The Vine: June 8, 2000
Sarah,I know you don’t have kids but I need an opinion, and you seem to have a lot of those. Good ones, I might add. My daughter is eight and already standing at the edge of puberty. I’ve laid all the menstruation, sex, and conception groundwork and left it up to her to ask questions. All was going well, but we seem to have come up against a bigger problem than the ins and outs of human sexuality.
We’ve hit armpit hair. She’s got it. She’s getting teased but the good thing is that though the teasing bothers her, she hasn’t really let it get to her; she still wears tank tops and dances around with her arms in the air, et cetera. The bad news is that she’s sweaty and smelly and finds the hair itchy. A few days ago she asked me if she could shave it off. I told her I’d think about it.
Beyond thinking, “Oh my, yesterday you were just a little baby and now . . .” and dissolving into tears, my problem is that I don’t want her to shave just because kids are teasing her. Right now, though, it seems like her biggest reason for wanting to shave is the itchiness and the smelliness. Valid enough reasons. When you are sixteen. But eight? Should it matter?
Do I let her shave it off for the right reasons and just hope it doesn’t screw up her body image? Or do I act like a complete armpit-shaving hypocrite (I shave regularly) and refuse to let her?
In the first case, I’m afraid the message will be that she needs to change things about herself to avoid being teased, or worse, that her body needs fixing. I’m not entirely comfortable with the second option either because I know that eventually the teasing could lead to even worse body-image problems and an unsupervised and traumatic Nair incident in a seedy junior-high bathroom.
There is the possibility that I could set an age at which she is allowed to shave, but I don’t think that really solves anything. Or I could quit shaving as a show of solidarity, but I’d rather not.
What do you think?
Signed,
Wishing for a late bloomer
Dear Wishing,
Let her shave. It does seem awfully early – I started shaving at eleven, which at that time seemed early – but if she finds it bothersome, give her a Bic and set her free.
I understand that you don’t want to send your daughter a body-negative message, and that’s admirable – after all, eight years old is an age when a lot of little girls start dieting – but you shouldn’t hold her to a higher standard than the one to which you hold yourself. When you tell her you’ve decided to let her shave, discuss the decision with her and tell her what you just told me – that shaving is a social decision, and that she shouldn’t think any less of herself, or of her body and its doings, because she’s chosen to shave. Remind her that, whatever she decides to do about her pits, you love her and you’ve got her back.
If I recall correctly, shaving isn’t really a big issue in the grand scheme of a young girl’s self-esteem, so you might as well let her go ahead. If she asks you to send her to weight-loss camp, then you’ve got problems. Try not to worry too much (or too soon).
And now, more insomnia tips from helpful reader Rory:
Sars:Had the same problem. Did a few things:
1) Started writing down a list of things I had to do. Checked ’em off as completed. Kept said list on nightstand. If I woke up panicky about something I hadn’t done, took list into bathroom (so as not to wake the wife) wrote down item, took a leak and went back to bed.
2) Cut back the alcohol. Nothin’ like a few cold ones while watching Sip weather another crisis on NYPD Blue. While they helped me sleep, also helped me wake up in the middle of the night. Stopped drinking My Beloved Beers (or their good friend, A Nice Cabernet) in the evening. Sleeping better now.
3) Nasal Strips. Yeah, kinda pricey for a Band-Aid with a plastic wire in it. Still, they work. Open up the ol’ passages, allowing more air and less snoring . . . and its close relative, Sleep Apnea.
Thanks, Rory.
Tags: health and beauty kids
