In about a month, I’ll be going back to university, which is about a four-hour commute from the city I’m living in now. Campus residence is a lottery
for the privileged, so I’m moving into a two-bedroom apartment in the city.

Rent, bills, groceries, et cetera will be split between myself and my roomie, who
I’ll call “the Flash.” The Flash will be joining me in Metropolis because he
says his mom and stepdad are crazy, and he wants to get out before the house
goes up in flames. I fully support the Flash’s urge to fly the nest, which
is why when plans I’d made in the spring fell through, I suggested he think
about getting his shit together and coming with me.

So he’s plotted his escape and knows he can afford the move and everything.
He thought about it for a while, and then said he’d come with me. However,
while he was thinking about it, a wise-but-cynical friend pointed out that
nothing wrecks a good friendship faster than living with the person.

I called the Flash and told him — that I was worried it would wreck the
friendship, we’d drive each other bazoo, et cetera. He agreed — said he’d been
worried about it too, but thought that if we talked about it and came up
with some house rules about shared property and stuff like that, we’d work
it out. So I agreed, found us a place, jumped through the application
hoops, and we got in.

So what I’m asking is, how do we deal with it if it starts to sour? We’re
both fairly quiet, private individuals who like our personal space, and we
both believe that, as we’re not in sixth grade anymore, we’re mature enough
to hash out our shit and deal with it if and when it comes up. But neither
of us have lived with non-family before, and I would truly appreciate any
advice you may have on non-romantic boy-girl cohabitation. So far as I can
tell, there is no chance of it getting romantic either, as we’ve both
crushed on each other and dealt with it. Unless that could cause more
problems?

Thanks!
No soap, no opera

I’d like to get your take on this since you’re so good at knowing just what to say in awkward situations. My fiancé’s father is gay. Generally he deals with it well. He loves his father, but does not approve of his lifestyle. By this I mean that he ignores it most of the time in particular, but in general has expressed pretty hard-line Catholic opinions on the matter. Love the sinner not the sin, and so forth.

Recently, one of his old friends came out after having struggled inwardly with his gay-Catholic identity for quite some time. Instead of reacting as he had towards his father, my fiancé thinks that his friend’s decision to come out is ultimately selfish and just another manifestation of a long history of obsessive, cause-driven behavior. He has decided that his friend is not someone he wants to associate with on a regular basis anymore. This disturbs me. I have always respected my fiancé’s beliefs in this matter because, despite his moral objections, he has always treated his father and the other gays he has known or encountered with the utmost respect and kindness, just as he treats everyone else. This time, however, he seems to be acting with very little compassion, which is generally not like him. I don’t understand why he would treat his friend like this. Granted, he knows his friend better than I do, and maybe there is more going on here than I know, but it still sends up a red flag for me.

This brings me to my question. I want to sit down and talk to my fiancé about this, but it has always been a hard thing for him to talk about. Whenever I have tried to discuss his father with him in this regard, he gets very quiet and doesn’t want to talk about it. I think he has decided that if he ignores it, he won’t have to deal with it. I am worried that my fiancé has some issues with this that he is not fully admitting. I’d be happy if just talked to somebody; it doesn’t have to be me. I don’t want this to become a bigger issue later. But I also don’t want to tell him how to deal with his life or how he should feel. How do I broach the subject gently, respecting his boundaries, but still expressing my concerns? I need your knack with words to help me find the right way to say it.

Thanks,
The Issue Police

I’m a girl and live with two guy roommates. Lived with the one for a little over a month;
the other moved in last week. I have an indoor/outdoor cat who usually
“goes” outside. Sometimes uses the litter box. He didn’t use a litter
box where I used to live, just went outside. Even when I left him
inside for more than 24 hours, he never made a mess. I think he used a plant
once. Anyway, you can probably see where this is going…

I stayed at a friend’s last night and came home around noon to discover
a slightly disheveled house. It seemed like the roomies had stayed in
drinking (a couple wine bottles and liquor glasses were strewn about)
and playing video games. No biggie. I notice my cat sniffing my
futon/couch, which is covered in a batik. He had that open-mouth
what-is-that-strange-smell kind of look. So I amble over and notice a
spot/discoloration on my batik and that it stinks like urine. It was a
one-and-a-half- or two-foot area, and the couch looked slept on (squished up pillow on one
end, wrinkled batik). The batik pattern ran, and there’s a large dark
spot on the futon mattress that was underneath. All was dry.

My one roommate implied it was my cat. I don’t see how or why. He as
access to outdoors and a litter box and a plant. Plus, I don’t think
his bladder is big enough to have wet that much couch. He also used his
litter box, business as usual, while I was in the house.

My question: Do I have an incontinent cat or roommate? And how the
hell do I handle the situation if it’s a roomie?
Thanks for your help.

Regards,
Already lookin’ for new digs

This is a somewhat long and complicated story but for the sake of my fingers and keyboard, I will try to keep it short.

Me, attending Large Community College, majoring in psychology. I meet “Jason,” also attending Large Community College, majoring in history and athletic training. “Jason” and I become good friends and start spending large amounts of time together. We fall in love, and are planning on getting engaged sometime in the near future. Seems great. But there is a problem, as always.

I’m Jewish. He isn’t. While for some people this isn’t a big problem, for us it is. In my family, it’s expected that a woman marry a Jewish man, which is complicated by the fact that I’m an only child. He knows where he stands faith-wise (he’s Methodist). The biggest issue is how to break the news to my father that I’m not marrying a Jewish man. Jason is the most wonderful person I have ever known…he treats me like a queen and I love him more than anything. Do you have any advice for us?

Thanks,
Happy yet scared

A few days ago, the owner of the business I have lived next to for two months came screeching out of her side door and took a flying leap at my head, fangs bared and claws unsheathed.

Not really. She did come screeching out, and did confront me over the parking space at the side of her building. The buildings are side by side, and I’m supposed to park at the back. Which I do. However, her business is not open on the weekends when I work until very late (4 AM or so), so I park at the side (it is right next to my entrance, and my paranoid mind can see the shadow of a mugger in the tamest of shrubs). She had previously confronted my boyfriend when I did nothing but idle in her spot for 30 seconds (on a weekday), long enough for him to get out without my car blocking the drive, get rudely accosted without introduction, and explain that I WAS JUST DROPPING HIM OFF.

We had no other contact until she came out and got right in with the yelling and very not-acting-like-a-big-person tantrum. (This happened when her office was closed, so my car was in the spot at the time.) I tried to explain myself while acknowledging that she had a point, I had thought the problem was during office hours, it would not be repeated, et cetera, and generally put all of my effort into trying to calm down somebody who would not stop interrupting, and yelling, at both my boyfriend and me. As I cleared the spit off of my face, she maintained that the problem as she sees it is not that her office was closed and the parking spot unoccupied. (The building also has parking at the front by the main entrance and the back.) She claims I was damaging her asphalt via some auto fluid, which is possible as I was having some car problems about a month ago, although I didn’t tell her that. She was generally upset at me pissing in her litterbox, so to speak. (The employees [and my landlord] of the store under me also park at the side, and both my landlord and the employees downstairs have seen my car in the parking spot and haven’t said anything.) I have articulated her words far better and with less repition than she did; at no point did she really “calm down.”

I kept repeating the exact same sentence until some got through while she was taking the odd breath — and she said “fine” and left. I was extremely upset, although not in front of her, and have not been able to stop thinking about it.

We’ve just moved into this place, we’re getting comfortable, and I don’t want to move, because it’s a very nice apartment with little hassle, except for the psycho next door. However, I do have the money to go and if it became enough of an issue, I would pack up and go. And have no problem telling my landlord that their neighbors suck the proverbial dick.

I don’t want to know how become friends with her, make good, or have her smile at me when we chance upon each other at the mall. I want to get her back.

Which is terrible, and makes me a lesser human being. I know I should just let bygones be bygones and be content with the knowledge that everything comes back on the doer, et cetera et cetera. But what I really want to do is plant horrible weeds in her back lawn and ruin her business and somehow fuck her shit up, if you know what I’m saying. I’m upset because she thinks she intimidated me, probably behaves like that all the time, and has made me worry about coming across my landlord in case she has said anything to him.

I don’t want to hurt anybody, just irritate the piss out of her. (I wouldn’t be grief-stricken if she spontaneously combusted, but I wouldn’t want to light her on fire. Per se.) There are several other residences that look back onto each other, and she also has tenants upstairs. Whatever it was would have to be inconspicuous.

I hope I don’t sound like a maniac,
Trying to mentally squeeze someone’s heart into goo