Dear Sars,

Anyway.So here’s the deal.I’m 26, well-educated, relatively normal on most accounts.I don’t have a boyfriend, nor have I ever (I’ve been overweight all of my life).Now, I’m not one of those I’m-all-about-marriage chicks, but from time to time I think about how cool it would be to have some dude I dig be psyched enough about me to at least say some sort of vow about forever and blahbety blah blah.The older I get, the less I see that happening anywhere but in my mind.Problem is, I dig kids in a big way, so I definitely want one or some at some point.

I’ve thought a lot about this, and I don’t want to go the sperm bank route because, well…ew.I’ve thought about the qualities of the genes I would want to mesh with mine, and I always reach the same conclusion: if I could hand-pick one person with whom to procreate, it would be one of my best friends — I’ll call him “Joe.”

Joe and I are very close friends, but, to the best of my knowledge, it has never, ever been anything romantic whatsoever, on either of our parts.It’s not about getting to sleep with him (that may not even be the way it gets done); it’s about getting his genes. We have what I guess I’d call a very close spiritual and intellectual connection.He’s definitely the smartest person I know, and intellect is pretty much the most important thing to me in a mate (albeit followed closely by sense of humor and compassion). We’ve actually discussed the idea of him impregnating me, and he has basically agreed to it — in fact, he brings it up on occasion.

Here’s where the real problem lies: Joe is married and has two kids of his own.His whole marriage scene is a big debacle to begin with, but people make their own choices, you know?I would never, ever want to interfere with his marriage or the life he’s built for himself, but he is always the first in my mind when I think of whose children I’d really like to bear.

So the problem isn’t really a case of feelings I have for him, or he for me, or anything like that.The problem is, I guess, is this doable?I mean, the fact that it’s really likely his wife would freak if she knew we were even talking about this sucks, but in actuality, they live in a totally different state, and not to be a total spawn of Satan but she’d never really have to know if we didn’t want her to.

But what would I tell the kid?”Yeah, your dad is married to another woman somewhere else and has kids of his own — well, yeah, your stepbrother is a few years older than you, but who’s counting?”And to make matters worse, my best friend (the three of us went to college together) desperately fell in love with Joe right before we graduated, spilled it to him, and is now banned from ever talking to him, courtesy of the wifey.If my best friend found out that he and I were talking about this, it’d be another issue altogether.

What do I do?I don’t want to be selfish and risk freaking his wife (and admittedly a few others, most likely) out, but if he and I are both in favor of it, is it still wrong?In my opinion, it’s worth the risk, but I’d like an outsider’s perspective.I hope I don’t sound like a total psychotic bitch to all of those happily married women out there.I swear I’m not trying to be a homewrecker, not in the least. It’s not about that.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give, as the clock is ticking as we speak.

Straight Single-Mom Wannabe

Sars,

Help!My roommate is a moron.

I’ve been living in this particular dorm room for two years.I’ve had several roommates and have never had any problems before.But this roommate is ridiculous.It’s her last semester and she is doing her student internship.She gets up an hour and half before I do and insists on turning on the television.I tried being polite about it…gritting my teeth and bearing it, mostly.Then I couldn’t take it anymore, and I finally asked her if she would mind turning it off…that I couldn’t sleep with it on.She refused.I even tried compromising, asking her to restrict herself to twenty minutes and then cutting it off.But no, she couldn’t do that either.

She eventually brought her own TV to the room, using the excuse that she didn’t want to use anyone else’s belongings.I even had to move my VCR and DVD player in order for her to have space for her TV.I also had to buy a stand for my TV.This is crazy.I like watching it as much as the next person, but she watches it every minute she is in the room.I’ve lost all respect for her due to her complete lack of consideration for me.

She also has this thing with the heat.I can’t breathe real well if I get too hot, but she insists that she has to have the heat on in order to avoid getting sick.Again, she doesn’t even take me into consideration.It’s like I don’t even live here or something.I’m trying very hard to ignore her.I feel like I am nitpicking because we got off to a bad start.Plus, I’m feeling very petty and vindictive.I’ve started doing little things like leaving my radio on loud, turning the heat off after she has just turned it on, and leaving the light on well after she has gone to bed.

Any advice you have would be great.I doubt I can get rid of her, though I have thought of some rather evil plots.Ideally I would like to be able to sit in my room…ignore her…and stay calm and relaxed rather than pissed off and tense.

Enraged Roommate