The Vine: July 20, 2004
Hey Sars — first off, hats off to you and your insightful, amusing web site.
Now that the gratuitous boot-licking is over, on to my dilemma…
A relative of mine is looking to have a coffee table book published. She and her three friends have an idea that has landed them an agent. The idea is interesting, if a bit odd, and despite the tough market, I think they will manage to get themselves published. Their PR rep is pumped up. She keeps insisting they’ll be the next “big thing”, and she’ll get them on Oprah…um, yeah. That remains to be seen, of course.
I am mildly skilled in graphic design, and so I was approached a month ago to help them out with their sample book. A sample book, for those who don’t know, is a kind of mini-book. Rather like an outline of the finished product. It’s what the agent will be showing to the publishers.
For the last month, I’ve been working hot and heavy on the sample book. It’s in for a final review, and so far has received nothing but positive feedback. They love it. They love me, yada yada you’re-wonderful-fishcakes.
Now that they’ve seen what I can do, and now that this project is moving forward, they’ve approached me about doing the entire book for them. Great, right? I mean, I would LOVE to have my name in print, even if it’s for design. So, if everything is sunshine on my shoulders, why am I writing to you?
Well…this book is heavy on the visual aspects, light on content. This means that essentially, I’d be doing the bulk of the work. They provide the raw materials and ideas, and I’d put it all together into an original and attractive design. Each page would be a work of art. It sounds like an exciting project, but I’m inexperienced in freelance print work, and thus have no idea what is and is not an acceptable demand of a person in my position. Therefore, I’m plagued by a litany of worries.
First: They are willing to pay me, but I’m totally unaware of what the market value for such work is. I’ve done a little research online, and have been unsuccessful in locating a non-pay site that will provide me with market value prices for print graphic design.
If I accept this job, I can see months of pain ahead. These ladies are demanding, both on themselves and others. They won’t be easy to work for. So, I want to quote an hourly rate that they can pay, but that will also make the pain of the job worth it to me.
Second: I already have a full-time job, so I’d be doing this in my spare time. Should this reduce my rates? I wouldn’t be able to churn out pages quite as fast as someone working full-time on it. They are aware of this, of course.
Third: Should I consider royalties? Yes, I know she needs a publisher first, but I want this all laid out beforehand.
Fourth: Do you, or any of your readers, know what the laws and practices are regarding creative billing? If I do this, I’d like to be cited on the cover as the designer. Is this unreasonable?
As you can see, I’m a bit befuddled and confused. I have a lot of questions about the industry in general, and no one to ask.
Sars, I know you aren’t a graphic designer, but you are a freelancer. Can you recommend any web sites that might help me answer these questions? Perhaps you can answer them from a writer’s perspective? Do any of your readers know of a discussion board that can provide reliable and reputable support for such things? Web sites? Advice of any kind?
Thank you!
Sincerely,
An Unpublished Design Monkey
Dear Monkey,
Since I really know nothing about the going rates for or legalities of graphic design work, instead of answering your specific questions, I’ll give you some general advice based on how I do freelance jobs. Your mileage may, of course, vary.
The first move is to get an attorney, preferably one with some background in the field, to advise you and to look over any contracts you might receive in connection with the work. Particularly if you want royalties — which, it’s my impression, you won’t get unless you have an agent representing you at the sale point with the publishing company, but just in case — you’ll need a lawyer to look at the paperwork. A lawyer could also tell you what she’s seen in re: fee structures in your area, and possibly advise you on how much to charge.
The second move is to start networking — not in the icky cocktail-party sense, but by going to sites like Media Bistro and getting a sense of the issues, or emailing your friends and asking them to put you together with graphic designers whose brains you can pick about everything from your portfolio to per-piece charges to delivery dates to what to wear to publishers’ meetings.
In the short term, you may not have time to do all that, so for now, 1. remember to get everything in writing, and 2. let the authors open the fee negotiations. If the figure is higher than you’d expected to hear, hide your surprise, agree on a regular billing schedule (also in writing, that’s very important), and proceed; if it’s lower, you might want to consider whether the project is too big a hassle at the price. And don’t be afraid to turn it down. Part of establishing yourself as a freelancer is knowing which projects to pass on.
Do some research, consult some experts, and don’t move forward until you’re comfortable.
Hey, Sars —
Literature for children. “Children’s lit” or “childrens lit,” and why? I’m never sure, though I favor the former.
Child’s Play
Dear Play,
“Children’s lit,” because there’s no such word as “childrens” (“children” is already pluralized). It’s a possessive; you need an apostrophe.
Here’s one for you. Last year I started dating a guy we’ll call X. Fifteen years ago X dated my best friend, Z. They did the on-again, off-again thing for three or four years and then went their separate ways. He dated, married and divorced, she dated and dated. About four years ago she started dating another friend of mine, Y. Two years ago she and Y moved in together.
When X asked me out I called Z and told her about it. Although X and I spent time in the same environment (mostly at parties) he and I had very little interaction. At the time that he and I became reacquainted, I was dealing with the death of my dad and was simply looking for someone to spend some time with who would take my mind off of things. Z and Y were pretty much inseparable and although they didn’t mind the third wheel I always felt like I was intruding when I spent time with them.
Z called me about a week after X and my first date and said that she didn’t want me to go out with him. She said that she wasn’t comfortable being around him and if I was her friend I would respect that and not have anything to do with him. I told her that I thought that it might be weird but since she and Y were living together and talking about getting married, who I dated should be my choice and not anyone else’s. Her response was, “Did you ever stop to think about how I would feel if you guys started dating seriously?” I tried on several occasions to get to the root of why she was not comfortable, but she wouldn’t give me a reason and only said that I had to decide whether to spend time with X or with her.
So, I esentially chose to date a guy over my best friend. Fast forward one year; she and Y are engaged and will be married soon. X and I are engaged and will be married next year. Over the course of the year, Z and I have only spoken once, at a party thrown by a mutual friend. Although I have made several attempts to talk about what has happened. Z has stated that she is “too hurt to talk.”
Z recently sent me a note that she had decided not to invite me to the wedding. Here’s where I should tell you that she and I have been friends for twenty years, and Y and I have been friends for over ten years (I was one of several people who introduced them originally). My question — do I send a gift?
My mother would have said that the fact that Z has an issue with me is not a reason to be rude, and sending a wedding gift is merely an acknowledgement of their nuptuals and a way to wish them a happy life together. X is of the opinion that the entire situation is ridiculous and I shouldn’t send anything to someone who clearly wants nothing to do with me and is not enough of an adult to have a converation and actually say that. I’m somewhere in the middle. I really do wish them well. I think that they are both perfect for one another and I’m happy that they’ve found one another. If Y was marrying someone else, even someone I didn’t necessarily like, I’d send a gift because he is my friend. Do I do something different because of the situation with me and Z?
Signed,
Miss Manners didn’t cover this
Dear But I Bet She Thinks Z Is A Big Drama Queen,
My God, whatever. Z dated X fifteen years ago. The statute of limitations has run out, next door to borrow a cup of sugar, and all the way to the next county in a charity 10K by now. Girlfriend needs to get over it.
But no, she’s in love with the drama — viz. the “too hurt to talk” business (which she did to herself by forcing you to choose between her and X and then reacting to your choice with a total lack of grace), not to mention the “just a note to let you know I’m not inviting you to my wedding” thing. I mean, is she kidding with that? What next — she passes a note around to the rest of the fourth grade that you have cooties?
I wouldn’t give Z the time, much less a wedding present, but if you want to acknowledge the marriage and send a gift, I don’t see the harm — you’re friends with Y too, I guess, although it’s not like he’s put in a good/reasonable word for you either, apparently, so, eh, but if you want to do the good-hearted thing and recognize how long you’ve been friends with them both, go ahead.
But honestly? Let that be the end of it. I know it’s a friendship of long standing, but…that’ll do, I think. Z likes sulking better than she likes your company. Make a note and move on.
Hi, Sars —
I’m hoping you can suggest a good response to a question I am asked regularly: “What happened to you? How did you get those scars on your arm?”
I’ve been getting this question and its variants for a few years now, ever since I stopped wearing long sleeves all the time. I’m no longer so startled as I was the first time someone asked me that, but I’m still bewildered that people find it an appropriate question to ask. It seems pretty clear to me that the scars are there because I used to cut myself. It also seems pretty clear to me that they’re old scars, and so other people can safely assume that it’s no longer an issue for me, which is, fortunately, the case. I understand that someone might not come to that conclusion right away, but there are people who have clearly given the matter thought and decide to come over and say in their Most Concerned Voices: “I hope this isn’t too personal…I noticed those marks on your arm…what happened to you?”
Me: “What happened to my arm? Nothing you need to worry about. What happened to your FACE?”
Oh, wait, that’s not what I say. Instead, I usually panic a little, stutter something, smile and try and move the conversation along. I don’t get angry when I am asked questions about my scars, but I am kind of stunned that anyone thinks it’s a good idea to bring them up. I know a couple of people with scars that could be related to surgery, or an accident, or whatever, but I don’t know because I wouldn’t ask! Because it is not my business. Is it? To ask seems like it would be horribly intrusive, and when I am asked I feel intruded upon.
So. I get asked this with some frequency, and while it is tempting to answer “wolverines!” or “yeah, my cat did that. With a ruler.” it doesn’t really help. Do you have any suggestions on what I could say to this that doesn’t involve my whole personal history or being rude in return?
Thank you!
KT
Dear KT,
I think smiling and saying, “Actually, it is too personal — thanks for understanding,” and graciously accepting the apology that should be forthcoming is a fine strategy. Because…it is too personal. It’s really not their business, and if strangers come up to you and ask you about them, you are not obligated to tell them. And you are not obligated to put them at ease once you’ve gently pointed out their intrusiveness, either, so once they get all “oh…I, uh,” just smile politely and let ’em squirm. It’s the only way they’ll learn.
I’ve said this before as regards pregnant women, but I guess I have to say it again — people, just because a condition, past or present, is visible to you does not automatically confer upon you the right to ask about/comment on it. Would you walk up to a man with visible acne scarring and say, “I’m sorry if this is too personal, but how did you wind up with that pitting along your jawline”? No, you wouldn’t. Don’t do it to pregnant women, don’t do it to people with visible scars — you can draw your own conclusions, but keep them to yourself. You aren’t four years old; you don’t get to say whatever damn thing comes into your head. Christ.
Anyway. Decline to answer; resist the urge to apologize for wanting some privacy.
Sars,
I have to ask about a grammar phenomenon I’ve seen a lot lately. Some authors, like Sedaris, Wallace, and Eggers (and that whole crowd, for that matter), have gotten really into using double negatives. I tolerated it, as I guess it felt like it came with the rest of the quirky writing package. However, today I was reading the Washington Post and noticed the line, “…not unlike commodities trading.” WTF? What’s wrong with, “…like commodities trading”? I then realized that I now see it everywhere, in magazines, books, and newspapers. Is this okay usage? It feels stilted, contrived, and wordy; however, mainstream, respectable, non-fiction organizations apparently now find it acceptable. Please tell me I’m not crazy in thinking this is the stupidest grammar trend I’ve seen in quite a while.
Signed,
Not Unincredulous
Dear Sorry, But I Can’t Not Disagree,
Well, you’ll be waiting a while for this “trend” to tire itself out — using a double negative to calibrate meaning more precisely is a tool that goes back to the ancient Greeks. (We Latin geeks know it as “litotes,” pronounced “lie-toe-tees.” Go forth and smug.)
Garner and I agree with you that it’s often used to lend prose an unearned loftiness, and as such it bogs down the writing, but it’s not an entirely useless or off-putting device if it’s used in the service of exactitude. “Like” and “not unlike” do not mean precisely the same thing; sometimes you want to point up not a similarity but lack of dissimilarity, and if you care about that distinction, you’ll use the double negative there — and you’ll use it judiciously elsewhere.
So, yes, often it’s a pretension — but not always.
[7/20/04]
Tags: boys (and girls) etiquette friendships grammar the fam workplace
