Dear Sarah,

I’ve spoken to just about everyone I know about this problem, but they just keep telling me what they think I want to hear, so I thought maybe you could help.

I’ve been in what could charitably be referred to as a dating slump (and perhaps more accurately a dating drought!) for a VERY long time.Part of the problem is that I have a policy of not dating people I work with, and unfortunately I do very little besides work and sleep these days.I’m perfectly happy with my own company and that of my friends and I definitely don’t think I need a man to be happy, but sometimes it would be nice to have a man to be happy with, you know?

After a number of attempted fix-ups by my married friends ended with predictably disastrous, if not entirely unamusing, results, about a month ago, things started looking up for me.Someone started showing some interest.It was a guy at work, but I made the decision to relax my “no office romances” rule because, well, he was so sweet, so funny, and so cute and it had just been so damn long!

We had a mutual friend at work through whom I had heard he was interested. But I had also heard that he was in the process of trying to end things with his girlfriend, who he happened to be living with.Through an astonishing suspension of my better judgment (which seems to have taken a vacation and left my hormones in charge) I began dating him, just one day after he told the girlfriend that it was over and asked her to move out.Over the next couple of weeks she left town on three different trips but never actually moved out.She returned last Thursday from the last of the trips and I was told she’d be out of the house by the end of the weekend.

By Friday, he was telling me that he definitely wanted a relationship with me, but he needed to put it on hold for a little while so that he could get everything straightened out with her.They were together for a long time, and I understand if he is having a hard time ending it, but I don’t like being made to feel like I’m “the other woman.”I know that this situation is at least half my fault, I should never have started seeing him while he was still living with his previous girlfriend.But I told him from day one that if it wasn’t really over between them to tell me and I’d happily back off.I told him he could have her, or he could have me, but he couldn’t have both.It’s been almost a week and I don’t know anything about the progress of the situation.My question is this: am I owed an explanation one way or another about this situation, or am I being to antsy?He said he needed time and I haven’t even given him a week.Should I just relax and see what happens?Should I tell him that I have no patience for “on hold” and he needs to decide right now to fish or cut bait?Should I seek the help of a trained mental health professional?

Pathetic and Impatient

Sarah,

One of my fellow worker peons has been a pretty good friend of mine since she arrived, and she recently moved into the office next to mine.She’s had weight problems in the past and has a shady family history. Even though she’s quite beautiful and down to a healthy weight (she’s big but shapely) she’s extraordinarily insecure.We’ve been pretty good friends until now, hanging out once or twice a week outside of work.

For the last two weeks, I’ve been working on a difficult project, so I’ve kept my office door closed. I’m doubly stressed because I spend my nights working on my own prestigious fellowship application.Everyday, many of my coworkers knock and stick their heads in my office to say hi, but she knocks, comes in, and sits down. She’ll ask me stupid questions about her clothes or gossip about coworkers while I’m trying to concentrate.I barely look up from my computer, trying to discourage her.Then I’ll make a pointed comment like “I’m trying to do some work,” and she marches out in a huff.She even left a nasty note on my door one day (seen by many of our office mates) that said, “So and so is working.Do not bother her, berate her, irritate her, address her,” and so on. I just took the note down without comment, and when she stopped by and asked about the note, I played dumb and said I didn’t know what she was talking about. Did I mention that she’s in her late twenties, not elementary-school-aged?

The last straw was when we went to my friend’s cocktail party after work last weekend.She pouted when we got there because there weren’t enough men for her to flirt with.Then she asked me, “So when is this project of yours going to be over?” As though my project and not her childish behavior was the source of my curt behavior towards her.

I’m sure I’ll generally be in a much better mood when my project’s over, but I’m seriously wondering whether I want to be friends with my coworker after this. She’s been mildly weird before, but her recent rash of self-centeredness and unprofessionalism really turns me off.How can I back off from socializing with her, even though she knows half of my non-work friends now?

Need Space, Can’t Breathe