The Vine: May 20, 2015
Submitted by Sarah D. Bunting on May 20, 2015 – 3:56 PM34 Comments
My husband snores. Kind of loudly, and kind of often.
And I, unfortunately, am the world’s lightest sleeper. You see the problem.
Things we have done so far in an effort to address the problem:
- I always sleep with ear plugs
- I often use a white noise machine
- He went through a sleep study to determine whether he has sleep apnea (he doesn’t)
- He flushes out his sinuses before bed and uses a special nose gel
- He uses a nasal insert that’s supposed to alleviate snoring
- I roll him onto his side when he sleeps on his back (I’ve tried attaching a tennis ball to the back of his pajamas, but he ends up just lying on his back on the tennis ball)
- At least 4-5 nights per week, one of us ends up sleeping on the couch
Things we know might be helpful but don’t seem feasible at the moment:
- He could stand to lose 10-20 pounds
- We’d love to have a dedicated guest room (or even separate bedrooms?), but we live in an area with an INSANE cost of living, so we barely have room for ourselves and the kids as it is
- I’m not opposed to drugs to help sleep, except for said kids — I worry that if I’m in a really deep sleep, I won’t wake up if they need me (he, in addition to being a snorer, is an incredibly deep sleeper, and has slept through our 1-year-old wailing — so I don’t want to count on him on that front)
So I seek advice from the genius of the Nation. What tips and tricks are out there that we haven’t tried?
Sick and tired of being…well, tired
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Tags: Ask The Readers health and beauty the fam
Nasal strips have worked with me in the past. I would still snore a bit, but not to the extent that I used to. That said, I did get a sleep apnea test done and now use a machine at night, and it has helped tremendously, also to the point that I sleep more hours as well.
Hubby might not object to wearing a snoring mouth guard, which shifts his jaw forward enough so that the relaxed throat tissue doesn’t collapse against the windpipe. Inexpensive, and, at least for this one, can be molded to fit his mouth exactly. Has a breathing opening, so if his sinuses clog and he mouth-breathes, he can do that too.
Or, you know, he could get used to sleeping on his stomach, although not everybody’s back enjoys that.
My dad has apnea but never learned to tolerate the CPAP mask. He slept on a wedge pillow and eventually my folks sprung for one of those TempurPedic adjustable beds so that his side could be propped up. I don’t know how much it helps the apnea but it cut way down on his snoring.
I speak as someone who has apnea and denied that I had a snoring issue for years. I now use a CPAP and get kicked awake if I don’t wear it to bed.
How was his last sleep study done? Was it a wear-it-at home device where the doctor read the memory card at the office or was it an on-site study where he was wired up and videotaped? If it was the former, get him to an on-site study ASAP.
You may also want to get him to an ENT for a laryngoscopy to rule out any airway blockages and to check his palate, as an overly soft upper palate can cause airway blockages and snoring, especially when he lays on his back.
Have him see an allergist as well, as he may have an allergy that neither of you are aware of causing the stuffiness that’s triggering the snoring.
Discuss weight loss with him and his doctor at the same time. The weight loss may help alleviate some of the snoring issues, but the earlier suggestions will help rule out any physiological issues that might be causing it.
If you haven’t replaced your pillows recently, consider doing that. Dirk’s snoring is so much worse at, say, a vacation rental where the pillows are from the ’80s and more dust mite than feather.
You might also consider asking him to stop drinking, if he does drink — just for a couple of weeks. That’ll take a couple pounds off him as well, but booze (no offense, buddy!) just isn’t good for any part of the sleepgeist.
What kind of ear plugs are you using? The foam ones don’t do much for me, but the silicone ones block out way more noise. Possibly not enough, but it might help.
I snore like a demented buzzsaw. What helps more than anything else is to sleep at an incline. I have tried mouthguards, but I have a touch of somnambulence, and have been known to spit them out, take them out, and/or throw them in the garbage.
My partner also snores, and also can’t sleep on an incline, so I tend to clip my old iPod Nano to the headboard and sleep on my side with a squishy low-profile earphone on the upward-facing side.
Wish I could help, but my dad snored like a bear for years. When we were little kids we were terrified to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night because you never knew when a sudden ROAR might scare the crap out of you (literally, HEH).
As far as I know that stopped, but he was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea and we’re trying to get him the right mask (sleep clinic has been something of a pain in the butt – nose?). But you said you tried that and that’s not the issue.
I think it’s great that he’s willing to try all options, and I hope you find something that works!
Since my husband started sleeping on a wedge pillow about two years ago, I can count the number of times I’ve had to wake him up to stop him snoring on one hand – it used to be a near-nightly occurrence. I still wear earplugs and use a white noise machine, but the wedge pillow is the biggest help. He eventually bought a really nice one made of memory foam, and he claims it helps with indigestion as well as stopping him from snoring, so win/win.
I second the silicone ear plugs if you aren’t using them already.
I would also suggest the mouth guard for snoring, that can help. Also the new pillow and possibly the sleeping wedge- the wedge can be really uncomfortable if he tosses and turns but if he really does skew to back sleeping it can help a lot.
A wedge pillow should help with the snoring as well as any reflux issues, which can inflame the tissues in the throat. I second the ENT rec to assess the soft palate, tonsils, and adenoids, and rule out any problems with the larynx and upper airway.
Also, in my personal experience, melatonin won’t overpower your ability to wake when a kid cries, if you’re conditioned to that.
I had a teacher in high school who had a surgery to help stop snoring — he had part of his soft palate and uvula removed. I can’t remember exactly how that helps, but he said it did.
As another super light sleeper, I would recommend against drugs for you. They’ll help you go to sleep, and maybe under ideal quiet circumstances would help you stay asleep, but they don’t make you not hear noises. You would most likely get woken up anyway and then just feel crappy and hungover. (I think you would still hear your kids, if you’re anything like me. But if you had to get up and stay up, you would be groggy and definitely couldn’t drive if you had any emergency).
Did the sleep specialist only look for sleep apnea, or did they also attempt to address the snoring issue? Some sleep labs are so focused on sleep apnea that they don’t look at snoring per se unless you push them to do so. I agree that a lab study, not a home study, is most likely to be helpful. Also, if he hasn’t been evaluated by an ENT recently, they have made great strides in treatment of airway issues in the last few years.
Elevating the head of the bed and replacing pillows and mattress pad every six months helped enormously with my partner’s snoring. (I have lymphedema so I have to sleep with my legs elevated. A bed with two adjustable sides has been a godsend for us, although it looks weird with my side legs up and their side heads up. We tested it out with a sleep wedge and a knee wedge before making the hefty investment in the adjustable bed. We still drag the wedges along when we go on vacation.) Silicon plugs, not foam also made a difference, as did pairing the plugs with a sleep mask that covers my ears. That took some getting used to, but it not only ensures the plugs stay in place, it also provides one more layer of noise reduction. And I can still hear wailing kids and cats.
PITA, and they don’t make the most comfortable beds, but better than just sleeping on the couch itself, maybe get a sofa bed for those nights when one of you has to leave the bedroom? Not to mention, repeatedly sleeping on a couch will shorten it’s life dramatically.
My dad had multiple sleep studies done prior to having his apnea correctly diagnosed, for what it’s worth. But frankly even if he doesn’t have apnea doesn’t mean that there aren’t treatments. My aunt is deaf in one ear due to my uncle’s snoring and wishes that he’d gotten a cpap years earlier (I don’t believe he has apnea either, just a loud snoring issue).
Sleep issues that end up with one of you on the couch 4-5x a night says to me that if your doc has thrown up hands and said nothing more can be done it’s time for second opinion. And in the meantime, assuming that your couch isn’t a good sleep surface, find a way to get yourself a comfortable bed elsewhere, be it in the kids room or in the living room – futon? Mattress that you trundle under the couch? Daybed in lieu of couch? I wouldn’t even try sharing a bedroom until you get well rested again – at least as well rested as you can get with small children…
I have anxiety issues, and am a night owl. My body/metabolism keeps me up; I eventually tell myself it’s bedtime and I have to go to sleep…and my mind keeps buzzing. Sometimes it goes on so long I get anxious about getting enough sleep. That is NOT condusive to going to sleep, sadly.
Which is a long way to go to say melatonin 1) helps me drop off and 2) I still wake up for things like using the restroom. I don’t have children so not sure about outside wake-events.
When I traveled with my grandmother, I would wake up in the night for whatever reason, be annoyed with the snoring, and then drift back off.
Third (fourth? fifth?) the suggestions for a wedge pillow. My previous partner snored like a mofo, and it helped a lot. He also had some issues with stomach acid, so it helped that too. He started calling it the “bedge” which cracked us both up.
Does your husband happen to consume alcohol? And if so, does he drink in the evening, within a couple of hours of going to bed?
My husband used to be a horrendous snorer, until he lost some weight (about 40lbs); now the snoring only really ramps up if he’s had a glass or two of somethingorother either with dinner or just after – the alcohol from even just a couple of beers within sight of bedtime, is enough to overly relax him and the snoring – oh god, the snoring.
Losing weight was really the kicker for my husband to stop the constant snoring, but monitoring his drinking after about 8:00pm now really cuts back on the sudden recurrences.
Sleeping on an incline does nothing for him, because his mouth will still fall open. I wouldn’t spend money on a wedge unless you know it actually stops the problem for your husband – do you have a recliner he could sleep on to see if it helps to have his upper body elevated?
And finally, sleeping in separate beds, if you’re both getting better sleep, is not the end of the world or your marriage; I love sleeping in the same bed as my husband (now that he isn’t snoring all night) but damn if I don’t sleep GREAT on my own, too.
My husband has always snored. While he weighs more now than he did when we met, the snoring hasn’t changed. In the past 15 years he has done 2 sleep studies. Both were ones where we went to the facility to have it performed.
The first study didn’t detect the apnea but the 2nd one did. He has a CPAP machine, although he doesn’t like to wear it, even though he sleeps WAY better and is more rested after wearing it.
Usually he wears it for a couple of weeks faithfully, then falls out of the habit and we go through the “wear your mask you are snoring” “I’m not even sleeping yet” farce until I pitch a fit and sleep in the basement for a night, then he gets the hint and starts wearing it again.
Our dentist as mentioned that he probably clenches his teeth at night and that could cause snoring too, he could have a mouth guard made but he hasn’t taken that offer yet. Sometimes just telling him to relax his jaw when he is snoring helps.
I may buy him a wedge pillow and see if that helps now.
I’m not the LW, but my boyfriend has problems with snoring and acid reflux, so we’ll be trying the wedge pillow – thanks for the tips everyone :)
A friend of mine glued half a kick ball/dodge ball to the back of her BF’s pjs, so that he couldn’t roll on his back no matter what.
I could have written this, except hubby and I have been together eighteen years. Here’s the very scary news: his testosterone count could be reduced to near nil if this isn’t treated. When we first got married, it wasn’t bad; I could usually just rub his arm and then he’d roll over. (We tried the tennis ball, had the same experience as you). As he gained weight over the next fifteen years, the snoring got worse. He is now about 100 pounds overweight, his snoring is unbearable, and get this: his endocrinologist informed him of his drastically lowered T count, and said it’s a combination of obesity and the snoring, which has so prevented his getting real rest, that it is now affecting his metabolism and yes, the T count.
The end result is: no sex. None. He simply does not have the drive, even when he feels like he wants to. So, tell the Hubs that it’s a straight line: get another sleep study, get a CPAP, keep exercising, or ten years from now you will not have any sex life at all.
I snore enough to disturb my light-sleeping boyfriend, and mine is definitely related to allergies, drinking, and position. When I don’t have alcohol (and am hydrated) and am not stuffy, I don’t snore. So I second Sarah on the cutting back on drinking and changing out pillows. Weight could definitely have something to do with it–I gained back 30lbs and have been snoring worse, and that motivated me to cut back on the wine at dinner (and before and after, to be honest) and to get off my ass and walk some of these pounds off. Best of luck.
Sorry, I would have included this in the above but I only just saw it: look at Carolyn Hax today.
Today’s Hax column is on just this subject:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-snorer-needs-to-get-help-for-his-own-sake-and-his-marriages/2015/05/20/5279aca6-f357-11e4-bcc4-e8141e5eb0c9_story.html
P.S. Although, this writer’s husband wants to help, which is huge! Good luck.
I have no actual clue. But I sat behind a group of women on the train today, and one of them was assuring the other two that whistling at her husband when his snoring was disturbing her worked. Apparently it doesn’t wake him up, but it rouses him enough that he turns over and stops snoring – at least, presumably, for a while.
I’m not sure I think it’s very likely to work. But it feels a bit like fate to get home and read this question, so I thought the suggestion was worth posting. It’s certainly a cheap and easy solution! Try whistling next time he’s snoring, you never know!
That tennis ball suggestion is hilarious to the deep sleepers in the crowd. Haven’t ever noticed rolling over onto a pile of textbooks with sharp points, not likely to notice a tennis ball.
There was an old Dear Abby letter about a married couple who traded off complaining about who snored, depending on who had coffee in the afternoon and fell asleep second. You might think about cutting out any stimulants- sometimes people try sleep aids without first removing the things they do during the day that keep them awake.
Original letter-writer here… things got crazed last week, so I’m only just now able to get through all these responses – thanks to everyone for your input!
My husband actually doesn’t drink much these days, and he already sleeps with a night guard, so nothing to do there. But we will DEFINITELY be trying out the wedge pillow, and the pushing back re: sleep study (he did the at-home thing, so we’ll see about the sleep lab thing). Also, I’ll check out silicone ear plugs and melatonin.
Again, thanks to all of you for your help! – and for the link to the letter from the woman whose husband is so much less sympathetic than mine, good reminder that things could always be worse!!!
What an appropriate question, my partner just quite seriously told me this morning we’ll break up if I don’t stop snoring, because it’s akin to torture to be woken every night. She slept on the couch tonight and still came to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me to SHUT UP. We both get quite testy, as I’m not doing it on purpose and don’t appreciate being screamed at either.
I don’t seem to be a typical snorer, as it doesn’t seem to help to alter the sleeping position in any way. I prefer sleeping on my back, but I snore in any position. I got a night guard thing, (it is excruciatingly uncomfortable, IMO) I do put it in, but tend to remove it in my sleep. Also, it doesn’t even seem to help that much. Antihistamines: no help. One small thing I’ve discovered: milk products produce more phlegm, so the “a glass of warm milk by bedtime to make you sleep” can actually make it far worse. As will yogurt, ice cream etc.
I have booked a time to the doctor, but am soaking up tips here while I’m queuing. Maybe I’ll try the wedge thingy.
Just wanted to add in a THANK YOU about the link between sleep deprivation and low testosterone. My husband is having issues with the latter and the doctor never said anything about it. He snores heavily and doesn’t get enough sleep. This could be a solution. Much appreciated!
This is a giant thank you to the readers who suggested trying a wedge pillow. For 20 years, I have suffered with my husband’s snoring. I wear earplugs; we have a sound machine; I take antihistamines. The walls shook with the resounding snores. It’s a good thing he is super lovable, because otherwise I would have killed him long ago.
Two weeks ago I bought this:
http://www.amazon.com/InteVision-Wedge-Pillow-Quality-Removable/dp/B009HHLBKK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1433983803&sr=8-1&keywords=12%22+wedge+pillow
And I swear to you, as God is my witness, the snoring has stopped. He sleeps on his side on it, with his regular pillow, and says it is super comfortable. You can also buy washable pillow cases that fit it.
So thank you, thank you, thank you. I know this is a late post, but I hope someone comes back to read it and finds relief. This has changed my life so dramatically for the better!
I’m late to the party here, but one thing I didn’t see mentioned in the comments was this: even if you don’t test positive for sleep apnea in a sleep study, you can have a condition called Upper Airway Resistance Syndrome, which is a fancy way of saying that you snore really loudly and as a result work really hard to get air through your airway. Might be because of the soft tissue, the structure of your airway (my issue) etc. The symptoms of this are very similar to apnea – daytime sleepiness, stress on your heart etc. As a result, I wear a CPAP (the mouthguard didn’t work for me, and neither would a special pillow.) Do I love it? No…not the sexiest gear in the world. But I feel 100% better during the day after spending the first 1/3 of my life sleepwalking through life, and having people wing books at my head in the night.