The Vine: August 3, 2006
Been dealing with large boobs, broad shoulders and a small rib cage my whole life (seriously; bras in the third grade), trying to find a happy medium between porn star and pregnant (shirts cut larger skate right off the front of the boobs and make me look either very overweight, or very overdue). And I really, really like to wear button-downs, which poses the gappage-at-the-cleavage problem too.
So, my solutions:
– Buying men’s shirts and having them altered to fit my frame — a good tailor can put in darts and create a nice feminine line
– Amazingly enough, button-down shirts at NY&Co have been fitting me well, as well as Bebe, which seems to cut for the larger-chested individual
– V-neck v-neck v-neck. Or scoop neck. Not too trashy low, but not Hanes barely-a-V either. I’ve noticed if the V hits the top of the cleavage or just below, the apparent size of my breasts is dramatically and flatteringly reduced while still being day-time appropriate.
Got Sick of “Can You Touch Your Elbows Behind Your Back” When I Was 10
Dear Elbows,
Thanks for the tips. Other suggestions appear below; ones I got more than once are asterisked.
Pin elastic inside the back of the shirt for a gathered effect
LL Bean’s pima cotton crewneck
bravissimo.com/bravissimo for specially sized tops*
Scoop-neck tank tops layered under button-downs you already own*
Lands End tunic-length tank tops*
www.rebeccaanddrew.com (check the sale section)*
The Solutions line
Wrap tops
www.milkface.com (it’s Canadian)*
www.motherhoodnursing.com*
Urban Outfitters’ Sparkle tank tops
Urban Outfitters’ Charlotte tees*
American Apparel shirts
J. Crew
Ann Taylor Loft
motherwear.com*
espressiva.com
glamourmom.com*
www.onehotmama.com
H&M’s basic v-neck
In Due Time nursing camisole
Forever 21 tank tops — or some other cheap brand, since your boobs won’t stay this size forever*
Champion t-shirts
Sars,
I have a grammar question regarding the use of a/an. I was taught in school that it’s pretty straightforward: if the word following begins with a vowel sound, you use “an,” and otherwise it’s “a.” However, I’ve occasionally seen words starting with an H preceded by “an.” (For example, “an historical document.”) Is this correct usage? If so, do you know what the reasoning behind this exception is?
A Somewhat Less Informed Sara(h)
Dear Less,
Garner has a fairly long note on this in the very first entry of the DMAU, which boils down to this: “an” before an initial “h” is generally considered an outdated affectation, unless you customary pronounce initial “h”s weakly. Otherwise, “a” is called for.
Hi Sars,
I have a problem. Quite simply, my friend has turned into Snow White’s stepmother on crack. “Carrie” and I have been friends for many years and we still get along great and enjoy hanging out. For a long time Carrie had a weight problem, but lately she’s been working out a lot and she’s losing weight and looking much better and healthier. This is all wonderful. The problem is that Carrie’s behavior has changed even more radically than her looks. She has become the single vainest person I know.
I’m not talking about simply stealing glances in every mirror we pass or refusing to leave the house without make-up on. No, no, no. I get several emails from Carrie per week, with photos of her attached that she took of herself with her digital camera, with subject lines like, “Look how cute I am!” and “Don’t I look fantastic in this hat?” Sars, she’s not being sarcastic or funny. She’s absolutely serious.
When we chat on the phone it’s all about her. She’s actually cuts me off mid-sentence, when I’m telling her something about my life, in order to turn the conversation back to her. I’m starting to dread getting phone calls from her and I don’t even bother opening the photos attached to the emails anymore.
When we’re out with friends, she’s constantly strutting and saying things like, “Look at my pedicure! Don’t my feet look cute in these shoes?” and “Doesn’t my ass look great in these jeans?” When someone says something nice about my outfit or hair or something, she gasps and says, “Well, what about me? You didn’t tell me how nice I look!”
If she has a cute hairstyle or fabulous shoes, I love to tell her about it. I can be quite gushy in my praise when it’s something I really like, but it’s exhausting to be forced to compliment someone, especially as often as Carrie seems to need it. She always did have some vain tendencies and a need to be the center of attention, but it was never like this. I’m thinking she couldn’t possibly realize how obnoxious she’s being. But does it follow that I should open her eyes to it? She’s also got a pretty fragile ego and I don’t think she’d react well to hearing that I think she’s practically material for a Carly Simon song.
So, am I overreacting? Is this one of those times where your friend is being a bit of a jackass but you love her so you just shut your mouth and deal with it? Because if I could be sure this was just a phase, I could suck it up and weather the storm. But if this is how it’s going to be for the rest of our lives, forget it.
Signed,
Well, I know who YOU think is the fairest of them all…
Dear Mirror,
Well, it might just be a phase. People who are not used to thinking that they have reason to preen have to make adjustments when that seems to change, so if it’s only been a month or two, you might just sort of set a time limit on it for yourself, and let her have her moment until that time expires. Her head might deflate on its own.
But the interrupting and the spotlight-hogging should be brought to her attention — not in a general “your vanity is obnoxious” way, which is just going to make her defensive, but in a way that draws her attention to the specific incidents. “Carrie, I was talking.” “Carrie, can’t I have a compliment paid to me?” “Carrie, this subject is important to me, and now I feel like you don’t care.” Ignore the emailed photos completely; if she asks why, gently tell her, and gently start correcting her when she’s all “Mom! Mom! Look, I’m doing a headstand!”
I doubt that she realizes how tiresome this behavior has become, and it’s great that she feels good about herself, so you don’t have to be too blunt about it, but if certain behaviors are starting to make you want to avoid her, she should be told about those behaviors and given a chance to rein them in.
[8/3/06]
Tags: Ask The Readers friendships grammar retail
