The Vine: March 7, 2001
Sarah —
I love your articles. They are sooo funny, and your opinions are similar to mine. I am sixteen years old and I have boyfriend issues. Think Dawson’s Creek for this one.
It all started freshman year. I met this new guy (C) in my band class, and started chatting with him. We have since became very good friends. He is relatively cute, but I don’t think our personalities mesh well enough for us to be a good couple, so we have never dated. However, my mother and all of our mutual friends continually informed me that he had a crush on me. Since we often hit on each other as a joke, I laughed it off.
At the beginning of this year I learned that his best friend (S) had a crush on me. I had always thought he was really nice and sweet — and last year I had a thing for him for a while (I had gotten over it by that point). So I decided to go out with him. I then informed my friend that we were dating, and asked him if he was okay with it. I told him that if he wanted me to break it off with S, I would. He said it was fine, so I pursued the relationship.
Things were peachy for a while, but some issues have surfaced. C has told me interesting things about S. When I asked S about it, he had absolutely know idea what I was talking about. He then proceeded to ask me a bunch of weird questions. We then discovered that C had been telling us false information about each other.
Another thing that I have recently noticed is that the quality of my friendship with C has gone down. Whenever we talk, he is always making jibes at me and S’s relationship. He has also pestered me to tell him intimate details. He whines when I refuse to tell him anything (like “Don’t you trust me? You’re not real friends”). S and I have talked, and C is doing the same thing to him.
C has also gotten into the habit of saying things like “luvya” and “love you babe” at the end of our conversations. This makes me extremely uncomfortable and I have no idea how to respond. He also has become clingy — constantly touching, tickling, and putting his arm around me. It really freaks out S and it annoys me.
So — what does C mean when he tells me he loves me? Should S and I discontinue our friendship with C? Or am I overreacting?
Thanks.
Faith
Dear Faith,
Thanks!
You need to call C on his behavior. He’s obviously got a thing for you, and that’s sad for him, but he had his chance to let you know that he didn’t want you to go out with S, and he passed it up. Now he’s trying to stir shit up, and you feel guilty, so you’re letting him get away with it.
You don’t need to make a federal case out of it, but the next time C does something obnoxious, point it out and tell him to stop. If he wants details about your relationship with S, tell him that that’s private and you want him to stop pressuring you for information. If he gets a little too boyfriend-y with the touching, tell him to knock it off; it’s inappropriate, and it makes you uncomfortable. Same with the “love you, babe” — tell him you don’t know what he means by that, but it crosses a line with you. If he keeps it up, tell him again, more forcefully — either he cuts it out with the intrusive crap or you don’t want him as a friend anymore.
C probably knows in his heart that he’s acting like a jackass, but it’s annoying, and it’s not going to do anything except alienate you and make a fool out of him. You don’t have to bring up why you think he does this stuff, because that’ll just embarrass him and he’ll get defensive. Just make it clear that you’ve had enough. If he values your friendship — and S’s — he’ll quit it. If he doesn’t, distance yourself.
Tags: boys (and girls) friendships
