The Vine: February 15, 2001
You might recommend both friends [from the 2/13/01 letter] read The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin De Becker. There might be some parts that could be construed as “blame the victim,” but the main message is listen to your fears, as they might be well-founded.
An Upstate Reader (but former city girl)
Dear Upstate,
I’ve read that book myself, and it’s an excellent primer on dealing with stalkers and other unwanted attention — click here to pick up a copy. It’s well worth the seven bucks and a well-written read.
With that said…I have trouble believing that the woman is a “stalker” in the classic sense of the word, since the husband seems loath to discourage her. I think there’s something else going on there, and in any case, the author wanted to know how she could get the wife off her back about it.
Hey there,
Another little opinion from yours truly. Etiquette is one thing, but Bandit
DID get there first. It would have been considerate of her to share, but it seems to me that the Swishy Coat Woman was in the wrong on this one. She was being completely obnoxious, when she could have, as you pointed out, asked. But since Bandit had the armrest before Swishy even showed up, it’s kind of hers to share or not. She staked out the territory first, as I see it. Personally, I HATE sitting in a theater next to someone I don’t know. I usually make my husband sit on one side and my son on the other to avoid strange people elbowing me in the ribs. If I can’t do that, all of our coats get a seat. I know it’s pretty rude, but I have yet to go to a movie where there was not one seat left for the obnoxious lady to sit in, away from me!
I don’t go opening night, for that very reason.
Call me bitchy, but I think Bandit should have dumped a tub of popcorn on Swishy and kicked her in the knee. Then pointed to the armrest offered to armwrestle her for it.
Tracey
Dear Tracey,
Here’s the thing — none of us walks the earth alone. You go out in public, you have to make nice, even with the idiots. Armrest Bandit had half an armrest on the other side, and where I come from, that means you cede the other armrest to the other person, or at the very least ask them, politely, if you can share.
As for your coats-getting-a-seat thing…you’re not Elvis. I don’t love sitting next to strangers with the loud chewing and the squirming about either, but there are simple solutions to these problems: ask them nicely to knock it off with the elbow merengue; stay home and rent a movie; sit in the front row where nobody else wants to sit.
I apologize for singling you out, but it is a pet peeve of mine when people behave the same way at the movie theater as they do at home. You aren’t entitled to anything just because you showed up.
Tags: etiquette
