The Vine: May 17, 2000
Sarah,
Here is my problem, I have been friends with my best friend for about fifteen years and we have been through a lot together. Lately, it seems we have nothing in common anymore. She is doing the married thing. She has become someone I don’t even know anymore. Actually, she has become the exact opposite of the person that I used to know. She has even started patronizing me because I am not married. She had the nerve to start a sentence the other day with “when you become a grown-up . . .” (Yes, you do sense some hostility there.) I am a grown-up; I pay my bills, I vote, and I hold down a meaningless yet profitable job.
Should I simply part ways with her before it gets ugly or should I hold on in the hopes she will wake up and be cool again one day?
Dagny
Dear Dagny,
Try talking to her. Let her know that you miss the closeness the two of you used to share, and that you sort of resent the condescension.
If she’s still giving you attitude after you discuss it with her, I’d start phasing her out of your life. I know it’s painful to “decommission” friends with whom you have a long history, but people change, and sometimes they turn into other people, people you don’t particularly like and who don’t merit the continued effort. You keep trying, remembering the good times you’ve had and the person you used to care about, but in the end, it’s in the past, and it’s no good holding on to it.
You don’t have to make a big dramatic break from her or anything. Just loosen the moorings and let her drift away. It hurts to do it, but to keep going in the same old way and getting nothing back hurts more.
Tags: friendships
