The Vine: May 15, 2000
Dear Sarah,
I’ve recently been directed to your site . . .
Your articles on the behavior of men and women were both insightful and clever, but here’s the problem: 1) guys who act like the perfect gentlemen you describe (and believe me, I generally try) are always the ones who get shat upon, and 2) the guys who are the assholes/treat women like crap are usually the ones who seem to have women flock to them. Can you explain this seemingly paradoxical situation?
And please, your opinion as to why a type 1) guy who realizes this would have any motivation not to become a type 2) guy . . .
Dr. Strangelove
Dear Strangelove,
Ah yes, the attraction of Bad Boys. I used to suffer from this attraction, but like the vast majority of women do, I outgrew it.
Why does it happen? A bunch of reasons: we think we can change the Bad Boys with The Power Of Our Love; we haven’t yet figured out that we don’t have to take their crap; we have unconscious issues about sex, societal issues that make us feel like whores if we dare to enjoy ourselves in bed, and as a result we feel like we “have it coming” if men treat us like crap; the list goes on. Again, for most of us, that shit gets way old after a while.
As for why you should wait around as a gentleman when you could get it every night as an asshole – well, when it comes time to settle down and spend our lives with someone, it’s you we’ll choose. Conversely, if you’ve acted like an asshole in the past, we’ll skip over you. Word gets around. So, rise above it. Be a good guy. You’ll reap the rewards. Most of us have our heads straight by our mid-twenties and have put in enough time with the assholes to last us a lifetime, and you don’t want any part of those of us who haven’t, believe me.
Tags: boys (and girls)
