The Vine: May 10, 2000
Dear All-Knowing Omnipotent Sarah (hee hee!),
Okay, here’s my problem. I am a junior in high school and I have been in love with one of my good guy friends for about a year. I didn’t tell him because I was afraid I’d ruin the friendship. About two weeks ago, he told me he liked me, so of course I told him how I felt too. I invited him to this huge overnight party (like the after-prom) which was on Friday.
He called me up on Friday afternoon and told me he couldn’t make it. I asked him why, and he told me it was because he was going out with his girlfriend (!) instead. Naturally, I semi-freaked out and asked who, and he told me he had gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend (whom he went out with about four months ago for a week) the day before. I haven’t spoken to him since.
I’m not sure how to react or what to say to him when I see him again. I’m kind of in shock, because I thought we had something. I’m not sure what all of this means, or if he’s playing nasty mind-games or what. Please help!
Love,
Confused
Dear Confused (boy, every letter this week is signed that way),
Your question is twofold, I think: why your guy friend pulled a switch on you, and how you should act towards him now that he’s shown his true colors.
I don’t know the answer to the first question. I don’t know why he would tell you he had Feelings For You, hear your confession that you have Feelings For Him in return, and then decide to get back with a girl he used to go out with – if you can even call a week “going out.” I don’t know why he would make plans with you, and then wait until right beforehand to weasel out of going. Maybe he’s a shitheel; maybe he’s just a teenage boy. Whatever the answer, I beg of you, don’t take it personally. He’s got his head jammed between his buttcheeks, apparently, but that’s got nothing to do with you.
To the second question, my answer is this – he hurt your feelings, and I don’t think you should take any particular pains to hide that fact from him. Blowing you off for another girl was a dick move, and if you don’t want to make nice, you shouldn’t have to. If you want to phone him up and give him a good airing out for behaving so inconsiderately, do it. If you want to throw him a freeze, do it. Friends don’t yank friends’ chains, capital-“F” feelings or not, so if you want to put a hurt on him the way he did you, in my view you’ve earned that right. If, on the other hand, you just want to pretend like the whole thing never happened and go back to a platonic friendship with him, you could do that too. I think you should do what makes you feel the most comfortable, and if that means literally fleeing any room he’s just walked into, follow your star.
But even if you still have romantic feelings towards the guy, don’t go there with him again. He’s probably just confused, doesn’t know what he wants, blah blah blah hormonecakes, but that doesn’t compel you to wait around until he figures it out. He’s not ready for you. It’s easier said than done, of course, but I’d forget the guy.
Tags: boys (and girls) friendships
