Hi!

Since most of my friends are by now bored with hearing the same whining from me all the time, it is your turn now.

I don’t have sex. That really bothers me. The last time I had some kind of sex was about 18 months ago, and that didn’t really count. (I only gave him a blowjob. He told me I was the first woman who did that voluntarily, go figure.)

So I am getting a bit desperate. Not because I am horny, but because I feel kind of worthless. I don’t think that I am ugly or something, but being tall and not thin obviously is not what most men want.

It is not that I don’t get to know any men; most of my closer friends are men, but they either see me as their big sister or I am “one of the boys.” At the moment the whole situation gets more than usual on my nerves, because two of my friends fell in love this week and told me all about it, and my best friend tells me all the time I need to find anyone to have sex with before the year ends.

(Okay, there is one man who would love to end that misery, but he lives hundreds of miles away, and works about 60 hours a week, so we won’t meet any time soon, and I have no talent for phone sex.)

Any ideas?

Unsexy in Germany

Dear Unsexy,

Speaking as a woman who has not gotten laid since God wore short pants, I can sympathize with your plight.It seems sometimes like everyone on earth is getting some except you, and it gets kind of annoying after a while.

But.You can’t value yourself as a person based on whether you’ve gotten a leg over lately.Sure, sex is an important and worthy part of life; sure, we all like to feel wanted and desirable.There’s nothing wrong with getting irritated at your sexless state now and then.But there’s more to life, and you’ve lost sight of that…and it’s painfully obvious.Your desperation is palpable, and it’s working against you.

You’re enduring a booty drought.It happens to everyone, so just accept it and do your thing until a man comes along.A man always comes along.While you wait, buy a vibrator.Read a novel; read a bunch of novels.Go to the zoo.Ask yourself why you compare yourself so unfavorably to your friends in terms of your sex lives, and why you assume that men won’t like “tall and not thin” (and that that’s your problem and not theirs somehow), and why you let your so-called best friend say dumb unsupportive crap to you about just sleeping with any old person just so you can say you had sex.

The booty drought is like a difficult crossword puzzle.When you get stuck, you just have to put it down and go do something else for a while.

[12/29/00]

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