The Vine: February 8, 2001
Dear Sars,
New Year’s, a (male) friend of mine and I were pretty drunk and we were fooling around. I was worried that it would mess things up, but he told me not to worry. Now it’s a month later, and I realize that it was a mistake, a drunken mistake, but can deal with it. He, on the other hand, hasn’t said a word to me in three weeks, and the only time he talks in reference to me while I’m around is to make fun of me. Cliché, no? I asked a mutual friend about this, and he said it’s because the guy is insecure and regrets it and can’t really take the criticism for hooking up with me, because I’m not terribly popular/hot/any other number of things. I haven’t been too sociable either, but that’s just because I don’t want to talk to someone who very obviously doesn’t want to talk to me.
Everyone says that I shouldn’t waste my time on this jerk of a guy, and I don’t want to. I would waste my time on my friend, who this jerk really isn’t. In short, I want my friend back. Should I call him on it? Is there anything I can do? Is this a hopeless cause?
Thanks for the help —
Confused
Dear Confused,
“[I]t’s because the guy is insecure and regrets it and can’t really take the criticism for hooking up with me, because I’m not terribly popular/hot/any other number of things.” This is, without a doubt, the saddest thing I’ve read all week. Who cares if you’re not the hottest or the most popular? You still have feelings, and this guy’s supposed to be your friend.
It’s time to call your hook-up buddy out on his behavior. Here’s what you do: 1) Put on an outfit that you feel comfortable and attractive in. 2) March up to him, preferably in front of his friends, and tell him you hear that you’re not good enough for him to hook up with, that he’s embarrassed about making out with you, and that’s why he’s slagging you, so that he can feel better about his emotionally impacted, shallow, tiny-penised self. 3) Remind him that it’s one mack session and nothing to get his boxers in a knot over, and you can assure him that you’ll never “embarrass” him with another one, because you now see that he’s an immature dickwad. 4) Point towards Egypt and tell him the pyramids are thataway, and he should go climb up one and get over his damn self. 5) Stomp off, preferably in the direction of the nearest school of foreign service, so that you can sign your “mutual friend” up for some diplomacy classes.
He’s going to laugh at you, probably, and then turn around and be all “yeah, she totally still wants me” to his friends. Let him. He’s a baby, and it’s high time you threw him out with the bathwater.
Tags: boys (and girls)
