The Vine: January 3, 2008
Hey there,
Need some feedback, please. I met a guy at a mutual friend’s party about three weeks ago. We hooked up, but no actual sex that night. It was super-fun. Since then, we’ve gotten together a few times, last-minute, and a few dates. He’s attentive (but not overly) in public/around friends. We have a good time, playfulness, laughing, good conversation, et cetera. The sex is really awesome. Very compatible there, and I’m really comfortable with him in general.
But I can’t figure out if he’s actually interested. His calls are infrequent and we make plans last-minute-ish. Like, we had a date Friday, which went all the way into Saturday afternoon at which point we each went to different parties. Got his usual “I’ll talk to you later.” It’s Tuesday and I haven’t heard from him. He lives five blocks away.
So, do I chill a bit longer, as it’s only been a few weeks since we’ve met? Casually ask him if he’s interested, because I can’t tell? Or just bail. Or something else. I am interested and don’t want a totally casual thing. Not sure I want him to be a boyfriend, but am interested. Maybe he’s a busy guy, but I’m busy and I plan. Maybe he’s not a planner…dunno him that well and more data might be useful. But it doesn’t feel good, his not calling. I call a bit, but don’t want to overdo it by calling more than he does, ya know? And the ball’s in his court to call since I called last…which is lame…
Chill Out, It’s Only Tuesday?
Dear Nothing Will Have Changed By Wednesday,
He’s not that interested. He’s not totally un-interested, but he’s only interested enough to make last-minute kinds of plans, and to call occasionally. A few weeks and a few dates is enough time for him to figure out what he wants, and if he wanted a more serious thing with you, he’d act like it, which he’s…not doing.
“Well, maybe he’s just –” No. I’ve told myself that same thing, but guys who are genuinely into it just do not get so busy that they can’t drop a line. They want to know what you’re up to, they want see you again. Yeah, they also want to have sex. With you.
You can chill a bit longer, I guess, but you want to see where things go, and they’re really not going much further than here, I’m afraid. In my experience, if a guy is interested, it’s fairly clear; if he’s not, it sucks, but life is too short to play games with whose turn it is to call this and how many days have gone by that. It makes you feel crappy and you don’t need that. Feel free to speak plainly to him about what you want and how you feel, but understand, 1) it’s not going to do much good, 2) that isn’t your fault, and 3) if you can continue to enjoy the sex and not get attached in vain, go for it.
But he’s not the guy.
Tags: boys (and girls)
