The Vine: February 14, 2001
Sars,
My problem is either with my roommate or with myself. I am counting on you to help me decide.
Let me start out by saying I am a big fan of “unrealistic” entertainment. My favorite TV shows: The X-Files (well, before it SUCKED) and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel, because David B. is hot *ahem*). I like action movies and romance novels. I only like “chick” flicks when they are cheesy and predictable.
“How exactly is that a problem?” I am not really sure. I wouldn’t think it was a problem, except for my roommate’s reaction to all that I enjoy. She constantly comment on the books I read (she prefers Oprah Book Club books and poetry) and the shows I watch (she likes Oprah and Once & Again) and Goddess forbid that I try to pick a video at the Blockbuster (do I really want to spend my Saturday night watching Snow Falling On Cedars? NO!). I cannot sit through an episode of Buffy without at least three eyes rolls and a “puleeze!” coming from across the room.
I have stated several times that this bothers me, and her response is always that I need more “culture” in my life and I should stop using my entertainment to “escape.” Uh, isn’t that what entertainment is supposed to do? I spent four (okay, five!) years in college and I enjoy learning. I have also lived a rather hectic and sometimes depressing life. Is it wrong that when I have free time, I want to spend it doing things that I enjoy and that take my mind off the everyday?
The worst part is that I am beginning to feel guilty when I “indulge” in my favorite entertainment. I love my roommate and she is one of my best friends, but I hate that she makes me doubt myself and feel guilty like that. Is she right? Do I need more culture in my life? Am I a loser because I don’t like to learn and grow all the time? Am I a dork that needs to grow up?
Okay, that is more than one question. More like a tomato plant than just one vine. Answer some of it or none of it. At least I feel a little better having put the question out there!
Thanks,
Amber
Dear Amber,
This isn’t a question of right and wrong. You have your tastes; your roommate has hers. Period. I’d hand her a book on manners and tell her that Oprah recommended it, but then, I don’t have to live with the girl, so I’d suggest ignoring her as best you can.
If ignoring her doesn’t work — and from the sounds of it, it hasn’t so far, since she continues to harangue you with her “superior” cultural preferences — suggest a compromise. You’ll try some things she likes: you’ll watch a few pretentious movies, you’ll go to a museum with her, you’ll sit through an episode of Once & Again now and then. But in return, she’s got to cram the Oprah evangelizing and the comments during Buffy. Unless you guys live in a studio, there’s no reason she can’t just shrug and leave the room to do something else, something she views as Culturally Worthy, for awhile.
In any case, don’t let her indictments of your taste get to you. Oprah isn’t exactly highbrow either, and by reading all of O’s book selections, your roommate is “escaping” have any opinions of her own, so don’t take it so seriously.
Tags: etiquette roommates
