The Vine: January 10, 2001
Hi Sarah!
I have a problem. My best friend Beth is leaving tomorrow for a whole year – I’m traumatized, because we both live in a huge city where I’m having trouble making new friends, and she has been an awesome person to me. And we’ve both been so unhappy about her leaving – she is going to another country, so there’s no way we can talk to or see each other as much.
She got a boyfriend about 2 months ago – a fling named Jeremy, her neighbor. She’s played it off as harmless, temporary fun. He’s okay, I’ve been polite.
But in the last few days or so, I find myself wanting to kick him. I think we’re both competing for her time before she goes, and she’s trying to make it as balanced as she can, but I hate being around them. They lustfully paw at each other, and her attention seems too focused on him. What further pisses me off is that I get to baby-sit her spice rack and other practical household items while she’s gone, and he gets the one thing I actually wanted – an awesome lamp – although she promised it to me (I didn’t say anything).
I’m unhappy right now, big time, because I don’t want to add stress to stress for her, but I feel left out and Jeremy’s presence is only making me want to scream. I’ve been her close friend for a year, and he gets to take her to the airport. I’m pissed.
Should I say anything or just steam and let her go?
Fifth Wheel
Dear Wheel,
Just steam and let her go. It’s natural to feel the way you do, but it’s also natural – if very irritating – for her to act the way she’s acting. If you air your grievances, it’ll just make your last few days together unpleasant, and you’ll wind up resenting one another, and that’s not a good way to leave things.
I think part of what’s bothering you is the fact that you feel lonely and worried about going it alone after Beth leaves, and you need to accept that – it’s natural, too – and not take it out on her.
Put a brave face on and try not to let Jeremy bother you. It’s difficult, but Beth is dealing with a lot right now herself, so do the best you can.
Dear Sars,
I’ve got a pretty cool life. The ol’ TV career’s taking off, I have great friends and a quasi-boyfriend-like individual, I don’t hate my family, school’s almost done. Good.
There’s this little issue, though, whereby I am LAZY! Not when I write 78-page scripts (which by the way are good for nothing) or walk the 20 minutes to rent the vid to watch with quasi-boy, but getting out of bed, while always a trial, is becoming comical in it’s non-occurrence. I justify missing class, apologize about arriving late to the non-job, and can’t seem to go to bed before three AM, (and I’m never, ever late for important stuff) but it’s still pretty ridiculous.
Add this to the fact that I’m a terrible procrastinator, and everything gets done on time but with horrible blood, sweat and tears beforehand, and you see my issue. The net for 2 hours worth of Napster is somehow justifiable until the essay is due.
Now, I am an adult in every other aspect of life. I do things, pay bills, have a life, et cetera. I just really believe that alarm clocks spontaneously stop working when they get into my region, etc. As a result, of course, “unimportant” things like, oh, dusting, are forgotten, mythic things of an ancient time.
Advice, or possibly a well-deserved ass-kicking?
Snarfy
Dear Snarf,
“Dusting”? What is this “dusting” of which you speak?
Heh. If everything gets done, and on time, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for your lack of industry. Still, half of life is showing up (or however that expression goes), and you should probably start showing up – on time. Lateness is rude, no matter how “important” the occasion, so you should work on that.
Start small. Part of the reason people procrastinate comes from feeling that a job or task is too big, so take little steps at first. Set yourself a couple of goals this week: go to class once more than you normally would, for example, or get your ass to bed before one in the morning every night this week (it’s a lot easier to get things done during the day, generally).
And you might try keeping to-do lists. It sounds ridiculous, but they don’t make a lazier person than me, and I find lists enormously helpful. Break things down into “right now,” “today,” “this week,” and “by month’s end” categories. Again, when you look around at your apartment and see that it’s a sty and you say to yourself, “Oh my god, my apartment is a sty and I’ve got to clean the whole place and there’s no food in the house and my laundry wants to get on the lease and so does that dust hippo under my bed and the blender’s broken and fehhhhhh,” it just gets too overwhelming and you go running for the nearest game of mah jongg. Oh, wait, that’s me. Still, if you break the sty down into smaller, more manageable sty-ettes and attack each thing one at a time, you can get everything done. And if you don’t get everything done, nobody is keeping score. Well, my mother keeps score, but that’s my mother’s problem.
Once you get into the habit of organizing your time, it won’t seem like quite such a big job.
Tags: friendships
