The Vine: February 20, 2009
Hi Sars,
I’m after advice on a beauty issue that I hope the readers might be able to help me with, although it isn’t as fun as suggesting a new nail polish.
From the age of about 14, I’ve had hair around my nipples. Consequently, it’s made me extremely self-conscious. I’m now 22 and have wavered over the years between plucking them (which results in some nasty ingrown hairs and darker regrowth) and trimming them (which doesn’t really do much in the long run).
I know that on the scale of physical afflictions, this isn’t super high on the horrible list. It’s just that the longer I have to deal with this, the more my self-confidence erodes.
I do have a lovely and supportive boyfriend, but he happens to live on the other side of the world. During the limited time we spend with each other, I have kept the situation hidden by plucking the hairs and keeping the bedroom shenanigans in darkness. This obviously isn’t a long-term solution, particularly in the future when we will be with each other for longer than two weeks at a time.
I know he loves me enough not to care, so this problem isn’t so much about my relationship with men as it is about my relationship with myself and my inability to be comfortable with the way it makes me look. It’s therefore something that I would love very much to change.
I suppose the gist of my babbling is, how do other women deal with this situation? What treatments have they had success with? What treatments should I avoid? I should also add that I’m in Australia, so I’m after general information, not the address of Dr. 90210 (especially because that bloke is creepy).
Thanks,
I really wish I was writing to you with a cat problem; I’ll have to go and buy myself a cat
Dear Cat,
You may want to look into more permanent solutions — laser treatments or something.Yes, those can get pricey, but we’re probably not talking about very much hair, so it wouldn’t cost as much as, say, a leg.
Maybe the readers have some remedies to offer; either way, consider visiting a dermatologist.S/he can advise you on possible treatments that fit into your budget.
Readers?
Tags: Ask The Readers health and beauty
Not that I’m suggesting this is a legitimate reason to do so, but I had the same problem until I had a baby. I am two years hair-free on my boobs now. I guess what I’m saying is that it is hormonal- have you perhaps been on birth control this whole time?
Seriously, though, laser treatments don’t seem out of the question. If you are anything like me, we’re talking ten or twenty hairs total and it would probably only take one visit. I would stay away from topical treatments though, unless you are already positive you aren’t allergic, because=ouch!
I have the same issue and I just use the tweezers (very very carefully) on the noticable hairs and leave the rest alone. But I’m lucky in that a lot of my body hair is so pale as to be practically translucent, so it’s not a huge issue for me. That and I have enough glaringly obvious problems with my body that a little hair on the twins isn’t going to rank very high on the issues list. I’ll just echo Sars’ advice to consult a dermatologist first, the skin in that area is quite sensitive so you don’t want to be screwing around with it too much.
Unless you have a lot of hair, laser treatments are probably not a good choice. I have had good luck with electrolysis; it’s actually not that expensive, and worked very well for me (I was having facial hair removed, however, not nipple hair).
I do have some nipple hairs, and sometimes I pluck them, and sometimes I leave them. My boyfriend doesn’t mind either way.
No real solutions here–I pluck–but I did want to let Cat know that until I was in my mid-twenties I thought I was one of the only people in the world with the freakish, freakish nipple hair. Talking to women over the past few years, though, has led me to realize it’s really common. REALLY common. Like 50% of the women I know common.
I thought it might help her to realize it isn’t as big a deal as she thought… and that nail salons regularly wax this area, and will know exactly what you mean if you go in and say “chest.”
I pluck and live with the occasional in-grown hair. I feel like I was extremely self-conscious about it when I was 22, but have gotten increasingly meh as time has worn on.
But one thing to know – your boyfriend has seen nip hairs before. On girls. They’re very common, esp. on non-blond lasses. So long as you aren’t waxing them into little tit handlebars, it’s not going to be a huge issue. And really, any guy who gets all “JEEsus, what is THAT?!” probably isn’t someone you’d want to trust with things of greater consequence and vulnerability. You are so much more than your nipple hairs. And I am really typing that with a straight face. Don’t let this be the thing that erodes your self-confidence. Go knock ’em dead, nip hairs or none.
I do not in any way mean to minimize your feelings about this, and I hope someone here has a better answer for you than my “keep plucking!” advice. But I also really hope you can find a way to realign this issue’s place in your overall assessment of yourself.
actually, i have one or two stubborn hairs – i just shave them… but it’s literally one or two, so it’s easy to keep under control…
Just had to let you know that you’re not alone. It’s SUPER common. I pluck. I try to do it right after a shower when the pores are more open. I also occasionally shave them as well, and believe it or not, that has helped, but only if you shave with the hair growth and not against it, otherwise ingrown city.
Cat, I’m not sure I have a solutions to offer, this is more an expression of sympathy. I have had the asme problem for a long time now, along with other areas of my body that are hairier than they should (arms, lower stomach… I could go on)
I have felt the same shame and embarrassment as you for a long time, and I’d rather not estimate the hours I’ve spent plucking, shaving, waxing.
I’ve never felt comforable enough with a partner to openly discuss the issue, I have just worked madly at the hair removal behind closed doors and avoided the subject altogether.
A couple of years ago, I decided to invest in laser hair removal, and it has helped enormously. The situation is now manageable and I don’t turn into a chimpanzee if a don’t epilate in a week or so. I am about to get married to my current medium-distance fiancée, so I,ll have to deal with being more open about hair removal rituals. It is still a sensitive subject but at least I feel normal now.
As an aside, I didn’t get the nipples lasered cause, well, ouch, and I really only get a few rogue strays there. Plucking is enough to keep them away.
I’d check if it is a possiblity, because laser hair removal has a lot to do with skin pigmentation. If it is, I’d really recommend saving up and giving that gift to yourself. De-programming yourself from the notion that a hairless body is what’s beautiful is not so easy, I have found. Laser was a lot easier.
And I DO know how to spell ‘anonymous’. :)
Hair on women in non-traditional places can be a sign of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or another hormonal imbalance. Ask your gyno/PCP/endocrinologist about it.
Electrolysis! It will take about 6-12 sessions, but it’s quick and surprisingly pain-free (in the boob area. Armpits are another story). Shouldn’t cost much if you’re just doing your boobs. And it’s permanent. Hurray!
I don’t have a permanent solution, but I share this problem – my hair (all of it, not just the nipple-surrounding variety) generally grows two strands per follicle, which seems to give me a higher-than-average degree of ingrown hair issues, to boot.
I am WAY to cheap to get it taken care of permanently, so I bought be some Bikini Zone, and have developed the following routine: Shower; immediately out of shower, after dry down, pluck nipple area; apply Bikini Zone; moisturize body as usual.
This has vastly decreased the hideous ingrown hair issues, and it has not once ever irritated the thin skin in that area.
As of my typing this there are no other comments, but I will bet that there will be LOTS of “hey, me too!” responses – which might help you feel a little less weird about the nipple hair thing, with all of us hairy-nipped women chiming in. You are not alone!
wow, I’ve never seen an Ask the Readers inquiry go without responses for so long! well, I’ll pipe up: I’ve got nipple hairs. & I just pluck the really dark/thick ones & leave the rest be. I’ve been doing it for years, across several different male companions, & I’ve never had any complaints.
I remember someone asking about this on Loveline. I had never even thought about it, but since became obsessed. However, no one I’ve ever dated has ever noticed the handful of hairs I thought were the biggest deal ever, so there you have it.
I don’t know how much you’re talking about. I think everyone has some hair, and it may be less noticeable than you think. (Like, we all have hair on our knuckles, but most people don’t think about it all that often). However, if it is fairly heavy (relatively speaking) and you don’t have dark skin, laser might be the way to go. Definitely, definitely check with a dermatologist. And don’t be embarassed–no matter what you’ve got going on, they’ve seen something stranger. Good luck!
You could just check it with the BF…who knows, maybe he doesn’t care/likes them/has always fantasized about being with a woman who has nipple hairs and would be heartbroken if he found out you’d eliminated them. I know that sounds a little silly, but to sound sappy instead of silly, my point is that if you give him a chance to love you the way you are, you might find it helps you do the same.
I’ve worked with a lot of women on breastfeeding (which means I’ve seen a LOT of nipples) and I will concur that nipple hair is SO common, including very long, dark hairs. (The babies don’t seem to care, heh.) Still, I understand that some people might feel very self-conscious about this – I don’t want to be all “don’t be a slave to SOCIETY” about it, just want to offer that it might be possible that Cat’s feelings about it could change.
Are there really women don’t have any hair around their nipples? I always assumed that it was normal.
I also have the two-hairs-per-follicle thing, and I’ve found that using an electric epilator does not give me ingrown hairs the way tweezing does. Maybe two seconds per breast each week, and it’s done. For some reason, it’s totally painless, too (unlike epilating my legs and pits).
I’m just chiming in to agree with the general consensus; I’ve got ’em, my friends have them, my MOM has them. Sometimes I pluck a particularly dark/thick/long one, but otherwise I let them be. I’ve never had a boyfriend say boo about them, so I don’t worry too much.
I’m not trying to convince you to get over it, but I just thought a little reassurance that you are not in some oddball hair minority would help. A little? I hope you find a good solution for you.
@Kay: Yes, just like there are women who don’t have cellulite. There just aren’t many. ;-)
I read an interesting theory somewhere (that I can’t seem to track down now) that our exposure to nudity is giving us all incredibly warped body images. We both see more nudity in the media (e.g. movies and magazines) and less in real life (generally female relatives). Therefore, we are developing really skewed views of what is normal. We think the super model with pale skin and no body fat is normal, when in reality, she is the freak.
Like Scarlettb mentioned, my body hair was a result Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and since I started taking medication for that I have seen a reduction in body hair growth, including my nipples/chest area.
I think its normal to have some hair there. How much hair are we talking? I sometimes pluck one or two of the wild ones, but that’s about it. I mean, if you have a ring of serious fuzz, that’s one thing, but People Grow Hair On Places. Including nipples. I’m not trying to discount your discomfort, but offer a “No, I’ve got some hair there too.”
Now if anyone has a solution for the stupid hair growing mole on my chin, I’d love that. Pluck hair as it grows? That’s it? Sigh. Fine. Just hope I never get stranded on an island without a tweezers or it’ll be super chin-mole hair for me. The dark thick witchy bake-your-children kind.
So yeah, I can accept the bits of nipple hair, but not the chin-mole hairs. I’ll go sit in my glass house now.
also – word on what Scarlett said – if there are other symptoms of PCOS, it’s worth checking out…
Bossyboots, “waxing them into little tit handlebars” is the best thing I’ve read all week. Awesome.
I have PCOS, like most women with it I found out when trying to get pregnant was harder than it should have been. (Problem fixed thanks to modern medicine, fortunately). I’ve heard numbers up to 10% of women may have some level of PCO.
I do have a few nip hairs, sometimes I tweeze, sometimes not, hubby has never noticed. I also have a few chin hairs, they make me much crazier. I figure anyone seeing the nip hairs, probably knows me well enough to not care, but co-workers and strangers see the others.
(been meaning to make the electrolysis trip for a while).
I’m a guy, and a hairy, gay one at that, so I don’t have much to contribute here, but I did want to tell bossyboots that “tit handlebars” is awesome.
I used to pluck, then I got to the point where I was just like, “Meh, who gives a shit.” I figure if my body wants to grow hair, it wants to grow hair. This is obviously not a solution for everyone; for perspective, I don’t remove hair anywhere else, either.
@Holly – not to get off topic (except, exactly to get off topic) … I’m going through hormonal cocktails galore to get knocked up, the fertility doc says there’s signs of some PCOS going on for me as well. May I ask what the fix was for you? And were you successful in getting pregnant? Sorry….I’m just so frustrated with this whole thing. Grr!
Ditto on the hilariousness of “waxing them into little tit handlebars” — almost makes me wish I had nipple hairs so I could try that out! Almost.
I’m going to call my band The Little Tit Handlebars.
I pluck. And don’t worry, almost *everyone* has these. More possibly useful responses here: http://ask.metafilter.com/111158/What-to-do-about-them-hairy-nips
Chiming in with yet another “me too!” And mine are definitely hormone-related. When I was on the pill, I had lovely long ones that I would pluck every time they made themselves known (about every two weeks or so) and when I got pregnant, I didn’t have them at all. Now that I’m not pregnant or taking any kind of hormonal birth control, I see the ladies get fur on them right around when my cycle comes. But I only have 5 or 6 of them, not an Austin-Powers-esque chest wig. My upper lip, on the other hand, tends to sprout a ‘stache that Wilford Brimley would be jealous of.
So having your doctor or whomever look into a hormonal link might be worth it.
I love how the internet is a place where you can say “I am a freak!” and 50 people will answer with “Hey, me too!” ;-)
And now I feel weird and freakish because I don’t have hair on my nips.
I do not suggest laser treatments. I paid over $750, and it only got rid of about half the hairs. Now I shave but I would like to try electrolysis to get rid of it for good.
Want to fifth or so that “waxing them into little tit handlebars” is my new favorite phrase.
I’m married and don’t worry about my errant hairs but neither does my husband (frankly I don’t think he’s really noticed and if he did it was more of a “hm, there’s a hair there. Oh well, back to what I was doing” kind of thing). I’m pretty sure he was way more into the girls themselves than the hair on them.
Besides, he’s a hairy li’l bugger so what he has to see on me pales in comparison to what I see on him.
Oh and “little tit handlebars”? Best comment of the day so far.
re: PCOS @ Amy – I have insulin resistant PCOS that tends to exhibit itself in months (and at one point well over a year) of ovulation shutdown. However, I’m this very moment nursing a nearly four-month-old baby girl. It would seem I have a very narrow window of weight at which I’m fertile. Maybe you’ve already been here, so feel free to tell me to go suck eggs, but I got pregnant quite quickly by losing a few kilos (probably about 7 or so pounds). I had just turned 30 and went from no periods for a year to pregnant in a couple of months with no hormone therapy required. Of course you don’t want to lose too much weight, because then the infertility can start all over again. All the best with the trying.
Regarding bodyhair (never been a problem with my PCOS – fair redhead), has Cat tried a place that does proper Indian eyebrow threading? South Asian women are awesome at removing bodyhair and a couple of my friends swear by our local Indian beauty salon – I’m sure they’ve seen more than a few hirsute nipples. Btw, I’m in Auckland, so depending where you are in Australia, I’m sure there are many similar establishments.
I pluck, too–maybe once a week or less. I get a few longer, darker hairs, and those get the pluck. The blonde, fine ones aren’t worth dealing with and never seem to grow long anyway. I’m sure my boyfriend has seen a hair here or there and he’s never complained or mentioned it. He also doesn’t seem to mind my stretch marks, cellulite, or loose tummy skin from losing a bunch of weight (plus, I lost this after we started dating, so he’s seen me a lot fatter).
My theory is that most men are happy to touch, kiss, love boobs in general. The fact that most of us have imperfect ones isn’t a problem at all.
So, I don’t have much in the way of nipple hair. I do, however, have noticable hair on my stomach, my toes, a few strays under my chin, and thicker-than-average leg hair. At one point, I was asking my doctor about PCOS, as was suggested above, citing that I was hairy, among other possible symptoms. This was my gyno, so she’d seen pretty much every part of my body, and she looked totally nonplussed and told me that I wasn’t unusually hairy in any way.
I shave my legs when I feel like it, and not when I don’t. I pluck the chin hairs when I get around to noticing them. I tried to shave my stomach in my teen years, and let’s just say it was not terribly effective. I’ve met a couple women who really pull off a mustache, and one with a kick-ass goatee, to my ever-lasting amazement and awe.
The point being, we all have hair. In lots of places. And while it’s everyone’s prerogative to treat it however they want, not treating it at all is an option, and you’re totally normal.
I would like to give Sue a virtual high-five for “super chin-mole hair.” I too have a single chin-hair that won’t quit, although it grows out of mole-free skin. All my other facial hair (eyebrows excepted) is light and downy, but this one hair is like a boar’s bristle. I can always feel it with my finger before it is visible to the casual observer, which is how I keep up with plucking it. In recent years it’s been joined by a thick, dark hair growing out of the middle of a mole on the back of my knee. I pluck that one obsessively too (which is funny, considering how long I will go without shaving legs or pits).
Like nearly all the other commenters, I have a few rogue thick, dark nipple hairs. I’ve had ’em since my late teens, and I always pluck ’em. There’s one or two more of them now than there used to be. My husband just rolls his eyes when he sees me getting after them with the tweezers. I don’t know if most husbands don’t care about the funny stray body hairs or just SAY they don’t care, but he REALLY doesn’t care. (Which is good, because men who sprout small hair forests in their ears better not have problems with my hairy nips.)
I just want to add myself to the list of people saying “Me too!” I usually pluck the hairs when I notice them, but it’s not a ritual or anything. Same thing with the occasional hair on my chin. Those annoy the crap out of me as I tend to notice them when I’m at work and can’t do anything about it until I get home, grr.
When I started dating the boyfriend a little more than a year ago, I spent the first 6 months or so obsessively plucking all my “non-normal” hair. I don’t do that now and so far I’ve had no comments. In fact, on a somewhat related note, he just yesterday noticed the birthmark I’ve got on the side of one of my breasts. The GLARINGLY OBVIOUS birthmark, at least to me. Apparently not so much to other people. :-)
And now I feel weird and freakish because I’m pale and skinny, BUT! I have nipple hairs!
So it’s not just me dealing with a few dark hairs around the areolae? Phew. My love for all of you is so intense right now.
Bravo to Vicky for pointing out that we’re getting the idea that we’re not normal because of the airbrushed nudity in the media.
I pluck my errant nipple hairs, and I was probably older than 22 when I realized that if I pluck them quickly I’m actually breaking off the hair, making it more likely to become ingrown. If you take the time to pluck them slowly you can slide out the whole root, which works much better.
And there’s a kind of horrible satisfaction you get from looking at those little bastard hairs trapped in your tweezers.
“And there’s a kind of horrible satisfaction you get from looking at those little bastard hairs trapped in your tweezers.”
Oh my God I love love love that feeling, particularly with some of the more annoying stray brow hairs I get. Particularly when I get the root.
I remember many years ago when I first noticed the hair on the girls (12? 13?) I was convinced that there was something wrong with me so I asked my mom, and she told me it was totally normal and that lots of women have them. Thank goodness my mom is all about healthy self-image. It saved me so much stress during those ever so fun teenage years.
In my 20’s, I received a gift of Electrolysis from my Dad, who blamed himself for the hirsut gene that made me self-conscious about myself. (My tummy and breasts don’t match with my mental image of what girls should look like.) I had electrolsis on my breast hairs every 8 weeks for more than a year. It was painful and expensive and didn’t solve the problem. So now I pluck occasionally and just fuhgeddaboutit the rest of the time.
It does help to see so many others chiming in.
I also say electrolysis. I get it done on my chin, and it hurts and can potentially take many sessions to get rid of the hair permanently. But it definitely works. I was driving myself nuts obsessively plucking my chin hairs (at my desk when nobody was looking, in the bathroom, etc… meanwhile my eyebrows are a disaster area and it doesn’t bother me… go figure) and this has been really effective for me. I won’t lie and say that it was entirely an OCD issue… but the “feel” of hair on my chin was bothering me much more than the vanity aspects. So long live electrolysis.
Sue, I had a very hairy mole on my chin that made my life a misery when I was a teenager. My doctor removed it under local anaesthetic, so now I have no mole, no hair (there, the rest of the chin is a different story), and an almost unnoticeable scar. I highly recommend looking into it; it was a really simple procedure that made a heck of a difference to my self-confidence.
@ Sue – too funny you mentioned getting stranded on an island. i can’t tell you how many times i thought of that scenario and how i would get rid of or hide nipple hairs. i had no idea it was common until reading this, so thank you all!
i’ve been plucking since i was 14 i think. shaving didn’t seem like a good idea. i finally worked up the nerve to ask my gyn about options once, and she told me there weren’t any. a new gyn just mentioned pcos as a possibility when we were discussing my insane hormone fluctuations when i went off the pill. so thanks to all that chimed in with that. i need to check that out.
the only person who knows about my (i guess not quite so) unusual hairs is my husband. but i feel 1000% better about this whole thing knowing i’m not alone!
I totally don’t mean to be flip, but yay! Welcome to being a mammal! Come closer to the fire, we have cookies!
Other than that, hey, I got nothing. I’ve got ’em. I thought everyone had ’em. I pluck the dark or long ones, but other than that, I leave the little fuckers alone.
God knows, you don’t want to shave them, because then they all grow out the same length which looks really weird. Not that I would know from personal experience, because…um. Yeah. Tweezers after a shower are your friend.
Re the boyfriend: He’s seen it before on other women. Obviously it didn’t turn him off the boobies for life, so you’re probably good.
Re societal expectations: Even porn stars don’t look as good as porn stars, frankly. It’s all lighting and angles.
This topic reminds me of an episode of “Scrubs” – “My Comedy Show” (season 8, episode 10, see it on Hulu), in which Carla gets caught pulling an epic nip hair.
I, too, am one of the fuzzy-boobed and blame my paternal grandmother (my mom is largely hair-free in comparison to me). I tend to tweeze right after showering, or if I’m in a rush, I’ll go ahead and shave the errant strands and suck up the ingrowns. I have darker skin, so I’m not going to try the laser or electrolysis — I scar (dark spots, not keloids) waaayyy too easily. And since my lovely man doesn’t seem to mind, I’m not particularly vigilant about it. Still, I do it for him as a way to “dress up” the girls on special occasions. I’m not sure if he even notices though and coward that I am, I refuse to ask him anything about it.
I have the same problem. I just tweeze as they grow in.
Me too; I pluck when I think of it. The important and 100% true thing here, though, is this: any man who’d notice and make you feel bad about it is doing you the favor of proving BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that he’s not worth your time or worry, thank you, please drive through. I speak from experience.