I am looking for a way to offer advice to a sibling without being too much of a busybody. It’s like this: my younger brother has been dating this girl for a couple of years now, and they just fight all the time. What makes this creepy to me is that our parents were insufferable — the sun never set on a day that didn’t result in an argument with them screaming like banshees. It usually started around dinnertime, and picked up momentum from there. They had their good points as parents, my mom and dad, but this loud, constant arguing was just asshole-ish to anyone (like their kids and neighbors) that had to be around them. And they were always complaining to us (their kids) about each other. It wasn’t a “violent” or “abusive” childhood, just fucking obnoxious. As a kid, I just thought, “Note to self: Don’t recreate this irritating aspect of your childhood in your own life.” And I haven’t. You scream, I leave.

Dear Nefertiti,

Stay out of it. If you and your sibs have made it clear that you aren’t wild about QEII, you can’t do much else, and not only can you not change your brother’s mind, but you’ll just alienate him by trying.

My brother had a really dreadful girlfriend a few years ago: clingy, weepy, paged him all the time, wouldn’t speak to anyone but him (and I mean she literally wouldn’t speak — you’d say “hi” and she’d just sit there like an end table), the whole bit. I tried to mention tactfully that, you know, she sucked and he deserved better, but he didn’t really want to hear that. Eventually, though, he came to it on his own and they broke up.

So, here’s my advice: point out to him as neutrally as you can manage that it seems like he’s replicating your parents’ relationship in his own relationship with the Queen, and that maybe he should give that some thought. Then tell him you love him. Then leave it lie. It’s his life, and he’s got to figure it out on his own.

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