I have a best friend, Boy X; I also have a problem. Around the same time we became friends, we also became, bluntly, fuck-buddies. This went on for four years. We’d stop for no more than four months now and again, be with other people, break up with other people, and always manage to fall back to sleeping together. Until over a year ago, immediately after I thought I was pregnant, after a year of neither having outside interests. Rather than yet another meaningless relationship, he found a girl he just might love. Now our friendship is becoming somewhat of a disaster. Before she moved cross-country to be with him, Boy X told me he liked her, would see how things worked out — generally everything I’d heard about every relationship he’s had. Because of this, as per normal, Boy X and I slept with each other, four times, after what I now know was an “exclusive” relationship (at least in theory) and many many more times while they were just dating.

I did not think it would bother me when I made the choice to sleep with him while he had a girlfriend; we’d done things like that before. But those relationships weren’t nearly as close, the word “soulmate” was never part of any of them as it is uttered frequently now. I feel wrong, I feel like liar when she has his arm around him, smiling brightly. I know she is in love with someone she does not know has cheated on her, with me no less. She clearly dislikes me, generally walking away from a group as soon as I start talking with Boy X. I’ve gone out of my way to be nice to her, show her how I’m a nice funny gal, but she takes every joke wrong.

I also feel as if Boy X damaged my trust, by not stopping and letting me know how much they were digging each other. I recently told him that this angered me. As soon as he knew the tragectory of their relationship, he should have stopped having sex with me, let me know, et cetera. Mostly because, in the past, our outside relationship wasn’t too serious and sleeping with each other was generally an indictation of this. Not sleeping with each other meant we were trying to start a relationship with someone else. But he had this long-distance thing for several months. He makes me feel as if I’ve been played, used, et cetera. We fight constantly about it.

I know in our friendship, we’d always let the other know if we’d been with someone. But now he’s tight-lipped, in love, and I feel like the liar. I tell him he should tell her, to treat her and me fairly. We’ve been important fixtures in each other’s lives otherwise, not just fuck-buddies. I care about him and he seems to care about me more. One of our fights led to him shoving me and me punching him to get him to stop. We both felt pretty sick about that. I can’t really get away entirely either, as we live one apartment next to the other and I am too poor to move. How do you work it out?

Friends are frustrating

I’ve talked to a lot of my friends about this, and none of them have been able to help, so I’m coming to you. About nine months ago, I became good friends with a girl from my high school (I’ll call her “Edina”) and her best friend (“Patsy”). We went to the movies, mall, restaurants, and similar places together a lot. I confided in them a lot, but they really never chose to confide in me. Now, this really didn’t bother me, as they had been best friends for many years and I didn’t wanna intrude on that.

Of course, we got into our share of arguments, like normal people do. Although 90 percent of the time they were between Patsy and me. I realize that I’ve got a (sometimes) odd sense of humor. I’m the type of person that will jibe their friends, but usually people know I’m kidding and take it that way.

I did this with Patsy and Edina, and that was always what pissed Patsy off. I would always tell her that I’d quit doing that, but when I did, she started doing it to me. It’s okay for her to do, but not for me? I don’t play like that, sorry. At the beginning of August, things changed. They started ignoring me and hanging out with another guy — I’ll call him Jack. Him and me are almost exactly the same, except he’s MUCH more feminine than I am. Edina tells me one day that I’m “freaking [Patsy] out” because I “like her,” and how “it’s so obvious; everybody notices it.” The hell? I denied it. I’ve never liked Patsy. EVER.

Things have just gone downhill from there. They’ve often talked about me…when I’m only about five feet away. They’ve even dragged other people into it. They’ll be in a group of about five just making fun of me, making it obvious for me to hear. It’s reduced me to tears once — when I consider to be an incredible feat. I don’t cry. It shows weakness…I’m just glad they didn’t see it.

Lately, Edina had gotten friendlier, and it was like nothing had ever happened. But one day, she came up to me asking if I had told Patsy that she was going out with someone-or-other. No. Again — the hell? I told her no, and she called me paranoid and that I was to stay “ten feet away from her at all times.” It hurt…especially since I never said it. Patsy’s a fucking bitch, and most of my friends hate her, but it sucks that me and Edina’s friendship is wrecked because of her lies. I’ve tried to talk to Edina alone, but those two are never apart. Hell, they can’t even go to the bathroom without each other. And it isn’t helping that Jack is feeding her more lies. He just pisses me off.

Wow. That turned out kind of long — sorry. I know this may seem like stupid high school politics, but I really don’t want to see what seemed like a good friendship go down the drain. Any advice you could give would be GREATLY appreciated.

Sincerely,
Dazed, Lost, And Mad As Hell