The Vine: February 18, 2015
Dog/family question!
Backstory!
- I’m 33 and single and I live on my own.
- I’m very close with my parents and three younger brothers, we spend time together socially quite often and get along well.
- My youngest brother (YB) is 23 and the only kid who lives at home with my parents.
- I would love to have a dog, but because of my schedule, it’s not feasible.
- My family never had a dog while I was growing up. (We begged but my parents were never into it.)
- My dad had a dog when he was a kid, it was back in the day and the dog roamed the neighborhood on its own.
?Last year, ?YB’s friend bred her Doberman and offered YB one of the puppies. Since YB still lives with my parents, he checked with them. My mother was against it, assuming that a lot of the work would fall to her, but my dad was gung-ho, so YB accepted one of the puppies as a gift.
Right away Dog was a source of tension. Dog came home last summer and my mom, who has summers off from work, did a lot of puppy-sitting while my dad and YB were at work and she got pretty bitter about it. As Dog has grown up, Mom, Dad, and YB have all been very non-committal about training Dog. YB bought sessions with a trainer but only attended about a third of the classes they paid for and have not followed through with the techniques they learned there. The biggest problem is that Dog is nominally YB’s dog and my parents want YB to have the responsibility to train him, but YB is very busy at work and not the most conscientious about his other responsibilities.
Even aside from the idea of taking Dog to training sessions, none of them are consistent with discipline. When I visit, it’s always a different technique or idea. Sometimes Dog is on a leash, sometimes off, sometimes they are using a click collar with him, sometimes not, sometimes he is allowed table scraps, sometimes he’s not. He does not come when called (reliably) and has escaped the house a few times (they have a large but unfenced yard), he barks loudly and won’t be shushed, he’s a nightmare to take for a walk, so it’s hard to get him the exercise that he needs, he jumps up, he’s terrible at fetch. Plus, my dad is kinda old-school and maybe thinks Dog will learn to obey him out of respect or something? He always lets Dog out of the house off-leash and is consistently surprised when Dog doesn’t come when called. I don’t really know how to explain how weird his thinking is in that regard, but whatever — it’s an ineffective training technique!
Most recently, my parents’ neighbor called Animal Control to complain that a big, scary, loud, not-well-trained Doberman is running around off-leash near their house. The officer has been to the house twice to remind my parents that they could get in serious trouble if they are negligent about leashing and controlling Dog, plus to warn that the neighbor told Animal Control that he will shoot Dog with his pellet gun if he feels threatened by Dog. The neighbor is a little wacky and is possibly overreacting, but in truth, Dog is intimidating at worst and unpredictable at best. My parents are in a blind rage that the neighbor called the authorities instead of speaking with them directly, and it’s distracting them from solving the problem.
Now, I will remind you that I do not live with my mom, dad, YB and Dog, so I really shouldn’t worry too much about the whole thing, right? Well, the whole situation does present a couple of problems for me. 1. It’s causing my mom a lot of stress. A lot of the work falls back on her, and she really resents it. 2. It’s causing my dad a lot of stress. Sometimes I go to visit and he’s SO MAD at Dog, like his feelings are hurt that the dog has eaten something expensive (he chews everything) or won’t come when called. 3. I worry that they will give up Dog to a shelter or a friend out of frustration, and I really like him! My family having a dog is the closest I will come to having one. I want them to get him on track so I can dogsit him or take him hiking or walking once I a while. I was fantasizing the other night about taking a week off of work and taking Dog to obedience classes or something. I don’t know why they won’t do it! No one’s happy and I feel like it will all end in tears.
Finally, I’ll say I know they genuinely care about Dog and would never be negligent or harmful to him, but they are inexperienced and Dog is a high-energy, intelligent, handful of a dog. I have offered my opinion that they should recommit to training him, but no one is willing to do it. What can I do, if anything, to help salvage this situation?
?Thank you,
Ruff
Dear Ruff,
As frustrating and disheartening as it is to even read about this situation, there really isn’t anything you can do. I’m sure you’re right that they care about the hound and I don’t think they’re bad people, but not everybody can or should own a dog. It’s a commitment, especially when you take them in as puppies and especially especially with so-called “bully breeds” like German Shepherds, pits, or Dobies, and for the record, I’m against breed-specific laws like that, because the problem is never the breed, it’s the owners.
But…it’s the owners. If I see an off-leash Doberman galloping towards me, baying, my first thought is not that the dog probably means well. It’s to assume a bear-attack crouch and hope I don’t wet myself, and if it’s headed towards my nephew? …Whatever, you know all this. You assessed your life and didn’t see room in it for a canine; your family should have done the same, with the same conclusion reached, but here you all are, and the come-to-Jesus visits from Animal Control failed to impress anything upon your family. I mean, if the threat of the animal getting an assful of buckshot or worse from the crackpot neighbor isn’t going to motivate them? Not sure there’s anything you can do. They don’t get it; you can’t make them.
My concern, in your shoes, would probably be that Dog is going to do something unforgivable — bite a kid, say — and get destroyed, so I would gather the family, lay out the information you have about local breed policies and what happens to dogs who are considered a danger to the community, and tell them, if you don’t pull it together and get this dog trained, he’s going to end up dead. You could also research local no-kill shelters, foster groups, and breed rescues if it seems like they’re open to the idea of placing the dog with people who are a little better equipped to meet his needs; then you can be like, great, glad we agree Dog might do best in a more structured environment — I will make the call.
But you also have to realize, I’m afraid, that if nothing that’s happened to date has gotten through to them, it’s unlikely that anything will. Sometimes people do figure out that they’re in over their heads with a pet, and do the right thing, so it’s not impossible, but short of dog-napping Dog and handing him off to a Dobie rescue agent in the dead of night, I think you just have to hope nothing operatically terrible happens.
Or maybe a reader with experience training dogs and a butterfly net could just happen by your parents’ house? Just kidding! (Sort of!) Suggestions welcome, though.
Tags: cats the fam
Sars, please feel free to give Ruff my email address. If your family’s dog is in the mid-Atlantic area, I can probably give you some references both to good trainers and rescue groups that might be willing to help.
1. If not already taken care of, please impress upon your parents the importance of getting Dog neutered. It will help with behavior issues, including running away, increase Dog’s life expectancy, and reduce his chances of certain cancers AND of getting into fights. No, seriously. Unneutered males make up the vast majority of dogs in animal shelters. Black (like Dobies) unneutered males even more so. It is critical to do, and the dog can still be a man, trust me. My bathmat can give you a full reference, as can the neighbor’s Bichon Frise, and my dog’s been fixed for a looong time.
2. One person needs to be in charge of training the dog and needs to get on that right away. If your brother cannot and your parents won’t, they should give Dog away now, while he’s still young enough to be trained elsewhere. They have to. Otherwise Dog will end up dead, from your neighbor’s pellet gun or via Animal Control or worse. I work with rescues and I see it all the time.
This situation sucks for you, but much worse for Dog, who just needs somebody to firmly and consistently set boundaries. I’m sorry, but if your family can’t do that now, they need to admit that and do the right thing. Otherwise, they’re endangering Dog, themselves, and their neighbors. Dobies are not a joke, they can really hurt people and other dogs. And Dog deserves a shot at a decent life.
I wish you luck; please contact me if I can help.
First of all, forget the obedience training. Waste of time and money in these circumstances. A good obedience class is priceless, but anyone undertaking one should learn really quick that the class is for the owner not the dog. Obedience training does not magically train your dog for you. It teaches YOU the techniques to train your dog; then it’s up to you to implement them consistently at home. No dog will become a well behaved pet by simply going to a few hours of classes-any more than a human can become a good piano player by taking lessons, but never practicing in between. And it wouldn’t matter if you take the dog either for that one week-because you can’t be there 24/7 to reinforce the behaviors and your parents and YB obviously aren’t going to do that. Even if the dog makes progress with you for that one week, he’ll quickly regress once he’s back to his old undisciplined environment.
Unfortunately, your best bet is to try to persuade them to place Dog with other owners or a rescue who are better qualified to handle him, because this situation IS going to end in tears, and most likely the death of the dog. It seems like you’ve tried everything with your family to persuade them, and they simply can’t or won’t handle the responsibility. I’m sorry I’m harsh, but an innocent animal is going to be the one that suffers here as a result of human stupidity and that’s really hard for me to swallow. You are absolutely right-the dog is going to bite somebody and be put down, or get out and hit by a car, or your parents will get tired and put him in a shelter, which his odds of surviving are near zero. He’s a “bully breed”, he’s large and untrained, and he’s not a puppy anymore. I’m sorry to be harsh, but this is the reality.
If they absolutely won’t give him to people better suited to own him, then an Invisible Fence might provide SOME protection. It’s not cheap, but it will keep him from escaping the yard. At least, ALMOST all of the time and ALMOST guaranteed-some dogs just do not respond to it, and then any dog if there’s a sufficient stimulus will ignore the pain and jump it anyway-i.e. if a deer or another animal walks by outside the boundary. AND your parents will at least have to be disciplined about keeping the collar on him and changing the batteries. Also, they will have to call the professional company. It’s A LOT cheaper to buy the stuff at PetsMart or Target, but it is very difficult to install it yourself unless you have electrical knowledge. We ended up returning the one we bought to PetsMart and calling the professionals because we just couldn’t figure it out. It’s by no means a guarantee, but if your family insists on keeping this dog, an invisible fence will at least provide a little more safety and keep him away from Crazy Neighbor.
As an experienced dog person, so many red flags about this situation.
The way to “sort of” have a dog that you don’t have to take care of is not to let your family keep a stressful out of control dog.
This is an untrained, out of control dog who was brought into the home with completely unreasonable expectations. Dogs in general are a lot of work. Puppies even more so. Puppies from a backyard breeder – which is what you call a friend who breeds a dog and gives the puppies away to people they happen to know – can be even more challenging. And high energy working breeds on top of this. Dobermans can be wonderful dogs but they are dogs that need a job.
There is no quick fix and living with Dog will require a LIFELONG plan for training, consistency and exercise, none of which anyone in this family is prepared or interested in doing. Taking dog to classes for one week will not fix the situation.
Right now, Dog’s life is in danger from neighbor, cars, or the consequences of a bite. People also are in danger if Dog might bite or attack (which Dog is essentially primed for, what with the no training thing – all dogs bite if they are not specifically socialized to the world and taught to deal with people in other ways).
The longer you wait, the more likely something bad will happen to Dog. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to re-home him.
The best thing you can do is support your family, especially your mother, in re-homing Dog because you genuinely want what’s best for Dog.
As above, only for the Southern Atlantic states. The dobe-rescue groups are usually amazing, and they really want to help the animal if at all possible. You can pass along my email address if the OP needs it.
I grew up with Dobermans, and I adore them, but they are hard breeds to work with if you’re new to dog ownership/don’t have time for a dog/don’t want to do any obedience work. If Family isn’t willing to put in the time, they won’t have a good dog.
Remind parents and YB that they can face jail time and hefty fines if Dog winds up biting anyone — an increasingly likely scenario if Dog continues to run wild and free. It’s not fair to anyone in this situation to let it continue.
Kristin is absolutely right, and I want to build on some of her tips.
1. Consistency is key in this scenario. My husband and I own a 75lb black Lab, and while we know that she wouldn’t hurt a fly, she’s a 75lb black dog. We had to agree very early on about what her commands were, what the protocol for walking her was, what her day to day schedule looked like, etc. She gets the exact same information from both of us daily. We aren’t perfect, but we’re close enough so as to have a well-behaved dog.
2. There’s no shame in admitting that you just aren’t cut out for a dog. Giving up the dog doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you a bad fit for that particular dog. YB sounds a smidge immature, but he might turn out to be an excellent dog owner someday. That day is not today.
3. Definitely spay/neuter. I have a female dog, but my friend’s lab puppy was recently neutered, and he’s a much better dog for it. She and her husband are excellent owners and have been assiduously training him, but neutering him worked wonders for lessening or eliminating some of his less desirable traits.
Ruff has a solid grasp of what needs to happen, but Sars’ advice is dead-on, pun somewhat intended. This situation will not end well for Dog unless something drastically changes. Good luck getting the family to understand!
It doesn’t help that Dog is likely still in the juvenile delinquent age range – pretty much grown out size-wise, but not emotionally mature yet Probably not a lost cause with neutering and consistent training, but harder than it would have been if Dog had gotten the consistency from the start.
The really hard thing about reading this letter is that there’s going to be a Dog-sized hole in our family soon, and odds are good we could cope with reforming Dog. (Which is, or should be, more of a wish, than an offer)
I get that you really want a dog in your life and that you’ve already grown attached to THIS dog, but for Dog’s sake, you have to set aside your personal wants and focus realistically on what’s best for him. The situation as you’ve described it is definitely NOT what’s best, and it sounds like both your family and Dog would ultimately be happier (not to mention Dog would be safer) if Dog is placed in a more suitable home.
Some people just aren’t suited to be dog people, it’s true; but then again, some people just aren’t suited to certain dogs or breeds, and Doberman’s are a pretty high-commitment breed. If YB still wants a dog, he might do better with a mini schnauzer or something more manageable and even-tempered. AKC.org is a great place to start researching breed temperaments.
Meanwhile, to fill the dog gap in your own life, considering volunteering at an animal shelter. Most no-kill shelters and rescue groups need people to walk their dogs and take them out for playtime. It’s a great way for someone who can’t commit to adopting a dog to get their regular dog fix.
Nailed it, Sars. I’m twitching with many comments about the situation, but none of them are particularly helpful. Dog ownership is a huge responsibility and should not be taken on if you aren’t willing to put in the work. If the idea of your dog getting shot isn’t enough to drive home that something needs to be done? Then the dog needs to go to someone who will take it seriously. End of story.
Your family made a bad decision to take a dog they weren’t prepared for — puppy (strike one), high-energy breed (strike two), “dangerous dog” breed (strike three). If I wanted to, I could identify enough strikes to get you through the rest of the inning and maybe the next inning.
It doesn’t mean they’re bad people, just that they didn’t know what they were doing. And I say that as someone who, through sheer accident, ended up with an 8-week-old Chow-German Shepherd puppy as my first dog. He is a very, very challenging dog, and I’m putting a lot of work into fixing all the mistakes I made when he was tiny. I’m have the time and inclination to put in the work, though. It doesn’t sound like your family does right now.
Please, please, please, convince your family to find a Dobie rescue group to take this dog before something really bad happens to him or someone else four- or two-legged). Please.
The well-loved dobie up the block got off his tether one day and bit a giant chunk out of the thigh of my nine-year-old neighbor. And after she made it inside to get help from her mom, he barred the door so they couldn’t get out to go to the hospital. Hundreds of stitches, lifelong trauma. The dog got put down.
Look, keeping dogs on leash is a pain. They love to romp! There are things to smell! It’s cruel to not let them enjoy nature! They’re too strong for me! And they’re so friendly! But the alternative is above: life-threatening injuries and a pet to bury.
I agree, the family needs help. But if they are intransigent, Dog needs help more. He won’t come to a good end this way.
I am the proud owner of a 2 1/2 year old male Dobie (who is a big baby). I also have a Lab. The differences between the breed temperaments are astounding. Labs after about 2 years = chill. Dobermans? Not so much…
I agree with the comment about neutering. We had our male neutered at one year, and it couldn’t happen soon enough. While neutering does lessen some bad behaviors, it is not a cure-all.
Dobermans are not low-maintenance dogs on anything other than their coats. They do not like to be left alone for long periods. They are very high energy and need regular exercise and mental stimulation. Our Dobie patrols constantly both inside and outside of our house. I have the nose smudges on every window to prove it. Dobies also need to know that the human is dominant, or they will take over your household. They are intelligent dogs who need (and actually thrive) on training, but it definitely has to be consistent. One person should be the trainer, but the rest of the household needs to use the same commands.
Your family doesn’t appear to a good fit for a Doberman on paper, and it seems like that is all catching up to you now. I’m actually surprised the breeder gave you the puppy based upon the description of your family above. I don’t doubt that your family loves this dog, but now it needs to act kindly toward it. As a Doberman owner, I implore you to search out a Doberman-specific rescue organization. One of the main reasons Dobermans have a bad reputation is due to, as Sars says, bad owners. People want them because they look tough and mean. The dogs are protective and territorial by nature, like many breeds. Your scenario can only end in tragedy, and it will be that dog, who did nothing wrong but get put with the wrong type of family, paying the price with its life.
Act and act now.
And I’d also add that there are plenty of ways for you to get a dog fix without having to make the full-time, lifetime commitment. I volunteer walking dogs with a Humane Society that lets experienced volunteers “check out” dogs for overnight stays. Most rescues are also in desperate need of volunteers to foster dogs.
This isn’t going to be what you’re looking to hear, but: Look into no-kill shelters and breed rescues.
What’s coming across in your letter is that everyone in your family – including you – want a trained dog, but no one is willing or able to put in the time to actually train him. That sucks for you, but it sucks even more for the poor dog. Dogs need consistency and constant care. And because his breed is one that is largely maligned and somewhat scary for some people out there, he can’t afford to run wild.
I feel bad for you, because it’s a terrible situation all around. And I get that you really like the dog, but you can’t keep him in a bad situation just because it suits you. Truthfully, saying that you want your family to “recommit to training him” and “get him on track” so you can take him hiking just rubs me the wrong way.
Give the dog a chance. If your family isn’t willing to train him, find a shelter or rescue that’ll take him in and rehome him.
If the LW is looking for a way to spend time with dogs, they only need to look into their local humane society or shelter. Most of them have volunteer programs where you can take the dogs out for a walk/run/hike etc. It’s a win-win situation for the dogs and the dog-lovers who can’t have pups of their own.
I’m just another voice to say that what everyone else here is telling you is correct: this is not the right dog for your family, and it’s very likely that your family is not in the right place to have any dog. If you want your doggy fix, you can definitely find a volunteer gig that can make that happen. Meanwhile, this dog came from YB’s friend having bred her Doberman, correct? If she’s any kind of responsible breeder–and nothing you’ve said suggests that she is–she would want to be the first call before you re-home this dog. Is she aware of the situation her puppy is in? I’m sure your parents and brother mean well, but they are forcing this dog to live in uncertainty and, as commenters above have said, exposing him to the very real risk that he will be killed or put down by animal control. If that dog bites someone, he pays the price, not your family. Please start working with your family to make other arrangements: do it today.
What everyone else has said. If you want to continue seeing Dog, well, if you know of friends who’d be willing and able to actually give him the time, training, and security* he deserves, that might be a solution. Otherwise, you kind of owe it to him to be really blunt with your folks and YB: they’re not stepping up, they’re probably going to get Dog killed, and that will be on them.
*Seriously, people: unless you live in the middle of Buttfuck Nowhere, without any other civilization around for miles, keep your pets on a damn leash if they’re not somewhere enclosed. Maybe free-range pets worked back in Dad’s day when bread cost a dollar, but this is the twenty-first century, the world’s a lot more populated, and behavioral issues aside…cars. Trucks. Trains. Read Pet Semetary. That is all.
Nthing what most commenters have said – if they haven’t learned by now, they’re probably not going to, and the dog will be the one who gets hurt.
If they balk at giving dog to a rescue:
1. Depends on their financial situation, of course, but I would endorse a real fence over an invisible one. Seen way too many problems happen with the latter, and a strong and untrained dog is even less likely to respond to one well.
2. Even without your family’s cooperation, you can cultivate a relationship with the closest dobie rescue you can find. Tell them everything you said in this letter. That way:
A) You’ll be ready to jump when the family finally concludes they can’t/won’t deal with this dog anymore.
B) It’s possible that someone from the rescue might be willing to reach out to your family; maybe a breed expert would have more luck convincing them to buckle down on the training (unlikely) or surrender the dog before the breaking point.
C) If you yourself stay on good terms with the rescue, you might even be able to keep tabs on Dog if he finds a new home, and failing that, get your dog fix in your life by helping them care for future rescues.
Your dad’s attitude, I must say, is making me wince the hardest. He needs a crash course in how dogs’ minds work if he thinks this one is misbehaving AT him, and as long as he keeps that mindset, he’s never going to make a consistent or responsible dog owner.
I’m sorry. Dog needs to be given to a better home, where people will train him consistently and keep him in a safe, fenced yard. This is a bad situation all around and it’s not fair to any of the humans or to Dog.
If you really want to spend time with a dog, volunteer with a shelter. They always need people to walk and play with dogs. Maybe make sure you’re volunteering at a no-kill place so it’s less sad, but it’s a way to get your dog fix.
Dog needs to go to a Doberman rescue organization, stat. As multiple people upthread have said, Dog is likely to be a dead dog soon if the situation remains unchanged.
Your parents are miles out of line to be upset at the neighbor for calling Animal Control about Dog. This is exactly what Animal Control is for — protecting residents from out-of-control animals allowed to run loose by irresponsible pet owners. Sure, it’s not great that the neighbor threatened to shoot Dog, but I get where he’s coming from. In the rural area where I grew up, the neighbor would be threatening to use a shotgun or a rifle, not a pellet (BB) gun.
Look, I love dogs. I’m fond of Dobermans as a breed. None of that changes the fact that dogs are predators, and uncontrolled large dogs can be very dangerous, no matter how sweet they are most of the time. Your parents are INSANE, and irresponsible in the extreme, to allow Dog outside of a securely fenced area off-leash. If I lived in that neighborhood with a small child, I would be calling the cops every time I saw Dog running loose, because I would be worried that one day Dog would be loose while my toddler was outside, and my baby might die. This isn’t paranoia: dog attacks on small children are an actual, real risk. Someone could end up dead, and your parents and YB on the receiving end of a very large lawsuit, if not criminal charges.
You, Ruff, cannot salvage this situation in such a way that Dog stays with your family and becomes a properly trained, responsibly cared-for dog. The current situation is dangerous for Dog and dangerous for your family’s neighbors, and your desire for personal doggie time (which I understand, I really do!) is unimportant relative to these other factors. As many people have already said, there are plenty of volunteer opportunities for one-on-one dog time.
Someone needs to be extremely blunt with your parents. Maybe they will be more likely to listen to the message if it comes from you, their beloved daughter, instead of the neighbor (whom they may already dislike for unrelated reasons). Good luck.
I grew up with Dobies and they were amazing dogs, sweet lap dogs. That wasn’t by accident or luck though; my parents included me and my sister in their training so everyone used the same words, signals etc. They were also walked daily even though we had a nice sized fenced yard; they are working dogs, they are so much happier (and calmer) when they get to exercise and explore. Anyway, none of that helps you or your family and if gentle (or stringent) prodding and suggestions don’t work speak in a language they may hear: Insurance. Ask them to double-check their homeowner’s insurance and see what, if any, breed restrictions apply to their policy. Unfortunately, Dobies are one of the most common breeds insurance will not cover. Meaning if a worst case scenario plays out they will have not just the life of the dog at risk but also everything they own. I feel bad giving credence to breed specific policies but if all else fails, it’s worth a shot.
“I know they genuinely care about Dog and would never be negligent or harmful to him”
But they *are* being negligent. (I’d also argue they’re being harmful, but let’s stick with negligent.) Letting him roam the streets is inarguably negligent, both in animal-ownership terms and in insurance terms. That’s not incompatible with their genuinely caring about Dog, but they currently don’t care enough to change what they’re doing with the dog.
My impression also is that your brother is disappearing from the “they” at this point, given that the Animal Control thing doesn’t even include him, and I’m wondering if that’s part of the dynamic–your parents don’t want to give up on your brother becoming the responsible pet owner, but it ain’t happening, and Dog is therefore kind of nobody’s dog. Encourage your family to let him go be somebody’s dog.
I can’t emphasize enough that Dog is the likely loser (dead loser) in this scenario. Your parents and YB don’t get it, and threats against Dog’s safety have not convinced them. Nothing is going to convince them to commit to training (there never was a first commitment to training, so it would not be a re-commitment to training). You are not in a position to help. Your feelings re: wanting access to Dog are not in Dog’s best interest, and you need to disregard your feelings now and take steps to do the right thing for Dog: a rescue group.
I’m a dog person and I sympathize with your wish to have a dog. I would be lost without my furry friends. But you have to do the best thing for Dog, who is an innocent victim here.
If you agree that Dog should be given to a rescue group, maybe speak to your mother first. She is likely to be in complete agreement with you. Then, she can hopefully keep pressure up on your dad and YB.
I wish you luck. This is a sad situation.
Write back and let us know! I think everyone here is sympathetic to you. I got my dog from a rescue organization, and they are perpetually in need of help. Maybe you can get some doggy time by volunteering for a rescue group.
Hi all, thanks Sars for your response and thanks to the commentariat as well. A couple of answers to common questions:
Yes, Dog is already neutered.
Also, I am fully aware that I can volunteer at a shelter in order to spend time with a dog, and my desire to have a dog in my life is not holding me back from telling the fam what I think about this whole situation. I was just trying to say I have some personal desire to see this work out. (Actually, since I wrote this letter to Sars, I rescued a cat who is filling a pet-shaped hole in my life.)
I have two other siblings who have joined me in telling the three family members who live with Dog that something needs to be done about the situation. Since I wrote this letter back in October, my mother has basically said that she’s willing to find a new home for Dog, while YB and my dad have been more reticent. Given the advice received here and how the past few months have gone, I’m definitely going to take a firmer stance on what they should do with Dog, but it isn’t my decision, ultimately.
Thanks again!
Ruff
My old roommate and I saved a dobie from a similar situation. A friend of his got him as a puppy, didn’t train him, got annoyed, and would just lock him in a room to control him. The dog ate a bed. Literally. Within a month or two with us his biggest rebellion was going and pulling one used napkin from the kitchen trash and leaving it in front of the door so we’d know he’d been bad when we got home. Both of us grew up with dogs, however, and had extensive experience with formal training and agreed on the rules from the outset. Dobies are kind of OCD. If they don’t know the rules and have a schedule and system in place they kind of lose it. This is definitely not the dog for your family. Please, please, please search for a doberman rescue in your region and please find him a home where he can thrive and be happy. If they do get another dog, do research into breed traits and have a fence in place. Please.
Can’t really improve or expand upon what The Other Katherine said upthread.
Poor Doggie.
Just a quick note to Sars–the term ‘bully breeds’ refers to dogs that are part of what are commonly called ‘pit bulls’–American Staffordshire terriers, American Pit bull terriers, Staffordshire bull terriers and American bulldogs are all examples of bully breeds. German Shepherds and Dobies, while high energy and pushy, are not bully breeds. Nitpicky, I know, but wouldn’t want you to embarrass yourself in a crowd of dog lovers by patting a GS and saying ‘what a lovely example of a bully breed. :)
Best of luck to letter writer and family, too.
Ruff, while I understand that it’s not your decision, there is one point that hasn’t been mentioned and might help sway the situation: the potential for a lawsuit. My sister-in-law was in a situation where their dog bit someone. (Insert long backstory here.) They got sued. Their homeowners’ policy helped, and they came to a settlement, but the dog had to be euthanized anyway. (More backstory.) But here’s the thing — one serious bite has the potential for lifelong guilt AND financial ruin, as well as the death of the poor dog.
So if the neighbor’s threats haven’t made an impression, and the possibility of the dog getting hurt doesn’t register, then maybe the chance of litigation, lawyer’s fees and bankruptcy will sway your father and brother. I know that for most of us the main concern is for the dog (and believe me, I agree entirely and hope he finds a happy structured home soon), but that doesn’t seem to be persuasive to Ruff’s family so far.
Good luck, and congrats on your new kitty!
Congrats on the cat, Ruff, and kudos to you for trying to do what’s best for Dog. Hopefully you, mom, and siblings can get through to dad and YB. Maybe the suggestions in this thread can give you some talking points. Good luck.
Letter Writer, as someone who paid for all 4 years college thanks to a dog bite to the face, maybe your dad will be less reticent if you tell him that if Dog actually bites someone, he’s not only looking at possible criminal charges, but medical and lawyer bills. The family that owned the dog that bit me had to pay their legal bills, my legal bills, all my medical bills and a large chunk of change in case future surgeries were needed (I was 10 when it happened, and fortunately they weren’t).
It can be hard to admit failure when it comes to something like a pet, but your dad needs to realize that it’s not just your family and Dog who could suffer.
@Sylvie, the term is IME used interchangeably with “restricted breeds” or whatever your local term is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breed-specific_legislation
I was a pets editor; I used it advisedly. Thanks for the tip, though.
Nothing new to add to the LW, but I’m going to echo Isabel C. about dogs being walked off-leash. I’ve been seen this more and more in my area (Chicago! Dense! Urban!). This is insane – and illegal; dangerous to the dog, to other dogs, to pedestrians, etc. Too many times I’ve been put into dangerous situations when walking my own dogs by dogs off-leash running up to greet my dogs and chaos ensuing as they jump all over my leashed dogs. And there are many people who are afraid of dogs – it is terrifying to them to see a dog off-leash. Your dog can be hit by a car, attacked by another dog, or attack a dog or person. Dogs are animals, no matter how well-trained, and they will act as animal, usually when you least expect it.
I cannot understand the thinking, though it seems to be some combination of (a) a way of showing off how well-trained your dog is, (b) a way of demonstrating your personal mastery over the dog (ahem…seen most often in men), and (c) laziness because it is cold, or the owner wants to play Candy Crush while walking, or any other dumb-ass reason. If your animal needs to run and explore, then take him to the dog park, the dogs-only forest preserve (which is one of my favorite places ever), or the dog beach.
Rant over. FOR NOW.
Hey Stanley — fellow Chicagoan here. Can I add that sometimes wild animals turn up in Chicago parks? Do you remember the coyote last summer? I don’t even want to think about what might happen to an off-leash dog coming up short in front of a coyote no one’s noticed yet. It’s as much for the dog’s safety as anything. Preaching to choir, I know, but still worth mentioning to Ruffs family.
I wrote in to Sars with a relatively similar question, the link is https://tomatonation.com/vine/the-vine-april-20-2011/
Do what is best for the dogs. If you can make lifestyle changes, then make the best of it. If they need to go somewhere better suited, try to help facilitate. You say you are close to your family, but if they ignore you and your well meant help, maybe reconsider.
I don’t consider my solution to be yours, but readers here have really good advice that might be helpful to you. Read the comments and see if any help or apply to you.
Best of luck, and I hope any update had a good outcome :)
Aw, I remember these two. How are The Odd Couple?
Both pups are doing well! Although now I wish I had the foresight to name them Felix and Oscar :) If there’s anything I can add, it’s that consistent training, exercise, and a schedule makes a huge difference. There’s no shame in asking for help to do it yourself, or placing them somewhere where they can get it.
Dear Ruff, do what’s best for you, and for the animals. I had a lot of stress knowing they weren’t cared for. I think you feel the same, and I know you have a soft heart and priority for the well being of the Doberman. Had I found good placement quickly, I would have taken it in a heartbeat for their benefit. I did the best I could in my situation, and should anything change I wouldn’t hesitate to find a home that makes them happy.
Keep in contact, the community here is great. We all want good things for you and the Doberman.
Thanks for checking in, Kay! There should be a TN page for old letter writers to post updates. :)