Dear Sars,

I have a question for you, in your infinite grammatical wisdom.I was talking to My Uncle Who Was In Star Wars and My Uncle The Journalist this week (sorry, I only found out about the former a few days ago and am still excited).They wanted to know if “anathema” took an article — I said yes —
and, if so, were there any other examples of this in English? Your assistance would be much appreciated; this mental block is anathema to me.

Fledgling Pedant

Dear Fledgling,

Hmm.Well, my first instinct is to say no, it doesn’t take an article.You disagree — but you’ve used it correctly in your letter, i.e. without an article.So I don’t think you’re using “article” correctly, actually (an article is “a,” “an,” “the,” et cetera).I think you mean to ask whether it takes a preposition.

Let’s take it from the top with the definition.Webster’s 9C defines “anathema” as “one that is cursed by ecclesiastical authority,” or as the curse itself.The way we usually use it, it means “one that is intensely disliked : something or someone odious.”Interesting that the primary definitions call for “anathema” to refer to a person, not a thing or set of ideas; you learn something new every day.

But “anathema” is often used in a way that implies it’s synonymous with the pop-cult use of “kryptonite.”It isn’t, not exactly.Kryptonite is anathema to Superman, of course, but General Zod is also anathema to Superman without being kryptonite (although he may use kryptonite in the pursuit of his anathematic status).In other words, it’s not the same as “nemesis,” although it’s often taken to mean “nemesis.”It’s also often used in a parallel fashion to “nadir,” where the odiousness in “anathema” is analogous to the lowness in “nadir.”That’s not quite right either.”Anathema” isn’t the most odious; it’s just odious.

As to whether it takes an article — Garner has no comment on “anathema.”The 9C doesn’t say one way or the other.There’s no specific “Usage Note.”The example they provide, however, supports my contention that the word doesn’t take an article (“ideas that are anathema to him”).It’s worth noting that the frequent usage “it’s like anathema to him” is incorrect.If it’s like anathema, then…it’s anathema.

So, it doesn’t take an article.Does it take a preposition?It can, but it doesn’t have to.Raisins can be anathema to me, or they can just be anathema; it depends on which sense of the word you want.The former implies that I can’t stand raisins, which is accurate; the latter implies that raisins are a curse, which is, to my mind, also accurate.

I can’t think of any nouns off the top of my head that require a preposition, but no doubt they exist.Many nouns imply a preposition, even if it’s not stated, i.e. “gratitude for,” but that’s more a question we ask about verbs.

I’ve probably raised more questions than I answered, but there you go.Short form: No, it doesn’t take an article, and yes, English has other nouns like it (viz. “kryptonite”).

Hi Sars, here’s one for the Vine.

I have been married for over two years to my wonderful guy and recently found myself pregnant. Surprise! Except not really. We had discussed having children and I knew eventually we would have one. Truthfully, the events of Sept. 11 ran away with my head (“I want to give you a child before you die!”) and before I knew it, the VERY FIRST TIME we had sex without birth control, I got pregnant.

It’s not that I’m unhappy about being pregnant. But I didn’t have, and am still not having, the overjoyed reaction you would expect from an expectant mother. In fact, I am majorly freaked out. It is still early yet, but I find myself seriously having problems coping with the idea. I feel reasonably confident that a lot of this is hormones, and the element of surprise (except not really), and with the continued support of my awesome husband I feel sure I’ll come around. I’ve got nine months to get used to the idea, right?

My problem is this: My husband is ecstatically excited and the type of person who can’t keep a secret. Therefore, he has told his entire family, who is also ecstatically excited and unable to keep a secret. Before you know it, with the holidays coming up, his entire extended family will be congratulating me, hugging me, and quizzing me endlessly about birth plans and nursery themes.

I don’t want to sound like an ingrate or an emotional cripple, as these people are genuine and sincerely happy for us. But I am seriously not ready for these types of discussions with ANYONE, let alone people I see only twice a year. I myself am still getting used to the idea, and I feel cornered into this role of being the happy and glowing expectant mom, and pressured into providing all this information to people. Do you know how very nosy women can be about your personal life when you’re pregnant? Your bathroom habits, your sex life, the size and condition of your breasts and ass? I do, and I’ve been pregnant all of six weeks. All of a sudden my private life and body are up for discussion, as if I am suddenly a different person, and I AM NOT. Except for this minor mental freak-out which is making me more sensitive than usual, I am the exact same person I have always been.

My question is this: How can I make it through the holidays with my husband’s family without suffering a complete emotional breakdown? How can I make them understand that they need to treat me as they always have, like a human being, not like some unthinking, unfeeling brood mare for their son/brother? I have always had interesting, enlightening conversations with his family, and now I have nightmares that it will be baby talk 24-7. How can I gently steer the conversation away from the state of my body without looking strange or putting people off?

Thanks, Sars. I appreciate it.
Eventual Mom

Dear Mom,

Congratulations!

Okay, first of all, just caaaaaalm down.Pregnancy is a big deal and a lot of changes all at once, and everyone has opinions about pregnant women that they feel duty-bound to share, and you’ve got all the in-laws butting into your stretch-mark business when you can’t even keep a soda cracker down, and it gets old — but the “unthinking, unfeeling brood mare” thing?That’s all you.Don’t project that fear onto them before it’s warranted.Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that they mean well.

With that said — well, when you decided to get pregnant, you let yourself in for endless prattling about cribs and car seats and family names.It comes with the territory.I agree with you that, often, people reduce pregnant women to the sum of the contents of their wombs, particularly in conversation, like they don’t still watch TV and have opinions on anything besides ultrasound procedures, and it’s ignorant and short-sighted, not to mention kind of sexist…but again, that’s part of the package.

Continue breathing deeply and reminding yourself that these people have the best intentions.When they start in with the “yellow’s a good color for the baby’s room” and the “so, you’re nursing, right?” and the “Joshua’s a nice name — it’s such-and-so’s middle name” and the blah blah blah, just smile and say you haven’t decided yet, and change the subject.If they keep on with the “but what if it’s a girl” and blah, repeat that you haven’t decided yet, and change the subject.Smile.Keep your tone even.Just keep smiling and changing the subject.

If the questions get more personal, employ the Miss Manners gold standard — a polite “Why do you want to know?”If they have questions about what goes on at the OB or the changes in your body or any other nosy thing that’s not their business, smile, ask why it concerns them, listen to them stammer, tell them they don’t need to worry about that, and change the subject.If you don’t feel comfortable sharing that information, you don’t need to.Just smile, tell them politely not to concern themselves with it, and — sing it with me if you know the words — change the subject.

I know it’s a pain in the ass, but once you decide to have a child, everyone else in the world decides to have an opinion, out loud, and expects you to take serious note of it.It’s irritating and rude, but you can’t do anything about it, and it’s not going to stop once the baby’s born, or in kindergarten, or in high school.Learn to parry gracefully, and learn not to let it bother you.

[12/4/01]

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