The Vine: March 7, 2007
I’m not sure which of his books it may be, but it sounds like something from photographer Robert Vavra. He photographs horses and other animals but has also done some beautiful photography of “unicorns.” Here is a link to his website. One of the unicorn photos looked like the one you described. His photography really is amazing. Other animal lovers may like his site too.
Signed,
He even has bizarre photos of cats! (With Bo Derek?!?)
Dear Aaaaand I’m Not Clicking On The Link Now,
Thanks for the suggestion! The majority of respondents agreed that it’s Robert Vavra (specifically Unicorns I Have Known), which is out of print but not banned — but I got a few other ideas, too, which appear below.
Michael Green, Unicorns
Nancy Hathaway, The Unicorn *
Pat Perrin, The Secret World of Unicorns
Sars,
I’m hoping you or your readers will be able to help me. I’m a 27-year old sexually active woman who has never been to the gynecologist. I know, I know, it’s bad, irresponsible, stupid, insert other obvious adjective here. I am, for some reason, absolutely terrified, and the longer I wait, the more scared I get, since I’m certain the doctor is going to yell at me for waiting so long. I’m not sure why, other than the obvious reason (it’s scary), I’m so afraid. Physically, I feel like I’m probably pretty normal, but I’m just a very shy person, and the idea of showing off my naughty bits to a stranger sends me into a near-panic. Ridiculous.
I’m not sure whether I should be upfront with the doctor and just admit that I’ve never been (and face her possible wrath), or play it off as if I’ve been before (which will at least spare me the disapproving doctor bit, but leave me a little unprepared). I do realize that I need to go soon, especially since I’ve recently heard a lot about cervical cancer in women my age, but I need some moral support in getting there. I’m too embarrassed about my stupidity to ask my friends to help me. Is there anything that you can tell me to help me work up the nerve and prepare?
Thanks!
Avoiding the obvious “pussy” jokes
Dear Puss,
Even if you’ve gone before, a visit to the GYN is not something that exactly fills anyone’s heart with leaping glee. It’s uncomfortable at best.
And this fact does not remain obscure to the GYN, either, so your best bet starting out, I think, is to go to a Planned Parenthood or another similar clinic and make an appointment to discuss your initial exam — just discuss it. Explain when you make the appointment that you’ve never had a pelvic exam, and you know it’s long overdue, but you’re freaked out by the prospect, and it’s becoming a vicious cycle, so you’d like to speak with someone about that fact, someone who’s maybe used to dealing with younger patients. At the appointment, explain the situation again and ask the doctor or nurse practitioner to walk you through everything that will happen. The PA at my first pelvic did that for me, and it really calmed me down; my current GYN does a running narration of what she’s doing, which also helps, although I’m an old hand (so to speak) at these by now.
These are professionals. It is their job to look at naughty bits and make sure they’re also fun, healthy bits; it is not their job to judge you or make you feel bad, so if you’re getting that vibe, go elsewhere. And remember, it can’t possibly be as bad as you think, and they really don’t last very long. Your first one might run longer because you’ve never had one before, but from heels-in-the-stirrups to sitting up is like 15 minutes.
Again, it’s not what I’d choose to do with a free afternoon, but it’s not that bad — and not going is much worse. You’ll be just fine.
Dear Sars,
I am a book addict, and as such, I frequently order from Amazon’s Marketplace sellers. I also always leave feedback. This is where my problem lies.
I believe that if I order a book and it arrives in a timely manner and in the condition the seller stated it was in, that rates average to good feedback (3 or 4 stars). If the book as misrepresented, and is in crappy condition when it arrives, or if it takes much longer than normal to receive the book, then I would consider that to be 1- or 2-star service.
Now, occasionally I will receive a book incredibly fast, or a book which has been wrapped for shipping in fun wrapping paper, or if I am really lucky it will be in even better condition than described. (I once got the pleasant surprise of finding that the book was signed by the author!) Also, I have had sellers email me to let me know of other, similar, books in their inventory which I might be interested in. Sellers sometimes have a policy of emailing a personal email to everyone who orders from their site. All of the aforementioned rate the highest possible feedback from me. You know, sellers who go the extra mile get the whole 5 stars.
Recently I ordered just a reader’s copy of a non-important book -– a fiction title. I received it about a week or so later. No biggie.
For feedback I left 3 stars and a comment that said, “Average service. Book exactly as described.” To me, that seemed like adequate and realistic feedback. However, the seller took extreme exception to this and sent me an email asking why I had left negative feedback. I responded that I hadn’t left negative feedback and received a reply which stated that my three stars were considered negative. The seller provided along discourse on how long they have been in service and how they would do anything to get me to change my feedback report. They even credited back the money I had paid for the book (less than $10).
In addition, I had another similar experience (average service, 3 stars, blah blah blah bookcakes) where the seller emailed me a lengthy apology for my “negative” experience with them.
So, Sars, am I all wrong on my feedback criteria? Should I leave five stars for just receiving a book in as advertised condition? Is three stars really “negative” feedback? Does the success or failure of the marketplace seller really hinge on my three stars?
Sincerely,
Book questions are Vine-worthy, aren’t they?
Dear Book,
The success or failure of the seller does hinge on your ratings, pretty much. Other buyers look at the average rating of the sellers available to them, and tend to pick the highest one — or at least I do, if I have a choice among several nearly-identical books and the only difference is that one seller has a higher rating.
I also tend to assume that a lower rating doesn’t mean a string of average/adequate ratings, like yours, but rather a bunch of high ratings and a bunch of low ones from dissatisfied customers, and that’s true because online feedback has a case of grade inflation. eBay’s system is marginally better at avoiding this, because it’s a positive/negative/neutral rating system versus one with stars, but I think it’s generally true that the “average” experience receives a glowingly positive review. I don’t know which is the chicken and which is the egg in this case — whether inflated feedback is the cause or the effect — but when I receive, say, a rare video from an eBay seller, I leave a positive rating and a good comment, and some people do this because they want good feedback in return, blah blah, but that’s the standard. It’s like tipping for a lot of people; a lot of people consider 15 percent the floor.
I once got an eBay feedback like yours — a neutral rating and an “item as described, arrived sooner than promised.” I left a comment in return joking that the buyer’s enthusiasm was embarrassing me, because: what? Just leave a positive rating, I shipped it fast! And the neutral dragged my rating down a bit. But when I checked, I saw that that buyer had a history of leaving catatonic feedback of that sort, so I didn’t take it personally. That said, if not going to grade on the curve many online buyers use, you’ll have to live with this kind of reaction. Some of these sellers make their livings with these Marketplace sales, and to them, three stars out of five is the equivalent of a disdainful shrug — one that other buyers can see, and purchase elsewhere based on.
I’m not telling you what to do one way or the other; I see both sides. If you think a purchase rated only 3 stars, that’s how you should classify it. But you’re in the minority in online feedback culture, and people may get testy about it. Your call.
Tags: Ask The Readers etiquette health and beauty popcult retail
