Dear Sarah,

I just discovered you write these advice columns and while I really can’t believe I’m writing to you about my personal problems I do want to tell you how much I enjoy your DC recaps over at MBTV.Whenever I feel depressed I go back and read old ones and feel better.Thanks.

Anyway.I’m almost done with school and trying to figure out (still) what I want to do.I think I could get a pretty well-paying job in the area that I studied but am not sure if that is the the type of job that I really would enjoy. I have put off sending resumes and am only starting to look.This really is not the problem, though.In the past two years, I’ve experienced some major upheavals.

After twenty-five years of marriage, my father left my mother around two years ago.My mother is now in a precarious financial and medical situation.Last year, she was diagnosed with MS.She suffers from extreme fatigue, which makes working difficult.She also gets paid much less then my father, who is currently not fulfilling any of his court-ordered financial obligations to my mother or little sister, who is still in high school.They are going through a nasty and expensive fight, with custody of my sister in high school an issue my father has only recently dropped.I have been on my own financially since my first year of college, as my other little sister, in college with me, now is. Once the divorce is complete, though, things will be worse, as my mother will lose her medical insurance. MS drugs run over $15,000 a year not counting associated doctor’s appointments, bloodwork, et cetera.My mother does not yet qualify for government aid.

I had originally intended to go abroad and teach English after school while I figure out what I want to do. I’d still like to, but not only would I not be contributing financially, I would be gone.Even if I do stay in the country and am able to contribute financially, realistically, I’d be in another state. Yes, I’d be closer than if I were in another country but I’m not sure how much more good I’d be in that situation.On a more selfish level, I am tempted to get a secure job simply because I would like to have medical insurance if I also get MS.

I am trying to figure out what level of obligation, of responsibility I have.Potentially, I could get a good job next year and start to contribute financially.I want to help.I have always been very close to my mother and don’t want to be one of those children who essentially abandons a sick parent.At the same time, there is no way that the type of entry-level job I could get (even if relatively high-paying) could cover all my mother’s costs.I also might be miserable.Still, I could help. I want to do what is right, for both myself and my mother, not to mention my little sisters.Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks…

Exhausted

My husband and I have a group of friends whom we usually see only at structured events like parties or birthdays. We like them very much and always enjoy their company when we see them, which is only about once every six weeks.

My brother-in-law used to join us on occasion, but he never felt really comfortable around our friends. About two years ago, one of our closer friends starting dating an ex-friend of brother-in-law, and by “ex” I mean that they used to be best of friends, had a huge fight, and now can’t stand each other. So now, two years later, the guy is still around, and we can no longer hang out with our friends and brother-in-law at the same time. So he feels excluded and we feel constrained.

My husband’s birthday is coming up, and I am conflicted; I can’t not invite either one. To compound the issue, my brother-in-law just got dumped quite painfully and is feeling especially vulnerable. My husband has tried once or twice to negotiate a peace treaty, without success. Part of me feels totally guilty, and the other part thinks they should both suck it up and deal. What should I do?

Sincerely Stuck