The Vine: January 27, 2010
Dear Sars,
I have fruit trees in my yard.Most of them are in the back behind a tall locked gate, but I have a tangerine tree in my front yard behind an unlocked (but gated) 3-foot-tall picket fence. When the fruit is ripe I pick it 2-3 times a week, but I don’t have time to pick fruit every day.
Fruit tends to disappear from this tree in between pickings, and when I see the neighborhood kids taking fruit (by either reaching over the fence, or opening the gate and coming uninvited into my yard), I try to stay casual and say things like “Hey, you can have what you already picked, but please stop taking my fruit in the future,” and leave it at that.
One boy (who is about 10 years old) will not stop taking fruit, though.The last time I saw him in taking it I told him in my firm teacher-voice that it was stealing and that I didn’t want to see him in my yard again, to which he replied, “My mom said that I can take your tangerines because you don’t eat them all and they will go to waste.”Now, I do eat them all (or juice them and freeze the juice), but that isn’t the point.I stayed calm, though, and told him to never come into my yard again.
Fast forward to a few days ago, when I came home from work to see the mom with a plastic grocery bag, in my yard (she opened the gate to come in), picking my fruit.She didn’t even stop picking when I drove into the driveway.I told her to stop, leave the bag, and go home.She informed me that she had an agreement with the previous owner when they planted the tree that she could have what she wanted, and since I obviously don’t use all of the fruit she is taking it (I’ve been in my home for three years by the way, this isn’t a recent move).I told her that the fruit is mine, I do use it, and since my lease had no clause that I had to share fruit it is entirely mine and she needed to leave.She snarked back that I wasn’t going to call the cops on her over fruit, and huffed away (taking my fruit with her).
Now, she is right — I would feel stupid calling the cops over fruit, but I can’t think of anything else to do to make it stop.It’s not like I can relocate the tree or anything. Am I a pushover and should call the police over a bag of tangerines, or do I just need to suck it up and accept the fact that she is going to steal from me whether I like it or not?How would you handle this?
My Fruit Is Not Community Property
Dear Fruit,
If you owned the property, I’d tell you to get a strong lock for the gate, post a polite but firm “No Trespassing, Private Property” sign for the fence just in front of the tree, and live with the fact that people will take what they can reach because some fights ain’t worth finishing.
You don’t own it, from what I can tell, so contact the landlord and let him/her know what’s going on.I’d suggest making it about not the fruit, but the trespassing — whatever agreement the woman (and her snotty kid) may have had with the previous owners, you don’t feel comfortable with strangers on the property, it’s a liability issue for the landlord if the brat climbs the tree, et cetera and so on.Then ask the landlord either to put a good plate-bolted inside lock on the gate, or to allow you to do it.
The landlord may not care and tell you to live with it, in which case I would absolutely never recommend climbing a ladder in the middle of the night and injecting all the fruit a ten-year-old could conceivably reach with stool softener.Because that would be wrong.It would probably also be wrong to find a friend with a dog who is friendly, but happens to bark a lot and jump up on people, and borrow that dog on days when you suspect the Snagsfruit McStealigans might stop by for a fill-up, so I would never suggest that you do that, either.
Seriously, though: decide now how much you care about the issue.I think the primary irritant is Mama McStealigan’s entitled attitude, and I’m totally with you, but in case the landlord doesn’t back you here, decide how far you will go in defense of the tangerines, and if that means calling the cops, well, she is in fact stealing and trespassing…but you’ll have to live in that neighborhood, and so will she, and: hostilities.If you can’t get a lock, you might have to let the shit go, without totally overwatering that section of the lawn so that people walking under the tree sink into mud up to their shins.Because that would be wrong.Ish.
Dear Sars —
One of my two cats got diagnosed with feline leukemia this week.I’ve lost a cat to this before, and I spent the week before I took this one to the vet trying to convince myself that wasn’t what it was because her symptoms were different and she didn’t seem as sick.
The vet gave me some medicine and told me there’s a chance she’ll pull through, but it’s hard to watch my formerly bouncy cat so weak and listless.So far the other cat is still healthy — she’s getting tested on Monday.
I know you have cats, and I was wondering/hoping if maybe you or any of the readers had ideas about anything I can be doing to help her beyond just making sure she gets her medicine.She won’t eat or drink so I’ve been giving her condensed milk in an eyedropper, just so she’ll have some nourishment, but I’m just not sure if I’m doing more harm than good.
Thanks–
I’m not ready to say goodbye
Dear Ready,
You can ask your vet if there’s anything you shouldn’t do in the effort to make her more comfortable — anything that might conflict with her medication, say, although I can’t think of anything — but you know the cat best, and you should take your cues from her.
It’s difficult, because most animals, when they’re sick and/or dying, want to crawl into a corner and be left alone, so it’s hard to nurture them and let them know you care, or will get them what they need, because they’re not having it with the human contact.(Some people are like this too, actually.I myself am of the “just leave some consommé and a true-crime book at the door; I’ll call you when I’m better DON’T LOOK AT ME” school.)
But make her as comfortable as you can.If she’s picked a hidey-hole in which to sulk (Hobey usually goes with the middle shelf of a closet), put a sweater or a t-shirt of yours in there for her to nest in, and maybe a little toy.Visit her with special treats.Nobody wants to be That Guy with the tearing up the cold cuts by hand, but…you know.They’re family.I’ve been That Guy, but my man the Hobe had two teeth left, which is how I wound up stretched out full-length under the bed with a strip of Boar’s Head ham draped over one finger, and a fingerful of lemon yogurt on the next.
Stay nearby, and check on her frequently, but if she’s growly and sulky, try not to take it personally; it’s just how they get when they don’t feel right.And good luck; let us know how she’s doing.
Dear Sars,
I have a cat question that I haven’t seen addressed in The Vine yet; I’m hoping you could provide some advice.
The situation is as follows: I have two two-year-old cats (they’re from the same litter, adopted as kittens). They’re adorable, fairly easy to take care of (they’ve never been sick, they use the litterbox, can pretty much entertain themselves), and they have a lot of energy and like it when my roommate and I play with them.
I’ve always liked and got along with other people’s cats, and always wanted my own, so you’d think everything would be fine. Not so much.
It turns out I really like cats, but I really dislike having them in my apartment. (Thankfully, I’ve never liked children, so I haven’t been tempted to get any of my own.) I don’t like having to be home at set times to feed them and play with them and change their litter (I’m frequently at my boyfriend’s house, and traveling back and forth is a pain — I’d like the option to NOT come home for a day if it’s not convenient). I don’t like cleaning the apartment top to bottom every week and having cat hair everywhere by the next day.
I also have a slight allergy, it turns out, so I have to keep the cats out of my bedroom, which is fine, but also means that whenever I’m outside of my bedroom for longer than half an hour, I end up having coughing fits for the rest of the day. I have a really nice apartment that I’d like to be able to, you know, live in.
Currently, my roommate is my best friend, and she helps me out with the cats, so it’s not a disaster, and we share the cleaning duties. However, she’s moving to another city in a few months, and so I have to make some choices. I can find another roommate who probably won’t be willing to look after my cats, or clean up after them (and I wouldn’t expect them to), which means I have to be there even more often than I am now.
Or, I could try to re-home them. I don’t like the thought of doing it: I’m giving up on my responsibilities, they’re really nice cats and don’t deserve this, maybe I should just grow up and get used to being an adult, etc. But the thought of taking care of them alone for the next 15 or whatever years makes me nauseous. What do I do?
Thanks in advance,
I think I might be evil
P.S. Do you know anyone in the Boston area that wants cats??
Dear Evil,
That cutesy moniker isn’t going to let you dodge both barrels, I’m afraid.It’s too late, really, because somebody should have asked you this before you took the cats — you should have asked yourself, at least — but you’re going to have to sit through another Sarah Has No Sense Of Humor On This Issue rant after the fact, because it might prevent someone else from making the same mistake, so here we go.
What did you think owning cats would be like?Did you not think they would need regular feeding and attention?Did you not factor in your time at your boyfriend’s when you chose to adopt two creatures who would rely on you for food and love?Did you not believe your cats would shed?At all?Two of them?
The allergic reaction is one thing; that isn’t something you could have foreseen with other people’s cats, necessarily, and I myself have mild allergic reactions to certain cats and not to others.But you put the other inconveniences first, and I get the feeling it’s those that really bug you — and if you’ve read The Vine before, you should know 1) that cats cause a shitload of problems, and you got lucky, comparatively; and 2) how I feel about people believing that pets equal décor, to wit: no, they do not. We’d all love to live in that magical Iams ad where nobody ever barfs on a deep-pile carpet, claw-pulls new cashmere, or licks his butt in front of company, but that ain’t reality.Reality is the goddamned eye shadow paw-print I found on the side of the bathtub this morning.Feline companionship is often delightful and hilarious, but just as often smelly, expensive, and baffling (“WTF, they’re drag queens now?”), and this is hardly a secret.
“Evil,” no.At least you’re trying to deal with the problem instead of streeting them.But you didn’t think this through, and you should have.
Okay, tirade over; on to the problem-solving.I think you should try to re-home them.You don’t want them, and they deserve a home where the humans are better equipped for them mentally.I don’t know about Boston, but the shelter system in New York is jammed and all the no-kill organizations already have their hands full, so you’re better off with a Craigslist ad — or better yet, go through your vet.Stick to the allergy story and do not deviate from it; don’t mention the other shit.Stress how well they behave and well-trained they are.Don’t split them up, don’t give them to a pet store, and if you get any strangers who are interested, ask them the questions you should have asked yourself: Do you understand that this is a decades-long commitment?Do you care that nice furniture is now a pipe dream?Do you have the money to handle it if one of them gets sick or hurt?Can you cope with minor inconveniences, paying for a cat-sitter, running the Roomba three times a week, sometimes stepping in cold yack first thing in the morning?Do you get that these are not pillows?Care enough about them to place them with someone you trust to provide the home that you can’t.
Any Boston-area readers who can help, please post here, or email me.I will sponsor an economy-sized bag of your food of choice to any TN-related adopter who might come through; we’ve done this before.Anyone else who’s about to get a pet, please remember: it is not cuddle fun times every minute, and if you can’t handle that, that is perfectly okay, get a stuffed animal instead and enjoy your pristine couch arms, nobody judges you.But like that shrink told Carmela Soprano, one thing you can never say is that you haven’t been told.There will be poo and drama.Be ready.
Tags: cats roommates
@ Fruit, I don’t have a lot to add other than I agree with other posters to get a no trespassing sign, a lock, and installing a motion activated sprinkler.
The only thing I’d add (and someone mentioned it prior)is to get a video camera and record, record, record. Even if it means borrowing or renting a camera for two or three weeks. And then if you do decide to call the cops (and I would or they’ll just keep walking all over you like they are now), you’ll have evidence of the trespass and theft.
And save a copy of that on your computer and on a memory card. Because if they continue to come on your property and get hurt and try to sue you or your homeowners insurance company, that video will be your best defense. Record the sign, record the fact that you keep the tree trimmed and it doesn’t overhang the fence, record the locked gate (in case they decide to just climb over it) and then let it record the their behavior. And let it record whenever you’re not home for several weeks (you want to establish a pattern of behavior over a period of time to prove that it wasn’t a one time thing but a repeated offense). That way you have your butt covered, because if they’re the kind of people who willingly and knowingly trespass and steal even after being told not to, you bet your butt they’re the same kind of people that would sue you as soon as they got hurt.
Just another perspective on the Evil cat person. My husband and I got three turtles a couple years ago they were tons more work then we had been led by the seller believe. We took care of them for two years and then had to move and it was just too much trouble to try and move them. We ended up giving them away on craigslist- which was the best decision all around. The turtles now live in a pond outside a disabled man’s window where he can watch and feed them instead of in a plastic container in our living room. It was some work finding a person who would really take care of them, but it was worth it for the turtles to be happy and I was happy not to spend several hours a week changing their water. If taking care of the cats is more work then you thought it would be, then you really have a responsibility to find them a good home, but it’s not a the end of the world to move on…
On a side note if the big problem with the cats is that they make it hard for you to be flexible on seeing your bf, could you get a neighbor kid or older person to feed the cats on those nights? I did stuff like that when I was little and always really enjoyed it.
Here in LA, there’s a big movement for urban foragers to take fruit that they think isn’t being used. And that’s fine, but the LW is using the fruit. I’d post a sign, I’d call the cops, I’d videotape Mom.
Or maybe the LW can work out how much fruit can be spared and leave a bag with some tangerines and a “free to a good home” sign. Mom might be too poor to buy fruit (which doesn’t excuse her, but maybe she’s gpt no home training.).
Hi, “Ready” here! Thanks for all the good advice! I wrote this letter about two months ago when the vet had told me it would only be a matter of days for Ayeka (the sickie). I went looking for ways to help her (my vet was kind, but not very hopeful, so everytime I asked what I could be doing, he just kind of moved on to another subject) and found out about the KMR and picked some up, and bottle fed her that and water for about 3 weeks. I did try baby food too, but could never get her to eat it, and I don’t think I would have been brave enough for the subcutaneous fluids (to do it myself, anyway). By the time I took her back tot he vet at the end of December, she was 100% leukemia free! She still needs to gain a little weight, but she is well on the way to recovery. So your advice and suggestions were perfect. Thank you!!! :D
I’d post a price on the tree, put a camera in the window and an honor-system cash box in the yard, and next time she and her thieving damn kid rip off the fruit… send a bill. Then send it to a collection agency. The nerve of that broad! (Not, ahem, that I’ve ever had neighbors with entitlement issues. No, really. That happened to a friend.)
Totally second the concept of sending a letter to the tangerine thief. Words just mean so much more on paper, especially if you can find an accommodating lawyer willing to forward your letter. (I did that once, to a crappy landlord – atty took my letter, adjusted as he saw fit and signed/sent it as though from him, for a minimal fee.) Walking outside with a camera and calmly documenting the behavior will send a message too (besides being handy in small claims.)
Now I totally miss the tangerine tree at my ex-roommate’s house. Fresh tangerine juice is like dew from heaven!
Fruit tree: I’m really curious as to where people live where they think it is acceptable to do this. While I agree with Sars that renting vs. owning puts limitations on what you personally can do, I think these people are out of their minds to think it matters when it comes to picking the fruit. So what that she had a previous arrangment with the previous owner? Unless the tree is somehow on her property line, I don’t see that it matters if it isn’t in writing and part of the sale agreement to the new owner whereby her fruit-picking rights were retained. In which case, it should be in your lease. And see how absurd that sounds?
Evil: There are such things as allergy pills and shots, the former of which I take so I can have cats. But since I think it is clear that there is actually very little you like about the having of cats, I don’t know that there’s much point in rehashing what Sars already said. Living things-all living things, even if they don’t shed or use the litterbox-come with responsibilites.
@Laura: Normally I would totally fall on the side of sharing the fruit and let it go, but… no. I totally get where you’re coming from, but even if she and her kid were freaking starving, I personally just could not condone rewarding that snotty-ass attitude with generosity. Why does the other lady get something that’s not hers, because she’s bully enough to demand and steal it? I mean, if that’s how it’s done, then I’ve been doing without essentials for nothing!
Fruit Lady made it clear that she does use all the fruit, and for all we know relies on the produce herself to afford to eat. Even if she’s doesn’t, and the “neighbor” does… being in need still does not give that “neighbor” a pass for being a trespasser, a bitch, or a thief.
@ Laura,
I don’t think that having the fruit stolen is the problem per se, it’s the entitled attitude that goes along with it. Fine, the kid and the mom got caught with their pants down (pun intended), but at least feign an “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you cared. The previous owner did not care at all, but I can see you did. Sorry for not asking first.”
No, it’s “We took this fruit before, so now we will take it in perpetuity”. Unless there was an easement in the deed that said specifically that the front yard and tree could be used by the neighbors, putting a foot inside the yard, let alone taking away anything from it, is trespass. Most people readily recognize that.
Yes to calling the cops. My mom had to do it when the kids living next door to her house decided that her back yard was a good place to ride their bicycles on (did I mention they demolished a piece of fence in order to do so, and kept at it after several repairs to the fence were made?). She talked to the kids, and they gave her ‘tude. She talked to their mom, and she gave her even more ‘tude.
Clearly they thought that the nice lady next door would just be a pushover, which is when my mom finally threatened to call the cops, and then followed through with it. She called the cops several times (one of the cops even said to my mom “lady, I don’t think they’ll stop after one time, but you keep on calling us whenever they do it, and if they keep doing it, we can maybe look into moving from warnings into actual citations for trespass”), until the kids finally knocked it off.
OHHhhhh, Fruit, get a lock, camera, motion sensor sprinklers, a gun (okay, don’t do that)… but seriously. “I had an arrangement with the PREVIOUS OWNER?” SERIOUSLY?? So you can go make freinds with the previous owners of her house and stroll her property and help yourself to the contents of her garage if they say so? Jesus Starbuck Resurrecting Christ, I thought I’d heard entitled, but this boggles the mind.
Go down to your local precinct (or sherriff’s office if you don’t have a precinct) and enquire what is legal to do, get the non-911 number, be freindly and smiling and polite as pie, and they will be on your side. Not on the side of The World Is My Free Boxerson, who sounds sufficiently devoid of personal charms that I doubt they will cut her any slack. (Her comment that she knows you won’t call the cops says she may be conversant on what people do call the cops for.) But if you do call and they come out, don’t chicken out on pressing charges. It’s a pain and may involve a court apperance — where any pictures/signs posted/etc will be valuable evidence–but she’s counting on you “not wanting to make a fuss” so she can keep on doing whatever she pleases. It’s a drag that you have to teach this woman a civics lesson, but it should keep her and her snotnosed little spawn out of your hair if it comes to that.
Previous owner. JESUS.
I don’t know the laws in FL, but when you’ve been TOLD to stay off someone else’s property, and you go there anyway, isn’t it burglary? (Legally speaking–I’d imagine it’s definitely burglary if you take their property when you’ve been specifically told not to do so.)
Beyond that, what everybody else said. I’d still pull for the Ex-Lax approach, but that’s because I’m hateful.
Laura- Sharing is lovely, stealing is not. If the neighbor had asked to pick some, who knows? But helping yourself to someone else’s property is wrong, period.
@Fruit Trees OP, it’s YOUR property, YOUR tree, and if you need to lock the gate and put up a “no trespassing” sign, do it. If you do send your neighbor a cease & desist letter as previously mentioned, it should come from your attorney (yet another record, and more appropriate than sending it yourself).
She didn’t have your permission to be on your property or take anything from it. My dad spent 30 years as a police officer and he handled plenty of situations similar to this (and he would NEVER have thought you were stupid to call because someone was repeatedly trespassing). He would have politely old Mama McStealigan that once you pass the property line and take something without permission, you’ve committed a crime. End of discussion.
Also, @Carena’s suggestion of the electric fence? Right up my alley. But I’m a stone cold bitch about this kind of stuff.
@Fruit
Heh, I love Sars ideias. And the motion detector sprinklers sound really good as well. I can ´t believe these people won ´t stop going into your house when you ´ve told them it ´s not ok! Also, please let us know how this works out…
On another note: seriously? in the u.s. you can sue someone if you get hurt in their backyard when they are not home and which you entered without their permition in their first place? really? and you can actually win a case like that???? see, that just baffles me…
seriously? in the u.s. you can sue someone if you get hurt in their backyard when they are not home and which you entered without their permition in their first place? really? and you can actually win a case like that????
See also: why our first significant purchase as homeowners was two shovels and a huge bag of salt, which we are manning with full attention the SECOND it starts to snow. “Claim a broken tailbone and sue” is actually a career arc in some parts of Brooklyn; I’m not taking any chances.
I can’t believe the nerve of Mama McStealigan, either. “You’re not using it all, so it’s not theft”? I mean, really, who thinks that way?
The good news is Jen S.’s “Jesus Starbuck Resurrecting Christ” is making me laugh like a lunatic. So thanks for that.
@Ready/Kathy: I’m so glad you have a happy ending to report.
@Fruit Tree: Is your neighbor’s son’s name Jack Jr. by any chance?
@L: Yes, you can be held liable for injury to trespassers, under certain circumstances. ESPECIALLY because its a child, who the court will presume doesn’t know better (and in this case thanks to Mama McSenseofEntitlement, he doesn’t). Not sure where the tree would fall on that spectrum, but say it wasn’t a tree, say it was a swimming pool. Now if you put a swimming pool on your property and you aren’t home for long periods of time, its predictable that it would attract kids who might get hurt unsupervised. So you have a duty to secure the pool, and you can be held liable if you don’t. The chance of liability for Fruit Tree increases since she knows in advance these people come on her property all the time without permission, so she has a greater duty to exercise care to protect them from injury.
@Sars: I’m not as sure about this one, but I’ve heard you can acutally be more liable for injury if someone slips after you shovel-the theory being if the sidewalk obviously hasn’t yet been tended to, the pedestrian assumes the risk by walking on the slippery surface and has the duty to take reasonable care. If you clear it, you’ve taken steps to assure that its safe, so they don’t have the same responsibility to look out for their own safety.
This does not mean I advocate not shoveling your sidewalk, just something I remember from law class. Presumably you could become liable again if you still haven’t cleared your sidewalk multiple days after the storm.
I’m not a lawyer, but I play one on the Internet.
In terms of the tangerine thief possibly getting hurt and suing – it’s not even so much about would they win in a lawsuit so much as it’s not going to be cheap to make the lawsuit go away – even if your insurance company deals with it, you’d probably still wind up with higher homeowners’ premiums.
@Fruit – That Lady is lucky she doesn’t live in Texas. People here shoot first, ask questions later when someone is on their property. Then again, she leases – but you’re still less likely to have that problem here.
@L:
Sars is dead on right – you’d be amazed what people sue for. I work for an insurer. A couple of years ago, one of our policyholders was away on vacation. His 23-year-old son had three or four friends over, all over 21. The friends had a few beers, our policyholder’s son didn’t have any, so it wasn’t a big drunk-fest or anything. They all then went to a public park with a lake, where one of them drowned because he didn’t know how to swim but went in anyway. Our company is being sued. Go figure.
Oh, also – way earlier, someone suggested checking to see if the fruit trees could qualify as “attractive nuisance” under the homeowners policy, which would require the landlord to take measures to prevent non-residents from accessing them. This is an excellent idea, and if you’re not sure how to make this determination, I would leave it up to the landlord – just mention to him that the trees might be classified that way and he should probably protect himself from a lawsuit… it’ll scare the bejesus out of him and odds are good you’ll get your lock!
@ L – “On another note: seriously? in the u.s. you can sue someone if you get hurt in their backyard when they are not home and which you entered without their permition in their first place? really? and you can actually win a case like that???? see, that just baffles me…”
L, there have been cases where burglars have gotten hurt robbing someone on their property, sued, and won. Try that one on for size. Those cases send me into a blinding rage and only chocolate calms me down. GOOD chocolate.
Sars, great thinking in being prepared for the snow, for two reasons – one, that you don’t want to get sued, and the other being that you don’t want anyone to get hurt. And congrats again on the new home!
@ Ready – that’s wonderful news!!!! I’m very, very happy for you!
@ Fruit – Sars is right about checking with the landlord. I’d check my lease, too, for anything about trespassing, and also local laws/regulations regarding trespassing. In some places, if you have a “No trespassing” sign up, anyone who enters the property w/o permission is in violation of the law and can be fined. But you have to find out what the local law is.
Wouldn’t it be nice if people just ASKED?????? Attitude is everything!
@ Evil (not really) – Yes, cats are messy critters. I haven’t had a clean apartment in years (then again, I’m not much of a housekeeper, although I’m working on that). I would have nicer furniture, cleaner floors, etc. if I didn’t have cats. I also haven’t breathed properly since I’ve had them.
This will initially sound preachy, but when I take a pet, I am responsible for it for the duration of its natural life. Sometimes I wish I could give them to my parents, but the truth is, I really do love them although they drive me crazy (my parents AND the cats, that is :) ).
You don’t REALLY want these cats, so the nicest thing you could do is to take good care of them until you can find them a new home. Just keep this in mind for the future – you already know now what work is involved in having them. No matter how cute that kitten may seem, even if someone hands it to you absolutely free of charge, you’ll be paying for it for a long time – so think twice!!!!
I would chop down the tree. While the lady watched. Because I am just that bitchy. Then I would enjoy the fruit from my backyard trees in peace.
No, I don’t get enraged by people with entitlement issues. Why do you ask?
Hi everyone,
I’m the original Evil poster. Thanks to everyone who supplied suggestions; I’m sort of opposed to taking Claritin or other allergy medication (I’m not into medication in general, I don’t even take Tylenol if I can at all help it), but I’m going to try the furminator situation at least until my roommate actually moves. Maybe it’ll help and I won’t have to hide from the cats anymore.
The allergy thing is the real problem because it means that I only come to my house to clean it and then to sit in my room, because no matter how much I clean, I can’t get all the hair out. So I like the cats for their cat-ness, etc, but I don’t like sitting in my room all day. Basically, at the moment, my roommate and I live in our respective bedrooms and the cats run around the rest of the house. It may be a sustainable situation for some people, but it isn’t for me.
Yes, I knew when I got the cats that they would shed, but until you actually have pets, it’s very hard to predict whether or not you’d be OK with the amount of cleaning they require. I made a mistake in the assessment of my own abilities, and I’m sorry.
Sars, I’ve been thinking about your cat’s foray into eyeshadow, and now that I remember you’ve moved, I’m convinced it’s an attempt to impress the new neighbors. I mean, presumably the territory has all been already marked; a cat’s gotta go the extra mile to establish his own crib!
Sars, is it blue metallic eyeshadow? Then you’d know for sure. Be on the lookout for little thigh-high platform boots and feather boas. (Hobey in a boa & lipstick. HEE!)
Fruit, if you own the home then you can shoot the bitch for trespassing, right? You’d judst be protecting your property. But I’d recommend you just call the police & file the report & then call them every.single.time bitch steals from you. Sure, it’s a pain in the butt, and the police won’t be thrilled to spend thier time on tangerine patrol, but bitch is breaking the law & when she ends up in court, maybe she’ll spend the 2 bucks to buy her own damn tangerines. Gah. (Can we introduce her to Jack & his can o’ tomatoes?)
Evil, thanks for not just dumping them somewhere. I appreciate that you feel responsible for finding them a new home. Could best friend roommate take the cats? Least trauma for the cats since they know her already.
Thanks for the dead-on advice Sars. I’m feeding some cats the neighbor left behind when she moved. Five of them. (She took only one with her.)They’re going feral & I can’t catch any of them. I feel absolutely MURDEROUS about this.
But Kathy’s news sure turned my day around. Thanks for the update! YAY!
I love the way stanley writes.
Kathy, thank you for letting everyone know – you made me all schmoopy here.
Jen S., I also love the phrase “sufficiently devoid of personal charms” and intend to use it early and often (quite possibly while driving). It reminds me of the phrase my brother found in a nineteenth century thesaurus once – for the word ugly: “of constrained beauty.” Neighbor sounds like she’s got quite a few personal assets which might be constrained …
@tanpopo – I think it’s nice that you can empathize with Evil but in all fairness I have no idea how to take care of turtles and I’m not sure it’s common knowledge while cats are a very typical pet and their care and feeding is something most people know about. So to think that she went into cat ownership (TWO!) with “no idea” what it would be is not super realistic.
@Ready/Kathy I’m so glad things are getting better! I lost my 16 year old cat a couple of months ago and we did the KMR and subcutaneous fluids and they did perk her up and make her more comfortable for a while. :)
Wow, it takes a special kind of entitlement to say you can invade your neighbor’s property and help yourself to her fruit because the PREVIOUS OWNER said it was okay, and the new gal’s not using it all anyway.
(I know how joyous it is to have a fruit tree on the property; the house I rented during my time abroad had orange trees, it was great.)
I’m with everyone else who recommends putting a lock on the fence. Also, the fruit-picking party sounds like a good idea. It sends the message of, “THIS is how it’s done; I share my fruit on MY terms!” If you don’t yet have time to put a lock on the fence, then you should definitely not overwater your lawn in the meantime so the McStealigans will slip in the mud, but I wouldn’t be above doing so if it were my property and my tree. I also wouldn’t be above borrowing a nice neighbor’s dog–particularly a big, noisy, overprotective dog–to run loose in my yard until I could lock up the fence and trim the overhanging branches. But then I’m a maladjusted curmudgeon. The stool softener in the tangerines would just be asking for drama, though.
(Oh, and I don’t give the slightest crap if the McStealigans are coping with hard times. You want to mooch free food off your neighbors, you knock on the door and ask nicely.)
I’m so down with all of the advice on the tangerines. As an aside, how jealous am I that here in lovely West Orange, NJ, it’s snowing right now and there’s not a fresh tangerine in sight. *sigh* I’m pretty sure that my sister, the ex-cop, would absolutely tell you to document and call the cops and document some more. It’s this little stuff that festers and suddenly mushrooms out of control – and THEN we hear about people on the news.
“Jesus Starbuck Resurrecting Christ” will be used all day, Jen S!
Laura, I actually do donate all my excess produce to the local food bank, and I forage for free food and I’m still going to come down on the side of Fruit. Picking the overhanging fruit is a little obnoxious, but legal. Entering someone’s yard is not. Continuing to do so and acting like the homeowner is being unreasonable when she asks you to stop and explains that she does use the fruit is beyond obnoxious, and Fruit doesn’t owe the super-rude Mcstealigans any consideration.
The motion detector sprinklers make me wish my neighborhood wasn’t an awesome love-fest, because that would just be fun.
@Fruit: In addition to what others have said, I WOULD look into moving the tree. It might be pricey, but it also might be possible. You also could solve it permanently by removing that tree and putting another tangerine tree in the back yard with the rest.
@Linda — odds are at least as good that he’d just cut down the tree. What’s he going to do, build an electric fence around it?
I love the motion sensor sprinkler idea. And there’s nothing wrong with calling the cops. They spend time on more trivial matters every day.
@NotReadyYet: I don’t have anything new to add, really. When Tasha was too sick to eat on her own, we did feeding syringes of baby food and of water, and the vet gave her subcut fluids a couple of times. When your kitty is ready to go, you’ll know. After days of hiding and sleeping in her litterbox, Tasha came and slept on my chest all through her last night, and I knew she was saying good-bye. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but I’m glad your fuzzy baby is so well-loved.
@Fruit – I really really hope you let Sars know if you take any action. I’m dying for this horrible lady to be put in her place and would love to hear about it!
Evil …
“I’m sort of opposed to taking Claritin or other allergy medication (I’m not into medication in general, I don’t even take Tylenol if I can at all help it) … The allergy thing is the real problem because it means that I only come to my house to clean it and then to sit in my room, because no matter how much I clean, I can’t get all the hair out. So I like the cats for their cat-ness, etc, but I don’t like sitting in my room all day. …It may be a sustainable situation for some people, but it isn’t for me.”
Well, that’s centrally due to your own engineering, there. “I have an easily treatable condition stemming from my own ignorance/choice, and I refuse to treat it.” Which is a genuine pity for the kitties. Not so much for you, though. You set this up, all terms are your own, you refuse to compromise your terms in any way, and now the appearance is that you expect sympathy for this. This situation you had total control over, and still could adjust, yet pointblank refuse to.
I’m not a believer in the overmedication of America, but dang. It’s Claritin, not heroin. It’s two LIVES – which apparently are as nothing compared to your objection to medication. I’m beginning to think of the canned goods thief from Sars’ old Vine (finding a link for which I just wasted fifteen minutes failing to do): it’s not like you’re striking a blow against Corporate Pharmaceutical America here, you’re disposing of the lives of two dependents. I’m just stunned at the stubbornnes, in the context of the demand that your audience here should be persuaded to your view.
I adopted a four-year-old dog just about eight years ago, a dog some idiot-hole LET GO because she did not suit their idea of their own preppiness (some months after having adopted her, I happened to meet someone who knew her previous owners; I’m not judging out of nowhere here). She is an extraordinarily well behaved, beautiful, LOVING animal I am privileged to have been given the care for, and not one single day goes by I don’t marvel at the utter moronic-tude of the people who GAVE HER UP. Everyone who hears me says the same thing: They didn’t deserve her. At the risk of vanity, I’d say I agree. I only hope, someday, to feel like I do deserve her.
Here’s hoping your puddies have even better luck than my beastie.
Good lord.
And then I read the comments all the way through (my bad) and saw Kathy’s wonderful news! Hurray! :)
@Fruit, if I lived closer to you, you could borrow my Great Pyrenees, who is big and loud and completely harmless. If I didn’t know him and I was in the yard and had 118 pounds of canine coming at me, I’d haul ass for sure. (Hell, I haul ass anyway. Have you ever been knocked down by 118 pounds of canine? Maybe that’s what Mama McStealigan needs.)
I don’t want to pile on Evil; I think the point’s been made. I do want to say this kind of thing hits close to home, as we are the second home of a dog. The aforementioned Great Pyrenees came to us when my mom worked at a kennel. The family that owned him previously had NO IDEA how to care for him. This breed makes a terrible first dog. They’re high-maintenance, they’re loud, and they’re susceptible to all kinds of health problems. They also just treated him like crap. He’s afraid of bottles, so we think they used to throw bottles at him — the sight of my dad drinking a beer sends this dog running to another room, and that’s after we’ve had him for seven and a half years and never thrown anything at him (well, tossing food and toys to him notwithstanding). It took us a year to get him to stop trying to steal from the table and to stop eating out of the garbage. He was just a nightmare for the first couple of years we had him and I blame those jackholes for many of his other lingering issues.
All I can think of sometimes is that if he’d gone to almost any other home, he would’ve been euthanized. Yeah, he’s a pain in the ass, but he’s a total muffin and we love him to pieces. The idea breaks my heart.
Would inserting stool softeners into the fruit really be illegal, though? It’s HER fruit; she owns the property and the tree and has specifically told the child and his parent to stop taking the fruit. Obviously I’m not saying she SHOULD inject the fruit, and clearly anyone can sue anyone they want for anything so probably the theives could and would sue and might even win a lawsuit. But would it really be illegal? Could someone actually get arrested/fined for inserting something like a stool softener, legal stuff when used properly, into fruit she owns? Just curious.
On to pet re-homing… I do respect Evil for saying, straight up, I don’t think continuing to own these cats will work for me, what should I do? Obviously pet ownership is not something to be taken lightly. I don’t agree with getting a pet without thinking it through. But people make bad decisions. Sometimes they think something will work and it doesn’t, or their life circumstances change. I think it’s great that Evil is continuing to take care of the cats and is finding them a good home and making sure they’re with people who will love them the way they deserve. I’d save the ranting for someone who gets a pet, neglects it or treats it poorly, and/or then abandons it. I think Evil is doing exactly what someone should do, once a person realizes he or she made a mistake with pet adoption. I know it sucks for animals to have to move, get a new home, get used to a new routine, but I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world. Sometimes it happens. I don’t think it makes Evil, well, evil.
“Hobey in a boa & lipstick”
THAT I gotta see on a t-shirt. Thank you, Margaret!
[laughing hysterically as I get back to work… no really, getting back to work now]
@Jen S: HEE! Thank you.
As another fruit tree owner, let me also just say THANK YOU to all of you who are reasonable about this issue. The emergence of the fruit-foraging movement has been more than a bit alarming to me because a good portion of our annual food comes from our fruit and other garden produce, and people here are already prone to using whatever they can to excuse their entering our yard and stealing food from my family members’ mouths. Seriously: how is that ok?!? Sigh.
@ Michele
“Could someone actually get arrested/fined for inserting something like a stool softener, legal stuff when used properly, into fruit she owns? Just curious.”
It’s the “legal stuff when used properly” part that’s the issue. Because injecting it into fruit is not defined as proper use. So yes, using a stool softener in this manner is illegal. Improper and non-recommended use (abuse, really) of any drug, whether it be over the counter or prescribed by a physician, is illegal.
@ Evil – It’s true – you really don’t have any idea of what cleaning/issues you’ll be dealing with unless you have pets. I certainly learned by doing!!! And since I lived with my parents for 2 years after I got my first 2 cats, it’s a darn good thing they were patient… my mother can now have a rug without worrying that it will be the subject a vicious, premeditated assault.
@Sars – “We’d all love to live in that magical Iams ad where nobody ever barfs on a deep-pile carpet, claw-pulls new cashmere, or licks his butt in front of company, but that ain’t reality. Reality is the goddamned eye shadow paw-print I found on the side of the bathtub this morning. Feline companionship is often delightful and hilarious, but just as often smelly, expensive, and baffling (“WTF, they’re drag queens now?”), and this is hardly a secret.”
I just re-read this… and lord help me, if it isn’t true (except the eye shadow part, and the only reason that hasn’t happened is because I don’t wear makeup and what makeup I own is locked away somewhere). I wouldn’t be at all surprised to come home and find my elderly cat deliberately peeing somewhere unfortunate (for me) and my Beasty dressed up in my clothes.
@Evil. It’s been mentioned, but have you considered an air purifier? Also make sure your vacuuming (not sweeping) and vacuum/launder drapes and couches (cushions and frame) on a regular basis. Usually it’s the dander, not the hair that people are actually allergic to and the amount of dander that collects on surfaces that people don’t think to clean (back of the couch underneath the cushions anyone?) is a lot. I know what you’re going through with the allergies, I also don’t like taking meds when I don’t have to but was allergic to an old roommate’s cat. Thankfully I’m not allergic to either of mine. But I remember the runny itchy eyes, a furmintator and more regular vacuuming solved it. Just to give you an idea we each vacuumed once a week and vacuumed down the couch about once a month. Also, I feed my kitties dry kibble and they get fed more when the bowel gets empty, they also have a water fountain that I fill up once a week. I clean out the litter box at least every other day, but they survive it goes 3. I’ll be headed out to visit a friend soon and the two of them will be on their own for the weekend and they’re just fine with that.
@Fruit, I feel your pain too. We had raspberry bushes at my old apartment. It was no big deal when people walking by would grab a couple of berries, but there were some that would show up with a basket and walk onto the grass to pick the bush over, we didn’t have a fence. Luckily they all left when I threatened to call the cops but the nerve of them still irritates me.
@Evil – the Alliance for Animals is a no kill shelter in the Boston area; I’d give them a call. And if they will take on your cats, I’d give them a shit ton of money too, because they are really underfunded and they do good work. If you surrender to the MSPCA, they won’t kill your cats if they decide they’ve got a good chance of being rehomed and they’ve got space, and they do their best to keep pairs together. They do not consult you on their decision of whether to euthanize a cat. But I volunteer there, and I have to tell you that a 2 year old pair is going to languish for a while before being adopted. Same with Alliance. It’s hard to place adults, and even harder to place and adult pair.
@ “not ready” : Ask your vet for a critical car diet, their are some that are meant to be syringe fed. They will provide your kitty better nutritional support and are less likely to upset her stomach than the milk. Other than that make her as comfortable as you can and give her as much love as you can. Try to make yourself ready to let her go if she she’s not going to pull through and snuggle her as much as she wants.
@ “Evil”: As a Boston area vet I can tell you that the shelters are full. Sars is right and the best approach is to go through your vet. They may have a client who just lost a pet and is looking for new ones. The vet will know if they are a good owner and likely to be a good match and can put you in touch if they find someone. The vet will likely let you post an advertisment for the kitties as well which would only be seen by people entering the clinic.
@ Michele,
it would be illegal from the standpoint that there was intent to harm, and then actual harm occurred. That is the definition of recklessness, and it will get you sued very fast, and you will always lose.
That said, I do agree with your assessment of Evil. I love my two fluffballs to pieces, and the only way I would give them up is if I could no longer care for them. But it sounds like for whatever reason, Evil never got there. Yes, she should have done her homework. Yes, rehoming a cat or two is neither easy to do, or easy on the feline. That said, sometimes it’s more kind to admit that pet ownership is not for you, and find your pets the home they deserve.
Yes to trying to rehome them yourself. It’s the best way to ensure that someone who will love them to pieces ends up with them. I would try sending a mass e-mail to friends and family first, to see if someone has been thinking about getting a cat or two. Presumably you have friends and acquaintances with felines, so that’s a great place to start.
P.S. – As the owner of a TP fiend, I’m intrigued by the eyeshadow conandrum. I can imagine my kitty Boris (aka the TP fiend) getting into all sorts of things so long as it was between him and his obsession. This is a cat who has learned to open cabinets to get at what is his one true love (aside for his “mom”, that is). Eyeshadow on his paws would be a small price to pay to have tons of clawing and unrolling fun. ;)
Just for the record, I’m not attacking Evil for rehoming cats who clearly deserve exactly that.
What gets me is the sense that she’s attempting to *persuade* us that her set of decisions is perfectly sound, which it just isn’t. It’s got nothing to do with the good or ill of her getting cats in the first place, nor with getting rid of them. My reaction is to her stating the issues she has, asking “what do I do?”, and then flatly refusing to take *most* of the eminently enactable advice which was given. She didn’t want to hear about options or alternatives, and there wasn’t any question of keeping the cats, which is for the best. She wanted to be reassured she was *right*, though, and that hasn’t been the overwhelming response.
The initial letter was a request for ratification of her complaints, not solutions for them. The followups from both her roomate, first, and then herself, were more of the same. Completely aside from the question of evil (this hardly rises to that level – or sinks to it), the point here was to be told she’s not doing anything wrong. For the record, I don’t think she IS doing anything “wrong”, I just think the attitude is very self-centered and tone deaf to what has been said here. That’s not a value judgment, nor even an attack. It’s an observation of someone’s response both to consequences honestly earned, and feedback honestly given.
@Ferretrick: HEE! Stool softener in the citrus? A MERE BAGATELLE!
@Fruit,
I think perhaps some context is needed. I sugest talking to several people before calling the cops – first the previous owner /landlord. Maybe they can just tell “Stealy” to stop. Then I would chat with any neighbors who you have any relationship with – including nodding & smiling. Try not to identify her ( slander) but state that you are having this perplexing issue & do they have any information that would be helpful? Did you move into the big communal garden? Does everyone else share, or do they all share with stealy because they feel sorry for her? Or does she steal from others & they’ve called the cops too? I would specifically speak to nieghbors with fruit trees in their front yard – have they had to deal with this or not? Then you have more of an idea of what you are getting into – will you be the only neighbor who doesn’t share? Or does she already have an arrest record? Then I would put up a sign, get some motion activated lights & go to the police. My guess is a communtiy services officer would just go talk to her, but then if she does it again, you can ask for that officer when you call. Stealy has bascially told you the only thing that will make her stop, there’s no point messing around with anything else.
Would inserting stool softeners into the fruit really be illegal, though? It’s HER fruit; she owns the property and the tree and has specifically told the child and his parent to stop taking the fruit. Obviously I’m not saying she SHOULD inject the fruit, and clearly anyone can sue anyone they want for anything so probably the theives could and would sue and might even win a lawsuit. But would it really be illegal? Could someone actually get arrested/fined for inserting something like a stool softener, legal stuff when used properly, into fruit she owns? Just curious.
Just to be pedantic and boring – Yes, it could be considered assault. The amount of force you can use to protect your property (as opposed to your person) is not high; you can’t, e.g., rig a laser gun that will incinerate intruders on your storage shed to protect your equipment. It’s unlikely that stool softener would really hurt someone, but it’s hard to know how someone, especially a child, will react to it, and if something does happen, you’d be on the line for the consequences.