I love the fashion-related questions…so glad others agreed with the raves for Bravissimo.

For the full-sized gal having trouble finding good tailored garments, she should try Land’s End. Their Women’s clothes go up to 26, possibly more in some items, and their tailoring seems to have remained consistently good despite the Sears buyout.Some of her choices seem to indicate that she is going for the least expensive stuff she can find, but she should consider spending a little more to get a better and more long-lasting garment, particularly for interviewing. One good suit set — a blazer, suit skirt, and trousers in a nice fabric — will last her a long time. Land’s End’s fabrics (gabs, wool, linens, and tweeds) are some of the nicest in the business — very fine blends, excellent draping and durability.Their garments are well-tailored and beautifully finished with full linings. Plus Land’s End seems to size pretty generously.

Talbot’s used to carry really nicely tailored, “serious” women’s clothing (including plus sizes), but in recent years their quality has not been as good. It still might be worth a look.

KS

Dear K,

Thanks for the tips.It’s times like this that I miss Jos. A Bank, which eliminated their women’s line over ten years ago and which my mom and I still lament, because you could get really cute shorts and polo shirts with men’s tailoring, and the sizes went up to Jesus with no diminishing of cuteness.I still have a pair of madras shorts (with super-deep pockets!) from there that I refuse to let go of.If they’ve since brought it back, someone, email me.

Other reader suggestions included:

H&M’s BiB line
Marina Rinaldi
The Avenue
www.plussizeyellowpages.com
Catherine’s
Karen Scott Crepe
Macy Woman
going directly to designer websites (i.e. Anne Klein, also recommended)
Ashley Stewart
www.curvychick.com
Foley’s
Jones New York
Liz Claiborne’s plus-size line (word, a lot of my friends love that stuff)
Nordstrom’s, again
August Max Woman
J. Jill

Any other products you lot need help finding?Because the readers are on it like white on rice, so if you trust their taste, ask away.Need a cute ballet flat in a drag-queen size?Can’t find a fountain pen you like?Having issues with your current hair product?Bored with all your music and want some recommendations?Looking for a good translation of Proust or a first-date restaurant in your town…or, hell, a first date?Vine readers know; Vine readers will share.Jewelry, sports equipment, online checking, stationery, bridesmaid dresses, tapas — help us help you.

Because, you know, I’ve got nothing against a juicy boy question, but sometimes turning someone on to an awesome bookstore is a nice change of pace around here (Micawber Books in Princeton, NJ!).

Dear Sars:

Of course you’re fab. Was there any doubt? Surely not!

There have been a number of losses of various kinds that I’ve endured in recent years.

First, I lost a woman I considered my surrogate mother to ovarian cancer. She was a truly beautiful person who helped me a great deal, and she didn’t have to give me the time of day. I feel blessed to have had her love for 12 years. Her adult children have been great “siblings” to me, and I cherish my relationships with them.

Second, I had to end a bad relationship with my maternal aunt/former guardian and her son when their emotional and mental illnesses overwhelmed me. Fortunately, they live halfway across the country.Unfortunately, most of that side is mentally ill, so I have no relationships with them (and my sire only met my birth mother once, let’s put it that way). Thus, I especially appreciate that I do have a surrogate family.

Around the same time the biological connections ended, I finished a relationship with an ex when it turned out he was using me as a free therapist. The less said about this oblivious and inconsiderate young man, the better.

The next year, I saw the South Tower fall with my own eyes. I was on the street that day. I knew two people who were inside Windows on the World, and I can’t imagine the fear they went through in their final hours.

My surrogate father followed his wife last year. Lots of wires hooked up to machines and lots of morphine. He was in a lot of pain and suffered a great deal.

This year I’m scrambling for a new job as I watch the firm I work for go through its death throes in a morass of executive arrogance, mass defections, and mismanagement.

I went through therapy for most of this period and it’s been helpful. Lately, though, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night in terror of death and dying and things ending. Or I’ll be enjoying myself with friends or writing or eating a burger and BOOM! “Dammit, one day I won’t be able to do this anymore!” On an intellectual level I realize and understand that all things end, but emotionally, it’s another story. I’ve been volunteering and doing what I can to be good to those around me, and I have lots of fantastic friends, but it hasn’t stopped the dread that comes when I snap to attention at 3 AM, sweating and the rest of it.

I’m tired of contemplating my mortality.At the moment, I can’t afford a therapist. Are there any words of wisdom you might give to help me put some perspective on things? Suffice it to say that I’m in the autumn of my youth, so I don’t expect a return to adolescent naiveté.Thank you.

Rainy Days and Funerals Always Get Me Down

Dear Rainy,

I don’t know about words of wisdom or perspective; we all go through hard times, of varying degrees of intensity, and we all have times when we feel alone or overwhelmed or filled with rage.And sometimes, we deal with those hard times as they come and move past them slowly but surely, and it gets easier — but sometimes, we repress a lot of what goes along with them so as not to fall apart, and then later, we fall apart anyway.Everyone deals with their low points in different ways and does what she needs to do, so my first point is, don’t judge yourself for freaking out.It happens sometimes.

My second point is this, with the caveat that it’s not just as easy as telling yourself this and feeling better: it’s always something.I went through a rough period about a year and a half ago, where it felt like I just kept getting hit by waves and knocked down; just when I thought I’d dealt with one thing, another thing would put me on my hands and knees.And at a certain point in the midst of it, I was like, “Jesus, it just never stops,” and for some reason, on that day, that was a freeing idea instead of a depressing one — because yeah, life is difficult and painful a lot of the time and you may never get to a point where everything is under control…but if that’s the case, you might as well enjoy the little things when and where you can.

It’s not easy to do when you feel beaten down, and I’m still not all that good at it — at just taking things for what they are instead of wigging out about how they might (read: inevitably will) go wrong.It’s sort of a process.But if you’re doing the best you can, and you’re able to talk to someone about things that bother you and feel supported, then some days, instead of getting all “aaaiiieeee, it’s always something,” you can sort of say, “heh…it’s always something.”

So, I would try to find a PTSD support group, or some kind of low-cost or sliding-scale-fee group therapy, where you can go and talk about your feelings of dread; I think you’ve developed panic disorder, or you’re starting to, and having somewhere to go with that will help take the edge off, in my experience (everyone’s different, of course).You might also start a paper journal and just give yourself a place to get things off your chest, a safe place where you don’t feel like you have to “hold it together” for anyone else’s benefit.

Because…you don’t.Don’t beat yourself up for “not appreciating” the good things in your life, because that can take time, to get to that place.You’re not happy; the “why” doesn’t matter.Find a way to accept that about yourself, tell yourself it’s okay, and work on changing it.Because the bullshit, large and small?Never stops.But the little kindnesses and the moments where you laugh until your stomach hurts, that stuff never stops either.

Dear Sars,

Okay, as an administrative assistant, I end up doing a lot of dictation from tapes, and, as you might expect, architects and engineers are not so much with the grammar.For the most part, I’m like, “whatev,” because I’d probably be up Shit’s Creek without a paddle if not for grammar and spell check, but there is a matter of usage I’d like you to clear up for me.

I’d never heard anyone use this in writing before I started this job.I often read (or hear), “The storm drain needs cleaning out” (italics mine), as opposed to “The storm drain needs to be cleaned out.”While I know that my version (the latter) is passive construction, and therefore not technically grammatically correct, is the architect’s any better?

Signed,
Yeah, like I don’t waste enough time trying to figure out what they’re saying on these tapes

Dear Waste,

Either one is fine.Both “cleaning out” and “to be cleaned out” are verb phrases that, in their phrasal form, function as nouns — or predicates, whichever term you prefer.

I find it hard to believe that you never heard a gerund or a participial phrase used this way before; you probably did and just weren’t paying the close attention you need to for this task.Regardless, neither one is incorrect; the first one is marginally preferred, I guess.

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