The Vine: May 12, 2000
Dear Sarah,
I’ve got a problem. Obviously, or I wouldn’t be writing to a complete stranger, right? Anyway, about a month and a half ago, I met this guy. We got really close really quickly and I thought it could turn into something serious. But then he turned down the heat because he just broke up with his ex and he’s not quite over her, which leaves me in limbo until he makes up his mind. So we’re currently “friends.”
In the meantime, I met and got to know HIS best friend. Now, either by sheer coincidence or because the boy is avoiding me, I talk to the best friend more often than I do the boy. I’ve been avoiding this issue for a little while because I want to give this guy his space and time to work through whatever difficulties he’s having. But meanwhile I’m getting increasingly lonely and more depressed. So, do I pump the friend for info or is that a stalker tactic? Your advice is much appreciated.
Lost & Lonely in NJ
Dear Lost,
Don’t pump the friend for info. First of all, yes, I think it will come off as a little bit stalker-y. Second of all, it will get back to the boy that you quizzed his best friend about him, and it will not give him the impression that want to “give him space and time,” but rather the opposite, which in turn will freak him out more. Third and finally, I can tell you right now what you’d hear from the best friend if he chose to speak to you honestly, namely that the boy tried to let you down easy and you didn’t get the hint.
You caught the boy on the rebound. I know it hurts, but you really don’t need that ag, so you should probably assume that he isn’t closing up the “space” he asked for anytime soon, and leave the best friend out of it.
Tags: boys (and girls)
