Hey Sars —

I wanted to throw some more feedback towards Hopefully Not Doomed To Attend
A Community College.

You say your academics are great and that you have a few
activities on your CV, so listen to Sars when she says not to stress. I went
through this application process to top schools myself not too terribly long
ago and ended up at a fabulous school — not Ivy, but pretty damn close — and
had the best four years I could have dreamed of. Like you, I came from a
not-so-great high school where my guidance counselor told me to my face that
I was aiming too high in my choice of schools to apply to, never mind the
fact that my SATs were in the top five in my class and I was about to
graduate ranked second. Bastard. I bothered him every other day for eight
weeks to make him fill out my applications correctly. Tip 1: Stay on top of
those jokers. It sucks, but you’ll need their help.

Tip 2: In my experience, also like Sars, the essay is major. A lot of
schools use the “common application” or similar questions, so I would
suggest spending a long time examining all the different applications and
writing a kick-ass essay that answers at least a few of them. I asked my
parents and whoever else I could think of for help. It sounds like you have
had incredible experiences in your life and overcome a lot. That would
probably make a great essay — focus on what you’ve learned and how it
translates to you being ready to rock their school. They eat that shit up.
You obviously write very well about yourself already, so this should be a
walk for you.

Tip 3: Definitely pick a safety school (bearing in mind that it can be just
as hard to get into state schools in states you don’t live in), but after
that, pick schools that appeal to you for their programs or location or just
some weird gut feeling. Try not to concentrate too much on the name. I did
eight, and those applications were a lot of damn work and they were
expensive, but do as many as you can swing — then you may end up rejecting
some of them! I had fun with that. (I did eight applications and only ended
up flat-out rejected from one school.)

Long story still long, try to focus your extra panic energy into writing the
very best applications you can write for your true dream schools (Ivy or
otherwise), and the admissions staff just might see all that passion that you
have. Once you’ve put them in the mail, do whatever you need to do to let it
go and enjoy the end of your senior year. You deserve it. Good luck!

CL

PS — In times of extreme panic, just repeat to yourself, “I can always
transfer!”

Dear CL,

All excellent points.I wrote one of my short essays, “describe a challenge you’ve faced,” on overcoming anxiety disorder; my mother didn’t like the idea, but it worked.

Other readers pointed out that Not Doomed shouldn’t dismiss state schools so easily, and I agree.The stereotype of state schools as party factories isn’t fair, or accurate; Jersey’s state school, Rutgers, is excellent, and again, every school has different program strengths.Not Doomed should focus on what she thinks she wants to study, and on factors like closeness to cities and so on — quality-of-education and quality-of-life things.

I went to Princeton primarily based on its prestige.It worked out for me in terms of liking the place while I was there, but it didn’t do diddly for me after graduation, and generally speaking, I wouldn’t advise picking a college for that reason; I knew a bunch of people who wished they’d gone to Middlebury or somewhere instead.

Even though this is not nearly as big of a deal as some of the other crises you advise on, you would seem like a good person to ask.

I am going to be a freshman at a small liberal arts college in about two days.I am the usual blend of nervous and excited, usually more one than the other, depending on my mood.Do you have any general advice for the college-bound?It seems that lately everyone has been giving me advice, but it’s all contradictory.Some people say, “Study something that will get you a job,” and others say, “Study what you love, the job will come later.”Some people say, “Have fun,” and others say, “Study more than you party.”I suppose it’s a mix, and I know a million people have done this, are doing it, and will do it, but any advice you have would be appreciated.

College-Bound

Dear Bound,

Freshman year is a time to see what’s out there.You don’t have to make any big decisions about the future, and you really shouldn’t.

Unless you know absolutely right now that you want to become a doctor, just take a wide range of classes — anything that looks interesting.Get a few of the distribution requirements out of the way, if your school has those.Don’t take too much on; take the standard course load for first-years and see what appeals to you.

As far as the studying/partying ratio goes, that’s up to you.I would say that any partying that doesn’t jeopardize your grades or your health/safety is fine.Do your assignments, but once you’ve shown due diligence with the reading, close your books and go out for a beer or a coffee.

You’ll figure it out; the study/job and homework/fun ratios will settle themselves after a while.

Sars.

My boyfriend used to be really good friends with this group in college, and ended up hooking up with one of the un-single girls in the crowd after he graduated.He was really deeply in love with her, but they were also close friends and she knew how he felt.Afterwards, she told her boyfriend and called him pathetic to mutual friends.He was sad, got over it, and has seen her maybe once since all of that.She has also moved on, marrying the guy that she was dating when they (my boyfriend and her) hooked up.

We were not invited to the wedding — no big loss, and now many of the people in that crowd kind of leave him out now that she and her husband have moved back to our area…especially friends that were tons closer to him before and after the situation.

We have hit the age where everyone is getting married, and the only place that we would run into them is at a wedding and that is no big deal. But he has one friend (and this friend’s fiancé) that used to be very close to him who now mentions everything that he does with this other couple whenever he sees them.He never invites my boyfriend, and even if he has tons of plans that weekend only tells him in detail what he is doing with this girl and her husband. Am I wrong to think that the guy is being an asshole and that my boyfriend is better off not talking to him or dealing with him?Or am I overreacting as a nervous girlfriend?

I know this is a strange question, but it seems so cruel for him to be left out and have it rubbed in his face this way.I love him and don’t want to give him crappy advice, and I am wondering if I am biased in thinking that these people are in no way nice enough to deal with.

Thanks for all the help!
A little angry and very annoyed

Dear Little,

If it doesn’t bother your boyfriend, it shouldn’t bother you.Mention that you think the other guy is acting insensitively, then drop it.This isn’t your problem.

[8/28/02]

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