The Vine: August 7, 2001
Dearest Sars:
I’ve just started a new job as a technical writer/editor/marketing coordinator/queen of all I survey. One of the tasks I’ve been given by my new boss is to explore a better web presence and design a useful website for the company (it’s very small). Yay me! This is exactly the direction I want to go with my career, and I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to do this. My problem, though, is one of my co-workers (let’s call him Competitive Territorial Man).
Our office is split into two separate spaces. CTM was working on a project in one office while still “maintaining” a cubicle in the other office. When I was hired, my boss gave me a computer and a cube — CTM’s unused space. Short of actually pissing in the corners, CTM made it Very Clear that my presence in that space was Temporary, and was kind of a jerk about getting his stuff out so I could settle in (case in point: he would come in, drop his coat, briefcase, and lunch in my cube, then bugger off to the other office for THE ENTIRE DAY, save when he came at lunch, or needed to check his personal email on my computer, regardless of what I was working on). CTM is also the self-appointed Great Knower Of All Computer Things in the office (and has ostensibly dorked up everyone’s computer at some point — some beyond repair). Now he’s taken it upon himself to design a website for the company, becuase he “just thought of doing it this morning,” and has jumped into the marketing materials I maintain on my computer (we have file sharing, not a server) to facilitate his plan. Theoretically, all work-related files are open to everyone so I can’t really pitch a fit about that, but I’ve been working on this project for weeks and I feel a bit violated.
Now, I really, REALLY want to do this web thing, and my boss did ask me to take care of it. What I don’t want is to get into a pissing match with CTM, or stoop to his childish competitive level. Would it be better, do you think, to carry on with the assignment I was given and hope that my results simply outshine his? Take it to the boss now, before I get cheated out of this thing I really want to do? Give up the reins entirely? I’m a grown-up, and I should be able to handle this without trauma, but I’m really feeling like someone just stole my lollipop.
Gah!
Caught in a Web
Dear Caught,
Ask your boss for a ten-minute meeting. Mention, in as colorlessly curious a tone as possible, that CTM has begun working on a web project for the company under his own steam, and ask what your boss would like you to do from here — team up with CTM on that? Continue doing your own work, taking what suggestions of CTM’s you see fit? Tell CTM to mind his own?
I can tell you’d prefer not to work with CTM, but what matters here isn’t CTM’s puerile tendency to whip it out; it’s what your boss wants done with your company’s online presence. Make that your priority, and make the fact that you’ve done so clear to your boss. Follow your boss’s lead, and let CTM fall where he may.
Dear Sars,
I am a huge fan of your work here, as well as at MBTV. Since you dish out great advice, I was hoping for a helping of it for myself.
I have been engaged and living with a great guy for over a year now. Kevin and I get along well and have many of the same goals for the future. I graduated from college last year, and he will graduate next May. We are both excited about his graduation, because it will allow us to move out of town. While we both love the university where we first met, the rest of town is not to our liking. My fiancé is an engineering major and wants to specialize in the aerospace industry, which limits the areas where we could settle. While I understand this, I feel like he thinks that means he gets to choose where we live. My field is in science, and he says it will be easier for me to find a job in a place where he already has a job, rather than the other way around. This may be true in some instances, but I also plan to go to graduate school. I would like to move to a place where that is an option for me. In addition, he would like to move to the L.A. area, even though he knows I really dislike it there. I honestly think it’s because some of his family lives there, rather than the career opportunities.
I am willing to compromise, but this is a big decision that I think we should make together. Soon, he will start sending résumés off to companies, and I fear that he will not even attempt to find a job in one of my first-choice cities. I really love him, but this is beginning to become a problem. When I try to talk about it, he tells me it’s a while off, and we’ll have to wait and see what offers come in. As much as I want him to have a successful career, I think my job opportunities should factor in too. Am I overreacting? How can we handle this so that both our needs are taken into consideration?
Thanks,
L.A. Loather
Dear Loather,
You said you’ve tried to talk to Kevin about it. Try harder. Point out that, every time he tables the discussion, it gives you the uncomfortable feeling that he doesn’t care what you think in the first place. If he protests that that’s not true, zing him with, “What if I don’t want to move to L.A.?” and if that doesn’t get a response, follow up with, “What if I won’t move to L.A.?” You’ve got to get his attention and make him deal with the situation.
Yes, it’s “a while off,” but when one of you does get a job offer, you’ll have to make that decision quickly, and you need to prepare for that process together. Set aside an evening to do just that. Sit down with him and make three lists — where you’d most like to live in a perfect world; where you’d most likely get a job in your field; where you absolutely do not want to live if you can possibly help it. Have him make the same lists. Talk about what happens if one of you gets a can’t-miss opportunity in a place the other one hates. Discuss who’s going to make the sacrifices, and when, and for how long, and under what circumstances.
It might come down to moving to L.A. with him and resenting it, or not moving and losing him, but don’t get ahead of yourself. Find out from him if you can’t structure things in a way that lets him get a foothold in his industry, and then allows the two of you to move somewhere that doesn’t suck after a year, or two, or five — or vice versa.
I mean, I wouldn’t move to L.A. if they sent a chartered jet to get me, but I don’t have a fiancé either. You both have to make compromises here, but you can’t compromise on something he refuses to discuss at length. He’s in denial. Force his hand, and soon.
[8/7/01]
Tags: boys (and girls) workplace
