I don’t know what I expect you to say about this, but this is a problem I’ve kept to myself and have not discussed with anyone, and perhaps it will help me just to get it out, and know that someone is reading and taking it in. That is, if I can focus my mind long enough to finish the email, about which, more presently.

Over the last few years, I feel I’ve been losing whatever facility and skill with language I once possessed. It was a subtle decline at first — I would have trouble coming up with a particular word I wanted to say or write, and sometimes I would have to settle on a word choice that fell short of my ideal but would do in a pinch. It was easier for me to compensate for the difficulty in my writing than in conversations, as I could take the time to edit and prune and eventually come up with a draft that passed muster. But over time I’ve become almost completely inarticulate and vapid in conversational situations — embarrassingly so, to me — both on the phone and face to face. At this point, I feel that to lose the physical ability to speak would be only a small step down, and would in fact be something of a relief. I recall conversations I had years ago with people whom I decided had nothing to say, and now I’ve fallen to that level and then some.

My writing is little better, for all the pains I take with it. I wish I could give you some notion of how frustrating it is for me. Everything I manage to put on the page strikes me as labored, strained, colorless. I search for ways to express myself, and all I can manage are pale clichés; I strive for profundity but lack even the capacity to be elegantly obvious. On rare occasions when I think I’ve stumbled onto an arresting or well-turned phrase, I realize it’s something I’ve recently read and unconsciously plagiarized. And it isn’t only words themselves I’m losing: I can’t structure anything; I can’t build a piece in support of a larger thematic concept; I can’t marshal details and specifics to back up a case. It takes me forever to do badly what I used to be able to do rather well in a fraction of the time. I always counted my expressive resources as a relative strength, and in just a few years I’ve seen myself become feeble with the written word, and incompetent with the spoken. What terrifies me is that I may not have hit bottom yet.

I look back at things I wrote years ago, and I can’t imagine writing (God, let alone speaking) that well now; they don’t even seem to be products of the same mind. I used to be able to write lyrically, or bluntly, or satirically, or informatively. I could write in my own distinctive style, and I could credibly mimic the styles of others. I wrote critical pieces that were incisive at their best. People often told me they loved to receive letters from me. I had more offers to write for publications than I could accept, and I always set high standards for myself. I turned down a generous offer on more than one occasion because I didn’t feel that what I could supply (or could continue to supply) would be good enough, even when I was the only one who felt that way; even when my judgment was sharply disputed by the editor and/or the preponderance of the readership, where applicable.

I don’t know what’s happening to me, Sarah. I’m barely thirty years old, so it hardly seems likely I have a dementing illness. I’ve never been an alcohol or drug abuser (I nearly wish I had been; at least I could have had the pleasures of substance abuse if I’m, for all intents and purposes, going to suffer the consequences). I haven’t sustained any blunt head trauma. I can’t cite an obvious precipitant at all, and yet I feel that an important part of myself, a great source of pride, is slipping away from me, and I’m miserable over it.

Anthony

I find myself at something of an impasse, and I’m pretty sure I’m ignoring common sense because of my feelings. Which is nothing new in the history of the world, but I’d really rather be unique.

Roughly seven months ago, I started going out with my first boyfriend. Roughly a month ago, we broke up. Over the summer we didn’t get to see each other very often, and he apparently felt the pressure of having “needs” with no outlet — there was one time he cuddled with an ex that he told me about, and apparently another time he played around with another girl that he didn’t tell me about. We did talk about it before and after, and I wasn’t entirely okay with it, but, I mean, I wasn’t there — it wasn’t like he was preferring other people to me. But then he felt guilty, and basically the whole fear of commitment — he wanted to have experiences with more girls.

So then he broke up with me, which came a bit out of the blue to me — he’d been thinking all of the above without really telling me. So…then for a month, we were separated, and he messed around with another girl, and I was trying to deal with it and the general separatedness, and I still liked him, and we got along and stuff…and a couple days ago, he said he wanted to get back together. And…well, he’d been saying he was confused about what he really wanted, and about his decision, and I naturally had that lingering “what if we got together again?” hope…and I said yes, although I’m pretty sure that was stupid. And he’s not entirely sure about how he’s feeling either, or if this is a good or a bad thing, or what. And it was the day after that that he told me that he had essentially cheated on me this summer…and I’m not sure if that changes anything, or if it should…basically, I don’t know if it’s a stage, or if it’s the way he is, or if it should matter either way — in other words, if that’s just bad.

We were both virgins going into the relationship, and are now not — but he’s had relationships before. And he’s said that he hasn’t really ended a relationship because of wanting to experience more before…but he’s also saying he doesn’t want to be in a relationship he’s pretty sure won’t work. But the reason he’s saying that is because we’re young — I’m recently nineteen, and he’s recently twenty — and such relationships don’t tend to last till marriage, and will therefore just lead to us breaking up and being sad…which I think is kind of silly, but, well, I’m also quite biased. And, well, I also don’t know all of what’s going on in his head — if that’s really what he’s thinking, if he even knows.

Now…I can see three futures — we go back to being separated, and I’m sad, but not confused. Or things actually work out, and we’re all happy and stuff. Or we go on a vicious cycle of togetherness and not and cheating and repentance. The first is sad, and the second doesn’t seem likely, but I like it, and the third one seems pessimistically likely — but that doesn’t really seem to make a difference in my decisions. So I guess I just want a third-party opinion on the whole mess — and you’re both helpful and blunt, and I get to be anonymous.

Thank you,
Discombobulated

I love the Vine, and your excellent advice, so I was wondering if you
could give me an objective opinion here.

Here’s the back story. My best friend is getting married in a few months to her
boyfriend of five years. They have separate residences and will continue to
be two hours apart for at least another year. Without going into boring
details, there really is nothing they can do about it. Long story short,
circumstances are beyond their control.

Okay, so the problem is, they just spent some time together a couple of weeks
ago, and now she thinks she may be pregnant. Not even going into the idiocy
of them having unprotected sex, I’m trying to figure out what to say to her
if she is pregnant. She’s 26 and he’s 25, so we’re not talking kids having
kids here. They both have college educations and good jobs that won’t keep them apart for much
longer, so they can definitely take care of a child.
But she’s expressed to me many times that she’s not ready to have kids.
Period. And again, I’m refraining from smacking her for having unprotected
sex.

So, if she goes through with the pregnancy, the dad won’t be around except
for most weekends for the pregnancy itself, plus the first few months of the
baby’s life. My friend is moving soon (closer to the dad), so she won’t know
anyone or have help. We’ve never really discussed abortion, so I don’t know
if she’s thinking that’s an option. Do you think abortion would be wrong in
this situation? And even if it is, should I say anything about that? What
would you tell her if she was your best friend? (You know, besides “Hello?
Birth control!”)

Thanks,
Hoping it’s negative