Hi Sars,

The show your reader is thinking of is, I think, Hull High.
http://www.jumptheshark.com/h/hullhigh.htm
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098826/
http://epguides.com/HullHigh/

I’ve never seen or heard of it, but I get paid to find things on the
Internet (essentially) and, like any good researcher, can’t resist a
challenge.

Have a good day!

L

Dear L,

Thanks!The overwhelming consensus from the readership is that it’s Hull High.The actress’s name is Nancy Velen.

I’m a senior in high school, and my brother is in fifth grade. Lately, he’s been very clingy — always wanting to make plans, bugging me incessantly, et cetera. I know this is standard little-brother behavior, but it gets more complicated.

My parents have been fighting a lot recently (and, on separate occasions, they’ve both told me they would divorce the other in a second if it weren’t for the kids. But that’s a separate issue and a separate email). So I take it that my brother has been scared/worried/insecure about his family, so he’s been turning to me for comfort.

The problem is, as much as he’s a nice person, spending time with him can be a little boring. It’s not like there is much to talk about between us and he can sometimes be obnoxious. Especially at a time I’m trying to see my friends a lot because who knows who I’ll remain in contact with once college starts, I don’t need to be spending this much time with an annoying little brother — right?

Of course, when I tried to tell my parents this, they just chided me for not being more caring toward my little brother. They said that he needs me right now — but the thing is, I need to be with my friends right now. I don’t want to completely avoid my brother, mind you, but not making plans with him every other day would be relieving.

My question is: am I being a heartless brother? Should I be spending this much time with my brother? I’m worried because he has recently been shunning his friends in order to spend time with me — hardly social behavior I’d call healthy, but what do I know? And if I’m being reasonable here, how can I tell my parents and my brother how I feel without hurting anyone’s feelings?

Thanks,
I Hope I’m Not Being a Rude Relative

Dear Not,

You’re not being rude; I think you’re pretty sensitive to your brother’s feelings.And, for the record, the whole “your parents telling you that they’d divorce immediately if it weren’t for you guys” is not really “a separate issue” at all.Whether they mean it to or not, it makes you feel guilty and like you’re responsible for their relationship, and you should let them know that that’s not appropriate, because…it isn’t.It puts you in kind of a parental role, and that’s kind of the focus of this thing with your brother, if you think about it.

Your brother looks up to you, and relies on you to be stable in a way that, right now, your parents aren’t.I think it’s important to acknowledge that, and try to make him feel that you’re there for him, but this is also not entirely your job to do, so your best bet is to try to split the difference.Your brother’s in fifth grade; he’s not a little kid anymore, really.If you explain to him that you’re graduating soon and you want to spend time with friends your own age too, he’ll get that — just add that it doesn’t mean you don’t love him or that you don’t want to hang out with him too sometimes.It just means that you need to do both, and you need him to understand.

And when it comes to hanging out with him in a way that’s not dull for you, pick an activity and do that.Go bowling, go to a movie, go to an arcade; play a board game or ride bikes, something you can both do that means you’re not just sitting there staring at your hands.

My brother was about that age when I left for college, and I don’t remember making a specific effort to hang out with him — I wasn’t going to school very far away — but he knew he could crab to me about having my parents’ full attention all the damn time if he needed to, which he did, because I was gone.Just try to let your little brother know that, even if you’re not hanging out all the time with him, you’re still around, metaphorically, if he needs you.

I am a loner.I moved to a new city a few years ago, by myself, to kick-start my life.I now have a university education under my belt and I am a year into my first career job.However, my loner life has recently come under some scrutiny.

I have no friends.I didn’t befriend anyone during my university years.I was working in the evenings and weekends to put myself through school, always on the go, and had no social life.I was that shy girl who sat in the back of the room listening to her iPod before class started, instead of talking to her classmates.I rarely said a word.When someone said something to me, I responded.Oh, you need a pen?Here’s one.But there was none of this “So what are y’all doing this weekend?Sounds like fun!Can I come?” crap, because spending an evening listening to bad music while surrounded by drunken idiots doesn’t really sound like a good time to me.

Fast forward to present day, where that shy behavior has trickled over into my career life.I come to work, sit in my office, and work hard for seven hours a day.I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that.I don’t socialize because I’m easily twenty-five years younger than everybody here and I’ve always believed that you’re getting paid to work, not to gossip about the managers while sitting in your co-worker’s office for hours on end. I have nothing in common with my co-workers and I’ve been okay with this — after all, this is work; I don’t have to be in anyone’s clique because this isn’t high school.I am friendly and polite, and I make them laugh at meetings, but that’s it.Nobody really notices me.I come home to an empty apartment where I read and draw in the evenings.I’m okay with my quiet life and I don’t long for a bitchin’ social scene.In fact, it would be safe to say that I’m uncomfortable at large parties and much prefer one-on-one interactions.

My family thinks there is something wrong, especially my mother.This isn’t normal, she says.I must want to be with someone, right?No.People have disappointed me so much over the years that I’ve grown accustomed to the solitary life.The term “socially awkward” has even been tossed around.I’m an introvert — big frickin’ deal.So why do these criticisms make me feel like shit?

Mirabelle Buttersfield

Dear Methinks The Lady Doth Protest Too Much,

Okay, you say like five different times in this letter that you’re fine with your life the way it is.That alone indicates to me that you’re not — that, and the fact that you’ve written to an advice column about it.Yeah, ostensibly you’ve written about the fact that others think there’s something wrong with it, but if those comments hadn’t hit a nerve…I mean, if you really liked the loner life, why would you care?

I’m getting a defensiveness and a judgmentalness here that I don’t think is working for you, and I’ll tell you, it does seem to me that every time I get a letter like this from someone who’s concerned that s/he has no friends, there’s a sentence like this one in your letter: “[S]pending an evening listening to bad music while surrounded by drunken idiots doesn’t really sound like a good time to me.”And every time, I’m like…what?First of all, that’s, like, one species of socializing out of thousands, and second of all, have you ever tried listening to bad music while surrounded by drunken idiots — while, perhaps, just maybe, being a drunken idiot yourself?Because some of my fondest memories involve a bottle of Boone’s Farm and the Spice Girls cranked up to Jesus.

Look, people are going to disappoint you.This is a fact of life.I don’t like it either, but you aren’t necessarily protected from that if you don’t let anyone in.All it means is that, when someone does disappoint you, you don’t have anyone else to talk shit with afterwards.You have to give people a chance; sometimes you regret it, with specific people, but usually, it’s worth doing.Having friends and acquaintances is fun.Making friends is fun.Why not try it and see what you’re missing?

I mean, if you genuinely don’t care to associate with people and you’re happy to sit home sketching and listening to music you picked out, there really isn’t anything wrong with that, or with you — if you’re satisfied with that.But you’re not.You think something’s missing.Go find out what it is.

Hell, come to a Baseball Con.We ain’t fancy.And if you think we’re dinks, you can just leave — or make friends with the other patrons in the bar who think we’re dinks.Nothing to it.

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