The Vine: July 26, 2002
Hey Sars,
I had a cat that also loved nothing more than peeing and/or crapping on the bathmat, but the bathmat ONLY. The vet remarked that the rubber backing on bathmats smells like ammonia to cats, which therefore also smells like other cats’ pee, and that triggers the cats’ need to excrete. We replaced our stinky, spotted bathmat with a non-rubberized one, and the peeing stopped. Hope this helps!
Claudia
Dear Claudia,
Thanks for the input. A number of other readers suggested that the bathmat-pooping might have to do with the texture of the bathmat, and that maybe a different grain of litter is in order.
But the first steps are still to 1. visit the vet and 2. start hanging the bathmat up.
Dear Sars,
I love the site, the funny articles, and most of all your great advice. (You must get so sick of hearing that!) I need some of that advice now.
I’ve known I’m gay for a few years now (I’m a guy, and 20 years old). I like the guys and all, but I am so scared. I don’t want to be a member of a group in society that many people hate and want to hurt. I’m only out to two other people, who are both gay as well, and I don’t know any other gay people. I just feel so lonely and scared; it makes me feel pathetic. Realistically, I know that you can’t wave a magic wand and make things better, but I just need advice about where to go from here.
Thanks,
Closet Case
Dear Case,
Thanks! And I don’t get sick of hearing it.
Okay. I don’t think you should beat yourself up for feeling lonely and scared. We’d all like to believe that it’s no big deal anymore, but unfortunately, the gay community still has to face down a lot of ignorance and hate that we straight folk can’t begin to imagine, and I think it’s totally normal to feel intimidated by and confused about that.
But you’ve got a lot of resources, too. I don’t know where you live, but you might consider doing research on the internet and in your local phone book and look up support groups for gay folks who have come out recently. Ask the people you came out to about their experiences and if they have any suggestions for you. Just talking to people who are going or have gone through the same thing will probably help a lot.
Above all, though, recognize that it’s okay to feel how you feel, and that in time you will get through it and feel okay with yourself. You are a member of a group in society that many people love and want to support, too. Focus on getting that love and support.
Dear Sars, Recently, I performed oral sex on my current boyfriend for the first time. He seemed to (by the slight noises and body movements) enjoy it, and he says that he enjoyed it; the thing is, I went for a good half hour, and he never came.
I wondered if it could have been something I did, or even didn’t do. I asked him about it, and he said it wasn’t my fault; he doesn’t know what happened, but it just wouldn’t happen for him. And now he won’t let it go! Whenever the subject comes up, he goes on and on about how embarrassed he is, and how he just can’t understand what happened. I tried to console him, and tell him it wasn’t his fault and it’s nothing he can help, but he just can’t let it go.
So I consulted a friend, and he suggested I write you for advice on how to handle the situation! Anyways, my question(s) is/are:
1. What can I tell him to try to make him feel better, or need I tell him anything at all?
2. What are some reasons this would happen?
Mystified
Dear Mystified,
Hmm. Well, you ask him why he keeps bringing it up — what he thinks happened. It’s obviously bothering him, so maybe you should try to dig a little deeper and see why it’s an issue for him. It’s possible that the way you perform oral sex isn’t quite what he likes, but he’s scared to bring it up because he’s shy about talking about that stuff, or because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
I mean, maybe it’s that, but the anorgasmia could have come from about a thousand other things. He’s on an antidepressant or other drug that affects his ability to have an orgasm; he drank too much; he felt stressed about something else and couldn’t relax. It happens sometimes, to everyone, and unless it’s a pattern with him, a one-time inability to reach climax isn’t that big a deal.
Talk to him. It’s clearly an issue for you both, so you should keep the lines of communication open, both in bed and out of it. The next time he says something about it, try to get at why the subject keeps coming up.
[7/26/02]
Tags: boys (and girls) cats sex
