The Vine: January 4, 2007
A dryer sheet works wonders on static hair, and it’s easy to carry in your purse or pocket. Just rub the sheet over your hair, it leaves no residue, and it tames the flyaways.K
Dear K,
Thanks for the tip — you weren’t the only reader to mention dryer sheets. Other ideas appear below, with multiples asterisked as usual.
Aveda Sap Moss
Aveda Brilliant Humectant Pomade
Pantene conditioner *
L’Oreal Vive conditioner
L’Oreal Studio Line FX Toss Lotion
Tresemme Vitamin E & Aloe conditioner
John Frieda Dream Creme
John Freida Frizz Ease Secret Agent
Frederic Fekkai Glossing Cream
Rusk’s Smoother
CHI Silk Infusion
Focus 21 Sea Plasma All-Purpose Skin and Hair Moisturizer
Dove frizz-control creams
Bed Head Control Freak
Got2B Crazy Sleek
Hot Smooth Flat Iron & Blow Dry Lotion
FeMaledictions Phantasmic Phlesh & Mane Mist
Infusium spray conditioner
BioSilk hair serum
Alterna Hemp Seed Wax *
Schwarzkopf’s OSIS Mess Up
a dab of hand lotion or body butter
anti-buildup shampoo
a tiny bit of Vaseline or lip balm
spray some hairspray on a brush, then style
ditto, but with Static Guard
any leave-in conditioner *
a brush with metal bristles instead of plastic
Sars,I am a clean but not tidy person. Meaning I don’t have food, crumbs,
or dirt in my space, but I do have piles of papers strewn about, wires
crossing all over, notebooks constantly open, and generally stuff
everywhere.
At home I live with my SO and we share all spaces of the house so I
don’t tend to leave a huge mess there. I feel it is unfair for him to
have to deal with my mess and I have control over my messiness, so I
clean it. At work is a different story. I have my own desk and my own
lab bench (I’m a scientist). I really enjoy my mess because it is
mine, and because it is convenient that the things I use often are out
where I need them. We do not have clients; we work in a dressed-down,
down-to-earth, speak-freely atmosphere.
My question is whether is fair for me to behave like this. I know one
other lab-mate in particular is very tidy. Occasionally, she will tidy
my lab bench for me. Although I don’t mind a little pushing around,
and she doesn’t seem to mind doing it, I’m still wondering if I’m not
taking advantage of her somehow.
Is it fair for me to have, and enjoy, my own mess in my own space in
open view in a professional setting?
A sign of genius?
Dear Gene,
If it’s not bothering anyone else, or affecting anyone else’s ability to get their work done, I don’t see a problem — and as long as you and your tidier lab-mate are both cool with her neatening up your space now and then, it’s fine.
You might consider speaking to your lab-mate about the occasional straightening-up she does, just to make sure she’s not doing it to Send A Message (which would be pretty passive-aggressive of her, but it can’t hurt to clear the air in that case), and if it irritates you that she’s touching your stuff, you should definitely talk to her. But if she does it just to be nice and it doesn’t bother you, well, the hell with it. It works for you, it doesn’t not work for anyone else, don’t worry about it.
Dear Sars,So I’m one of those lame, overly polite people who have an almost
pathological inability to say “no” when asked to do something I don’t
want to do. I know, I know and I am working on it. In fact, I’ve
improved a lot in just the last year.
The problem is the terrible precedent I’ve set in regards to my creepy
neighbor. I live in a smallish condo building (about 40 units in all)
and the dude across the hall (who is old enough to be my father -– not
that I’m a spring chicken but still — me 34, him 60+ = not my thing)
asks me out pretty much every time I run into him. Hallway, laundry
room, grocery store, wherever. And he’s been doing this for several
years. Initially I really thought the “Uhhhhh, well, I’m pretty busy
but…maybe…I’ll get back to you” and then never getting back to him
would work. But no. If anything, I find in recent months he’s getting
more aggressive. And did I mention he lives right across the hall?
And while in retrospect I know (I know!) I could have saved myself a
lot of grief with a simple “thank you but no,” I am now to the point
where I really want this to stop, if for no other reason than I hate
having to tiptoe and hold my breath every time I come home. But it
seems too late for the simple “thank you but no” considering all my
past vague platitudes and non-acceptance. I live alone and have no
convenient boyfriend to flaunt or blame. And even if I did, I have no
doubt he’s just wait for the boyfriend to disappear and start up
again. So I need a firm way to definitely close that door. And lock
it. And cover it in cartoon two-by-fours and three-penny nails.
But I don’t want to be outright mean. Ah, the wimpy girl’s conundrum!
And so I turn to you. What would you say? Or rather, what should I
say? Please keep in mind that he’s totally the kind of guy who will
press the issue. I can already hear the “but why not”s and the “how
about instead”s. So a couple of kind but concrete rejoinders would
also be appreciated. Or…any chance I can just send a certified letter?
Slowly getting to “I wish I could, but…I don’t want to”
Dear Thank You But No,
“Thank you but no” is not “mean.” It is polite (see: “thank you”), but it is firm (see: “no”). You aren’t required to give him an explanation; thank him, say no, smile vaguely if he presses the point and repeat “thank you but no”; close your door in his face.
I know he lives across the hall; I know it could get uncomfortable if he decides to think you’re being an uptight bitch; his ass should have thought of that before getting his troth all over you for the last few years, because any awkwardness is pretty much on him. It’s past time to put paid to this; do it. “Thank you but no.”
Tags: Ask The Readers boys (and girls) etiquette retail workplace
