I have obtained a cat as part of a package deal — he came with the
girlfriend. Said feline was very much an outdoor cat, hunting down and
killing all sorts of things, in spite of efforts to keep him fed. He’s
a cat — that’s more or less what they do.

He’s now been relocated into an apartment. It’s a fairly large
apartment, but he’s pretty much stuck inside it. There’s a balcony.
Unsurprisingly, he seems bored. Is there anything I can do to alleviate
the cat’s boredom? Both girlfriend and I work, so we’re away during the
day. 24/7 company for the cat is not really an option. Another cat is
definitely not an option — it’s not like the landlord knows we’ve got
the one, let alone another.

Regards,
Bored Cat Equals Holes in Furniture

I’m a liberal, free-thinking, sexually active female.
I understand that one person’s perversion is another
person’s fun way to spend a Friday night. But I cannot
wrap my head around how I should feel about my
boyfriend’s internet porn habit.

There is a part of me that just wants to ignore it, go
on with my life, and not waste another potentially
productive moment wrestling with the issue. Then there
is the part that stumbled onto naughty URLs on his
home computer, after he told me (granted, I would not
accept his “promise”) that he wasn’t going to do it
anymore.

Broken fakey promise and typical insecure girly
feelings of “Is that what he really likes?” aside,
there is the fact that I find pornography to be
unimaginative, aimed at the lowest common denominator,
degrading to women, and just plain insulting to the
act of making love.

So, how realistic am I being? A casual search of the
internet and a history of reading women’s magazines
has led me inevitably to the “boys will be boys” and
“everyone does it, so get with the program” line of
reasoning. Am I wrong to feel totally cheated by that
cop-out mentality, or am I really being the prissy
overreactor here?

Can boys really just not control themselves? If this
is true, all my other boyfriends have either been
eunuchs or incredibly, incredibly sneaky and devious.

Sincerely,
Sick of Porn

A friend of mine has received an email from someone in
Taiwan, asking to explain why there is no verb in the
sentence “A gift for every day of the year.”

We’re a little stuck.

I’d argue that the “sentence” isn’t actually a sentence,
rather a fragment. My friend says it’s Hallmark-like, a
phrase or slogan, which led me to conclude that the
“sentence” has an implied verb. For example: “At Hallmark,
we have a gift for every day of the year.” The implied verb
being “have.”

Is there such a thing as an implied verb?
If every sentence needs a verb before it can be a sentence,
will an implied verb do?

A third party has just stuck her head around the corner and
argued that, as the sentence is a statement of fact, no
verb is needed.

Who’s right here, or what’s the way to go?

Confused ESL teachers

I have a problem that may seem very minor in the scheme of things, but I could use some outside advice, so here goes…

About eight months ago, I started dating “Darin.” I’ve played the field pretty extensively for the last six years (I’m 23), had a few serious relationships and a plenty of casual ones, and this is definitely the best relationship I’ve ever had, as well as the most serious. We have a strong friendship, fantastic sex, mutual respect, solid commitment, everything I want.

Recently two issues have arisen. The first: Darin is moving to a (much smaller) city four hours away for a job promotion. He is highly successful professionally and I encouraged him to take this transfer, though I have mixed feelings about moving to the place in question and in any case I’m stuck here for another several months. I hate the thought of being long distance, but it would be madness to give up now.

The bigger issue is my parents. Lately, whenever I talk to them on the phone or drop by, they make annoying comments about Darin. My father is highly opposed to our relationship because Darin is not the same religion/ethnicity as my family, and also criticizes Darin for being “obese.” (Darin is not obese, though he is slightly overweight, and is trying to lose the excess pounds — my dad is an exercise and nutrition freak). Dad says he won’t come to the wedding and would forbid my sister from attending (we’re not engaged, anyway). My mother thinks it’s a bad idea to stay together long distance, because I won’t meet other people, and supposedly I am too young to commit and I lack the dating/relationship experience to decide I don’t want to see other people. She has said in the past she thinks Darin is “boring” — nobody else who knows him has that opinion. Plus both of them think I should not move to Smaller City (I’ve always lived fairly near them).

Let the record show that EVERY major decision I’ve ever made, my parents have had some issue, some problem with, be it choice of academic study, work, any of my friends, any boyfriend, my social life, where I live, choice of roommates, et cetera. I do quite well for myself, my lifestyle choices make me happy, and so I largely ignore their criticism, but I just can’t let it slide off my back this time. I love Darin, I probably will marry him someday, and it really bothers me that my parents are so opposed (for stupid reasons, if you ask me).

My question for you is, how do I teach them to respect my decisions and accept Darin as my boyfriend, or failing that, train myself not to care about their criticism? They are my parents and have good qualities as well as the bad ones I’ve complained about; I do not look forward to a life of parental estrangement.

Thanks,
Disheartened

I was wanting some advice on a situation with my boyfriend, which is really starting to get me down.

I’ve been dating him for nearly two years and up until recently we were living together; he’s now living closer to his work, as we decided because of the stress because of his job that it would be better for us.

Since he’s moved into a new share house he’s made really good friends with one of the girls there, and now does most (if not all) of his cooking, shopping, hanging out with her. Which does upset me as it makes me feel sort of replaced by her.

The only time I get to see him is on the weekends now, as we live a fair distance away. But if I’m down at his place all we seem to do is sit on the couch and watch satellite TV, and with this girl. If she goes out somewhere, we tag along with her, but if I want to do something just with him and I, then he doesn’t seem to want to, and blames it on the horrible weather or that he’s too tired, but if she were to suggest going out he would jump at the chance.

When I’m at his house, and she is there, it feels as though I’m intruding on their time, and its not about him and I working on our relationship, I’m just there as the person he takes to his bed. And I don’t get chance to talk to him without her being there, and overhearing whatever I’m saying.

I’ve tried to speak to him about this and his response is that he doesn’t find her attractive, and that I have to get over it because she’s a friend; I don’t mind him having her as a friend, it’s just that she is interfering in the only time I do get to spend with him, and it’s the whole of the weekend.

I don’t know what to do or what to think, I kind of think that yes I am overreacting, but I also think that I have a valid point, he’s just not seeing it at all.

I hope that you can give me some advice.

Thanks,
Kit