The Vine: January 2, 2007
Happy holiday, Sars!
An easy, quick and not too boring way to speed up typing is the game TyperShark. This can be found on Yahoo Games and other sites, I believe.
B
Dear B,
Pop Cap’s version is fun, even if you already know how to touch-type. (Do NOT download their fruit stacking game; you will not get a lick of work done for a week.) Several other readers suggested it too.
Other suggestions appear below; if I got it more than once, it’s asterisked.
programs/downloads
2addicted.com/letters
cognitivelabs.com/word_shoot.htm *
learn2type.com
Mario Teaches Typing *
Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing *
Type To Learn *
The Typing Of The Dead *
Typing Tutor *
methods
type with your hands covered for a few days (use a box or some paper) *
rearrange the letters on your keyboard so that looking down is irrelevant
get voice-recognition software
use chat rooms/MUDs/IM-ing for practice and don’t use “U/you” shortcuts *
take a keyboarding class or extension course *
Sars,
Is revenge best served cold, or can I pull this relationship Band-Aid off right now and be done with it?
My dad and I had an argument in April. He overstepped a boundary in trying to discipline my five-year-old son and basically, it was the first time in my life that I really stood up to him. I was very firm but calm and felt really proud of myself afterwards, with no regrets. He and my stepmother left in a huff, and our weekly phone calls stopped. We’ve not spoken since then, but we did acknowledge each other’s birthdays with cards.
On Tuesday, I received a scathing, typewritten letter from my dad which outlined his thoughts on my son (spoiled, bad-tempered and in need of professional help), my parenting skills (severely lacking), our relationship (“I want to have a relationship with you, but I honestly feel like I’m wasting my time”) and laying out parameters for going forward (“We have decided that we are going to keep our distance for a year until your son has had a chance to mature”).
This letter just does it for me. I had resigned myself to having a cordial relationship where we acknowledge birthdays and holidays, et cetera, but now I really don’t think I even want that. I’m just done with the whole thing, and I would like to tell him so. I’ve composed a letter that does not attempt to respond to my dad’s criticisms, nor is it a page of “Oh yeah, well this is what you’ve done to me.” It basically says, you aren’t the only one who gets to determine the parameters of this relationship; we are what we are and if you can’t accept it, that’s your problem; and I think it would be best if we take this “year off” and expand it permanently.
My husband is angry over my dad’s letter, but feels that my letter is not the best tactic. Hub says that my dad is expecting an emotional response and my letter just validates his. He thinks we wait until the next time they try to make contact (knowing my dad, he’s put a tickler in his Outlook for 365 days after he wrote the letter) and lay him out then. I hate to wait that long; seeing his response when I stood up to his bullying in April makes me want to do it again.
My MIL (who knows from dysfunctional relationships with a parent) says that there’s no point in sending the letter because I can’t really cut off contact forever: “He’ll always be your father.”
My mother wants me to put the letter away and think about it before I send it, but she has a history of not calling people on their bullshit so I take that for what it’s worth.
In short, yeah, I’m taking a poll: what do you think?
I’ve thought through the consequences of the letter pretty well, I think. I truly am okay with the idea of not ever having contact with him (and my stepmother, that bitch) again, being cut out of the will, whatever. Why would I want to continue to have a relationship with people who belittle my husband, bully my children and make me feel defensive and inadequate?
Thanks in advice for your $.02,
Two Sets Of Parents Is Quite Enough, Thanks
Dear One Does It Pretty Nicely For Me, Actually (Hi, Ma!),
Think about why you want to send a letter instead of just putting your feelings into action for yourself. In other words, instead of putting him on notice that you’re re-setting the boundaries of the relationship and that you don’t plan to tolerate his bullshit any longer, why don’t you just…do so?
Because I suspect that your husband is right — that your father wants a reaction. But more to the point, you want a reaction; you say so yourself in this letter, that you want another response to your response. Which there’s nothing wrong with, but: why? And: what reaction are you hoping to get? Are you actually hoping that, having seen that you’re serious, he’ll back down and say he’s sorry? I mean, hey, maybe what you’re really hoping is that he’ll have a scorch-the-earth “never speak to me again” moment, but again, you have to ask yourself why — what you’re hoping to get out of this.
There isn’t going to be a cinematically neat, unambiguously satisfying conclusion to this, most likely. I’m not saying you have to maintain contact with him; I’m saying that, if you want to cut him off, you should just do it, focusing on that and on how that improves (or complicates) your family life rather than on the reaction you’d get from declaring it formally. Your father is a presumptuous drama queen and you’ve gotten tired of dealing with him, so, don’t, but he’s not going to learn a lesson from this; it’s too late for that. People don’t change. Knowing that, and knowing what he is, you kind of have to do what you need to do your own self and not wait for him to sign off on it — because, by sending a letter, you are pretty much letting him define the parameters, if you see what I’m saying. It’s like the estrangement doesn’t start until he acknowledges it.
If you really feel strongly, send the letter, but the letter isn’t the point. The point is that, if you want the guidelines of this relationship to change, moving forward, that’s on you to make happen, letter or no.
Dear Sars,
How much can you depend on friends?
In my liberal arts school I’ve generally had four best friends, QXYZ, that grew out into a larger group I hang out with. And until now, things have been pretty great. We looked after each other, did the weird fun things you do in college. But over the summer everyone was busy and, well…I chalked it up to everyone being busy. I was busy too.
Then school started again and I got sick. I thought it was the flu. I learned it wasn’t when three days later I had to call the campus police because I couldn’t breathe and needed to go to the hospital. It was bronchitis with another minor infection. So I was discharged this morning, slept off the amazingly strong pills they gave and woke up to a concerned chorus of…nothing.
Seriously. I had called X to let someone close to me know where I was before I left (my parents are too far away to just drive up unexpectedly). I couldn’t reach Q, Y, OR Z. So someone did know.
I feel like such a miserable doormat, Sars. Whenever other people were sick, I would make care packages or ask if they needed anything. I make baked goods for people just because. When other people were sick, I helped them. I just feel really resentful. I know you’re not supposed to keep score on these things, but part of me wants to just say, “The bakery is closed. Make your own cookies from now on, bitches.” Than I worry about being self-centered and selfish. Why do I need all the attention? It’s not like I nearly died. But then again, why should I be Little Miss Susie Helper providing baked goods and care packages and saying everything’s fine. So I guess I’m left feeling kind of hurt and angry at everyone and I’m not really sure where I stand.
I’d yell, but my throat hurts
Dear Throat,
Step one: Call X and tell her you felt kind of abandoned by his/her failure to call or check in, and you’d appreciate better follow-through. It’s not a fun conversation, but s/he’s not a mind-reader; it’s possible that s/he didn’t know, for whatever reason, that that’s something you expected. It’s also possible that you consider this a closer friendship than s/he does, and while that’s not fun to find out either, better you know now.
Step two: Get honest with yourself about whether you bust out the cookies and care packages because you genuinely enjoy it, or because you do want credit of some kind — because you want people to like you, and you don’t think you alone is enough to make that happen. If it’s the latter, that’s something you should think about; doing things to curry favor and then silently resenting the favorers when they don’t respond in kind is a strategy that is best avoided, so if that’s what it boils down to, it’s time to reassess these friendships and your role in them.
But start by talking to X. Sometimes people are dense about each other; seething accomplishes nothing.
Tags: Ask The Readers friendships kids the fam
