Hi Sars,

Long-time reader, love what you’ve done with the place.I’ve got a
roommate situation of sort.R., my roomie, is great overall.We get along
fine, the apartment is clean, the cat is happy…Living here is great.
The problem is that my roomie constantly complains about her love life, and
how she wished she was married and had children.Now, I know how being
single is difficult since I’m also stuck in the whole dating scene.I wish
I wasn’t, but that’s the way it is until I find a match.I also empathize
with her desire to have a family.The thing is, R. seems to get herself
into impossible situations with regards to guys.Last year, before I moved
in, she was dating a married man who was about 20 years older than she.It
was a messy situation, but she told me they had broken up.Yet, I still see
him surface at the apartment every so often, and she has acknowledged
being unable to sever their bond completely.

I understand everyone gets in bad relationships sometimes but I had hoped
she would have learned from it since she is a very bright girl.It doesn’t
seem she has since she is now falling head over heels for this divorced guy
who is now engaged to be married to another woman, and who seems to
specialize on cheating on his girlfriends/spouses.Plus, he already has a
child from his first marriage, and he has said he doesn’t want any more
children, something that R. said did not sit well with her.R. sees him on
a daily basis for work-related purposes, and says they can’t fight the
attraction anymore.

Last week, she kept on complaining how unfair it was
that this boy was engaged since he was perfect for her.She asked me what
she should do, and my answer was that I would try to stay away from a
complicated situation like that.Today, when I came home from work, they
were making out on the couch.I’m not about to comment on this situation to
her since I’ve already said what I thought.Plus, I have no interest in
meddling.Still, I know I’ll have to put up with more complaining on how
her love life is terrible and tragic, how she will never get married and
have the children she desperately wants…I’m a very patient person but I
can only commiserate so much when she appears to be contributing directly to
her misery by proceeding with impossible relationships.

Do you have any
suggestions as to what I could say to curb the whining without totally
alienating her?

Thanks in advance,
Single girl looking for SINGLE boy

Dear Sars,

I am now 23 years old. I started dating when I was
about 18, and am on fairly good terms even now with
most everyone I’ve dated in the past. Except one.

A few months before I turned 21, I met someone. He was
29 and wasn’t really looking for a relationship, he
told me, just someone to have fun with. I was okay
with that. However, he soon started talking about
things like the future and marriage and so on and so
forth, and was soon leading me to believe that this
was leading up to a committed relationship, up to the
point of making some promises to me that I took to
heart. He was a very honorable guy with a few weird
habits I was able to write off, and I found myself
falling hard for him. Like an idiot, I ended up
sacrificing a lot of things for him that I now
seriously regret.

However, after about four or five
months, the whole thing fell apart (due to religious
differences, he said, which I found suspect even in my
blinded-by-love state, as he’d known my religion going
in). I cried, I mourned, I got over it, and about six
months later, tried dating again. I knew I still had
feelings for the Ex, but I knew I’d better get back
out there, and besides, I’d met a very nice guy. Two
days after Very Nice Guy and I start dating, a casual
conversation with the girls suddenly reveals a lot of
things I had not known about the Ex. I found out that
he had been sleeping with other people while we were
together (to date, I know of at least four), one of
whom I was pretty good friends with, and another of
whom was 15. He had made similar promises to all of
them. Later research also revealed that he had spread
lies about me to a lot of my friends, who had all due
to his very good front of sincerity and charm
believed, as well as giving a different set of facts
on the situation to every single mutual friend we had.
(The girls, by the way, had not been keeping this from
me as a group — the one who I was friends with simply
hadn’t told anyone at all, due to her feelings for
him.)

Needless to say, I lost it. Very Nice Guy and I lasted
another three days before I freaked out completely. I
was pretty messed up about relationships for
awhile…and the problem is, I still am. It has been
two years and I can’t put this behind me. I’ve been on
some dates since then, but I get very standoffish and
nervous, which is not like me at all. I would very
much like to be dating (and, for that matter, having
sex, because two years is definitely too long to be
going without that), but something in me just clicks
the wrong way whenever I’m in a dating situation. I
can talk to guys normally anywhere else, at work or
school or whatever, but as soon as I know they’re
interested I just run the other way. How do I get over
this guy?

Probably In Need Of Therapy

Hi Sars,

I am new to the urban landscape and am not very cab-savvy, I usually take
public transit. I have noticed that the meter on a cab never starts at zero
but instead at $2.50, even though we haven’t even moved yet. Why is that? And,
since they have charged me money for basically doing nothing, why should I
also tip them? I know that this sounds cheap, but, well, I am a student so
every dollar I can save is important. Plus, it kinda confuses me, this being
charged for nothing.

Thanks,
Cheapy McCheaperson