Pork’s still a red meat; pork just has better advertisers.

That ad campaign you mentioned wasn’t based on any scientific study; instead, it was based on the fact that red meat, before Atkins, was labeled “bad” and meat as an industry suffered. Pork, though, had a leg up: pork doesn’t really look red. Hence, the tagline.

Our bodies don’t see a difference between the protein structures in pork and beef; they’re digested pretty much the same. There is a difference between the way our bodies digest chicken and red meat, though. Longtime vegetarians who want to return to their carnivorous ways can dive into a bucket of KFC a little easier than they could into a steak from Houstons.

Mike

PS: Sorry if this is the three-thousandth email of this nature.

Here’s a simple question about a seriously fucked-up and drama-laden situation. If this is too heavy for The Vine, feel free to delete and or ignore it. I’m asking you for your advice because the people I usually go to for advice are too close to the situation and a disinterested opinion would be helpful.

Is there a statute of limitations for smack-downs? For major infractions, I mean? Because I’ve got a kind of interesting situation and I don’t know if I’m a nutbag who needs to suck it up and get on with my life already, or if this is a situation that really needs for some sort of closure before I suck it up and get on with my life already.

The drama-laden situation? A little less than seven years ago, my only brother died in an apartment fire. His roommate (a lad known far and wide as a Grade-A weasel) got high, lit one of those triple-wick candles, left it burning on a wooden endtable and went to bed without blowing the damned thing out. My bro was the first one to wake up and smell the smoke. Instead of bailing out his window, he (according to the other roommate, who is a much nicer human being) jumped out of bed and started yelling and banging to let his roommates know that the joint was on fire and they should wake up and get out. End result? They made it out, but my brother wasn’t so lucky; he died of smoke inhalation before the paramedics could get there.

Whether it’s rational or not, I hold the jackhole who lit the candle responsible for my brother’s death. He does not share my opinion. He has never apologized for what happened, and has never expressed any gratitude for my brother saving his life that night. In fact, he had the stones to go over to my mother’s house a few months after the fire and tell her that the apartment was cleaned up and remodeled, and that he was thinking of renting it again. My family has had sporadic contact with him since then (usually when he wants a favor), and we share some acquaintances who mention him every now and then, and most of what I hear from them indicates that he’s the same self-absorbed ass that he always was.

Unfortunately, I let this fester WAY too long — right after the fire, I was too shell-shocked to think about holding him accountable, much less to do something constructive like talk to him about it, and as time passed, I lost the urge to hunt him down and beat him until you could slide him through a mail slot. Or so I thought — I’m writing to you, so obviously the very thought of the little weasel still ticks me off.

The thought of looking him up and having a little chat is very tempting — I’m not stupid enough to think he’ll see the error of his ways, fall to my feet and beg for forgiveness, but I do think doing it for me (sounds selfish, I know) would be a good thing, healing-wise. I’ve kinda/sorta learned to deal with all of the other issues that come up when a 20-year-old loses her 19-year-old brother, but not coming to terms with the stoner pyro roommate feels like a huge roadblock on the quest for that holiest of psychological holies, “closure.”

I personally feel that I will lose at least 20 crazy points by confronting this guy; am I right, or should I just Let It Go Already?

Thanks,
She Who Possibly Dwells On The Past A Little Too Much

I’ve been married for about four years. My husband and I met at a rather
conservative Christian college about seven years ago. Neither of us were
particularly religious, and over the years I’ve largely fallen away from
Christianity. I’ve questioned a lot of the beliefs whereas my husband
holds to them quite strongly.

About six months ago, I began attending a Jewish synagogue. I feel very
at home there; the places where my beliefs differed from Christianity
line up very neatly within Judaism, I enjoy the services, and I’m making
friends. I have begun meeting with the Rabbi to pursue conversion. The
problem is that my husband vehemently disapproves of my desire to be
Jewish. He is bitter that I am making some changes in my life. I
understand that, since we’re married, our choices affect each other, but
I’m not asking him to go to services with me, or keep kosher, or any of
it, really. However, since he believes so strongly that Judaism is
“wrong,” things have gotten rather ugly in our house.

So the question is: Is it fair of me to be making this change in my
life? Am I right in expecting more support than what he is showing? Is
my spiritual seeking interfering with our marriage, or am I entitled to
change my religion at this point and expect him to support that? Should
I stop practicing Judaism out of respect for my marriage? Does it even
matter whose “fault” it is?

Thanks for any advice you can give — I’m trying to get as many opinions
as possible, and I respect yours immensely.

Not Jewish, but not Christian

I’m writing you because the Vine question from “Once a
bridesmaid, never again” prompted me to write you for an outside
opinion on a sticky, marriage-related issues that has recently
cropped up with my sibling. (Also, this got way longer than I
expected it to be, so please feel free to edit out anything
unnecessary or repetative. If I’m making a big deal over nothing or
being a jackass, please feel free to boot me into the middle of next
week with the size nines. I need it sometimes.)

My younger sister, who I’ll call “Jane,” is a 20-year-old full-time
college student. She lives with our mother and commutes to a local
university. She will graduate in about a year, and,
while she currently has a part-time job and pays her car insurance,
gas, and cell phone bill, she is mostly dependent upon my mom for
financial support, housing, and food. Jane has always been a really
independent, hysterically funny, unique, and spontaneous (though
probably a bit immature) person. She’s the baby, she’s a little
spoiled, and she’s very stubborn. We’re pretty close for siblings
with a 10-year age difference, but we’re definitely of different
generations. Despite this, we’ve been pretty close until recently.

Jane has been dating a guy I’ll call “Chip” for the past year. Chip
is a 25-year-old full-time college student, but he acts more like
he’s around 19. When their relationship became serious, Chip advised
my sister that he could not marry someone who was not of his faith
(he’s LDS), and he saw no point in continuing to date someone he
wouldn’t consider marrying. My sister converted to Mormonism shortly
thereafter, though she insists that her decision was made completely
independently of Chip. Her choice of the Mormon religion was not an
issue for anyone in our family, and our mother attended her baptism.

Last spring, Jane announced that she and Chip were planning to get
married in a year (June 2006). (He would still be in school for a
year after that, and she would still be in school for six months.)
No one in my family was keen on that idea, and it’s kind of a
standing rule that all parties involved are expected to complete at
least a bachelor’s degree before getting married. Many people
suggested that maybe they become engaged then and have a some time to
get used to being out of college and working full-time before getting
married. (Our other sister believes that the rush to get married is
based on the fact that Chip doesn’t believe in sex before marriage,
though they spend nearly every night together at his apartment.)

It’s not that the family doesn’t want them to get married EVER, just
to wait until they’re in a more stable place in their lives. Jane
and I discussed this, too, so she knows that I am of the opinion that
she should at least wait until both of them have graduated from
college before getting married. I just think you change and grow so
much in college and following graduation that marrying before then
can be problematic on a number of different levels. The least of
which is how Jane and Chip are going to support themselves on his
tips from waiting tables and her retail job, both part-time. She
thinks that they can just live in government subsidized housing
(which is not at all safe in the city in which they live) and that,
if their plans fall through, the families will help support them.
Chip’s folks might, because they are very in favor of Chip and Jane
marrying as soon as possible, but our family is of the mindset that,
if you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay your
own way in the world. My family is not well-off, either, and we’ve
had to take out loans to pay for part of Jane’s education.

Jane went on a study-abroad trip to Europe over the summer. While
she was gone, she began to question whether she was ready to get
married. When she came back from overseas, she was very excited
about pursuing a graduate degree and getting a job that would allow
her to travel to other foreign countries. She also met a boy during
the trip and developed a huge crush on him. Most of her photos of
the trips include this young man, and, while she showed them to our
family, she did not show those to Chip.

When she returned home, Jane and Chip started to argue a lot about her
not wanting to get married in nine months, as they’d
previously agreed. He told her that if she didn’t want to marry him
then, that that meant she didn’t want to marry him at all. He has a
hard time understanding why our family wants her to graduate from
college before getting married (since his family is all for their
marrying as soon as possible), and he also told her that he didn’t
want to travel extensively, as it would inhibit his ability to get a
stable job and climb the corporate ladder quickly. He told her that
if she was going to put her graduate education or career ahead of
their future children, she would not be a good mother. In addition,
Jane has become very self-conscious about her appearance, since Chip
told her he thinks that it is important to “take pride” in how one
looks. He told her once that he thought she was gaining weight,
which really upset her at one time, but now she says that she “made
him” say it. The combination of these things made Jane very angry
and upset, and she considered ending the relationship.

I’m not sure what’s happened in the past two months, but the wedding
is mostly back on. I say “mostly” because Jane has started planning
the wedding for their original June 2006 date. However, she’s not
100% sure she wants to marry Chip. She’s “pretty sure,” but has not
officially decided yet, and she wants to start planning so when she
decides, the ball is rolling and the wedding can happen quickly. I
think confirming that you actually want to get married and be married
to THAT particular person is the most important part of the decision,
not what dress to wear or what color flowers to have, which seems to
be what she’s focusing on.

Jane has told various members of our family, to whom we are both very
close, that she wants everyone to get on board with the wedding and
not criticize her decision (though she hasn’t really made a definite
decision yet). She believes that the entire family does not like
Chip and that we don’t want her to marry him because he’s Mormon.
She refuses to understand that our prime issue is not Chip and not
their Mormon faith; rather, it’s their maturity levels and status as
full-time students. While we’re sad that we won’t be able to attend
their actual wedding (since they plan to marry in a Mormon temple and
non-members cannot enter the place they will be married), no one has
discouraged or denegrated her choice of the Mormon faith, and, in
fact, my mom has hosted a number of bible study and social events in
her home. My mother and some other family members also like Chip.
(Our other sister and our respective husbands are not terribly fond
of him, mostly because we feel some of the things Chip has said to
Jane are borderline abusive; he made fun of our sister’s elderly dog
because she has trouble getting around these days, and they feel like
Jane acts like a totally different person when Chip’s around. I’m
not terribly fond of Chip, but it’s more a feeling of ambivalence
than outright dislike.)

So, now that the wedding is sort-of back on, Jane keeps dropping
hints around me (saying things like, “These are the flowers I want
for my wedding.” or “Does anyone know if Crate & Barrel does wedding
registries?”), but she won’t address the wedding directly with me.
I’ve already said my piece on the situation, she’s said she doesn’t
want to hear dissenting opinions, and I’m not quite sure where to
proceed. I don’t think what she’s doing is a good idea, and I’d feel
really fake and hypocritical pretending that I think it is. But I
also don’t want every conversation with her to be a rehash of my
feelings on the matter. I’ve already told her how I feel, she
disagrees, and it’s her life. I’ll love her whether she’s married,
single, Mormon, purple, whatever, and I’ll attend whatever portion of
the wedding to which I’m invited. I just know that she often does
things to prove she’s right and we’re all wrong rather than thinking
it through, and this is way to serious a matter to be proving a point
over.

So, Sars, what do I do from here? Wait for her to directly address
the question of her wedding or bite on one of her allusions to it?
Get on board and help her plan a wedding she’s not even decided she
wants to have, despite my serious misgivings about it? Not care that
she doesn’t want to hear dissenting opinions and tell her again that
I think this is a terrible idea and that she needs to be 100% on the
boy before she goes looking for the right dress? Our family is not
large, and it’s a hard situation to avoid.

On top of all this, she wants to have a vow ceremony and 30-60 person
reception at a family member’s (we’ll call him “John”) home. John is not
in good health at all (in fact, he has very serious health problems),
and getting the home and back yard into the shape in which he would
expect it to be in order to host this event would require a lot of
work that I do not think John is healthy enough to do himself in the
time available. Jane has said that she doesn’t care if the house is
spotless, but John DOES care. He thinks it would be a poor
reflection on him if the house is not neat and some repairs are not
done. I suggested that he ask Jane and/or Chip to help with the work
required inside and outside the house, but John replied that he’d
discussed it with Jane, and it’s unlikely either of them would have
time to spend a lot of time helping between their jobs and school
work. (Jane also has a history of offering to help with something
and never finding the time to do it.)

Based on his health, the
amount of work to be done, and the inability of the couple to help, I
think that John should advise them they need to have the second
ceremony and reception elsewhere. Usually, I would think that this
question is between Jane and John. However, John has a hard time
saying no to anyone and has been taken advantage of by Jane before.
I am also very close to John and will likely end up picking up any
slack if Jane doesn’t help. Jane does have the social hall of the
church available to her, but she doesn’t like it because it looks too
much like a gymnasium.

So, here’s round two (you know, in the event Jane decides Chip is THE
ONE in the next six months): Is it unreasonable to ask her to have
the reception elsewhere or to make her having it at the house
contingent upon her and Chip’s ability to assist with the
clean-up/fix-up? Should I tell her that I think she’s putting a lot of
extra stress on John that he definitely doesn’t need right now?
Should I put together some ideas on how to spruce up a gymnasium-like
hall to be acceptable to her? (Not that I’m keen on the last idea,
but John has provided an immense amount of emotional support to me
throughout my life, and I’d rather do something I don’t want to that
help him than have him hurt himself preparing for the reception
because I chose to stand on some principle against the wedding.)

Thanks!

Joe’s Other Bitchy Sister

I’ll try to keep it brief. I’m overweight, want to lose weight, and for all
my good intentions I have very little self-discipline. I talked my
boyfriend into getting us gym memberships last year and we’ve gone…um…three times? Four? I’ve created diets and lasted on them for a few days,
and then ditched them because either I couldn’t afford to maintain it, or
because of the inconvenience of bringing my own food to work.

I realize this is all my fault, and on top of being naturally lazy, I’m
paranoid. I don’t remember seeing any flabby bodies at our gym; in fact,
there are lots of young blonde things working out at all hours of the day.
This means, A) I feel gross in comparison, and embarassed to be so large and
flabby next to them and B) I get jealous. Stupid, I know, but after our
first visit to the gym, I made a joking comment to the boyfriend about how
he kept watching me while we were on the treadmills, which earned me a
flattering, “Actually, no. I mean, yes, but I was also kinda looking at the
girl next to you more.”

The girl next to me was about the size of my right leg, perhaps slightly
taller, and his “looking” lasted about 45 minutes. So, that felt great, as
you can imagine. The other times we went were only slightly better, and
each time I ended up on the verge of tears, if not actually crying on the
way home. Pitiful, I know. And, I will admit that I was keeping an eye on
him almost the whole time, each time, to see what piques his interest. I
look nothing like them.

The boyfriend has become a little more sensitive/tactful since then, but I
don’t want to create an opportunity to feel that way again.

I want to get on a schedule or routine or something, so I’m seeking your
advice on how to have more self-discipline, as well as how to get over my
loathing of the gym. Please, please, please. I feel like solving one
problem might solve them all.

Thanks very much,
M