What the hell is it with the pronunciation of the word “negotiation” with a
“SEE” instead of
a “SHEE”? Am I nuts, or is this needlessly pretentious? One of my most
earthy pals
has taken, in the past year or so, to saying both “nego-SEE-ation” and
“SHED-ule” (and no,
she’s never even been to the UK).

This morning, I heard an American-born NPR commentator saying “nego-SEE-ate”
repeatedly
and am wondering if my pronunciation is simply behind the times. Is this
proper American
pronunciation?

Thanks,
It’s “SKEDULE,” dammit. Right?

That’s not the issue. The issue is that she is commitment-phobic to the point of ridiculousness, and is afraid that I’m going to start pestering her for that. Or something. I don’t know. But she is always making sarcastic comments about marriage and the like. Basically these center around her not wanting us to act “like we’re married.” This has made me paranoid about saying anything to make her feel “pressured.” I never bring the issue up. Louise does. A lot. In many different situations. These range from the innocent joking around, to the more irritating (talking down about friends of hers who are in committed relationships, making sarcastic remarks about the “stereotypical married lesbian” as though this is the worst thing that could happen to a previously casual-sex-loving friend) to the downright nasty (accusing me in fights of acting like a nagging wife, saying “we’re not married” when she doesn’t want to stay overnight at my place. Fine, I like to have nights alone too,
but that’s all she has to say).

I could go on about this, but that’s really all it is — constant remarks. I find it irritating and rude, not to mention making me feel like a commitment-obsessed harpy, which I’m not. My modus operandi has been to ignore the comments, feeling like bringing it up would confirm her “fears” or whatever her problem is. In a lot of ways, we do act serious, I guess, but she initiates this as much as I do. I also know that part of this has to do with her group of friends, who are like this to an even stronger degree — they don’t know me terribly well, and it’s possible (likely, even) that they’re giving her a hard time about us.

So, first of all, do you have any insight as to why she’s doing this (besides trying to look cool for her friends)? It’s not like she dated anyone in the past who pressured her, so it’s not that. Am I subtly sending her “let’s move in together and get cats” messages? Is she trying to break up with me? (I don’t think so, since this has been going on ever since we started dating, basically.)

And second of all, what do I do? Do I sit her down and tell her “okay, the perpetual commenting about how much you don’t want to be serious with me — not cool,” do I try to reassure her of my cool-libertine commitment-shy qualities, do I call her on it the next time she makes a remark, or do I do what I’ve been doing and ignore it?

Impatient

I’ve been working for a little over a year in the managing editorial
department of major publishing company. The books I work on (i.e.
copyedit/proofread/keep on schedule) are children’s books, largely aimed at
the under-eight set; it’s a lot of “See Spot run” kind of stuff. Though I am
definitely a grammar/spelling enthusiast (if not snob) who takes great joy
in both your jokes and advice on the subject, in general the work here is
not what I would call scintillating, nor is it, except on rare occasions,
plentiful. Thus I spend enormous segments of my time during the day surfing
the internet, wandering around the halls, and generally wasting time until
it’s late enough that I can justify going the hell home. In addition,
because I’m so bored and under-enthused by the job, I’ve become rather
sloppy in the work I do do. So not only am I doing a job so easy it bores me
to tears, I’m not even doing it well.

On the other hand, I love my coworkers, including my boss, who has to be the
coolest, best person to work for who ever lived. She has noticed and gently
scolded me for the sloppiness issues, but has told me in so many words that
she knows I can do the work, really wants to promote me, and will as soon as
possible if I can pull my work together enough to give her the slightest
excuse. And believe me, I’ve worked in enough places to know that really
liking the people you work with is NOT something to take lightly.

The pay is also — well, okay, it’s publishing, but it’s good enough to pay my
rent and bills (in NYC, no small feat, as you know), and allow me to go out
a couple of nights a week, and even start actually saving a little, which is
something I really want to do. My boyfriend and I just moved in together,
and are probably going to be getting married within a couple of years, and
I’d really like to start building up some kind of monetary cushioning for
that bright-and-shiny-future-complete-with-kids-and-dog that we’re
envisioning. So there’s that.

But I keep looking at people who have jobs that don’t seem like just jobs to
them but, you know, careers. Dreams. Life missions. And I am so damn
jealous. I feel like I took the path marked “responsible” at some point
without realizing it, and now have doomed myself to sit in a cubicle from 9
to 5 every day until retirement age, never really doing anything that
inspires me. And for god’s sake, I’m 24. That seems a little young to be
giving up on the dream. Problem is, I’m not sure what the hell I’m even
dreaming about.

I was a creative writing major in college, and while I consider myself
pretty decent with the occasional turn of phrase, I’ve never had the
discipline or drive to make a real go of it as a writer. Lately I’ve been
kind of drawn to more visual arts, like maybe interior design (my boyfriend
is currently making his dreams come true in the film industry, believe it or
not — maybe that’s where some of this is coming from?), but I have no
experience whatsoever in those sorts of fields, and honestly wouldn’t even
know where to start — nor do I relish the thought of starting ALL OVER in an
entirely new field, at the very bottom, with no experience. For a variety of
reasons, most of which I’m sure you don’t need spelled out.

I’m perfectly well aware that even great jobs that are the culmination of a
life’s work and passion have their moments of sheer
annoyance/boredom/frustration/what-the-hell-was-I-thinking. I know this, I
really really do. But I’m just so goddamned bored. ALL the time. Except for
the rare moment when I get to find some horrible mistake and gleefully
correct it…but those moments are so few and far between.

So now that I’ve talked your ear off about this relatively simple problem, I
guess what my question boils down to is this: Should I stick it out here,
making a real effort to do a better job, get the promotion and maybe some
more responsibility, and see where it leads me? Or do you think it’s really
worth it to jump ship come what may, rather than settling down in a career I
have serious doubts I’ll ever find fulfilling? Even with no real idea of
what else I’d rather do? I guess I don’t really know what I expect you to
say here…it’s just that you are someone I admire whose job seems really
fun (from an outside perspective, at least) so I’ll take whatever I can get
as far as your point of view.

Sincerely,
Is It Five O’Clock Yet? How About Now?

Here’s my snafu. I recently moved in with an old friend whom I’ve shared living situations with before. Previously, we’ve had nothing but chuckles and chortles — the perfect pair to love the same books and hate the same people. But this time, our differences seem to be magnified more than our similarities and it’s driving me insane.

The problem is mostly manifest in relation to our larger group of friends, who have also moved to the same area. They are a bunch of men that I lived with last year and get along with really well, in that “brother/sister” sort of way people mention so that you know just how close they are. Anyway, she is constantly upset that our “other friends” are closer to me than to her, unable to recognize that peeing in front of each other for a year, splitting utility bills and dishwashing duties and post-party clean-up responsibilities, can make you pretty tight. She has made only half-hearted efforts to get out there in the new city (“new” as in “three months ago”) and make some other acquaintances, forcing the whole of us to hang out together incessantly, even though she feels “out of the loop.”

The trickiest part is that one of the boys just recently became her ex-boyfriend. So now, we’re not only talking about her being uncomfortable hanging around with everyone because she feels less important, less “keyed in to the social pulse point” as she once described it, but she also has this tricky little boyfriend situation to deal with. (Tricky boyfriend situation is that he flat-out does not want to date her — he wants to date someone else.) I know cerebrally that it is not my responsibility to chaperone my roommate’s social life, but she so badly wants to be a socially viable aspect of this situation I can’t very well strand her at home on a Friday night. On the other hand, taking her along only results in later comments about “they don’t love me like they love you” or sad, mopey faces on her head while the rest of us are trying to enjoy happy hour.

I don’t want to be cruel, but I can’t figure out how to get the girl to just “buck up,” to use a phrase I despise for its denotative condescension. Where is that line between understanding that she feels lonely and rejected (after the break-up) and it is my responsibility as friend/roommate to be compassionate, and “get off my back, bitch, and let a girl have some fun.”

Tired Of Walking So Many Miles In Other People’s Shoes

I am the receptionist and the only one who holds this position so I am a bit of a hot commodity for both businesses, but after a great deal of thinking I feel it would be best for me to also abandon ship and join the new branch with the others. What is the best way to phrase my resignation letter, keeping in mind that my current employers will know that I am leaving them with the others and could be helping put the business out of its misery? How do I tell my boss thanks but no thanks to the possible raises and promotions that he may try to bribe me with in desperation?

Ruthless Receptionist