Dear Sars,Dear God I think I’m turning into my mother. For the past two months or so I have been suffering bouts of panic (not full-fledged attacks). This generally occurs at 2 am almost every night. I go to sleep just fine at about 11 pm and then wake up in the middle of the night with a knot in my stomach. I just start thinking about things I haven’t done and need to do – things like taxes or something pertaining to my job. I work myself into such a frenzy that I have to get out of bed and go read in the living room so as not to wake Mr. Lightsleeper boyfriend. I find myself reading now most nights from 2 am to about 4 am. Besides the benefit of catching up on my pleasure reading, I’m starting to get pretty miserable.

Insomnia is pretty upsetting when it won’t resolve itself, but try not to worry too much about it – you’ll just work yourself up further. It’s good that you get out of bed when you can’t sleep, because it’s important not to associate your bed with sleeplessness, and it’s good that you’ve chosen something relaxing to do while you wait to feel sleepy again. I suffer from insomnia from time to time, and I use the same coping strategies. It usually passes in a week or two.

In the meantime, look at your daily routine and make a couple of changes. Make sure you get in bed at the same time every night, and don’t eat or exercise within a few hours of that time. Don’t drink caffeine for a while; if you must have a cup of coffee, don’t drink any after lunchtime. Only use your bed for sleeping and sex, and if you can’t fall asleep in about half an hour, get up as you have been doing.

If these strategies don’t work, see your doctor and get a referral for either a sleep-disorders specialist or a psychologist who can help you manage your stress. You might also find some useful resources here.

And, again, try not to let it bother you too much. Millions of people have sleep interruptions, and it’s probably nothing to worry about in your case. Good luck and happy reading.

Hey Sarah,If I think that my mother (who is in the process of getting a divorce) is having an affair, should I confront her? I think this because, when I was using her computer for printing purposes, there were a few e-mails that were on the screen from someone who was talking about how they went lingerie shopping, and how much he loved her, ad nauseam.

Well, you haven’t given me much to go on here – whether you still live at home, whether the man your mother is divorcing is your father – but I don’t see any harm in asking her what’s going on.

But I don’t like the word “confront” here. She’s bound to get defensive if you attack her with this information, information which she probably didn’t expect you to find in the first place, so tell her you need to ask her something and you hope she’ll answer you honestly, and see what she says.

I know it’s unsettling to come across this kind of information, but whatever you feel about it, try to keep in mind that your mother’s probably not having the easiest time with it either. I can see how you’d resent the dishonesty, but she’s probably just trying to spare you by not letting you in on what she’s doing.

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