My husband and I just moved into a new house and our landlords are First-Time Landlords, which means that they are very giddy and excited about it. They have been great, but they are a little too friendly. They have called me nearly daily since we moved in (granted, it’s only been 5 days, but still) to see if we “need help with anything at all” and they want to “stop by” for every little thing — like hand-delivering us a form (that they could email or even postal mail).

I have been trying to nicely but firmly push back, asking them just to drop the form in the mail box and graciously declining their offer for help moving, but it doesn’t seem to be getting through to them that we’re ready to be left alone now.

We are very private people and just like to be left to ourselves, and since my husband works at home, he’s really uncomfortable with them offering to “stop by” (like a lot of work-at-homers, he often works in pajamas). I’m sure that they are curious about us (and what kind of furniture we have and how we arranged it, etc.) but I’m not interested in being friends with my landlord.

Any thoughts on how to nicely say “Thank you, but now get off my doorstep” without crushing these people?

No, Really, You Can Go Home Now

Dear Really,

I’m pretty sure it’s black-letter law, at least in New York, that landlords can’t “just stop by,” at least not to the point of letting themselves in — it’s illegal. So if they aren’t physically entering the house, I’m not sure what the problem is; just stop responding so readily. Remain polite and friendly, but if they drop over unexpectedly and you don’t care to let them in, don’t; you don’t even have to answer the door. If they call to “see how it’s going,” don’t pick up; return the call in a day or two, ask gently if it’s anything urgent, and when it becomes clear that it isn’t, make your excuses and end the call.

They will probably calm down — and if you do think they just want to see what you’ve done with the place, there’s really no harm in having them in for a couple minutes and giving them a quick tour of the first floor or public areas.

If that’s not agreeable to you: voicemail. And they may call regarding an actual problem, like with a  water main or something,  in which case you  can  get back to them  promptly.   But it’s time to start screening.

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