthy, you’ll love yourself, no matter what the scale actually says, and it’s much harder to give up on.
You can do it. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss the gym for a day or eat (whatever). One day out of the rest of your life is not failure; it’s being human. Don’t give up, and make good decisions the next day. Good luck–keep us posted, okay?
“Could this be a form of twisted empowerment?”
The answer to this is almost always ‘yes.’ There are people who just don’t know how to lose weight, and there are people who have medical conditions that make it hard to lose weight — but for most of us, the reason we delay and putz around and avoid doing what we know we need to do to lose weight is that there’s part of us that gets something out of being the size we are. And figuring out what that is makes it a lot easier to buckle down and do what we already know we need to do. Which isn’t to say you can’t lose weight without conquering your demons, but you’ll find it a lot easier if you do the inside work while you’re doing the outside work. At some point, it’s pretty nice to be able to say “I know why part of me wants to eat that ice cream, and right now I’m much more interested in giving in to the part of me that wants to lose weight.”
In terms of practical suggestions, I have to say that if you don’t have a buddy or group of friends working on losing weight at the same time you are, then you should find a community online where you will be able to get that support. Just make sure it’s a place where there is a stable core of sane people who are there for the long term, and then read and post there every single day. (In my view, the best support comes not just from those who will give you sympathy, but also from folks who will give you the occasional kick in the ass.)
I am one of those annoying people who like to run on the treadmill (I also get motion sick but I find if I focus on something ahead of me and zone out, I won’t feel like barfing). I just wanted to reassure you that no one in the gym is looking at you, except in sideways glances to find out if you are watching them. 99% of the people there are totally focussed on their own issues and are not thinking about you in the least (except if you’re hogging the rowing machine).
My tip is sort of weird but it works for me — exercise very early in the morning (like 5am). I am usually halfway to the gym before I even wake up fully and the workout is kind of like a dream, and I’m home by 6:30am with exercising behind me and no having to say to myself, “Okay, I WILL go to the gym today! I swear!” Also, after dinner, turn off the lights in the kitchen and do not go back in there for anything until breakfast. It will majorly help control snacking.
Good luck! So many of us are in the same boat; you can take comfort in that at least :D
I didn’t write that letter, but I could have. I am currently rocking 200 pounds on my 5’7″ frame and I’m unhappy enough about that to finally do something about it.
I got a book called “The Portion Teller” by Lisa Young and it is my new religion. She talks about how the portions we are served in restaurants have increased exponentially in the past 30 years and at the same time our dishes are getting bigger, so the amount of food we serve ourselves is getting bigger as well.
Therefore, if you are aware of what an ACTUAL serving of pasta looks like, and if you are aware of what an ACTUAL serving of meat looks like, you can better figure out just what you’re eating each day and she gives you handy ways to figure out portion sizes for yourself.
I have been eating this way for two weeks now, without cutting anything out (like dessert!) and I feel better, have lost 7 pounds, and I have a MUCH better idea of just how much I’m eating. My grocery bills have diminished a bit as well, since I’m not eating twice as much as I should.
I swear by this book and I will actually buy a copy for the first two people who email me and request one. Seriously.
Just wanted to chime in to say that I’ve been reading the thread for the past half hour and starting to feel motivated to start my diet again so … thanks everybody!
I don’t think I have any specific diet tricks that haven’t been already mentioned. But I do think pretty strongly that what works for one person won’t necessarily work for someone else. There is a healthy diet plan out there for everyone but it’s not the same healthy plan. And what was a good plan for your teens might be different from what works in your twenties which might be different from your thirties, etc.
But since everything can be improved by the addition of marginally relevant and cliched pop-culture, I will add one thing from the Karate Kid that I always tell myself at the start of a diet:
“No, no, no. There is no ‘try.’ There is only ‘do’ or ‘not do.'”
That stupid phrae is important to me because the whole I’ll start my diet on Monday thing always kills me. I can only do it if I just say to myself “OK you’re dieting” without hesitation or forewarning. And with that, I’m now officially on a diet until I can wear the clothing into which I could fit two years ago. Thanks again everybody.
Two things that worked for my (admittedly small, but I wasn’t looking for much) weight loss this past year.
First, I had a goal, and I don’t mean an x number of pounds goal. I hated the way I looked in recent photos and wanted to look good in my wedding pictures roughly 8 months later. It was tangible, but not about the numbers, so I wasn’t constantly freaking out about how much I’d lost (or not) any given week. So schedule a photo session for yourself for six months from now, or buy a pair of pants or a top that doesn’t quite fit that you want to wear for an upcoming event. “I want to be x pounds lighter” never worked for me because it felt abstract and like I had an infinite amount of time to do it. Setting an exact deadline and a goal that would have tangible, physical results beyond number of pounds lost helped in a way that “I want to lose 10 pounds by summer” never did.
Second, and this might not work for everyone, was to start off high, and then aim low. For the first couple of weeks, I went to the gym with a friend who pushed me too hard and made me hate the running we were doing, but who also helped me see how far I could go without puking (starting high). Eventually, he got too busy to come very often, and I actually preferred being alone. Many days I’d sit in the car outside the gym for five minutes just wanting to take a nap instead. So I’d tell myself that all I had to do was walk – just walk, for 20 minutes (aiming low). Giving myself such an easy goal actually got me into the gym. Once there, I’d start walking, and pretty soon I’d feel like that was too easy, so I’d start running, and then I’d incrementally increase what I “had” to do, and pretty soon I was running farther on my own than I ever did when my friend was there pushing me.
You can apply this to pretty much any self-motivated exercise – “I just have to do the first 10 minutes of that workout video,” or “I’m just going to walk to that tree and back.” The best part is if you DO end up only walking for 20 minutes, you’ve still met your goal and don’t have to feel bad about it. But more often than not, I’d find myself pushing harder because I already knew how far I could run. I still hated the running, but telling myself I could stop any time, or at a time well before I knew I’d hit my limit, really helped.
I may not be the best example. I come from a family of ‘bigger’ folks. I was always the skinny one, until one day.. well the genes caught up with me.. and my jeans were too tight. I had gained 50 lbs and hadn’t even noticed. I thought I was bubbly.. I was fat. (I’m 5’2″ 50 lbs is really too much to gain). So I decided to do something about it. I have NOT exercised. One year ago I started working on how much I pile into my pie hole.
Instead of a breakfast of donuts and pasteries I have one hard boiled egg and a cup of coffee with fat free half and half.
Lunch a lean cuisine (or one of those Micheleanas meals they’re cheaper and pretty good) I have a piece of cheddar cheese (small) a fat free yogurt and a coke zero.. sometimes I’ll throw in a granola bar for sh*ts and giggles.
For dinner I eat what I want. That’s right folks I eat whatever I feel like I want to eat. But I only eat HALF of what I would normally eat. If I’m eatin a big ol’ burrito from Chipotle and I’d usually eat it all up. I only eat half.
I also cut out the happy hours during the week. If I’m going to drink I choose one weekend night and drink. The rest of the time (other than that Coke Zero for lunch) it’s water.
It’s been a year, it didn’t happen over night but I’ve lost 40lbs. I’m not saying I’m some kind of nutritionist, but it’s worked for me. I don’t like going to the gym and sweating is just not something I’m fond of. Sometimes it’s just changing a few habits that can really work.
Get, the sheer volume of responses here should tell you by now you’re not alone. ;) But whatever you choose to do, it has to be *your* choice, and something *you* can live with. Believe me, I know the feeling of wanting to eat whatever to show your mom she’s not the boss of you anymore, but you know… *you’re* not the boss either. The food is. You’re not empowering yourself, you’re limiting your options. Being aware of what you put in your mouth, taking control over what you eat– *that’s* empowerment. I think a lot of it boils down to *thinking* about what you’re doing, and being aware. Do you automatically take the elevator? Think about it… if it’s a couple of flights, take the stairs. Do you automatically empty the pint of Ben & Jerry’s because it’s there? Measure out a portion. Eat with a smaller spoon. Don’t “deprive” yourself, but DO be more selective in what you choose to eat.
I’m currently doing the WW thing (20 pounds down, still going strong!) and greatly liking the online tools. I like the accountability– I feel like it matter to *someone* whether I come back the next week or not. If you don’t like to cook, Lean Cuisine’s meals have the Points values right on the box. I tried Jenny Craig in the past, and it did nothing for me. I outlasted all their consultants (I went through 8 in a year and a half) and I hated their food. WW works better for me. Yeah, I’m still being a marshmallow on the exercise front. The pedometer thing didn’t work well for me (too much jiggle on the waistline, maybe?), but I have been making a conscious effort to move more, and I feel it’s been making a difference. I’ve been eating more fruits & veggies and whole grains, and enjoying my food a lot more. I’m parking farther from the store, and laughing when I get to the door faster than the people who circled for “the perfect spot.” I take the stairs. Little things… but the little things add up.
Whatever you decide, good luck!
OK, Sars, I have a question regarding the dieting.
I’ve been on the heavy end, and I’ve been on the (much) lighter end. Dieting never did help me lose weight; the only thing that ever works for me is working out like a lunatic, between three and seven hours a day. Anything under three hours a day may keep me healthy, but it doesn’t diminish my size; three hours and up will diminish it. I’ve had a chance to verify this repeatedly.
I wasn’t working out to lose weight, either; I had a martial arts program I loved, I was lifting weights not to get killed in it, and I just added more physical activities I wanted to do.
A lot of bodily damage later, and I’m not working out three hours a day, and I’ve gained the original weight back. I don’t like it; I’d like to shift it off again.
There’s one problem: What do you do when you don’t like the shape you’re in when you’ve lost the weight?
Heavy, I don’t like the belly weight below my waist. But when I lost the weight – I lost it so fast, first of all, that my hips were lopsided under the skin. But although my midriff was smaller, and my belly, too (still there, though), the skin on the midriff looked … burned. I don’t know how else to describe it. And my chest looked ribby, and my bust kind of dropped off my pecs – you could see the ledge of my pecs, and then my breasts. Not what I was used to. And my face looked … not great. A little gaunt. I’m afraid that I’ll bust my ass and the results will be smaller but not better. Is there a way to avoid this? I haven’t read anything like this anywhere else – either the complaint OR a solution.
Thanks.
The “Portion Teller” books have been claimed. But good luck to everyone in their efforts!!
Wow, you’re definitely not alone, as evidenced in all these responses. I’m in much the same boat, minus the “helpful” family critiques. Unless my family isn’t being as obvious about it.
I’m in the same place, I want to do this and yet the motivation isn’t there for many reasons. I’ve started making some changes, though, so I’ll throw those out as suggestions.
1. This one is all theory right now but I’m hoping my logic pans out. This sounds obvious, but my thought is that if I’m happier all around it will be a helluva lot easier to motivate myself to lose the weight. To that end, I’ve started doing things that I know will make me happy. I’m in the process of adopting a cat, something I’ve wanted to do forever. I’m signing up to take an English course by correspondence through my alma mater and a friend I went to school with is taking it with me. These may not be *your* things, but try to think of things you’ve been wanting to do for a while that have nothing to do with weight loss. The theory is, the happier we are the easier it is to put the effort into exercise and losing the weight. I could be wrong but I think my theory is worth a shot.
2. This one is obvious one but I’ve been cutting back on portion sizes slowly but surely. Eat the same meals you already love in smaller doses. When I buy chicken breasts, for example, I’ve started cutting them in half if not thirds depending on the size. I’ve realized that I’m more than full eating only that much and the added bonus is that you can freeze the other two. What used to be one meal suddenly becomes enough for three, which in turn makes me happier because it’s good on my budget.
3. Try to think if there is anything that might hold you back when you get into this and start working at losing the extra weight. I’m a sugar junky in the form of cola and I *know* a lot of my calories originate from that. A friend of mine recently cut out his excess sugar intake for a month to see what would happen and the results were amazing. I’m not saying cut out something you love altogether but it might be good to think ahead about whether there is something you enjoy that might hold you back.
Finally, consider the invitation several messages up that Liz extended to start a sort of online email based group for those of us TN readers who are in the same boat and need that kick in the butt. I’m going to email her tonight and tell her I’m in.
Best of luck to you!
“I am one of those annoying people who like to run on the treadmill (I also get motion sick but I find if I focus on something ahead of me and zone out, I won’t feel like barfing). I just wanted to reassure you that no one in the gym is looking at you, except in sideways glances to find out if you are watching them. 99% of the people there are totally focussed on their own issues and are not thinking about you in the least (except if you’re hogging the rowing machine).”
Word. Truly. I meant to say this in my last comment. If I’m in a class, I’m looking at the instructor; if I’m on the elliptical, I’m watching my little TV. Unless you are wearing something really weird, like a House Party spandex jumpsuit or high heels or something I’m paying you no mind. (Or unless you have CNN on YOUR TV but are sneaking glances at I Want to Work for Diddy on mine. Stop fronting.) It is, of course, important to pick a gym that works for you (for me, convenience is more important than the clientele – it has to be close to home, work, or both, which is why I love my New York Sports Club membership that allows me to hit branches all over the city). But regardless of the gym you choose, truly, no one is watching you. I’m a healthy weight and size, but I sweat like nobody’s business. Not dewy, glowing sweat but pit stain, wring out the shirt sweat. I used to feel self-conscious about it until I realized that, hey, it means I worked hard and it shows. And then there was a fellow regular who had to surround his bike with towels because there would literally be puddles of his sweat at the end of a class and I was like, “Wow” and never thought about sweating again. (He was awesome. Someone would take the bike next to him and he’d be like, “For real, you don’t want to do that.)
LaBellaDonna: Have you talked to someone on the gym staff, or maybe a doctor? I know it sucks to spend money on something that seems so trivial, but these people are paid to know the stuff you’re asking about.
Vine Letter:
” Ix-nay on the eight-Watchers-way. I tried them twice, and I couldn’t get past the whole weigh-in thing; it made me feel like a steer in a high-density feed lot.”
Well…darlin’, that’s the POINT. If you feel good about yourself, then where’s your motivation to change?
But that doesn’t mean you retreat to your room with the shades drawn and eat half a tub of chocolate ice cream. Of course you’re fat. That’s WHY YOU’RE AT THE GYM. That’s the reason that gyms EXIST. Despite what other people might think, the gym is not a strip club where the audience are also the dancers.
And the thing is, it’s hard to judge your weight just by eyeball. There’s a reason it’s a carnival stunt. Without the weigh-ins, you won’t know how much you’ve lost–and it’s hard to stay motivated when you spend four weeks at the gym and can’t see any difference.
I am probably echoing dozens of posters here but I sympathize. Starting with a little weight in college I managed to gain 35 pounds in ten years. It took me awhile to notice (or care, there was some depression involved.) I’ve lost 15 pounds so far, although it’s worth noting that it’s taken me 8 months. I totally advocate for the “healthy lifestyle” versus the diet and workout just to burn calories way of thinking.
Some specifics that might help are,
Keeping a food diary,
Taking multiple short walks if a long one isn’t possible ( I also have some heel pain, so spacing out 2 ten minute walks is sometimes better),
workout DVDs from the library so you can try different things,
doing simple exercises while watching TV,
drinking water or unsweet teas – I’ve discovered some fruit flavored herb teas that sub for juice very well,
Most importantly, I still have beer, ice cream, butter and other yummy things, but I have managed to cut back to smaller portions. Usually.
It’s also important not to beat yourself up. It’s great that you are taking care of yourself and I wish your family was supportive of you. I hope you can find some people either in person or maybe in an online support group to be your cheering section. Good luck!
I know you could probably guess this from my comment up there, but I want to third the recommendation to hie yourself over to Kate Harding’s Shapely Prose. Actually, I wanted to link to it earlier, but I was hit with an attack of fat-girl shyness. So! Shyness vanquished, I am enthusiastically adding my voice to the crowd. Check it out; it’s really wonderful.
While clicking submit I suddenly thought of the Tortoise and the Hare fable and started imagining weight loss and maintenance techniques based on it . Be the Tortoise!!!
Umm, getting plenty of sleep is very important too, by the way. Which I’ll try to go do soon.
It’s been mentioned a couple times, but bears repeating: if you’re just about ready to talk yourself out of going to the gym (or going on your run, or lifting the weights, or whatever) tell yourself something completely ridiculous, like “okay, I will stay on the treadmill for two minutes, that’s it.” Because the hardest part isn’t the treadmill itself, it’s the getting dressed and driving to the gym and everything that seems so awful. Once you’re actually IN the gym, ON the treadmill, you say “Well fine, as long as I’m here…” and you actually have a good workout. Either that or you hit the two-minute mark and decide yep, that’s all I want to do, and you split. It could happen, but chances are you’d berate yourself into at least five minutes. Works for me all the time.
I have no willpower. None. I can’t…ok…don’t push myself to control what I eat, and I don’t exercise. I have a gym membership, but I don’t use it. The best thing I’ve found to keep my weight under control is my xbox. Dance dance revolution is horribly lame, and I’m sure my downstairs neighbors hate me for it, but it works. I play till I don’t want to play anymore and then I’m done. I dont’ have to go anywhere. I don’t have to pay for anything (except for the original outlay) and it’s acutally fun. I dont’ have to have special clothes or anything. Just my–super geeky–two cents.
Another thing I’ve found helpful in terms of staying motivated with the workouts is to build a change of pace into the schedule once every week or so — try a new workout from On Demand, run subway stairs in Atlantic/Pacific station, just something new so I don’t get burned out and start blowing it off.
And when it comes to counting exercise as points on Weight Watchers, don’t be afraid to search the database/give yourself credit for “unofficial” activities like moving furniture or hucking a big box of books to Goodwill. Or…having sex. Which is not on the website’s list, but you’d better believe I added it to my exercise favorites (…haw), because 1) I was sweating afterwards, and 2) it meant I could eat some yogurt pretzels.
I counted cleaning up cat barf as a point once, though, so you may not want to be as generous with the definitions as I am.
“Or…having sex. …it meant I could eat some yogurt pretzels.”
Oh, so _that’s_ what the boys are callin’ em these days.
Wow, popular topic. You’re definitely not alone here.
I had to really watch my diet during pregnancy when I had gestational diabetes. I’ve always been heavy, and the diet was really restrictive. Torture!
For tracking foods, I’m partial to FitDay: http://www.fitday.com/ You can also add entries for custom foods, in case the main list doesn’t have something you eat.
I also made friends with some measuring spoons and cups and a food scale, so I could see just what one serving of something looked like. After about a month, I could eyeball what I needed to at a restaurant.
Another big change was giving up hidden calories in drinks. I basically only drank water and unsweetened iced tea with lemon. Small stuff like that really adds up.
After the baby was born and they cleared me of GD, I couldn’t stomach sweets. Took me two whole months to get back on the Ben & Jerry’s wagon… and now I need to get back to what I was doing when I had GD.
I don’t know if this works with brothers, but one night my dad took me out to dinner a number of years ago and the first thing he did was comment on my weight. I said, “Dad, I’m not your date, so I don’t feel comfortable with you focusing on my appearance.” He’s never said another thing about my weight since (which has yo-yo’d 100 pounds down and up twice since then).
Seeing a therapist would help a lot with a number of the issues you discussed. Sometimes just understanding yourself makes a huge difference.
I hate to sweat. So I swim. I LOVE it. You’re sweating but don’t feel like it. It develops strength and flexibility, is great for all your body parts, and it doesn’t put added pressure on those parts that are carrying the extra load as you go through your day. If you can find anything physical that you really enjoy–even just walking an extra few blocks before you catch the bus or subway to and from work–it makes a huge difference. If you do something you like to do it becomes a treat and not a torture. All those nice endorphins make it easier to say no to food when you’re not really hungry. (I have friends at work who have a stairwalking club–once in the morning and once in the afternoon they take a break and walk up a certain number of flights together. I’d hate it. But they love the teamwork and comraderie and it is really good for them.)
Don’t diet. You need to find a way to eat that is healthy and satisfying, you don’t need to find a way to deprive yourself, feel like a martyr, and guarantee failure. Weight Watchers, Deal A Meal, a diabetic exchange diet all do the same thing. They teach you healthy portions (how much) and healthy proportions (of what) to eat and how to be flexible without being self-defeating. Find the one that makes the most sense to the way you think about and can live with food.
Oh, sorry, one more thing. One thing that really helped me eat healthier was Dr. Oz. Yep, from Oprah. His “You: The Owner’s Manual” explains the functions and needs of every body system. Understanding why my body needed particular things made it much easier for me to pay attention to eating and doing those things. Understanding what high blood pressure is and what it does to various systems of my body made me really get why it was important I get the blood pressure down, which required exercise and diet changes. There’s no more vague “it’s good for you.” There’s a real solid understanding that’s made a huge difference for me.
Already much suggested: try yoga (if you’re out of shape, that’s all the challenge you’ll need), or swimming. They’re both low impact, pace yourself activities, and most of all not boring.
I injured my tailbone in July, and the thing I miss the most is being able to do yoga without pain. Before that, I didn’t even realize how much good it did, and how much I enjoyed being able to do yoga. I’m just now getting better, and looking forward to starting again.