The Vine: August 9, 2002
Hey there Sars! I’ve been reading your site for a while now and find you very astute, and very funny. I’m hoping that you can help me with another usage question…
A while ago, a friend and I were discussing people’s bad grammar and usage (it’s a pet peeve of mine as well) and we started discussing the difference between “nauseous” and “nauseating/nauseated.” He insisted that “I feel nauseous” is incorrect, and that it should be “nauseated” instead. I’m sure I’m not the only one that uses it in that way; I hear people do it all the time. So my question is, what is correct? How do I correctly define and express my ultimate desire to upchuck using the correct verbiage?
Sincerely,
Stuck on the Proverbial Merry-Go-Round
Dear Stuck,
It’s my understanding that neither “nauseous” nor “nauseated” is incorrect. Let’s go to the videotape.
The 10C’s definition of “nauseous” is as follows: “1: causing nausea or disgust : NAUSEATING 2 : affected with nausea or disgust.” Then there’s a (rather exasperated-sounding) usage note, to wit: “Those who insist that nauseous can properly be used only in sense 1 and that in sense 2 it is an error for nauseated are mistaken.”
For years, I myself have insisted that other incorrectly conflated “nauseous” and “nauseated,” confusing the agent (“nauseous”) with the object (“nauseated”), and have pretentiously made a point of saying “nauseated.” But nothing in the 10C entries indicates that “nauseous” is incorrect — or that it’s a result of inexact usage creeping into the language, either. It’s never been wrong, from what I can tell.
You learn something new every day, I guess. Anyway, short answer: Your friend’s wrong.
Oh Sars,
I am so disappointed. “Not necessarily life-threatening”? Having lost three of my friends in high school in three separate drug- and/or alcohol-related events, I beg to differ. Madam President should talk to Mary and if she does not listen, then she should run, not walk, to the parents of the girl in question. She may lose a friend in this situation, but better a live ex-friend than a dead friend.
Drugs and alcohol are very serious and should not be messed around with at their age. They are young and stupid enough as it is without complicating the situation.
Former President and Alumnae of the Good Girl Club
Dear Former,
Okay, first of all…it’s “alumna,” singular.
Second of all, while I sympathize with your losses, hundreds of thousands of kids “mess around with” drugs and alcohol at that age and come out of it just fine, and I’ve got to tell you, your dismissal of high-school students as “young and stupid enough” isn’t doing a lot to win me over to your point of view. Yeah, 16-year-olds do dumb crap. So do 40-year-olds. Talking down to them like they don’t know any better isn’t a plan known for its sure-fire effectiveness.
And third of all, ratting out a kid like that to an authority figure just doesn’t work. I’ve seen it unfold a dozen times, and generally speaking, if she’s going through something and partying to take care of it, she doesn’t want to — and won’t — hear it from the folks in charge. She’ll nod and smile and look wan and assure them she’ll change, and then she’ll just drink and toke more. It’s not an age where well-meaning interference is received as such.
As I said in my original response, it’s not the booze and pot that would worry me; it’s the about-face from the way Mary used to view those things. Madam President should absolutely talk to Mary and express her concern, but in a way that expresses support and understanding, not that delivers a PSA.
I don’t endorse underage drinking or drug use by any means, but if people want to live their lives a certain way, you can’t necessarily stop them. Sometimes you just have to let them know they’ve got back-up and then get out of the way.
Dear Sars,
Greetings from a loyal reader in sunny Florida! Sure, it’s sunny…except for that monstrous cloud looming over my head. It’s my own damn fault, and here’s how it got there:
I am 19 years old and engaged. My fiancé, Chuck, and I have our ups and downs, like everyone, I suppose. We don’t really have “big” fights, and have been apart for only twelve days in four years together. We’ll have spurts of this pure, intense love, followed by a few days of sniping and bitching. Also, some of his habits (that I couldn’t stand to begin with) have gotten worse. Despite this, I do love him.
A friend at work and I have been interested in each other for quite some time now, and we’ve started seeing each other here and there, once or twice a week outside of work. My fiancé was being particularly annoying last Saturday, so when he went off to work, my friend (we’ll call him “Brian”) and I went out. We ended up going back to his place and having sex.
My friends say I should tell Chuck; my family says to wait and see what happens. If it was a one-time thing, a mistake, I should let it go. However, my mom says that if things look like they could get more serious with Brian, “now would be the time to change, before we get married.”
Brian and I have really hit it off, and he’s all the things Chuck isn’t…he’s like a breath of fresh air. But then there’s the nagging voice. And we all know what that says.
You know it’s coming…what do you think?
Two good to be true
Dear Two Good,
Does the voice say, “Dump Chuck and get your shit together, little girl”? Because it should. You fucked another guy because your fiancé “annoyed” you; that’s not what I’d call a hallmark of the maturity required to conduct an adult relationship.
You got together with Chuck at age fifteen. Neither of you has had any room to grow, and at your age, a lot changes in four years. You don’t know yourself, you don’t know how to deal with the ups and downs of Chuck, you don’t know what you want from a life partner, and you need to get all that straighter than string before you walk up an aisle and commit yourself to a man.
You fucked up big-time, and it’s going to hurt Chuck, but you can still do the right thing here. Tell Chuck what happened, apologize for hurting him, and let him go — for his own good, and for yours. Assess the situation; use it to figure out what you want and what you don’t want, and how you want to treat people in the future (read: better than you’ve treated Chuck).
But whatever you do, don’t marry Chuck. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Tags: boys (and girls) friendships grammar
