Dear Confused,

Not every divorce is the same. Some are acrimonious, others are sad, still others change the nature of the relationship but aren’t really negative; I don’t know the circumstances of Sam and Laura’s breakup, so I can’t really say.

It does strike me as a bit odd that Laura calls Sam up when she’s down or wanting to vent, given that she’s married again; you’re kind of supposed to share these things with your spouse, and if they’re about your spouse, your ex-spouse isn’t necessarily the most appropriate listening ear. But maybe this is just how it is with them, that they’re very close but that it isn’t romantic anymore (or never really was — that happens too sometimes).

Laura’s husband not having a problem with it isn’t really relevant; neither is their daughter’s take on the situation (I presume in the absence of any evidence to the contrary that she’s clear on the fact that, while her parents are friendly, they aren’t getting back together, which is where you can run into trouble if you aren’t forthright). The issue here is how you feel about it. I get the sense that it doesn’t really bother you, but you think maybe it should…which it shouldn’t, unless you think there’s something going on between them, or Laura’s new marriage isn’t working out and she’s angling to get back together with Sam or something.

But you haven’t said any of that, which I think you would have if you thought it were in play. You haven’t said you don’t trust Sam, either, so: there you go. Yes, this is a closer, warmer relationship than many divorced couples share, and if your instincts tell you that it’s more than friendly, or that it’s part of a larger trouble-with-boundaries issue on either side, you should mention to Sam that it’s making you uncomfortable for whatever reason. But if the mere fact that it’s unusual is the only thing giving you pause, don’t create an issue where there isn’t one.

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