Hiya, Sars and AB,

Sars — love the site! AB, love your site also, and I think Mad-Mad is the
second-cutest kid ever. (The cutest being, of course, my own kid.)

I have a
hair question. My daughter is 20 months old as of this writing, and I’m
trying to grow out her bangs. They’re just getting to the point where
they’re getting in her eyes. Bearing in mind the fact that she’s an
extremely active toddler, and won’t sit still long without either being
plunked in front of The Wiggles or being hog-tied, do you have any
hairstyle suggestions for me to keep her hair out of her eyes?

I’d
especially appreciate anything besides the unicorn ponytail on top of her
head. Her hair is pretty fine, and doesn’t seem to like the baby barrettes,
and I haven’t been able to figure out the velcro barrettes. We’ll be going
to a wedding at the end of May, and I’d love to do something cute with her
hair, as she’ll be seeing some family for the first time.

Thanks,
Had it up to here with toddler hair

Hi.

Which is correct, “me either” or “me neither”?

For example, if someone says, “I don’t like Sum41,” do you respond with “me
neither”?That’s what seems right to me, but I’ve noticed a lot of my
friends say “me either.”

Also, is there a comma between the “me” and the “n/either”?Again, I
always thought that there should be one, but my friends never use them.

Thanks,
Not even a little bit of a grammar goddess

Dear Sars,

I’ve been reading your site for quite some time and always enjoy your essays
and your advice. Most of the time, I solve my problems on my own, but I
finally found one I feel I can’t.

Four years ago, I became friends with “John.” We both worked in the same
college activity. At the time, he was dating a co-worker, “Amy.” John and I
used to go for long drives and talk, sometimes about his relationship with
Amy, who I really didn’t know at that point.

John and Amy broke up two years later. Shortly before that time I had become
very close friends with Amy. I still talked to John, but not that frequently
and never about Amy, who has no clue I used to be closer with him. I don’t
know really what happened in their break-up, but from what each of them told
me, it doesn’t sound like there was anything horrible involved on either
person’s part, just a great deal of neediness on both sides.

After we all graduated, each of us moved and I stayed close friends with Amy.
I hadn’t heard from John for a while, but a month ago, he contacted me through
Friendster, asking me to “friend” him. I agreed, since I still considered him
a friend.

The real problem is that Amy emailed me a few days later, telling me not to
be friends with him (she’s also on the list). I ignored it and hoped she would
drop it when she saw that I wasn’t going to do so. Of course, she emailed me
two weeks later with the same request to “de-friend” him. It’s apparent she
wants some sort of answer.

What do I do? She is my best friend, but I was friends with John and don’t
really want to lose that either. Plus, I think it might be rude to take him
off my relatively tiny friends list without some sort of valid reason beyond
“your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want us talking.” Is there some sort of protocol
to being internet friends with your friend’s ex-boyfriend? I haven’t actually
talked to him yet beyond the initial request and a testimonial he wrote for me
(which I approved).

Sincerely,
Back in High School Again

Dear Sars,

I’m a university student living alone in an apartment.
I’d been thinking about getting a cat, but was
concerned about the cost and about what would happen
when I left university — where I’ll end up, and what if
I can’t take the cat with me?It doesn’t feel right,
taking on the responsibility of a cat now.

Last summer I worked in an office with my boss and my
mother.I’d often taken care of Boss’s various pets
while she was on vacation.Boss and I thus bonded
over animals, and Boss heard me sighing about wanting
pets.

Now, Boss is a lovely woman, but is quite flaky.She
isn’t the best at caring for her pets (her husband and
children do it) and often forgets to line up someone
to feed them while she’s on vacation (I or my mother
do the “Sooo, are the cats going with you?” hinting
thing until Boss freaks out with “OHMIGOD I FORGOT
WILL YOU FEED MY CATS!”).

So, Boss doesn’t understand my concerns re: getting a
cat.She thinks I should adopt from the Humane
Society and then give it back in a year when I move.
(Uhhh…WHAT?No.)I tried to make it clear that my
“Oooh, I want a KITTY!” gushing was for sometime in
the future.

Then she offered me her two cats.I guess she’s tired
of them.She was quite generous, saying she’d pay for
all their food and vet bills, for as long as I wanted
to keep the cats.

Sounds great, right?But…she’s flaky.What if one
of the cats gets sick?How do I know she’ll pay for
it?I’ve read letters in The Vine involving people
who want to put their cats down at the first sign of
trouble…they sound like Boss, unfortunately.Also,
there’s still the question of what to do when I move,
if I can’t keep the cats.She says give them back to
her — how do I know she’ll take them?So I declined,
thanking her for the offer.I feel that if I get a
cat, I need to know I can take care of it on my
own — no gambling with cute furry lives.

I no longer work there, but she’s still on me (through
my mother, who does work there) about it.Boss seems
to think this is a great way to get rid of her cats
(her daughters are fond of the cats and disagree) and
she keeps coming up with “solutions” to all of my
reasons for declining her offer.

I want to tell her flat-out: NO, I DON’T WANT YOUR
CATS, THANK YOU KINDLY, but my mother still works at
the office, and my mother has made it clear she’d
consider that “talking back to the boss” and “creating
needless conflict.”(My mother sees the following as
needless conflict — Boss: “Would you like a ride home?”
Me: “Thanks for offering, but it’s a nice day so
I’ll walk.”)

I have two questions, then:
1.Do you think I’m right in that this situation
sounds problematic, and I shouldn’t take her cats?
2.If so, how do I decline once and for all and make
it clear I don’t want the cats without pissing off my
mother?

Thanks very much,
Cats are great…in about five years when I have money

Dear Wise and Wonderful Sars -–

Why don’t you impose a word limit on letters that people send?I love to read your advice, but sometimes it is so tedious to wade through the long-winded, boring letters.

Just Wondering