From all of your articles and advice I’ve read you seem like a fairly sensible person, able to see multiple sides of an issue, so I’m turning to you for a bit of advice.

I have recently been diagnosed with narcolepsy.I’m very lucky in that the only real problem I’m having as a result is excessive sleepiness.To give you an idea of the extent of this, imagine that (or remember when) you have not slept in 48 hours.Now imagine if that’s how you feel all of the time, no matter how much sleep you get at night or how many naps you take during the day. I say I’m lucky because there are lots of other problems I could be having, but I’m not.I have also been prescribed dexedrine so the sleepiness is not as much of a factor as it was.

Last month, I lost my job for narcolepsy-related reasons.At that time, I knew I had a problem, but wasn’t sure what it was; I was actively trying to figure it out.Going to doctors, joining a gym, changing my eating and sleeping patterns, et cetera.I don’t want that particular job back because I realize that while the pay and benefits were excellent and I enjoyed the job itself, my coworkers, clients, and the general environment left much to be desired.

Okay, that was background; here is my predicament.I am now looking for a brand new job, and I was wondering when I should tell a prospective employer about my “condition.”I don’t want to be misleading to future employers, but I owe it to myself to do what I can to regain as normal a life as possible while dealing with this disease.Do I tell at the interview when I’m asked why I left my previous employment?I’m sure that will affect the employer’s decision, especially if I’m filtered through the HR department first.Do I not say anything until the first day at work? What do you think about this?

Sincerely,
Narco-Girl

Dear Narco,

Tell prospective employers right up front about the disease.It might cost you a couple of opportunities if they aren’t sympathetic, but I think honesty is really the best policy here, for several reasons: 1) You won’t have to worry later on, if you’re hired, about your boss finding you out or wondering about you; 2) you and your boss can collaborate on a work schedule that allows you some flexibility to deal with the disease, while still getting all of your work done; and 3) believe me, they’ll appreciate the honesty, especially if the job comes with insurance benefits and you have a pre-existing condition.

The situation isn’t really analogous, but I always told prospective employers about my drug arrest; I felt that they should hear it from me and make up their own minds.I don’t know if it cost me any jobs, but I didn’t feel as though I should conceal it.

Bottom line: they’ll hire you for the work you can do, and if the disease might affect the work you can do in any way, you need to come clean about it.

Dear Sars,

Since you are so great with relationship advice I decided I’d ask you how to handle this situation.I broke up with my boyfriend (John) of one year a while back, and now I really miss him and want him back.Sounds easy, right?

John was my best friend, and he really was the nicest most thoughtful boyfriend anyone could ever have.My family and friends loved him, and I was ready to marry him just as soon as we got out of college.But I decided that I was too young for such a serious relationship and that I wanted to be young and have fun and do whatever I wanted, so I broke up with him, and my life has gone to shit ever since.I started drinking really hard and wound up shacking up with this guy I work with and let him use me as a call girl, bank, and chauffeur for a few months.My mother is extremely disappointed in me (and I am closer to her than anyone else, and I know our relationship is damaged because of all of this, something else that I completely regret), and my father got so angry with me that he threw me out of the house while I was home visiting after I told them that I had dropped a class and was in danger of failing another one.They are both teachers and put a high premium on education, and since they are paying for my schooling I have to make all As and Bs (I’ve burned my one free C already) or I will have to start paying tuition myself.It took me forever to convince my roommate, who used to be one of my closest friends, to even renew our lease because she was already packing to move out once the month was up.So as you can see, I’ve essentially destroyed my life.

I had a lot of fun at first, but all of my real friends got sick of putting up with me, so all I had left were my party friends.I was indignant at first and thought they didn’t care about me, but now I realize that they cared about me enough to not stand by and watch me destroy my life.Now that I have realized that, I want to try to start putting my life back together again.John was my best friend, and the fact that we fell in love made me feel like the luckiest person in the whole world.I’ve asked a few of our mutual friends that will still speak to me how he is doing, and they say that he is still completely in love with me but that he knows about a lot of the terrible things I’ve done.He is the type of person that holds himself to a really high standard (does what he says, acts on his beliefs, et cetera) and I know that he is completely disappointed in me too since I’ve sacrificied nearly every one of my morals over the past seven months.Our mutual friends have told me that he is still emotionally and psychologically shattered.He loves music, and now he doesn’t even turn on his radio in the car because apparently every song he hears reminds him of me somehow.I am completely ashamed of myself for what I’ve done, and I feel like I need to make amends to him first because he is the person that I have hurt the most.

I’ve seen him a few times since then and acted very cavalier about life, when inside I would have rather curled up and died than look him in the eyes.I’m sure he would take me back, but I know that things will never be the same between us again.How would you go about trying to make amends with someone you have completely betrayed?I miss him so much and I would give anything to make the last seven months go away and have him in my life again.Like I said, all the people I would usually go to for advice aren’t really speaking to me anymore, so any advice you can give me would be very helpful.

Yours,
I Still Miss Someone

Dear Still Miss,

Why do you want John back — because most of your friends have ditched you?Because the guy you “shacked up with” treated you like crap?Or because you really care about him?And by “care about him,” I don’t mean “want someone to cuddle with” or “need attention.”I mean care about him.You dumped him because you cared more about yourself, and there’s nothing really wrong with that in and of itself, but I suspect that you want him back for the same reason.

We’ve all done shitty things and hurt people without meaning to, but I’m not convinced that you’re sorry about how you behaved; I think you’re sorry that you’re having to pay for it now, but that’s not the same thing.You fucked up.You hurt people and pushed them away.You regret it now, because you’re lonely, and I know the feeling, but you’re going to have to learn to live with it somehow.

Start over.Drink less.Concentrate on your studies, and on respecting yourself and others.Set an example for yourself and do your best to live up to it.And leave John be.He’s had enough.

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