The Vine: July 13, 2005
Sars,
I’ve been to a number of a general admission shows. Well, okay, about four or five in the past seven years. So, I am by no means an expert. After re-reading your essay, “So, You’re Going to a Rock Show,” I’m pretty sure you are. When standing in a crowd at a general admission show, what’s acceptable? There are three general types of people that I’m curious about:
1. The slow wigglers. The doors open, you line up in front of the state, and they are behind you. By the time the opening band plays their last song, they’re three rows of people in front of you. By the encore, they’re at the stage. How much of this is okay?
2. The “friends-havers.” “Excuse me, my friends are up there.” “Good for them.” Well, sure, some people do have friends near the front. But it seems as if you’re trying to join your friends after the opening band, well, your friends can tell you after the show about the great view they had, yes?
3. The bulls. These are the people that are just pushing their way to the front. This is a mortal sin, right? Is there a way to deal with them without causing a scene?
Thanks for the pointers!
I Came to Watch Shirley Manson, Not You Shouldering By Me
Dear Come To Listen, Not To Watch,
I don’t think I really see a problem with #1 or #2, frankly. It sounds like you just resent that other showgoers get a better view than you, which…whatev. Just head down to the front your own self; that way, you get the view you want and you don’t have to deal with people trying to squeeze by the whole time. But if you don’t want to do that? This is the way of the general admission show, like it or not. Wiggling up to the front isn’t a sin; neither is actually excusing yourself to get there — and given that most people will just drop a shoulder and push past without so much as a “sorry,” you probably need to ease up a bit on folks who are actually polite about it.
As for the bulls, there isn’t really a corrective for that sort of behavior that won’t draw attention, but you can always try the Weeble approach — when they shove past, let yourself be shoved, but then sort of rebound back into position as they’re passing through your space, juuuuuust in time to 1) knock into their drinks and spill them, 2) drive an elbow into a soft place, or 3) step on a foot and hold it while you “try to get your balance.” Couple it with a big big smile and an “oh, I’m so so sorry, I must have lost my balance when you bumped into me.” Shrug innocently and turn your attention back to the stage.
Mostly, though, you just have to deal with it. Pick a spot off to the side where there isn’t as much through traffic, and if you’re taller than five eight, just accept that people will be wiggling around and past you so they can see. But if people aren’t puking on you or kicking you in the head? You’re good.
Dear Wise Sars:
With all the friends (and friends of friends) I have who are procreating of late, I’ve run into this sticky situation a number of times. What do you do when you have an opinion about the name they are choosing for the baby? Specifically, do you warn them about any potential negative connotations of the name?
A few examples:
One friend likes a name that is also the name featured in a prominent, national murder case. How these friends were able to remain ignorant of the case, I have no idea. But I debated with myself for a couple months over whether I should mention it or ask my friend if she’d heard of the case. I finally decided that I needed to tell her, whether it was my place or not. I think they should know about this famous case since a lot of other people do. It has been national news. If it were me, I would want to know, but maybe this isn’t good logic in deciding what is right for others to know. I’m not trying to control their name choice, just thought they should be informed.
It was quite awkward right after I told her, but we then went on to have a seemingly normal conversation. Anyway, I feel really bad now and can see reasons why what I did was both right and wrong. She is a close friend and has been for years, so I felt like I shouldn’t bite my tongue. Anyway, I guess I’m asking for your honest assessment and if you would suggest I do something like apologize or just sweep it under the rug? And, if your friends ever knew about some bizarre connection about a baby name you were considering, would you want to know?
Another friend named her baby after an African country. Oh, the opportunities for mocking, Sars. What will the schoolchildren of the future say to this poor kid? I feel the same way about names like Paris, Apple, et cetera. Anyhow, we warned her good-naturedly that this name was, we thought, weird. She chose the name anyway, because, well, it’s her baby. I’ve moved on. It’s fine.
In sum — on the one hand, I think it’s fine to jokingly warn friends about baby names. Like if you notice that the initials of the to-be-born-kid spell A.S.S. It’s just a friendly warning, right? On the other hand, I can see that it’s really none of my damn business.
What do you say?
Moon Unit is, surprisingly, not the stupidest name ever
Dear Moon,
Two points: 1) Yeah, I wouldn’t name a kid “Laci,” necessarily, particularly if I were married to a Mr. Peterson, but the thing is, by the time she gets to school age, the majority of people will have forgotten about that case; and 2) either you give a kid a nutty name that raises a few eyebrows, like “Ghana,” or you wind up with a name that four other girls in her class also have. Like “Sarah.”
You sort of have to assume that your friends have already considered the down sides of the name they’ve picked, or that they don’t think it’s a weird name, or ugly, or too trendy, or whatever your disapproving opinion is, because…it’s your opinion. You wouldn’t name a kid “Apple,” and neither would I, but people have their reasons and there just isn’t much point in trying to talk them out of it, even if you think you’re doing them a favor.
The kid can always change it when s/he turns eighteen. Unless it’s something like “Prince Albert” or “Glottis” where they just really don’t know the connotations, and just really should, immediately, just leave it alone.
Hi Sars!
I had a question for you, if you don’t mind. I am having to choose between two jobs. They’re pretty much identical except that one would require working in the office full-time and the other would require working from home full-time. It would be a long commute and my poor cats would be left alone for 13 hours a day if I commuted.
On the other hand, I’m worried about working from home full-time as a single person living alone. I know that you have been in this position for quite a few years and was wondering if you could give any input on how to maintain human contact and a social life while spending so many hours alone.
Thanks so much!
Turning into Sandra Bullock in The Net
Dear Sandy,
What people always forget about the whole working-at-home equation is the “working” variable. Because…you’re working. How balanced your work life is with your social life is mostly about how well you’re able to structure your work time on your own. Which is not something some people are cut out for, but which isn’t all that difficult; you just have to get into a routine. Get up at 8, make coffee, have breakfast, work until 1, break for lunch, work until 6, leave your desk and maybe have drinks or dinner with a friend — sounds more or less like working at an office, right? Because it is. The office is just in your house.
I’ve never really had a problem in this area; I don’t socialize as much as I’d like, because I work a lot and the deadlines don’t always obey the five-o’clock-whistle principle, but on the other hand, I’m free to go out and get ripshit on a Wednesday, because it’s not like I’m too hungover to come in. I’m already “in.” And I’m also fine with spending a lot of time by myself, too. Not everyone is like that, and there are occasions when I’m a little too eager to shoot the shit with the folks at the post office because I haven’t seen anyone I know personally in a couple of days, but it’s not usually a problem. You have cats; you’d probably be fine.
So, if you focus on setting up your workdays at home with a fairly firm structure that resembles that of an office, and you stick to that, then your human contact and social time fall into place just like they did before — you can still do lunch with friends or after-work drinks or what have you. And honestly, whatever you’re giving up in break-room chit-chat? You’re also giving up in boring co-worker conversations, the awkwardness of picking a “poo stall” in the ladies’, and that maroon who keeps burning the microwave popcorn.
But don’t forget, you aren’t just sitting at home, staring at the walls. You’re working; most of the time you’ll be trying to get shit done, and you won’t be bummed that nobody’s poking his head over the edge of your cube wall all, “Whatcha workin’ on?” You’ll be relieved…or you won’t even notice.
[7/13/05]
Tags: etiquette workplace
