Hi Sars,

So my mom was at our city’s animal services department getting licenses for her two cats, when a guy comes up teary-eyed, saying he needs to give up his two cats, as neither he nor his elderly mother can take care of them.

When my mother heard that they’d be euthanized that day if he left them there, she decided to adopt them on the spot, thinking that she might be able to find a home for them, or gradually get her cats accustomed to them and keep them herself. She just couldn’t stand the idea of these two cats dying. They are gorgeous, healthy-seeming cats. One is a two-year-old female. The other is her kitten, a male, who is eight months old. Neither are fixed.

So my mom brings them home and sets them up in her room, with food, water, litter and things to play with. The cats immediately hide. We figured that they would calm down a bit once they got used to the new environment, but it’s been over a week and a half, and it’s only gotten worse.They now basically live in my mother’s armoire, cringing in fear when you approach to talk to them, pet them or try to play with them. As far as we know, they only come out to eat and use the litter box, and never when anyone’s in the room.

Not having ever been exposed to a situation where adult cats are brought into a new home, I’m not sure what’s causing this behaviour, whether it’s normal, and whether there is any chance the situation will improve.

Complicating matters is my mom’s seven-year-old male cat, who despite having two wonky hind legs is extremely dominant and aggressive. Every once in awhile, he’ll sit on the other side of the bedroom door and hiss.

Given the way these cats came into my mom’s life, we don’t know much about their past. Their behaviour certainly seems consistent with abuse or some other traumatic event, but there are no outward signs of injuries or neglect. In fact, they seem to be in the peak of health (although a vet visit, shots and spaying and neutering are definitely going to have to happen soon).

When I’m at my mom’s house, it’s unbelievably sad to know that there are these terrified creatures, leading this isolated, Flowers In The Attic-style existence in the other room. I’d like to help my mom socialize them, but I’m not sure what can be done. Any suggestions from you or your more cat-savvy readers would be most appreciated.

Hello? Kitty?

Dear Kitty,

For the record, the cats should probably have gone to the vet first, before your mom brought them home. Not that the guy wasn’t telling the truth, but if his aging mother can’t care for the cats, it’s not likely she arranged for their shots — and given how poorly habituated to humans they sound, it’s possible that the story is horseshit and he trapped them under a porch and brought them in feral.

You can’t know, is the point, so I wouldn’t wait around for them to drop their guards. Get into battle gear, catch them, and bring them in for full work-ups as soon as possible.

Once you get them to the vet, s/he will have some insight for you; vets see all different kinds of cats from all different situations, and can give you a better read on whether these cats have in fact lived with people before. Some cats will resist any attempts at befriendment or ass-kissing by prolonging the hiding period (see: the Hobe), but even Orange Crank will come out after a day or two if he hears words that rhyme with “treats,” so ten days suggests to me that either they have no idea how to behave around you, or the other cat is freaking them out and needs to be kept even further away, if that’s possible.

Sometimes you just have to leave them be until they decide it’s time to come out, but again, even a week seems like too long for a socialized animal.Keep in mind too that hiding can indicate a go-to-ground response to illness, which is all the more reason to glove up and get them to a vet pronto.

If they are feral, the vet can advise your mom on strategies for acclimating them, but that process can take months (and involve serious biting) — and it may never take. Not all cats want people (see: Hobey) (heh), so I urge you both not to take it personally, and to think about the possibility that, while the cats might live with your mom, they may not be able to function as pets in the traditional, non-adversarial sense.

Hi Sars,

I have an ethical/manners question that I need some advice on.I graduated from law school in May 2007.Recently when doing a thorough apartment cleaning, I found an opened envelope with a “Congratulations!” card from my great-aunt, which included a $50 check.Obviously, I never cashed it.I don’t remember whether I sent her a thank-you note.

Growing up, my brothers and I were sucky thank-you-note writers.I don’t ever remember my parents forcing us to do them, and I’m pretty embarrassed to admit that I rarely remember to follow the right protocol in these situations.However, over the past few years I’ve been trying harder, and I have a faint recollection of writing her a note a long time ago.No idea if it was a thank you or just saying hello, no idea if it actually happened.

So.I don’t know what the best thing to do is — I don’t feel comfortable writing her a note simply saying “can’t remember if I already thanked you — if not, thanks so much, etc.” because I never cashed the check.I don’t think I can still cash the check at this point, and I’m okay with that — as nice as the $50 would be, I fully recognize that I should have acted faster (and been gracious enough to thank her for it) if I wanted the money.I just don’t want to write a note that will come across as me basically asking her to send me a new one.

How do I gracefully thank her for a generous gift that I never took advantage of, without sounding like I’m demanding more?

Thanks (see — I’m learning!),

Raised by Wolves

Dear Wolf,

Why would it come across as asking for a new one?”Dear Auntie: Recently, I ran across the lovely card you sent upon my graduation. I couldn’t remember if I’d mentioned it to you or not, but in case I haven’t already, I wanted to thank you for remembering me.Here’s some news about what I’m up to, blah blah.Gracious closing, Wolf.”

If she sends another check, either send it back, or donate it to charity, but in the great-aunt’s position, I wouldn’t assume that it was a request for a replacement check. Don’t overthink it.

Hi, Sars —

Can you tell me when this awful habit of hyphenating ages began and why on earth it has been allowed to continue?

I don’t mean “the five-year-old twins,” which is perfectly correct.I’m talking about when ABC used the caption “This is Kate when she was ten-years-old” in their enhanced (a.k.a. “Pop-Up Video”) version of last season’s Lost finale, and when a piece on CNN.com today described the fate of a child prostitute “who was ten-years-old at the time.”

I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am.It really grates on me in a new and different way — I guess I’m not inured to it yet like I am to the whole it’s/its deal, or even lose/loose (not that those don’t still bug).

I also know you can’t really do anything about it.I guess I’m just writing to see if I’m the only one who’s noticed (and to blow off a little steam in the process).

Nora

Dear Nora,

I hadn’t really noticed that overcorrection, but I suspect that’s exactly what it is.You frequently hear nails-on-a-chalkboard phrasings like “between he and I” or “myself and Bob jammed a pick in Sarah’s ear,” which proceed directly from the years grown-ups spent hammering on the speakers as children to start sentences with the correct subjective pronouns.

Unfortunately, there’s often no follow-up on when the subjective pronoun is not called for, so you get overcorrections like that.The hyphenation issue reads the same way to me: whoever writes the chyrons has heard pedants like myself crabbing about the lack of hyphens enough times that s/he figures, well, I’ll just hyphenate everything and damn the torpedoes.

The hyphenation mistake I hate the most is the partial: “ten year-old.”I’d rather see it bunged up completely one way or the other than half-bunged like that. I don’t know why.

(Confused by hyphens? This vintage Vine might help.)

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