Hi Sarah,

Here’s some background on my dilemma…there’s a woman from college (we’ll call her Jane) that I’ve kept in touch with because we ended up living in the same city after graduation.She’s rather high-strung and very private about a lot of things; therefore we’re not overly close.Her youngest child and my only child are very good friends from when they attended preschool together.They still play together, and that connection is what has kept us in touch.

About a year ago I noticed that my friend’s middle pre-teen daughter (let’s call her Susan) has no eyelashes.Because I have a relative who suffers from an obsessive-compulsive disorder, I instantly wondered if Susan might have the disorder that causes her to pull her eyelashes out.I was afraid to mention it to Jane and alarm her unnecessarily. Because I am much closer to Jane’s sister (who was my college roommate), I asked her about her niece.She confirmed that Susan does indeed have that obsessive-compulsive disorder, and that Jane was very worried about her.Over the last few months, Susan has been put on some sort of medication and has been seeing a therapist every other week.I assumed that things were going well and hopefully were improving for Susan.

Last weekend when we got the younger girls together I saw Susan for the first time in months.I was shocked to see that the child is not only still pulling her eyelashes out, but she now has a huge completely bald spot on the top of her head.So although she’s under the care of a therapist, obviously things have gone from bad to worse.I didn’t dare mention Susan’s hair to Jane and I tried my best not to gawk.With this background information, I can get to my point…I have an acquaintance who pulled her eyelashes out from the time she was in elementary school until after she was a married mother of two, when she finally sought help.So she knows firsthand what it’s like to suffer from this terrible disorder. She has repeatedly told me that she’d be more than happy to talk with Jane and her husband about her experience.She feels from what I’ve told her that Jane doesn’t realize how serious the situation is, and how this disorder will possibly ruin Susan’s life.I also don’t feel like Jane is pursuing help strongly enough; otherwise the hair pulling wouldn’t have gotten this bad.My question to you is: Should I admit to Jane that I know what’s going on with Susan and that I have a friend who would like to talk with her about the disorder?Or should I just keep my mouth shut and hope for the best?I just can’t help but feel like my friend could help them by sharing her experience with the disorder.Yet I don’t want Jane to feel like I’m butting into her private life.Susan is my main concern, and I’d hate for this lovely child to suffer because her parents think the therapist is doing his/her job and she’ll miraculously get better.What do you think I should do?

Concerned

Dear Sars —

In addition to Krista’s excellent point about COBRA coverage, i’d suggest that Exhausted look into the National MS Society
(http://www.nationalmssociety.org/) for resources.It sounds like Exhausted has a very full plate, and could use some support, and the NMSS
has local chapters nearly everywhere.

My dad has been dealing with MS for over 15 years.When we first found out (which was a painful process in and of itself, since you can only diagnose MS by eliminating other causes), the whole family went through the classic stages of grief.There were a lot of tears and uncertainty.Compound that with the fact that MS can trigger wild emotional instability…you get the picture.

The various support groups available through the MS Society were invaluable.My dad was able to find an MS buddy; I went to several meetings for friends and family to help deal with the grief and the guilt.Also the fear — let me say I panicked about developing MS myself for some time, so Exhausted’s point about getting a stable job and insurance makes sense.But while you may be slightly more genetically predisposed if others in your family have MS, it is not directly inherited, nor is it communicable.

The MS Society will also help figure out the labyrinth that we call our insurance and medical systems.If Exhausted’s mom needs a hand negotiating the COBRA paperwork, there is almost surely someone there who can help.

The only other thing I’d say is that you are always most valuable to your family as a whole, happy, functioning person.If teaching abroad is the way to do that, do it.Being in a place where you can offer emotional support is priceless, and will do more good, in some ways, than any money you could offer.

Best of luck to Exhausted and family.

Beth