Two ideas:

1) Smell. If, for example, a lemon doesn’t smell lemon-y, it isn’t ripe yet.
2) http://yourproduceman.com/. It’s goofy, but he usually explains how to pick a ripe whatever he is raving about that day.

Signed,
Strawberries don’t ripen off the vine

Dear Straw,

Thanks for the tips.I got about a bajillion suggestions for this one, so I’ve divided them up into various categories; if I got a suggestion more than once, it’s asterisked.

(cookbooks)
The Joy of Cooking*
The Fannie Farmer cookbook*
Mark Bittman’s How To Cook Everything*
Deborah Madison’s Everyday Vegetarian
A Betty Crocker basic cookbook*
Cooking for One or Two
The Complete Cooking Light Cookbook
Cooking Light Superfast Suppers
Rachael Ray’s Express Lane Meals*
The Field Guide to Produce*
The Kitchen Survival Guide*
How To Boil Water
The New Basics
The Healthy College Cookbook
Sunset’s Easy Basics for Good Cooking*
Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook*
Williams Sonoma Kitchen Companion
How to Peel a Peach
The Modern Girl’s Guide to Life
The Starving Students Cookbook
Students Vegetarian Cookbook
How to Cook Without a Book
The Four Ingredient Cookbook
The Ultimate Southern Living Cookbook
Leanny Ely’s Saving Dinner
Where’s Mom Now That I Need Her?*
Jamie Oliver’s cookbooks*
Vegetables Every Day*
The Betty Crocker Dinner for Two Cookbook
The Victory Garden Cookbook
Serves One
The Home & Garden Cookbook
The Storm Gourmet
Fresh Produce A/Z
Help!My Apartment Has a Kitchen!
Nigel Slater’s Appetite
Healthy Cooking for Two (or Just You)
Moosewood cookbooks
Off the Shelf
Wellness Foods A to Z
Going Solo in the Kitchen
Craig Claiborne’s Kitchen Primer

(websites/magazines)
The Food Network’s Produce Guide*
Everyday Food*
Saving Dinner.com*
Cooking Light and/or its website*
Cuisine At Home
Cooks Illustrated
Cook’s Country
allrecipes.com*
Check general-lifestyle magazines like Real Simple and Domino for recipes*
marthastewart.com
digsmagazine.com*
wegmans.com
Kim O’Donnel’s live chat on washingtonpost.com, Tuesdays at noon Eastern
tonytantillo.com
Simple and Delicious
hy-vee.com
thefruitpages.com
eatright.org
localharvest.org
easypeas.com
knockknock.biz for grocery-list gear
http://www.rd.com/content/openContent.do?contentId=14476
http://www.taunton.com/finecooking/pages/c00019.asp*
http://www.sustainableenterprises.com/Body/produce.htm
http://www.boisestate.edu/healthservices/wellness/info/ripefruit.pdf#search=%22how%20to%20tell%20if%20produce%20is%20ripe%22
http://www.ehow.com/how_109741_choose-fresh-produce.html

(TV shows)
Good Eats*
Rachael Ray’s 30-Minute Meals*
Take Home Chef on TLC

(general tips)
Check the grocery-store circular for recipe/shopping tips*
Eyeball/sniff/poke the produce for brown spots, “give,” et cetera*
Make up the week’s menu in advance, and shop from that*
Check with the county AG extension office for free/low-cost cooking/nutrition classes
See if your supermarket offers classes*
Cook/shop with friends and copy them*
Don’t overthink it*
Have standby snack meals that are healthy, like salsa and cut vegetables or bananas and yogurt
Go to smaller stores so you’re not overwhelmed by the selection*
Get produce that is heavy for its size, with tight unblemished skin*
Pitted fruits and vegetables that are hard aren’t ripe yet
Ripen peaches and tomatoes in a paper bag
Shop the specials*
Ask the employees of the produce department for help/recs*
Go to a farmer’s market and ask questions*
Ask strangers in the produce aisle for advice, especially older people*
Walk all the aisles in order to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything
Keep a running list of things you need/have run out of on the fridge; don’t forget to actually bring the list to the store with you*
Shop the same day/time every week
Get a boy- or girlfriend who cooks so you don’t have to deal with it*
Get a produce box or a farmshare*
Buy stuff you can freeze
Shop only the outer parts/perimeter of the store*
Check the descriptive tags posted next to the produce*
Have a recipe “party” and keep all the cards in a file box
Save complicated meals/recipes for the weekend/vacation
Buy your spices in the amounts you need from the bulk section — saves money
Buy oranges based on firmness, not color
Bagged salad*
Plastic-canned carrot sticks
Romaine lettuce
Buy locally and in-season for freshness
Frozen fruits and veggies
Use the store’s discount/club card
Shop for groceries online, i.e. FreshDirect*

Dear Sars,

I have a problem with my roommate.A little over two years ago I bought a house.I was 23 years old and committing myself to a thirty-year debt, but I thought it was worth it.The house had four bedrooms and two baths, big yard, et cetera and the monthly payments for loan and insurance would be comparable if not cheaper than the apartments I was used to living in since I graduated from college.I have never lived alone, and at that point I didn’t think that I could afford to either.So after exhausting other options I met and agreed to house the niece/cousin of a family that I am acquainted with.It was basically inviting a complete stranger to live with me.

When she visited to look at the house, I told her I needed a roommate to cover X dollars and one half utilities.Since she was planning on moving after I closed on the house, she did not have firm employment plans.I told her if she did not think that she could cover that amount, I would continue to look for a third person to live in the house to cover expenses.(There are four bedrooms after all.)She told me that she could manage the monthly sum I was asking for.She moved in, we got along great; we went out together, stayed home together, and became fast friends.

Six months later, I went on a two-week vacation, leaving her in the house.When I get back, her coworker is staying with us for the two weeks.Coworker had moved out of her summer apartment and was waiting to go back to school.I was quite annoyed that this had all happened while I was out of town without asking me but figured I could deal for two weeks.A month later she is still there, finally I say something to coworker to the effect of, “How long do you plan on staying here?”She kind of stammers, saying that she and roommate were meaning to talk to me and ask if she could stay for the entire semester.Since she already does live there, I don’t think I have much choice.I wouldn’t mind the extra rent money, so coworker ends up staying six months.

Along the same lines a few months later, I get a note on my bed when I get home from work one day saying that my roommate’s friend needs a place to stay for a month and will be here until such and such date.Again, I don’t have much of a choice in this matter because roommate has already talked to her friend and said she could stay, and there is extra room.She moves in, overstays for only about a week and a half and is gone.

Not two months later, roommate leaves me another note saying another friend is going to move in to stay indefinitely.The friend is newly separated from her husband and works as a waitress.Roommate and she have already discussed the terms of her move and how much rent she can pay.She complains about driving to her new job and the cost of medical bills and all the financial hardship a roommate would alleviate.At this, I told her flat out, I do not want another roommate.I told her that I would take over all of the utilities to ease her financial burden, but at this point I had been living in the house for a year and half and did not want to have more people moving in.She agrees to let me pay her share of utilities and not have her friend move in.

Around January of this year the pattern continued.Roommate’s sister’s boyfriend (RSB) needs a place to stay while he does job training for three weeks.I am informed of this in a note along with how much roommate has told him that he can pay as rent.The three weeks pass and RSB gives me a check for the rent.I notice when I later take it to the bank that the address on the check is my house.I then venture to the room that used to be his and see that the closet is full of his clothes.Basically, RSB has a key and has planned on coming “home” to my house every weekend.

I am almost at a breaking point with the uninvited guests, when one more thing happens.Roommate’s boyfriend (not to be confused with RSB) who stays at our house about half the nights of the week injures himself and is bedridden for what ends up being five days.Roommate’s boyfriend’s mother comes to stay at our house to take care of him at our house.I think this is more than a little inappropriate.

I decide I have to say something.Roommate and I work very different schedules.She is a teacher who waits tables on the side to make ends meet.I work long hours at an office job that I love.After deciding that I need to confront my roommate, I don’t see her for a few days.I take the easy way out and write her a note.The note says, “I’m sorry to have to bring this up, but…I am uncomfortable with the amount of extra people in my house.”I said that I wanted RSB to leave because he has basically moved in behind my back without paying any money.I also said that aside from her boyfriend a few times a week I wanted to keep overnight guests or housemates to a minimum.I then got what I think is a little bitchy saying that every time they took a shower or did a load of laundry I was paying for it since I had full responsibility for the utilities.

Apparently the note hurt roommate’s feelings pretty badly.I finally got a note in return this morning.She said she would “abide by the law of the house” but she does not agree with me that her visitors cannot stay.I feel like she missed the point and maybe I did a bad job of getting that across, basically she thought I was angry that her mom came in town to stay with us too often.She thought that she was trying to help the people she cares about (boyfriend and RSB) and she did not want to apologize for that.Finally her note says, “And you said from the very beginning I could have anyone stay in the other rooms so I could cut down on my rent.But I guess you don’t like to keep your word.”

I hope I am explaining this well.Basically I am torn.I like having a roommate for the financial benefit, but I don’t want a second one.I am much more settled than I was when I bought the house.I now value comfort over economy in some situations.I don’t like walking into my house and seeing a stranger like RSB sitting on my couch watching TV.I want to be able to walk into the kitchen and not run into a middle aged woman who I have never met.

On the other hand, I do have extra room in the house.And my roommate does need the money.There is nothing really stopping me from allowing someone else to live with us other than, I don’t want it.Maybe I should just tell my roommate to move into an apartment with one of the friends that needs a place, but I don’t want to make her mad.I have already created a rift between us with my note.I feel like I am being a little bit selfish with all the MY HOUSE, MY MORTGAGE, MY BILLS talk that I have been doing as of late.

I think I have the following options:

Continue the strained relationship with roommate and wait for her to move out ( I have a feeling she is probably already looking for a new place);

Tell my roommate, we had a good two-year run, but I think you need to move out;
Apologize, tell her she can have whoever she wants move in, and just suck up the lack of comfort and privacy;

Apologize, try to explain where I am coming from in a better manner and hope she will understand or move out.

Basically, I have been exercising Option 1 for the entire time this situation has been going on, and at this point Option 2 is what I would really like to happen, but I’d settle for Option 4.But how can I bring this up again when I rarely see her and we have been communicating in notes for the past month?

What would you do in this situation?

Signed,
House on the Hill

Dear Hill,

Well, given that I would own the house, I’d grow a set of balls and tell roommate that she is not the landlord and she does not make decisions that affect whether you can make your note.”Again, I don’t have much of a choice in this matter because” what now?”Choice”?YOU OWN THE HOUSE!

Your roommate is leaving you notes, you’re taking over her half of the utilities…I have to tell you, after a while my eyes glazed over and I just stopped reading.You.Own.The house.You make the rules.You are the landlord.If your roommate can’t afford to stay there, she needs to find another place to live.If her friends have nowhere to stay, you are sorry about that, but unless it has been cleared with you — until you have met them, gotten a deposit, and given your permission for them to live in a home which, might I remind you yet again, you own — nobody comes to stay.Guests staying longer than a week will also require your permission.Period.No exceptions.If she doesn’t like it, she can go on Craigslist and make other arrangements.

You should not have told this girl dick without getting it in writing; she is your tenant.If she wants to guilt-trip you because you finally stood up for yourself and stopped letting her treat the house like an SRO, that’s up to her, but you need to put rules in place, put them in writing, and have her agree to them — and enforce them.If you can’t do that, you need to not have tenants.Your mortgage and your bills are not petty matters about which you are being “selfish”; they are financial realities, and they are your problem to solve.Your roommate has exploited her friendship with you and your innate unwillingness to exert a backbone, and now she’s pissy because you’re fed up?Tough.Housing costs money.She and her friends need to learn that.

Lay it out for her: no more unapproved tenants, no more utility welfare, no more fucking notes on your bed.These are the rules; she can honor them or leave.End of story.She gets mad and leaves, well, that’s baseball, because: it’s your house.

Howdy Sars,

So here’s the background: I’m a member of lower middle management (no, that’s not the issue today. But ha.). I have a group of six people below me, and we all get along enough to do our job. While I am technically their boss, we all do the same things during our workday; many times I am in charge and they are the minions, but the roles are reversed some days to avoid burnout or due to staffing issues.

Now here’s the issue: Since our job is nights and weekends, we tend to go out after work sometimes and have a drink, as many of our daytime friends are either asleep or already drunk when we walk out the door after midnight. Which isn’t a big deal. We get along, like I said. A couple of them have become friends due to common interests, a couple are more acquaintance-like, the others…I’m friendly to them because we work together, but that’s it.

One of the people that falls into the final category is T. He doesn’t realize it, but T is “that guy” — talks over the top of you, doesn’t know when to shut up, chews with his mouth open, I could go on and on. You know, that guy. We have issues with T that we have tried to address, but he gets whiny and petulant, thinks we hate him and then doesn’t do his work (which we need him to do, as we are short-staffed to begin with). It’s a vicious circle. Anyway, T joins us when we go to a certain bar after work and continues his assault of annoyance for another two hours.

Recently, T asked me a personal question both as his “friend” (his word, not mine) and as his “boss” about personal finances. In that his were miserable, and he was trying to figure out how to stem a rising tide in credit-card debt — which I’m convinced is mostly due to the fact that he goes out five nights a week and is part of this incredibly silly poker rage (again, another question for another time). I have kept this silent to everyone else, but explained to him how I am working my way out of plastic debt as well and what I did to remedy it. He thanked me for the advice and that was that.

Fast forward to about a month ago. T invited me to go out and have a couple of beers on our night off, and I met him out. When we got there, he then said, “Hey can you buy my beer tonight? I’m a little short on cash.” Needless to say, I was nonplussed, but I decided I would buy him a couple, and then just go back home, as I was also a little light in the wallet due to an unexpected bill. I did that, everything was good. Fast forward to the next time we were out…same question. I told him I could not pay for him that night because I didn’t have the cash. So he asks another co-worker to pay for it — right in front of me, while saying that I can’t buy his drinks.

According to other people I know at the bar, this has been going on for some time. T buys one or two beers (at $2 apiece) at most, then gets everyone else to pay for the rest — and T is not a cheap date, even here with Southern beer prices. And he’s still going out five nights each week and still playing poker (I know because he boasts every time he wins).

And finally, the question: How do I tell this guy that a) if you can’t afford to come out, stay home, b) I won’t buy him diddly-poo any more, and c) I will do everything I can to make sure he doesn’t take free drinks from anyone else I know. If I wasn’t his boss, I’d tell him all that straight up and walk off. But I can’t, as I fear it will come off as a boss thing and not a person-to-person mandate. Suggestions? Intervention? Should I get someone from outside our workplace to tell him this? Help?

Thanks,
Put Your Beer on My Tab, Unless You’re an Ass

Dear Beer,

I don’t think any of those statements except b) is really yours to make.The mooching is lame, but it’s not really on you to make people who aren’t aware of it aware of it, or to police the people who are aware, but keep buying him drinks anyway.The only thing you can really do is to tell him pointedly that, if he wants to hang out and have drinks, he should bring enough money, and perhaps he wouldn’t have an issue in this area if he budgeted a bit better.Beyond that, just leave it.

Yes, it’s tacky that he’s taking advantage of other people, or trying to, and that he’s not getting that, if you lose your budge at the poker table, it’s nobody else’s problem but yours.But it’s also not up to you to make him get it, except as it regards you.Refuse to buy him drinks; hope everyone else starts doing the same, off your example; try to chat with other people while you’re out so he doesn’t annoy you, and if he is annoying you, ask him not to interrupt you and to chew with his mouth closed.If he elects to get petulant at that point, go elsewhere, and if it seeps into his work, reprimand him for it, but you don’t have to police/manage his every interaction.Just stick to the ones that either irritate you personally, or affect his work.

[8/29/06]

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